Background information. We are both 40 years old. I have one child from a previous marriage. He has never been married does not have children. He was adopted at an early age and does not know his bio parents.
So, I started dating this guy I had worked with in the past Although we never spent any significant time together at work. I moved to advance my career so this was a long distance relationship. He then texted me one day out of the blue and told me that he had always had a crush on me and asked me if I was going to go out with him. I told him that I lived out of state however we started talking and continue talking from there constantly for hours at a time via phone and text. And decided that we wanted to give a relationship a try.
We got along fantastic have so much in common. It was really like a Lovette first sight type of situation where we talked about everything under the sun last and had very deep conversations. The relationship evolved quickly and we met up and spent time together. He had done told me that he wanted to marry me have children with me and he wanted us to move in with him and to quit my job. We decided that I would move back and we would live together. We talked about marriage and having children. We never really had any fights or problems that we could not discuss and figure out together. He was very open about his feelings for me and was very caring and sincere for how much he loved me and how I was such a perfect fit for him and we were meant to be. He told everyone at his job along with friends that we had in common. On one particular visit we went to visit a friend of ours and she told me how much she constantly talked about me and how much it was obvious he was in love with me. On his days at work he would talk to me about how he miss me so much that he would get on my Facebook just to be able to see me and look at my face. As far as I was concerned we had a very strong solid happy relationship with future plans to Marry and start a family.
The day that he came to move me there an ex from the past (one I heard about) started texting and sending nude photos then called hysterical because he was no longer available. He told her then that he was in a relationship and she had to stop. He told her that I was moving here and he was on his way to get me. She did not stop and kept sending him texts about how he was making the wrong choice she was the one that he was meant to be with. That they should be the ones getting married and having children and all of those things. And just the constant nude photos and texts about how he was making the mistake of his life.
Well apparently they started talking and this other woman was trying to show him how he chose wrong. I found out and didn’t take it well. I asked him at that point if he still wanted us to work out and he said that we needed to give it a try. At this point they had only talked casually. so I asked him to stop talking and block her. It didn’t happen and I kept pushing trying to ask do you want us to work. He said yes but never stopped with the other woman. I knew something was wrong by the way that he was acting. But he said he just needed time to figure out what he was going to do. So I would send him a text and tell him what my feelings were and ask him about what his feelings were. But he never wanted to discuss anything involving it. This is the only major thing that we’ve ever fought about.
He broke up with me and has slowly started seeing this other woman. he has told me that this is the love of his life and he needs to pursue it. . it seems to me from what I’ve gathered and what he has said that it is a very manipulative toxic situation. And it seems to me that she has pushed and manipulated to even get him back. And she knew that we were moving here and at some point asked him to kick us out. Although he told her that he could not do that. And so supposedly she knows that we still sleep in the same bed. But because I moved with no job I still live with him. I have asked for him to make me a bedroom but as of yes we still sleep together although we do not have sex. When me having my separate bedroom comes up he just tells me I am fine. At one point he told me he would make it but then the materials he needed he didn’t have and it has just never happened. And he never brings it up.
We make dinner together everything as a normal couple would but he also has a new girlfriend. We have made drinks and had drinks together. We watch TV and laugh because we like the same old type of movies. We talk while laying in bed.
This situation is very hard on me as I have to basically watch this new relationship.
We have sense talked about things and although he said he hates himself for cheating and he loves me he has not given up this ex. He came to me crying and was very affectionate while we had this discussion laying on me crying on my chest. Needing affection rubbing my arms and my back telling me how it’s never going to be OK and he’s never going to get over it. How he will never be able to move on even with this new relationship because of what he has done. I ended up consoling him and telling him that things will be better when I move out and he just says I don’t know about that. And I find him at many times looking at me and when I ask him what he just shakes his head at me.
I don’t know what to do. I obviously can’t do no contact. I try and give him space and don’t text unless I have to. He works nights so we can separate to a point. Even on days off he spends them mostly at home. I have asked him why he spends so much time at home even on his days off. He just says where else am I supposed to be when I tell him he has that relationship that he said he supposed to be pursuing I assumed he would be with her he just says eh. And won’t discuss it further with me.
When he meets with the new girl it is before or after work for short times. I wish I didn’t know all this about their relationship. Before this girl we never fought were the best friends ever. But he did tell me when she broke up with him in the past he had loved her for years and even though she was not ready for a relationship then she is now. She is 15 years younger than us. And it’s seems to me to be very toxic from what he has said or I have gathered on my own. I don’t know what to do to get out of this situation. I’m working on getting a job and moving out. I pay for all my own expenses. Do we still have a chance? And what do I do to make things better? How can I get him back?