Ok. So she posted yesterday that she was making dinner for “a very sweet guy” that was coming over. So I know now for sure that she IS dating…
But you know what? It doesn’t really seem to bother me that much? I know deep in my heart that I am the man for her. There will never be any man that can be as good for her as me. She can date all the men she wants, and make all the mistakes she wants. Every time she will just get reminded of how special our relationship was. Remember what she said when she broke up with me? She said: “I KNOW you are the man I am surpose to marry, I know we are meant for each other. I am just not feeling anything right now”… Later on when I said she might wake up one day and regret this break up, she said “I am sure I will. But it is something I will have to deal with at that time”.
The reason for the break up is G.I.G.S… I am very sure of this. I seems so clear. Anyone read about G.I.G.S?
Every article I have found, every advice I have been given always suggest: Never chase a girl who left due to G.I.G.S… It will only push them further away. Let them experience what they think they need to experience, and make their mistakes.
Wondering
But I am in a happy place now. It doesnt bother me that much. And I am really THAT sure of our relationship.
The only thing that makes me wonder is: why would she post this? Why tell everybody she knows that she has guy visit, when they ain’t official or mention him by name? She knows I can see it.
I cant help but wondering if this is to push my buttons, now that I never reacted to any of her likes.
You have made really good progress emotionally, something to proud of. Keep doing great. BTW what exactly is GIGS? Can you share details as I am doing NC but sometimes feels uncertain, though so much positive. Appreciate your help, also if you can reply to my last topic.
Oh, though the first link is not working but second one explains it all, and it meets all the criteria the way my ex behaved, EXACTLY almost same age, she even was planning for marriage and I pushed it more, even after NC. Everything mentioned about it just explains it.
Superb, and I believe the best bet in this case to continue NC, give lot of space and once they contact, stay friendly and let them initiate things, and comply with feeding trust, so they could feel they are in control. The article says reconciliation happens less but I believe using RR it should be easy, with lot of patience.
Before i go any further… you never said. Have YOU dated someone else… and I don’t mean a one night stand, or friend with benefits… but actually been on a few dates (RR says at least ONE date) and pursued any sort of relationship with someone else.
u ask why she posts it because you can see it? She either wants a reaction, or doesn’t care and it’s not about you. However, the fact that you let her “like” things breaks NC, and you’ve not completely cut her outta your life. GIGS is partially right, but you have to pick a strategy and go 100% all in. No, you don’t chase her, but you DO create opportunity for YOU. Why is she going out with others…because you’re not giving her any opportunity to come back. You maybe the MAN for her, so be a MAN, and Man up. Quit worrying about upsetting her. Right now, you’re NOT the Alpha, and she DOES have you in the friend zone…she’s at a comfortable distance, and she knows you’re available. Interacting with her isn’t chasing.
If you REALLY wanna find out where she’s at, write a magic letter. If you have her number and are texting, look up Text your ex back
Sorry. To answer your question:
Yes I have. I have done it all. Ive been on a few dates, not kissing or sex. I did friends with benefits, sex dates, and recently I dated a girl (3 dates)… We only kissed, nothing else. So yes, I have done it all…
So…
I made a post on Instagram yesterday. Just my new fitness nutrition. Again a like from her. I know this may sound silly, but this “her liking my post, me not liking back” gives me a strange feeling of control/power.
I am still wondering about this “date” she had. Was it a bluff? Was this the very first time she had someone since our break up? All the other times I suspected her of dating she never made any posts about it. Why now?
Part of me also wants to know who it is. I want to know if she has up- or downgraded haha
Plan
So I just found out that she is in town this weekend.
I am gonna do what I did the last time I meet her. Be as charming as possible, keep good eye contact and flirt.
The last time I did that it went very well. She was always the one that came over to start the conversations, she smiled alot when our eyes meet, her happieness seemed very fake like it was an act, she constantly talked and sounded very nervous. And she started texting me the days after.
And finally: there has been many reasons for her to come to town since our last meeting (2 months ago) but every time she has stayed away.
I could be wrong, but I think I am doing good with our face to face meetings. So I am going to keep on doing it. After this weekend I gotta find some other ways to meet her. 2 months between each meeting is to long. Asking her out is to soon. Especially if she is dating.
Update from the weekend
So she was in town, and I tried to run into her at the gym. We always workout at the same time. But she moved it to later in the day for some reason, so we didnt meet.
