My Ex-boyfriend and I dated for nearly two years. Our relationship ended because I asked for a break which lasted about four months. I asked for a break because we were arguing quite a bit, and I was unsure of our future together and wanted some clarity before continuing the relationship. Although we were on a break, it was as if we were not because we continued to talk every day and did everything like we were in a relationship. The relationship title was the only thing missing. Looking back, I realized how bad I messed up and that no break should last so long. I think our break lasted a long time because we were still involved with one another, which did not help with gaining clarity. We did not truly take a break and looking back, I have learned a lesson from the situation and will never in my life ask for a break in a relationship again. I rather break up than ask for a break. I did try to break up with him before asking for a break, but he begged me not to hence why I later asked for a break.
Fast forward to about four months into our break, I concluded that we are compatible and that our issues are things that we could work through. I could easily picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. As I began to put more effort into the relationship and told him we could get back together, I noticed he started to put less and less effort in. He started acting differently, so I told him that and asked him what was going on. He said he went through my phone and saw text messages between me and an unsaved number where the person said, “I miss you” and, I said, “I miss you too” and then I asked the person to come to my house. I realized that he was talking about messages between my female neighbor. He interpreted the messages as me talking to another guy and concluded that I was cheating. I told him that I can see how the messages look shady and that he probably would not believe me, but the messages were to a friend, and nothing romantic was going on. I told him I felt bad about the situation and was sorry for hurting his feelings. He said it was okay and that despite the messages, I should note that he still proceeded to talk and hang out with me. I probably should have told him the messages were from another female, but I did not want him to question my sexuality.
After that, he started to give me the run around as we continuously made plans to hang out, and he never followed through. He rarely answered my calls, and when he did, he would say he would call me back but never did. He was always “busy working or hanging out with his brother.” He opted to texting me. In December, I got fed up with the run-around and confronted him. I asked him why he was refusing to spend time with the person he claims to be in love with (me) and told him, that his actions were saying otherwise. His excuse was that he had been busy with work and helping out his family. Eventually, I decided to drive to his house to try and talk to him and see what was going on, and I found him with another woman. When I found him at his house with another woman, he told me we weren’t together and stuck with the woman. Following that day, I mistakenly made myself look needy, by showing up at his house again, trying to talk to him, telling him how much I wanted to be with him, and asking him to decide between myself and the woman. He denied the woman being his girlfriend but he told me he was confused and did not know what to do at the moment. I told him I would give him time and space. After talking to him and sensing some genuineness from him, I
was hopeful that we would get back together, and we even ended up engaging in sexual intercourse. I later realized that he was still giving me the runaround and being deceitful, so I confronted him with what I knew and told him to tell me whether or not he wanted to be with me. He said he loved me but could not be with me because he did not trust me. He also said that he was confused, but if he decided he wanted to be with me he would try and get me back no matter who I was with. I accepted what he said to me and told him I would leave him alone. When he noticed that I was leaving him alone, he started to text me more.
I pretty much made all of the mistakes that could be made after a break-up. In realizing that everything I was doing to try and get him back was not working, I started to look online for better methods. I found your website and implemented no contact. During no contact, he would respond with emojis to my Instagram posts, sent me videos, and texted me to check up on me, but I stopped responding. Towards the end of my no contact, he texted me asking how I was doing, and I did not respond. The same day he called me two times, and I did not answer. Later that night, he called me again while I was sleeping. Since I subconsciously wanted to talk to him, being half asleep, I answered. When I realized it was him, I asked him what he wanted? He asked me a ton of questions, but I did not answer any of them. He said he missed me, wanted to talk, and asked if he could come to see me. I told him no, I did not want to see him, that I was going back to sleep, and hung up. He then called me five more times, and I did not answer. He also texted me that he was driving to my house, but I did not respond. He did not show up at my house.
Following the end of my no-contact period, I texted him if he still wanted to talk. He said yes, so I told him he could call me at 9 pm if he wanted to talk. He did not. Instead, he texted me at 1 am asking if I was still up and apologizing for not respecting the time I gave him to call me. I told him it was okay. Then he sent a series of messages saying: he missed me, he feels like he has a void in his life, that I am the person for him, that I am the only one who understands him, and that he can open up to. He also said that he was depressed, and the last time he called me he became more depressed because he thought I was having sex with someone else. He said he wanted to contact me every night but did not want to disturb me and asked for me to please allow him to check up on me even if I do not let him see me. The messages made me hopeful. I did not spill my feelings out to him, but I responded by saying I understand and that he knows I experienced similar feelings right after our breakup. He texted me first the next couple of days, and I responded. Three days later, I called him, talked to him for a bit, then said I was confused with his messages “the I miss u messages” to see if he would talk more about them, but he did not.
I have now realized that my ex-boyfriend has been breadcrumbing me. He initiates contact with me saying he will bring me food, and hints at us hanging out but never follows through. He is hot and cold and inconsistent with his messaging. For Valentine’s day, he messaged me saying he got me a gift and was going to bring it to me, then never did. His new tactic is to ask me if I am home and if I will be free for the day so he can bring me the gift and once I say yes he stops responding. His latest message asks if I want him to bring me the gift today and if I am not going to be busy. I have not responded because he has sent similar messages about the gift for the past couple of days when I have already told him he could bring it and asked what it was and he has failed to do so or tell me what the gift is. I’m not sure how to best respond to his breadcrumb behavior. For the moment, I decided to stop responding because I sense his messages are still breadcrumbs. He tries to see if I will say yes to meeting with him and once I say yes, he ignores my message. Then he messages me again the next day or if he thinks I might be with another guy based on my ambiguous Instagram stories. Even when I respond with concrete times to him asking to bring me something, he goes cold again and ignores my message. He even swiped up to me posting roses and chocolates on my story for Valentine’s day saying, " I guess I am too late again?" when I replied “huh??” to that he did not respond.
He has made no real attempts to pursue me and has been hanging out with the other woman consistently. I am thinking about going into no contact or even blocking him on Instagram and iMessage.
My ex (22 years old) has been seeing the other woman (24 years old with 2 younger kids) this whole time. From December up to now. I am 23 years old. He refuses to admit it to me (he is hiding it from me), but I know he has because it is all over her Instagram. The woman he is seeing requested to follow me on Instagram, but I left the request sitting there idle. My ex-boyfriend thinks I do not know that he is seeing this woman, who he spent Valentine’s day with while he voluntarily lied to me and told me that he was going to work. He also has refused to stop sharing his location with me on iMessage and instead opts to turn it off occasionally. Probably when he is going to the woman’s house. By the way, I do not engage with him on Instagram. I do not watch his stories. I actually muted him so I would not see what he posts.
My question to you is should I go back into no contact, and if so for how long? Should I block him on Instagram and iMessage? Should I let him go for good now and move on? Should I be a little more patient? Of course, if there is still a chance for us to get back together I would like to try but if not at this point I am okay with letting it go. I know there are plenty of other people out there. Despite everything I clearly still have love for him and think we can work our way towards a happy and healthy relationship. I am taking time out of my day to write this long story, which says a lot. I must say it is insane to me how in November of 2021 he told me I was the love of his life and in December of 2021 he started acting differently, but I am aware that how love works sometimes. I am also aware that I was not perfect and nobody is perfect. Men and Women think and operate differently. Regardless, after my initial no-contact and much reflection, I know that despite the outcome with us life goes on. I am also appreciative of the situation because it has taught me a lot and I know I will take these lessons into my next relationship.