Please avoid hijacking my topic. I understand you are sad, but you can give advise and then post a link to your topic if you need assistance.
…What? I wasn’t “hijacking your topic”, haha. I was genuinely interested in what you’re going through, and was trying to give you support. Yes, I was hoping to receive support too, but I thought that is the point of this forum.
I’ll definitely go elsewhere for advice now, I didn’t realize that posting a link to another topic was a requirement, I guess I’m new to this?
But reporting my content as inappropriate? Whoa, that’s intense. Haha. Merry Christmas.
i’d say she is indifferent…her eyes give it away. Avoiding you at first, then making and holding contact, as well as engaging you in conversation… small things give it away.
If she was truly indifferent, i don’t think she’d be responding at all, because you don’t matter anymore. She’ll have moments, because she has to keep the illusion going…and you can use maebe’s as an example for YOU to get to (even though she’s the enemy here, haha…jus kidding)…where you flip things around and she starts chasing you. The BEST way is to get her in bed…but you gotta do some other stuff. Friendship, social things, regain some trust, but make sure there might be some occasion to touch her, like dancing, holding hands…etc. etc… DON’T reward bad behavior with attention…leads to the friend zone (not the false friend zone). Make sure you flirt with someone else in front of her (not “can i have your number”…but chatty and polite, light and humorous). show your girl she’s not the only one after you. Even better, stage the situation. Have a girl you know there (not anyone she knows) and hit her up for a cple of minutes… and maybe after few minutes, she comes back by, stops and talks to you, tells you to call her… get the woman jealousy going. VERY powerful emotion, moves her to passion.
@maebe it’s quite simple… quit sleeping with him. As long as you’re giving him what he wants, you’re rewarding him for bad behavior. If you don’t want friends with benefits, don’t be that. Work on true things, like communication. Have yo done 30 days n/c…been on a date with someone else…made changes in your life… leave a link.
@maebe well yes, you kinda did. Your post was very long. 10% of it was for me, the other 90% was about you. I want this topic to be 100% me 
Yes I am an egotist here haha
But like I said: create your own topic and I would be happy to read about your story, like I am sure a lot of others would. Merry christmas.
@lostinnea very interresting thing with the jealusy. I might give it a try today.
well, you don’t have to go overboard with it… but it’ll for sure answer any questions you might have
Update from today:
I thought a lot about what you said: she doesn’t need any “ex moments”, so I tried to stay away those things, and stopped myself from analysing if her signs was friendly or romantic.
So:
She came over today as I was at work, and asked about if I had a good christmas eve, and where I celebrated it, and asked about the food. I asked about her evening as well. The few times I passed by her, I wasnt trying to make any eye contact and didnt talk to her. She was working out with her brother. He came over and drank some coffee with me after his workout. 10 minutes later she came over as well. She sat down next to me and all 3 of us just chattet, joked and laughed a bit for about 5-8 minuttes. Then they went home. I dont really remember if she made any eye contact as she said goodbye, as I didnt really care about that today.
She is going clubbing tonight with her female friends. I am thinking about going to the club as well… Maybe. Not really sure why I want to. What do I expect will happend… It could end up becoming awkward, but there is also a chance she will open up when she has been drinking and she see’s me…
What do you think?
Anyways.
I think she is leaving town again tomorrow. Before she came to town she most likely asumed I was pissed at her. My goal for this week was just to show her that I am not upset, and the lines of communication is open, if she should feel like talking to me. I think I reached my goal…
Now I just need to wait… IF she does want to get in contact with me, she can do so without fear for my reaction.
But the ball is pretty much in her court now.
I didnt end up going to the club last night. Came home way to late from family dinner…
Anyways… It is still a matter of waiting now for me. Ive been going over these past days in my head and to be honest I cant see anything I could have done differently…
The only thing I regret is a couple of months ago when I had my 3 week NC. She was very open back then and asked me many questions all the time, but also did the hot/cold behaviour. Just wish I could have played it different back then. She didnt seem that interrested this time around… But only time will tell. The lines of communication is open now if she wants to talk.
well, if she hasn’t left, try to get her to meet you for a cup of coffee, or something. Opening the line of communication is great, and definitely the step in the right direction. I had some stuff happen, but won’t hijack your thread… The one thing RR cautions about if getting stuck in the friend zone. Being friendly and a false friendship are different than being in the friend zone. Women are better at compartmentalizing people.