She posted a few times on her Instagram this weekend. First one about how much she enjoyed spending time with her family but “still misses the sweet guy at home”
And again today about how she had a good weekend, but now looking forward to going home to “a person I miss very much”…
I took your advice
I went out on Sunday to a very nice resturant with some good friends. I postet a pictures on Instagram to show it, and wrote something about how this was great after a good workout. I did not mention who I was with.
She was the first to like it.
When I got home I looked at her Instagram profile. There was a post about something that is going on with her fitness career. Something I know means a lot to her. There was no mention of “the sweet guy” in this post. So i liked it.
This is the first time I have reacted to any of her likes. Lets see what happends.
Real or fake
I keep wondering about this guy. Is there really a guy?
I have been looking over her posts on both her Instagram, her FB fan page and her personal FB profile. As you might already know she is very active on social medias. And normally when you date someone you interract online. Like all eachothers posts, comments on them ect.
However: I could not find any guys on any of her posts anywhere…
The only guys that likes/comments are guys in a relationship or guys that she would never be interrested in (kids at age 12 or men aged 50+)
This is very strange if you ask me.
After thinking a lot about it and talking to a good female friend of mine we think that:
a) This is very new and in no way serious. The 2 times she mentioned him during this week migth just have been their first and second meeting. She is just showing of on Instagram. This is because she needs some attention and to feel cared for, but also to tell me "Hey look, you are not the only one who can move on!
b) This is 100% fake, just to push my buttons. Maybe to get an reaction from me. Or again: to tell me that I am not the only one who can move on. However if it is fake I would say it is not only very childish, but also very pathetic.
“Yes I have. I have done it all. Ive been on a few dates, not kissing or sex. I did friends with benefits, sex dates, and recently I dated a girl (3 dates)… We only kissed, nothing else. So yes, I have done it all…” i’m confused…u said you haven’t had sex or kissed, but then said u had friends w benefits and sex dates…
It’s not her being pathetic, because it’s renting space in your head. Women are better at head games…and it’s no different than you posting a vague statement when you hung out with someone. I’d say more than likely, there is another guy. Serious or not is irrelevant, THERE IS ANOTHER GUY. So…if you are the alpha, you need to make her see the greener grass on your side.
Sorry bud, but you passively missed the opportunity to create a meet up. Waiting to “run into her” is passive, and not Alpha. If she liked that you were out with friends, great. now go further. What do you have to lose? You don’t have her right now. Next time you’re hanging out with you female friend, post about it. Whether it’s at her house, the laundry mat, a bar…whatever. Be real about it, and post the friends name. Jealousy is a powerful motivator…it’s motivating you, right! IF she’s dating, then you’re losing her attention. Now,that doesn’t mean be a JEALOUS jerk, but it’s up to you to reignite that spark. Find something to take you to her town…something you’re legitimately interested in, especially if you have friends there. Then do a simple post like "can’t wait to catch up with XXX so and so XXXX this weekend at the ___________. She’ll know, and get the point. If she likes it, wait a while, then send her a message. “hey, i’ll be in town, and i missed ya last time you were home, you wanna meet up for a couple of hours to catch up?” She’ll probably say nah because it’s a cat and mouse game, so you hafta start showing alpha again Reassure her it’s nothing serious. Even if she says no again, go through with the plans and post pics. You hafta SHOW her you’re getting on with your life.
Sorry. But i meant I have tried all kinds of dates. That that only involved sex, dates without sex, dates without as much as a kiss, and dates that lasted more than just one date. Hope that explaiend better
Update
So last time I updated I told you how I reacted to one of her likes and went and liked one of her posts back. She has been making several posts on Instagram since then. And she basicly mentions him each and every time, but never mentions his name.
Friday she posted about her plans for the weekend. And she wrote “…and tonight a sweet guys is coming over to cuddle, and tomorrow I get to spend the entire day with him”. So I assume he spend the night.
Later friday evening she posted pictures of some food stuff she made ready for next days brunch and she hoped “the sweet guy liked it”…
And today is Saturday and she posted pictures of her brunch with her sweet guy.
So like I said: she litteraly tries everything she can to mention him in every posts possible. She has only know him for like 12-14 days. This seems very wierd. She never even did that with me, when we started dating.
