I will share with you a story. My best friend in college dated a girl from 16-19. When I met him my freshman year he told me he was going to marry that girl. When we came back to school sophomore year he told me he asked her for space so he could enjoy college life. He would keep in contact with her a bit, sending her flowers and such for her bday and seeing her on breaks and such. Two years later we graduated and they reunited. They are now married and welcomed their first child last summer. I still see him quit often and he always tell me about my situation…give her space and she will come back. He knows us well and seems more confident than me lol. Back to the moral of the story…asking for space doesn’t mean someone will forget you or totally move on. He knew that being with her during college would only hurt her so he took a gamble I guess and let her be free. It all worked out for them in the end and they are as happy as any couple I know. If it is meant to be it will for you. You seem like a good catch as well and I’m sure your ex realizes this as well.
Other than him wanting space and be independent were there any other concerns he had for asking for space? How was the last few months of your relationship? Did you kind of see it coming?
At the time I was blind to the situation. Looking back now I completly overlooked all warning signs lol. I became a serious loner the last few months and should have seen it coming. I had the stupid mentality that we were together so long and she will never walk away. She once told me that I was in a funk and it scared the heck out of her because she didn’t know how to pull me out. I was always the positive supportive one but changed when I was down. That’s really the only reason she ever gave me other than her needing time to get her self back and needing to be selfish and do it alone. Ehhh I shouldn’t be thinking about this lol.
I love hearing stories like that! And I agree needing space isn’t a death sentence. But if my ex plans on taking two years away I think that will be too long for me…
As for problems in our relationship, not at all. Lots of attraction was still there, we always had fun, good communication, etc. I did notice him pulling Away for about a month before the break up. He kept asking me if I was nervous about never dating anyone else and I always said no im happy and he would always be very ambivalent and tell me he had thoughts in the back of his head wondering what else was out there and I would ask if he wanted to break up and he always said he loved me too much to let
It go and pushed his thoughts away. I guess It got to the point where he couldn’t ignore his thoughts anymore. Also in August I read a texting convo between him and one of his friends and he was saying that he didn’t know what to do because he really thought he wanted to marry me one day but it scared him because we’re so young and have always been so committed and he feels he needs time away to confirm that he wants to be with me. His friend advised him to end it and said our relationship would be so much stronger because he would be more confident. So I guess I did see it coming I just didn’t think he would really go through with it. But I do think just growing up and starting a new job made him feel like he was growing up and now is the time to do this. I’m not sure. But there are no real problems in our relationship, he just pulled away.
And I know what you mean, you didn’t think she would ever leave and it was a done deal, who wouldn’t at your age?! I think your best bet now is to show her how far you’ve come personally, professionally, and emotionally. And when you feel ready, you should lay it all out there and just be honest to see how she responds. I think she will be so happy to hear everything positive you have done during your time off. And it’s nice you have such supportive friends! It’s always good to hear people Close to you are supportive and confident in your relationship. I really do believe you’re in a great position to reconcile, it’s just a matter of when you feel ready to have that discussion with her now.
Yeah we run pretty parallel I agree!
Yesterday I was feeling so cross with him, then sad, then just in disbelief about how he hasn’t made any effort to contact me despite him saying he wants to be friends on multiple occasions.
I’m not sure he does, it he could just be saying that due to guilt.
That being said, no I do not believe its denial. I’ve had this gut feeling for a long time now and it’s one of the strongest gut feelings about anything that I’ve ever had. I know rationally that I could be wrong, and that it’s possible it is denial, but I don’t believe it is and I don’t believe yours is either. I still think I should do my best to move on however, because the act of moving on increases my chances and will safeguard me. After all, he told me to move on and said he will probably never want to get back together again.
It is possible its cushioning reality, but that’s not what I primarily believe. I genuinely believe he will be back - but I have no idea when. It could be in two months or it could be in 20 years. Therefore I think we should maintain or belief as a crutch, but attempt to move on as best we can with it. What do you think?
