Broke up by blocking, need help

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

We’ve been in a relationship for 1,5 years.

We used to have fights quite often, and had some recently before the break up. I thought we have resolved everything but after three hours of sweet messages of support from him I find out I am blocked everywhere. Of course what I did was trying to contact him afterwards wherever he hadn’t blocked me, bought extra sim card, etc, no response to me. Asked my mom to ask him what happened and he told her “she gets everything, this is lasting for more than a day or a week”.
This was a week ago. Tried to contact him all the time during 4 days after the break up.

4 days later, on Monday, I came to place where he studies, waited for 6 hours (I didn’t know when he finished the work) and he finally came out. We had a 20 minute talk and I found out the break up was due to him being unhappy with the relationship and now he is happy and not sad or anything. I asked him to unblock me because it makes me calmer this way, he agreed.

The very next day when I casually texted him he said “I blocked you not to talk and I still don’t want to”

What adds to a problem, he is moving to another country in less than three weeks. We will see each other on the graduation day in a week.

During this week I was reflecting a lot and realised that I was the problem in the relationship for the last year I believe. For context, I have OCD and extremely anxious, I know I have to work on it and that’s what I am doing now and will keep doing, but the thing is that 70% if not 80% of fights happened due to that: “why you did this”, “it makes me anxious” etc. In addition anger issues due to level of anxiety. Name calling was there. Conclusion: I am an abusive, toxic partner. I am not saying he always did everything perfect but I could handle it better too. He supported me with the OCD a lot, too.

I wish not to lose our bond because of how many great things and moments we shared, it’s indeed beautiful. We have a lot of things in common: interests, worldview, etc.

Texted him today a large letter on how I feel and that I am sorry, feel like I made a mistake cause I should have started a no contact rule already but I just can’t…

Please tell me what to do, what are the chances? I appreciate him a lot. Thank you in advance.

Also, I can’t make any purchases on the website because I am from country from where it is not possible so I am kind of sad that I am missing important information.

And as you can see english is my second language, hope my message is still clear.

2

Hi virvgr,

I am sorry you are going through this. But if he is moving to another country in 3 weeks, then perhaps the best thing you can do is let him go. I assume you want to try to get him back and hope to have a long distance relationship with him. But I think it will just increase your anxiety and OCD.

For context, I have found that long distance relationships are exponentially harder and anxiety inducing than regular relationships. So if you already had anxiety in a relationship with him, it’s going to get much worse during long distance, no matter how much you work on yourself.

Think of it like this, it’s like trying to heal from a leg injury while constantly going for a sprint every day along with box jumps. You are not going to recover because you are putting yourself in a situation where the injury will get aggravated.

So make your healing a priority and consider letting him go completely. I know a part of you may still want him back. So you can tell yourself that maybe you will get back together after years if you are in the same city and you meet again. But until then, you have to let him go and try your best to heal so you can be a healthy partner in your next relationship.

3

Thank you so much! Yes I actually thought of this too, so you are so right. Doing my best for my state. Thank you for the reply!