Broke up officially a month ago, yet I wasn’t able to move on. So the day after the break up, I went over to his place to talk about it because he dumped me through text and wasn’t giving me a chance to speak. We ended that conversation with him saying he’ll think about reconciliation. For a few days later, I kept texting him once a day to ask if he’s thought about anything. To me, I thought he meant reconciliation as I’ll think about it now. Now or never. He then texted me to stop contacting him because the more I do, the more I’m pushing him away. I accepted and didn’t contact him for 5 days. I then started to worry. What if he doesn’t remember be enough to want to reconcile. I couldn’t win over myself and because I had to move down to my parent’s place, I was getting more worried. What if I leave this city and he can’t remember me? Type of feeling. We were a long distance couple, so to me, if I left the city he lived in, I felt like I would be saying goodbye forever. So after that 5 days, I contacted him and let him know I was leaving the city. I believe he muted my messages because there was zero response until I messaged through another platform. He told me to leave and me contacting him wasn’t going to solve anything. The thing is… I figured out his pain. I realized that, before it was really too late, I wanted to let him know why he’s making me wait, what he’s thinking, and why he chose for us to part ways. He always said it was because we were different, in which has an influence in our personalities but the truth is… he has a lot of pain from his past. And I finally realized it. This is the reason why I contacted him before I left. I knew I wasn’t supposed to and even knowing that contacting him will push him further… I just couldn’t help but see to lose him. He ended up saying he was going to block me and wanted me to leave but ended up not blocking me. I told him that I wanted to say things in person but will leave a message about what I truly care for, which is his own personal time and space while on this break up. So I accepted and left the message. I told him wouldn’t contact him from now on but made sure he would contact me. I told him for now, I’ll be respecting what you need, but when you’re done thinking after this break… you need to come back so we can talk. I told him I don’t need a definite answer of yes or no if we should reconnect but just for him to reach out to me when that time comes. I left the city and came home. That night… he called me. I wasn’t available but he called and left a voicemail saying how he didn’t mean all the hurtful words and that he still does love me… but he’s just doesn’t know why he feels so drained. That voicemail gave me hope to wait. I messaged him that I’ll wait by his side till he heals himself and is ready to come back. The next day he never responded and which has led up to exactly 2 weeks from that day. Today. 2 weeks. And I lost it. I knew no contact was supposed to help, but I couldn’t help but contact him. He watches all my social media posts and doesn’t have the time to reach out???!!! To me, it almost feels like he’s “letting me down easy”. Like he’s using this time for me to move on. Giving me that hope and let me unwind myself to move on. He knows that I hate waiting because of the countless times I have told him. So I’m not sure if he’s using this weakness as a way to push me away. So I called him and he declined my call. I left messages (same ones) all over messaging platforms so he can see at least one, but I think he’s put me on do not disturb. I can’t even leave a voicemail because he doesn’t have one set up. I messaged him to call me because we need to talk. 2 weeks seems like more than enough time for you to think about anything. It’s the ‘fear of losing him’ plus ‘thinking that he might just be using this time to make me let go’ that took over me to contact him. I became impatient. Then I sent a message for him to call me. Call me like he did that night saying he missed me. Call me to tell me what he’s been thinking of. How… just HOW am I supposed to know anything if part of him leaves me with hope that he’s thinking yet another part of him is pushing me away by not receiving my contact. I know I screwed up the no contact rule and possibly might have screwed up any future. But is there any way for me to get him back?