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Before my NC I made a video detailing all the flaws I had in myself and things I wanted to change in myself. I uploaded it to Dropbox because I didn’t want to store it on my Mac and its basically where me and my gf kept all our pictures and videos.
So I got a message from her saying ‘Can I ask you something’ to which I replied ‘Yeah’ and she said to me ‘did you mean everything you meant on that video’ through comments going back and forth eventually she showed me a screenshot of the video that I uploaded to dropbox. That very same video. She was always logged in Dropbox so despite me changing the password on Dropbox so she couldn’t access it, because she was still logged in, she still had access to it.
She watched the entire video, an hour long video and it cleared all her emotions and it clarified everything about what she was confused about. There were things I didn’t appreciate her in our old relationship, and through her self reflection she also did throughout the duration we were apart, she noticed she didn’t put the same effort in as I did, she didn’t appreciate me the same way I did and so she wanted me back and promised that she was looking forward to a new relationship with new changes.
She told me she just wanted excitement, but after staying with him overnight, she felt shit and that she stayed with him because he just gave her excitement, he was a kinky fucker lol so because she just wanted to forget everything she just didn’t care about boundaries, and they did stuff that I didn’t do which caused problems for us and it made me see how boring our sexual life was compared to what she wanted.
So now me and her are meeting up tomorrow to discuss this properly and fully take it to the next step..
Thank you so much to every single one of you for all of your advice, a few people I want to thank as well especially is LA Bound you sexy beast you helped me so much and I still read our conversation and it helps me still. Napoleon I Am Kramer, mike2014, ghost, Belle , Aphrodite.
All your guys comments have helped hugely. Sorry if I missed you out but thank you all.
Just keep in there, one thing this taught me is if you believe your partner is the one then go with your belief. Follow your gut instinct when to do stuff and what to do. I thought my ex was doing just about okay but I found out she was actually feeling shit the entire time, she couldn’t even sleep properly, she hasn’t slept properly and she’s been thinking about me constantly every day for the past nearly 3 months.
Just think with a clear view without any emotions attached, identify your self worth based on how you are as a person and then again with a clear view try and see if your ex matches what your worth.
One piece of advice I got from a good friend of mine was this:
Imagine the perfect person you would love to settle down with, don’t put a face or name to the person, just imagine the person in terms of the traits and personalities and habits. Now look at the type of person that they would like to attract as in the personality habits and traits they would admire in the opposite sex. Aspire to be that person. If you feel that the person you imagined when imagining the perfect person is without a doubt your ex then by all means your ex is that person.
Your ex will not always be a perfect match but if the tweaks needed are tweaks that you feel are understandable problems then still associate that perfect person as your ex.
Good luck guys and girls. Hope all of you get everything you guys and girls deserve.
Thanks guys. We discussed our old relationship and things we have to do different and so now we are together.
LA how you keeping up?
Thanks Patrick? How’s your situation?
My Situation is; I don’t really know. We were in contact and when I came back after Christmas we text over and back every few days. We met for Food and that went well. The next morning she told me in a text that she was sort of seeing someone. I went a bit crazy. Then went full NC.
Into week 2 she started texting. End of week 2 they started getting strange. There was a notable difference in tone. She has since sent old photos from years ago in texts, shared the fact that she has a work Placement, told me she was worried when I didn’t answer but she sees from my Facebook that I am alive…and so on.I replied eventually. A very vague and calm reply and went back nc. She has exams coming up and started again about being worried and it was affecting her studying bla bla. Another extremely vague reply from me prompted her to say that it would be ‘cool’ to meet after the exams. (cool is not a word she would use often). So I guess we will meet in less than 2 weeks.
I have changed a lot of things and am reaonably happy with myself and my life. Whether he is off the Scene or not I don’t know. Nor does it really matter. I still want her back but I won’t do any running anymore.
So we will see. Sorry about the Long reply.
Congrats Arjun! That is so awesome. Listen to LAbound, never get lazy! That’s how my relationship ended. I got real lazy in the relationship. I feel terrible for making her feel like I didn’t love her.
