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Hi! I have a question about No Contact and whether I need to start over. My GF of 2 years broke up with me during early August and I had been no contact from AUG 25 to SEP 5th. She asked if she could call and I accepted and we had a nice convo about our futures (separate) and she indicated she wanted to stay in contact.
Later that night I sent her a letter stating I didn’t want her misled into believing I wanted to just be friends and that if she does it want to work toward a long term relationship with counseling, then we can’t talk or text any longer for a while.
I received a response about one week later SEP 14th stating she was giving me the closure I asked for but she hopes we can talk and text occaisionaly and be friends. I did not respond to her reply. Do I need to start over from last week when we talked? Or just treat it as me telling her to not contact me. She initiated it.
curt
Not an unusual situation, seems like you are not very faithful with NC. You’ve got to change that. Her wanting to know what’s going on in your life and vice versa under the guise of protecting a friendship is not NC. NC is a period of time for you to either grow as a person or get back to the person you used to be. (Hopefully that was a good person) It also works to allow her to miss you. If you want a new relationship with her you’ve got to get to a point where you don’t need her anymore. Sounds tough I know but it’s the truth. To answer your question: Don’t respond! If she can’t miss you you two will not get back together. This is just the first step in what could be months of NC, attraction phase and finally, contact. Everything you should be doing now and in the future will actually run counter to how you really feel inside. When you get to a point where the hurt is gone and you have improved yourself physically and/or emotionally you’re done with NC. You really have no other option you can’t force someone to Love you, want you, miss you that has to come naturally. Otherwise you’ll be back here like you never left. Hope this Helps.
Hi there,
I split with my gf of 3 years on Aug 27th & fb messages one of her friends on day 16, she heard about it and emailed me & said the same thing.
Now I’m on day 4 and shooting for 30 days, I think it’s best not to reply as this will only make it worse I love my ex so much but I think I have to get to 30 days before I can contact her again, partially to re wire my brain away from this now unrequited love & partially to give her space so she might miss me & give me another chance.
If you like, we can keep each other posted on a day by day basis & hopefully make it through NC together?
Wise words Surfer-dude, NC works 100% of the time if done correctly and if you have a clear understanding that you gotta put your needs first you can’t miss. A by-product of NC is it is the only way to invoke those feelings of longing you want your ex to feel toward you. No tricks no gimmicks no slight of hand you will get your man card re-validated and this new attitude plus the space you’ve created between you and your ex is the perfect scenario for creating the attraction that is required for any couple. Also shouldn’t get hung up on a number like 30 that’s another distraction from the ultimate goal. Could be 24 could be 119. When you stop waking up at 4:00AM with her on your mind, when you don’t feel a compulsion to check message boards, FB, texts or have the need to ride by her house in your friends car, when others see a noticeable difference in you. You’re done.
I just put all her stuff she left at my house in a box out in the garage, as an attempt to purge any reminder of her from my house – ill invite her to come and get her things after 30 days NC. Shed a few tears while doing so, so I’m definitely not ready atm….
That’s a good plan. Stay strong as she will be compelled to contact you. Use your time wisely (this part is extremely important) Make a positive change in your life: New job, new friends, new hobby, get back in the gym. For the love of GOD do something different over the next 30 days and stick to it! I went shopping (something I loathe) bought new wardrobe and darkened my beard and joined a gym. I also got back in my church. Seek support where ever you can, it will get easier, this i know for sure. I will get a notice at each post, will try to respond ASAP. Have a GREAT day!!
Thanks heaps for your support Paul33, yes I’m negotiating a big contract for my business next week, but am planning a weeks vacation beforehand – that should help – must break NC – just need to chant that over and over….
YOU WILL BE OK!! All too often we get so consumed with problems in our life we forget what this life is for. It was certainly not meant for heartache. We forget some of the best times we ever had in life had nothing to do with our girlfriends. 50% or more of the anxiety we are feeling right now has nothing to do with love or love loss. Its FEAR. Fear of what am i gonna do now? Fear of losing her. Fear of breaking a routine and so on. Eliminate the fear and half of your anxiety is gone! You are on the right track! Dive into your work start something new or get back into something you gave up for her. These are the things that attracted her to you in the first place. Keep in touch write back when/if you need to. Good Luck!
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