Yeah we would all love to know what they’re thinking. The best we can do is to try to mentally stay out of their minds and lives and place that attention on our own lives.
Yesterday for the first time I felt a sense of excitement for when I’ll next be in love. It could be years from now, but I love being in love. I think it’s a good thing I managed to feel that. It could have helped envisioning someone other than him before going to bed! Last night I couldn’t help myself from thinking bout about him though, and I had poor sleep again.
Overall I’m feeling slightly stronger, but I’m still at a point where it wouldn’t take much to crush me again, just a memory and I could cry. More anger than sadness though I think. I’ve signed up for gym sessions now, and even bought new gym attire:)
Thank you, I’m glad I didn’t send them either, I think.
Right now I don’t think he deserves to hear from me. He’s gotta put effort in to deserve that. Yes certainly it’s hard and I will probably come up with more reasons to contact him – but I am SO thankful that I have you and @Belle to consult before I make any wrong moves!
I’m sorry he didn’t text you to discuss the tv show:( Was it game of thrones? Has that started yet? Lol.
Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything that he hasn’t reached out. He doesn’t want to hurt you most likely. Just give him the space he wanted, and enjoy your space more than he would want you to Deep down he doesn’t want you to move on so that he can have you as a safety net. For that reason I think you should do everything you can to move on, because only then will he feel a fear of losing you. It has to be genuine though.
And I agree. My life doesn’t feel as full without him either, but that is EXACTLY what my current mission is. It is to make my life more full without him than it was with him, so that if he does come back it will only be a little bonus. Challenge accepted. Write down a list of all the goals you have (big and small), what you want in life and the plan and steps to achieve each and every one of those goals. Keep it in a place where you can view it often! Game on, girl!
Thanks, @aphrodite! I completely agree. I am trying to fill my life with other things to fill the void missing from him - and not including any new guys!! Definitely trying to take a step back from that for now. I do feel myself slowly moving on. Of course I want him back but I have been okay without him and will keep getting better and better! I agree that deep down he doesn’t want me to move on and when he sees me starting to is probably when he will really question his decision. I also agree with you about the gut feeling - we shouldn’t ignore them!! They are there for a reason and there are countless stories about people just “knowing” who they will be with and we shouldn’t ignore those feelings - if our exes don’t comf back in a reasonable time frame we will move on naturally. I’m glad you’re doing better and didn’t send the emails! Nc is definitely getting easier for me. I’m thinking about him a lot still but without the need to reach out. And that’s great news about getting to the gym and new gym clothes! Working out and running has literally been my savior through all of this. I feel my happiest during the day when I’m at the gym! Thankful to be on this journey with you and @belle and hope things keep looking up for all of us!
I’m pleased to hear you’re focusing on you and filling that void, or shall I say CRATER lol:)
I’m no where near ready to date. I actually find it uncomfortable when I get approached by guys because there is genuinely zero interest from my side, however I suppose it does help with feelings of low self esteem a bit - something I really have to work on and I’m excited for when I will feel completely happy about myself again!
Did anything bad happen as you are stepping down from the dating scene for a bit? In my case, I have always been someone that wants to achieve (insert blank) for the sake of impressing a man. This time in my life I want to do everything for ME. I want to build a stabile future so that I could have a child on my own if needs be. I really need to feel a sense of independence and that I’m fighting for myself and not for the sake of someone else to fulfil me or make my life meaningful. Ex gave my life a meaning that I couldn’t give myself, and I think that’s why my life came to revolve around him and accept so much of his bad behaviour. I taught him that it was okay to treat me bad - I would still be there. I understand now that it is my responsibility to set boundaries and that boundaries are the only way to induce respectful behaviour. People WILL walk all over you if you let them, and because you let them, they will respect and value you less. I’m not going to let anyone have that power over me again.
I think it seems like you’re doing very well in this @atea1234 you’re very level headed! No doubt will this be his biggest mistake if someone else snaps you up!
Yesss! Gut feelings are there for a reason! The only thing I’m unsure about is whether or not I will still be interested when my ex wants me back. I will probably reach out to him in spring/summer but if nothing comes from it then that will be it.