She has left.
So you are against my idea of waiting untill she opens up and contacts me first??
Well, at this point, who knows. The problem i would see is the distance gonna make it harder to just meet up for coffee… but has she said maybe adding you on facebook, or something easier…or even texting
Thanks a lot for your reply… You dont know how much this support means to me.
It happend today. After 2 days of silence she texted me out of the blue. Just a completely random text. I am trying to mirror her. The more she is putting into the texts, the more I put into it. Please notice that I am still being friendly to her, without being too friendly like the last time…
Her: Hi How big was the fitness center you work at?
Me: haha… That was a wierd question to ask Well I think it is around xx sq ft
Her: Just discussing it with my brother
Me: Who won?
Her: We were just comparing it to the size of the gym in my city
So I think I am moving in the right direction. I think she has just acted indifferent, and she has missed talking to me. And she is taking it slow with some random chit chat… Testing out the water…
I will keep doing what I am doing. Be freindly towards her. Mirror her behavior and thereby get a false friendship…
i put up an update, if you get a chance…
but, if she’s contacting you, it’s a HUGE step forward. Control the conversations and take the lead, not just mirror (that’s needy)… easier said than done, i know. GO back to R Rewind. Powerful stuff.
By mirroring I only mean that I will put in as much effort as she does. If she replies fast, so will I. If she gives short replies, so will I ect.
If she invests and gives long and detailed replies, so will I. But yes: control the conversation. You are right. Thanks my friend.
I will make sure to look over your topic my friend…
Not much new. No contact from her yet.
I know she had a visitor over last night (she posted she had some “nice company” and a picture of dinner for 2. She didnt mention who, wich she normally does)
I naturally asume the worst. But then it hit me: she posted this at 6pm, at 8.45pm she made another post that indicated that the “nice company” was no longer there and she was getting ready for bed soon. So who ever this was, it wasnt anything serious. (Not someone who should spend the night)
I can laugh now at how I overanalyzed it at first
Anyways… Thanks for lisning.
I found a great blog post that I wanted to share: (This is only a small part of a long blog post)
Two can play that game! An ex may misinterpret your silence as a sign you’ve moved on, and will protect their own feelings by extending the same courtesy to you by burning their bridges. The risk here is that any kind of distance makes the connection you had a little less secure. Deprived of an open and honest flow of communication, they will be forced to jump to conclusions regarding their romantic future, without the benefit of your feedback.While this can work for you, it can also work against you (if they call your bluff). No contact is a bet, and often, it is a bet that is lost — because the same emotion that may drive them to crawl back, is the same that may cause them to shut you out of their life. Clarity at any cost.
It gave me some stuff to think about. Last we meet, and when we texted I really tried my best to give her the “I am indifferent” signals. So that blogpost really gave me some stuff to think about…
hmm…that post is kind of what i was getting at about n/c being dangerous, just put together better…
now, analyze what you just said. You naturally assumed the worse. Which means it hit a nerve. Now imagine if you were out in public and the “surprise” popped up and there she was with someone else…she’d read you like a book. (I’m not talking negative about you)
So, there comes a time where you have to put some things in motion that YOU can control…in the end, it’s your life. If she’s opened the door for you to text, then do so. TRY TRY TRY to set up some type of false friendship…that puts you a little closer to where you wanna be. Figure out some ways to remind her about good things…you’re past the n/c rule
The “love” looks will come, but you gotta break down her walls. If she’s setting dinner for 2, then she’s looking… 1) is her posting stuff like that normal, or odd? 2) think back, did she post a lot of stuff like that when you were together?
Ok, let me give you an update
I know I haven’t updated this thread in awhile, and I dont know if anyone reads it. But it is a great way for me to get some stuff out of my head. So here we go:
My birthday came up in the beginning of the new year. The weekend before I made sure to make an update on my Instagram so I was sure she would remember it. I made sure to make it a little mysterious. It was someting like “Saturday we had a great evening together at reurant name, and on Sunday it was time to celebrate with my family…”
Please note the “we had a great evening”… It was with 2 of my friends, but my ex doesnt know that. I wanted to make her wonder who the heck that was…
My ex liked the post, yet I never recieved a happy birthday wish from her…
Anyways… Time passes by.