My thoughts
After all I have read, and all I know about the different stages of a break up and G.I.G.S, this is very normal. That is also why I am more calm now then I would have been 4 months ago. This is surpose to happend. She needs to go out and experience different rebounds, and see the grass is not green on the other side. I will keep focus on becomeing a more awesome person, and keep my Instagram updated with the progress so I stay on her mind.
This rebound guy is not to be affraid of. She just started missing some of the things I offered.
Oh, just one thing I noticed today:
Cuddle could mean both sleeping over and not sleeping over.
Today when she posted about her brunch I noticed she wrote: …today I had promissed my sweet man to stand ready with brunch for him
Sounds to me like he didnt sleep over.
I dont necessarily think the thing she misses from ne is sex. To be honest it could just be someone to cuddle with and giver hermattention those lonely evenings at home.
not to be too blunt. She’s dating someone else. End of story. If she’s dating someone else, she’s probably sleeping with them. Just a fact of life. Answer this to yourself, how long were you dating before you started having sex? was there a lot of cuddling involved? etc. etc. Your mind is a horrible beast at some things, and this is one of them…in your mind, she’s still faithful and missing you, etc, etc. In her mind, she’s moved on and her attention is solely on someone else. Go back to relationship rewind. FORGET the grass is greener, NONE of it helps you create a plan of action. (GIGS only gives you advice, but it doesn’t help you move forward with YOUR life or move forward by recreating attraction and chemistry. She’s beyond drift and getting indifferent…which can be worse than death’s door. Just because she’s liking stuff, and paying attention DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING, and it doesn’t mean she’s missing you or interested, it’s completely irrelevant. If she was interested, or thought there was a chance with you, she’d have acted on it.
ANYTHING else here is up to you. You’re the alpha, you’re the male, now take what’s yours, or let another man have it. I don’t mean tell her all your feelings, etc etc… or “chase” her. I mean go set some things in motion. Use instagram and Facebook to YOUR advantage and show her what’s she’s missing out on…and who knows, you might find someone else yourself.
I have no problem with it, because this was what I expected. She is dating him, with all that involves. He is giving her some of the things she needs (attention, closeness ect) and yes she does like it, and yes she most likely likes him to because of it. But since they are in the honeymoon stage right now I cannot compete with him. I will keep working on myself and improve.
And be ready when her rebound crashes.
Time for an update
Remeber how I said she was going to spend her Saturday with this “sweet guy”? They were going to the gym. Well… My colleague (we are close friends) was at her city. And at the gym… And she meet my ex and her guy.
She has seriously downgraded! According to my female friends I am an 8. And they always say I am the kind of guy that is the perfect boyfriend. The kind of guy the all want to meet.
Well… This guy was barely a 4. He had an horrible attitude and sort of looks like a criminal. And they have nothing in common.
I checked him out on Facebook. He is the kind of guy that likes to party hard ect. My ex hates that and is a very serious athlete, like me.
To be honest this is very much a relief for me. In fact I haven’t even checked her social profiles this entire week. Because… Well, I found out what I was looking for. I finally know who he is now.
This is so clearly a rebound.
He is filling a need for her right now, and it will die as soon as she has gotten her “fix”.
You know when you get hungry enough, you can eat almost anything? No matter how it looks or tastes, you just need some food.
Well. My ex is hungry right now
it’s been two weeks of NC…
she contacted me at 1st
week now she doesn’t…. but
she unblocked me on all the
social medias she had
blocked me on …and
showing things i don’t like
…I don’t know is she
missing me or showing me
that she’s so happy without
me and not under my
authority anymore or
anything else ……<this is so
confusing and getting more
confusing day by day> …
and I miss her a lot …. what
should I do ?
i just found u as a reliable person for good suggestions …i don’t always use this site so i don’t how if there’s a mechanism to just text you and ask for suggestions …so finding no way i posted on your post as a reply …it’s just cause i want a suggestion from u…
Hey Creed, i have read almost of all ur posts that u have created.
First of all, i want to say U seem like a very energetic, positive and fun person…
About ur situation, i think ur ex still has feelings for u but she wants to try out different things in life … But this can be very dangerous as well because in her mind she thinks u will always love her… What she doesnt realise this can change by time…i have a feeling that by the time she realizes what she lost, u will move on…
Its so stupid but people dont appreciate what they have when they have it…
I hope i am wrong and she realizes what a great person u are before its too late…
Please keep us updated