Your story gives me hope. It has been almost 4 months since she broke it off. I am on day 10 of NC for the second time. I hope it is not to late. I miss her like crazy.
guys she said this to me
‘I’ve missed you so fuckin bad
Every night was so hard with out you
All I was thinking of was you
Whether you missed me
And what you were doing’so despite her seeming like everything was fine she really did miss me like crazy and she actually told me that she wished I told her I loved her because she actually thought I had moved on and I didn’t want her anymore and so she was forced to move on, I just didn’t initiate friendship early enough because I was fucking around with NC.
So if you’re going to do NC make sure you do it as early as possible and just imagine a future with your ex and use that as motivation for your NC
She found out I loved her through video I didn’t even intend for her to see so if she never saw that I have no idea how she would’ve ever found out that I still love her 🙁
Thanks @LAbound and @patrick d
This just gave me so much hope. I had been thinking about telling my ex that we need to talk about stuff and I finally did it today. He replied with “It’s time to record…” (soundcloud) I feel like I took a big step to getting close to get us back together
Way to go. I am in between. We are texting but hopefully this Saturday we are going out to eat just a friendly dinner.
@confused_girl awrhh so did he agree to talk or was he just trying to change the subject 🙁 how have you been coping btw 🙁
@ryan6611 the best thing is when you two meet, you actually can see if they are truly happy or not and they have no way to even lie about their reality without their lie being so clearly transparent, ask how they’ve been and make sure you tell the truth.don’t say you’ve been a mess but more along of the lines of what you’ve been up to. whats your situation Ryan how long were you in NC for.
@Patrick d sorry didn’t see your reply 🙁 woow its so crazy when you feel its not going how you expected or how you wanted it to
my advice would be just imagine you just broke up and try to just restart the entire 3 steps, the letter was a good stage for me. I sent the letter and it prompted a lot of feeling filled replies which I was expecting since I knew how my now-gf 😉 would reply. I would be cool for a while you don’t wanna fuck up her exams or anything because if you get her back. sorry i mean WHEN you get her back, you will regret that you’re desire for her ruined her exams. I have conversed with my gf and she told me how she was behind on her coursework and had skipped 2 weeks of college and it was stressing her out and that at the time she really didn’t know what to do. So I regret it but I know at the time it was what I needed to do, i didn’t know what i now know.
The whole exam period is a tricky situation since you need to do what you need to but you don’t want to mess up her preparation and be whats on her mind during her exams.
Keep your distance, be cold yet loving at the same time. Show you’re busy without looking like you’re too good to give her any attention. Find the balance. Only you know how to convey that balance since you know how your soon-to-be girlfriend would react based on the messages you send her.
I’m not sure, last night he sent me a snapchat saying “Hey look, it’s a sexy girl named Kinzie” (my name is Kenzie) he used to say that to me all the time, it really felt like he was flirting. aNd I’ve been doing better. I’ve Gained more confidence, I just don’t know qhat to do next. I have a feeling us talking about stuff finally will do something good. Last night I had an uncontrolled dream that we hung out and he text me afterwords that I worded everything perfectly and we got back together and it was perfect. I wish I was there already. What do you think of all this?
@confused_girl I had a dream numerous times about us getting back together and whilst I believe that dreams are a secret message to us, however its just our mind taking the time to explore fantasies hence why we have nightmares because again it is just dark experience you’re scared of.
I do think talking about is the best thing to do but do it in a way where you’re not scaring but you’re actually genuinely talking to your partner. Just ignore his flirtyness let him try because remember you’re the girl.Who was the one to blame for the relationship ending?
Me. I was very depressed from my grandpa passing away in August, and he was there for me through everything. My depression hit hard in late October and I had no idea and didn’t know how to handle it. I wasn’t me. I wasn’t the silly person I usually am. I couldn’t think straight. I sounded crazy
I believe dreams are secret messages sometimes, Like yesterday. I had a dream one time I dropped my phone off a pier and then I dropped in the sink…CLose enough. lol. But I was having dreams of us getting back together and they stopped for awhile and I had one the other night. What will ignoring his flirts do? and what about us talking about stuff? He hasn’t replied to that yet, well he has, just something not relating to it
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