4 Months after break up – Same class, 21 yr

[A K]

Hey!

I feel like I should write this to get some Feedback and to clear my thoughts regarding this concern. I also find this quite relaxing and it is like a therapy for me. It will be a longer text with a few paragraphs, I really do not know if someone is really going to read this ^^.

“In the end we always desire something that we can’t reach and we ignore all the good things that we already have” (This is a new “motto” for me) ^^

Why is this so difficult? We go to the same school and both study the same thing and the class is relatively small so we see eachother a lot. Not to mention we live near eachother etc. Our city is quite small as well, so bumping in happens a lot.

1) Break up
2) Situation the past 4 months
3) Now

1) The break up was overall quite random. It bothers me, because I do not know why she wanted to break up. On the other hand I wanted to break up as well, because I knew that this could not carry on like this. A lot of this has to do with her emotions and being uncertain about most of her time being with me. Uncertain about carreer choice, schoo, relationship or even dreams in her life. The reason, what I can think of is “Being uncertain about the relationshipt” ; “Is this really it?” ; “I do not know what I want in my life” – All of this is fine for me, because I did not want that kind of a person next to me.
> She started to ignore me a lot more
> She was most of the time tired
> Loss of feelings

Everything was going fine up to the point where I started to realize that I cant fight this. Tight schedule at school and work did not allow me to date other people with ease. Maybe it is my own ego that is holding me back, or the feeling that everything has to go fast and with a flow to achieve a certain point.

2) So. School is really awkward to be honest. We broke up in mid-December and school began in January.
I believe that everyone can be nice, if they are alone, but in a group they want to prove eachother something and tend to act mean. This was the situation for me in school. Guess what, they discovered “Tinder” and they found it to be appropriate to talk about other men in front of me. “Oh, Bella (Ex), look at this guy” “Bella, this one looks really good and is successful as well”
They even organized dates for her. I was aware of everything and this is the situation that no one wants to be in, when You have feelings for your Ex.

I actually told my Ex that it would be nice that if she would stop this kind of behavior, we even kissed and she admitted that she has some feelings but still wanted some time. I told her that I want to move on as well, but the situation at school is not helping this.
During December and January I tried No Contact, hard but I achieved a few weeks.

I know that people might act diffrently in a group. They might feel forced to do something in order to feel the acceptance of the group. For example, doing something that You wont decide/do alone. I don’t know how she felt, but it looked like this for me.

TL;DR > January was really confusing. She acted mean and I was upset about the fact. (I also started to work out and found a new friend (female) in class)

February came like a storm.
Everything would be okay, but the problem is that my ex girlfriend did not tell me anything about her new “fuck-buddy?”/”Relationship”, yet I knew everything.

We had a small party at a cafe, she was being really rude and “off” towards me, would like to point out that the same “group of girls” was with her, almost like a snake pit. They went to a club, I went to another cafe.

Later I found out that she was seen going home with another guy. (The ones wo saw her, were my classmates and a really good friend)

This was not actually a big deal, since we were broken up and I would have done the same if I had the same oppurtunity. I can’t blame her.

What bothers me, is that I found a new friend in my class. Lets name her Angela.
Problem is that, Bella wanted to be good friends with Angela. Angela really did not want that.

The thing is that the group of friends (the women around my ex) kept pointing the other guy out, it was almost like their goal to make me know what my ex is doing. So, yeah. They were rude. There were bunch of other situation but it is not worth mentioning.

So, I mentioned Angela earlier. We actually are really good friends now, because we were kind of in the same situation. Bella eventually complains about her life (during March and February) to Angela. Angela as a good friend cant hold it back and lets me know about what is happening, but eventually we put a stop to it. I actually got to know what my ex is doing, how she met the guy and how is her new “relationship” doing.

It hurt a lot and it made me move forward. Also found a new girl, but came to a conclusion that distance between us would not fix anything in my life, so I called it off.

TL;DR > I made a new friend. Women in groups are mean. I get to know that my ex has a new relationship/rebound/fuckbuddy. (Don’t forget, we still go to the same university)

Mid march Bella broke up with the “Rebound” .Bella apparently (Thanks to Angela telling me) wanted more, but the guy obviously did not.

Why is this realy important? She started to act different in end of March and I can’t really ignore this.

Bella started being more friendly with me, started to talk more etc. Slowly building up. We even had a small date and she even told (quite small things) stuff, she wouldn’t normally tell me before. We even shared a small “date” and it had all the small moments during a date. Eye-contacts that actually might mean something. Bascially, it was confusing as hell.

This kind of behaviour kept going on. I kinda fell for it myself, but really did not commit, because I did not want to pick her up straight after rebound. Also I had conflicts with my self-respect, because everyone in my class knew how she used to behave around me. Even I knew that this was not okay and I can not tolerate this.

But the situation kept winding up. Hot-Cold. Meanwhile i got even closer with Angela (A better friend)

Also. I cant really ignore the fact that Everyone in my class noticed me being closer with Angela, also my ex might have noticed it.

TL;DR > Ex broke up with rebound. I became closer friends with Angela. Ex started to act diffrently around me.

