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Dear everyone,
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend almost a month ago. I had such a hard time of doing the NC as stated on this website, but I just couldn’t resist anymore and I broke the rule after 28 days of NC. I was wondering what I should do from this point… But here’s a little background information first: we were together for only a few months until I initiated the breakup since I had a feeling the relationship wasn’t going in the right direction. We both had very different schedules but in general I had a feeling that she became more distant before the break up.
I missed her so much in the first week of NC and I already realized that I wanted her back after week two. During all this time, I have been working on myself, went to a couple of parties, following websites like this and overall I’m feeling not too bad. So yesterday evening I have send the “this reminded me of you”-text, but I also added a little sentence in the end: “Hope all is going well”. I was so nervous when I sent that text, but she replied this morning with “For you as well :-)”.
I am wondering how I should move on from here. Should I not respond to her message to avoid coming off needy and start another conversation a few days later? Or should I just wait for her to come to me this time? Any advice is appreciated. ThxOkay, I answered with a short “Thx :)” yesterday. Haven’t contacted her since then, but I am thinking of writing her that letter now. Do you think this is a good move, or…? Hope to have some answers soon…
Hey there, sounds like she might be mad that you broke up with her. Think of the positive she did not need to reply. I dont think there’s anythimg wrong with writing the letter. I would wait one week though and send it next weekend. Write it down and im sure over the next week you will make a bunch of edits and perfect the letter to your situation. I know lots of new thoughts came to my head as the days went on. Or just text and email anything you are thinking of putting in the letter and send it to yourself. When it comes close to end of next week compose it with all your notes. You dont want to rush through it. Make sure you don’t sound needy or come off as begging. Stay strong
Yeah, guess I’ll wait a few more days before sending the letter. Although I’m not so sure if she’s actually mad at me… I mean, yes I broke up with her but it was actually based on how she behaved over the past few weeks. She took way longer to answer my messages, didn’t put any effort to meet me and in general she just didn’t seem that enthusiastic anymore about the relationship. At the end of the break up (no neediness or being emotional from my side btw) she even admitted that her feelings aren’t as strong anymore and that she wanted to be single again. I didn’t want to end it at all, tried to talk about our problems several times but she was clearly not used to having these conversations as she always kept silent. So she gave me no other option than to break up because it was too obvious to that something was off. I hope this is still fixable but it’s hard for me to read her…
Hard for me to read her too. I was just going off her text response to you. I would wait a few days, write the letter, and carry on with NC. I mean there’s no real alternative that will work. She needs to miss you and see that you’re done. Hopefully it will create some panic in her and she will start to see that you were a good boyfriend that was willing to work on it.
She did try to contact me a few days after the break up asking how I was doing, but I kept it very briefly yet not needy or emotional. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, because during NC she deleted me from Facebook, Instagram and other social media as well except Whatsapp. Oh well, guess there isn’t much else I can do but wait and prepare the letter at this point
I hated hearing people tell me to focus on me but if you dwell on it thats not going to help. Time will go bye and boom she will reach out. Women dont get over a relationship as easily as guys and at the same time they dont tend to get over being hurt as quickly. Regardless if she was being distant I bet when you broke up with her it hurt her. Hence the deleting you from everything. She knows that will hurt you but if you remember what Kevin said that’s all an act. I’d focus on yourself and try not to dwell on it as much as possible. I know excersice, chores, and spending time with friends and family helped me. You just have to remember being distant is your best bet. Going after her pushes her further away. Pulling away brings her closer.
Thx for your opinion man, I really appreciate it! It’s funny because the things you mentioned above are things that I would tell someone else when they have a story similar to mines. But somehow I just can’t apply it to myself, lol. Perhaps it’s the emotional part of me that’s still in control? Anyway, you are absolutely right, I’ll stick to improving myself for now and perhaps send her the letter later this week, or perhaps next week.
haha right! I told my friend the same thing a few weeks ago. Its the same advice I would give but how come when im in the situation im going crazy and cant follow it without others telling me.
Okay, I just read the Relation Rewind and from what I understand, my best course of action is to start a “False Friendship” first before sending that letter. This is kinda different from Kevin’s advice here and now I’m a little bit confused :/. I think it makes sense to build a friendship first because I don’t think I am at Death’s door at the moment, although we never mentioned anything about “staying friends” during the break up. Any advice on this matter anyone?
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