She still likes every picture I post, as long as they are a little related to our hobby (Fitness)… If I post a picture of myself there is no like. I dont like any of her posts. Still ignoring…
I still remind myself of the first time after our breakup. I would like anything she posted. Yet she never liked anyhing back or gave any attention to me. I remember how I felt back then. In fact: Go back to some of my older posts and you will see how I was freaking out. I wanted so bad to call her up and yell: “YOU SAID YOU WANTED A FREINDSHIP, THEN WHY THE HELL CANT YOU LIKE ANYTHING I POST WHEN YOU CAN LIKE THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING THESE OTHER GUYS ARE POSTING”… Back then I guess I would have given anything to be where I am now. She is the one hitting the like button. Not me… And I dont have to ask for it…
So I am trying not to think to much about this part…
She might be dating
Last year I suspected her to be dating. Her post indicated a couple of times that she was with a “sweet person” ect. But those kind of posts has stopped. And a few weeks ago she popped up on Tinder again. This means that at some point she had closed down her account, but now opened it again. And again today she updated her status with: “had a great weekend. First I hung out with my friend maria, and later I enjoyed the day with a sweet person”…
So I guess this is a new guy… Perhaps it was just a first date…
There is nothing else on her profile that indicates there is any guys in her life.
Grass is Greener?
Now that I have some distance and cleared my head, I am now more sure then ever that she left me due to the classic “Grass is Greener Syndrom”. All the signs are there… So I will keep my distance and keep NC. Ofcause I will reply kindly if she texts me.
Maybe I should give one of her posts a like? Any thoughts on this? Preferly from someone who has knowledge about GIGS…
GIGS??
have you tried interacting with her…being active instead of passive. Remember, at one time you were active with her, and passive is not alpha male (unless you’re dating someone else)
Ask her to just hang out. If you still want something with her, you need to move forward… or maybe you’re OK with letting it go. No contact only works for so long, until they become numb, or indifferent. Just because she’s still “liking things” doesn’t mean she’s not becoming indifferent. Interact with her and push some buttons…good or bad, you just want a reaction…get her to interact with YOU. You’re in a better place, so it’s time to move forward. Is a friendship at a distance what your heart really wants? If she’s the ONE, start working on bringing her back. Forget Tinder and some of the other things… she’s in the “safe zone” so to speak as well. She’s still part of your life, but from a distance. Start reminding her the grass isn’t greener, and you’re in the better pasture
Hanging out would be a little to big of a step. But you think a like back would be ok? Last time we interracted I got very hurt as you can read in my earlier posts.
Everything I read on GIGS suggests to stay away and not persue them. Let them come back to us. Persueing will only push them further away.
but you hafta give them something to pursue…which is what RR says about creating a false friendship. That doesn’t mean you’re lying or manipulating. You hafta get back to a point where you once were…where you could talk…and thinking back, in my experience, when you first start “dating”, it’s kind of a false friendship anyway, on both parts. The difference is women have a better ability to compartmentalize things, or put you in a category. There’s a difference between making yourself scarce, and ignoring them completely. Scarce builds intrigue and wonder…totally ignoring builds indifference.
The other thing the friendship does is help YOU figure out what YOU want… if you want something more, it opens the door. If you’re content with just being friends, it makes it happen and helps get over the awkward moments.
you hafta create some opportunities.
Just real quickly…my x and i met up a lil over a month ago, went out to eat, then she turned cold again. I kept in touch and kept things friendly. I’ve tried to just be a friend, because in the end, if something is gonna happen, we hafta get back to being friends first like we used to be…that’s where trust starts over… anyway, a few weeks ago, i told her i wanted to take her and her son to something i thought he’d enjoy, and i have the extra money…she said no thanks… kept talking, and this last weekend, i said i wanted to treat him to something for his birthday. Finally, she agreed, and then she ends up giving me her new phone number (BIG step forward)… took them out, and just had fun with him. He’s a great kid, but i mentioned other stuff in my other posts b4. Anyway, we’ve kinda talked a little since as well…but to me, it’s about getting her back to trusting me, and me trusting her. None of it woulda happened if I just “let it go”. Sure, it’s a risky chance, but i created opportunities.
So, have you dated anyone else? There’s an old saying…they way not want you, but they don’t want another having you…don’t just post comments…show her something.