So, now we are in April and this is going to be more intresting.
In April we started to date and this was the time, when we were together “for the first time” (few days after my birthday and this plays a role)

– She did not wish me happy birthday. A friend posted snapchat (I was together with a friend, Alex, on a picture. Some kind of a Party.) Guess what, 2 minutes later she messaged me, “What are you doing at a Party with Alex?” “I am having my Birthdayparty celebration”
She did not wish me Happy birthday.

The next day she came towards me, hugged me, wished me happy birthday and told me that she thought my birthday is a few days later, but not during the weekend. She told me that “We were together for the first time during this day and that’s why I thought that your birthday is on this day and not before” (Okay, why are You telling me this?)

I ignored it for the most of it, we moved on, but the situation still kept winding up. When You have been together for a person for some time then You have some kind of a “gut-feeling” that You cant really ignore.

Side note: We started to plan a Eurotrip with Angela. Also got to know what Bella is going on a Trip for 10 days.

I started to talk more with Bella, to push it. I really could not withstand the temptation and desire to talk more with Bella, because I still cared for her.

TL;DR > Ex acts like she is playing with me and still has feelings for me. It feels like I am forced to a point where I have to act.

3) So, the last weekend I drunkely texted her. I knew she was at work. I told her jokingly, that we should go home together with the same taxi. (We lived like a 5 Minute walk from eachother). Suprisngly she accepted the request and even delayed herself at work to come with me. She even waited me. Note: She had all the time to ignore my question and to go home alone.

When we met, then everything was normal. Like we had not “broken up”
I took her hand in the taxi, when we were driving home. It was quite mutual. I walked her home and the situation was more of “bittersweet”. “It is really good and we both like and want it, but it is on the otherhand quite bad and we shouldn’t be doing this”

Tried to kiss her, failed. Walked away, but she called me back that “This is too good”
Tried to kiss her again, failed. So I walked home and let it go. Point is, I could see that she wanted it as much as I did. “In vino veritas” “In wine, truth” (We were both quite drunk)

Next morning I had a good walk with my friend. Friend told me that She is playing with me and most likely uncertain herself. You do not want to be with that girl.

Asked Bella how she was doing. Note, her trip had already begun (So I wouldn’t see her for 10 days)

She told me that she “does not want to fool herself and me” “I do not think our relationship would work out” “She likes another guy” (Most likely the rebound) (Why are you telling me this again? Are we in a relationship, or did we broke up? It didn’t happen 4 Months ago. I also asked during the night-incident: “4 Months later, yet we are still here. She said yes”)

I also told her during the FB-Chat, that we are playing and a game and it is fun. Even last night was fun. She responded that she does not want to play the game.

The thing is, she might have still been drunk, because she complained that she had a hangover. I asked if she had a relationship, to get it out of the way, but she told me that she has nothing at the moment. She does not know what she wants from life or what she does and she is really confused etc. She also told she does not want to get “serious” with me.

So. I like another guy > This is just a game > I do not know what I want.

Seriously, nothing really happened and suddenly all of these “claims” out of nowhere. Like if there was something and she wants to force it down. Like she is afraid of something.

Also, there was a small Party, just a week before the incident. Saw her changing contacts with another guy. She totally ignored me but talked with Angela who was next to me. The next day she told me that “I met up with my friends and went straight home” (It is almost like a indication that I did not go home with the random guy)

TL;DR Had a small incident with my Ex-Girlfriend. Find out she likes another guy (Probably the old rebound guy, who dumped her), yet most likely has still feelings towards me. She tries to shrug it off, by telling me that she has other plans and does not want anything serious.

I have to give her bonus points, when she told me that she has feelings for another guy. Even if it is the reality, or not. Admitting something like that is serious. It would have been nice, if she told me about the other thing as well, to really let things die out, but I had the “luck” to get all the information from friends. It was really naive from her to complain about her life to Angela, when she in REALITY knew that I am hanging out a lot with Angela. We even joke with Angela, that after 5 Years we are going to marry anyway, since we are so close (This might hurt Bella, because she sees us together for the most of the time)

—–

This is it. Personally I do not know what to do. Is there even any point? The thing is that this has been going on for quite some time. “You can’t fight windmills”

(Yes. Small part of me knows that I should be moving on. I really am, but I can not ignore this and I want to be done with it. This game can’t go on)

It just bothers me a lot. I am more of an emotional type. Is she playing with me and tries to keep her options open? The situation has gone from “sad from break up” to “Why is she doing this to me?”

Yes, I do want her back, but I do not know if this might be the best for me. I do know that I want to take the risk, because I care for her and see her a lot.

a) I let it go
b) I wait and think about the situation til she is back. Then decide what I should do.
c) I ask her after the trip, if she still has feelings for me. If she does, then we should try it out again. If she doesn’t then just ignore it and move on. Lets be honest, 4 months apart and still the same sitation.

Also a valid point. You see, I have this Eurotrip with Angela, who is actually quite attractive. “If I would get back together back with my ex, then I would still go for the Eurotrip with Angela” It is just a thought, but it explains something.

Any type of Feedback/Tips/Advice would be helpful.
I will check this topic as well. All kind of questions are okay.

“It is easier to tell other people what to do. Doing the same thing yourself is a lot harder”

Sunny wishes from Europe,
A

[A K]

Blah, this is a long topic. 😀

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