I’m happy to hear NC is getting easier! I’m still feeling unstable in that I don’t know how I will feel from a few hours to another few hours.
Hopefully I will find some strength in exercise too! And I also feel so blessed to be able to be on this journey with you two especially (but also everyone else here). Walking around on my own doesn’t feel quite as lonely knowing that “out there” there’s others just like me, feeling the same emotions! x
I made a small mistake last night just before going off to sleep and that was to check out his twitter account, I’m not him friends list but I can see who is on there and if he tweets. He’s only just joined and not really into it, has only a few friends, contacts and nobody to be concerned about.
I know is sounds really stupid but he re tweeted something trivial on the 29 dec and 2 Jan. I got so upset and then could t sleep. I know it’s stupid, but because he’s away in my mind I think he’s got no time to do anything he got time to re tweet something stupid but doesn’t get in touch to wish my son a good first day back at term.
I don’t want to get in a habit of stalking him on the net, it doesn’t get you anywhere except more hurt. Now he’s more active on twitter I’m bound to keep looking.
I don’t know if I love him or hate him but right now I wish I never met him because all this wouldn’t have happened.
Having a rubbish day so far over this but I’m glad to report in that I’m 5 days NC.
So sorry to hear you’re feeling that way!! If it helps any I’m having a bit of a rubbish day as well, poor sleep also. I went to a nutritional doctor today and I’ve got to go on a low carb diet, which means no chocolates - just what I need right now… lol
Stalking is not a good idea at all! I haven’t done it for a while now and I feel much better not knowing what’s going on in his life. I’m still tempted to but it really doesn’t do anything but cause more hurt when we see how their lives are just continuing as if nothing ever happened, or worse, they even seem happier. I know the curiosity can be unbearable but it’s really not in our best interest. Our focus HAS to be on us now, not them! I repeat: our focus HAS to be on US.
That being said, I’m not happy about how he’s now walking out of your son’s life. Being mad at you is one thing, but it should not be affecting the relationship he had with your son as he was his father figure. This must be though on your son too.
I don’t know if I love or hate my ex either. I guess both, very strongly. He’s really just ditched me, and pushed me out of his life. He went from wanting to talk more, wanting me to move in with him again - to all of a sudden probably never wanting to get back together. And I have no idea what made him so unstable. Not sure I want him back (today) but I don’t want anyone else either.
Giving you lots of hugs from across the North Sea! Hope you feel better soon! Rant away if it helps:) This is day 5/30 for me x
This is so hard but im glad you’re not happy about my son being dumped too. It’s like what’s wrong with this guy!? It makes you think what kind of character does this?
Remember when I questioned about contact for my son and if he wanted to go and see him at school sports etc the response was that I should have thought about that when he begged to get back with him. As you said it’s like a game and he’s now got the upper hand over the situation while before it was me.
I did respond to his comment by saying I was not in a mental position to get back with him as I was hurt. Nevertheless it’s like he needs to deal with it in his own way and that can be right or wrong. To be honest he’s made mistakes in his life before but he doesn’t seem to learn.
I agree about stalking, I had a chat to myself this morning that if I go look at his social media I will only get hurt, I need to cut it out.
It sounds like your ex is so mixed up that he’s now come to the conclusion that he wants to go forward without you but by his actions of coming and going is that element of confusion so he had to choose one or the other option.
As we have read on here that once they have made their decision that is it because it looks stupid if they change their mind. So this is where we have to wait it out and see without our presence that they will start thinking of us in a positive light.
I too go from angry to upset. Last night was upset, today is upset and I started thinking stupid reasons to contact him. But i won’t, it’s only day 5 since the last where I just hear more of the same.
Going to a nutritionist is good! I’m impressed. I know what you mean about having a little something you like! After all we need some pleasure in life and at the moment pleasure is few and far between!
I’m on this stupid date site, not sure why I’m on there to be honest as nobody is appealing. I guess that’s normal. I feel 2015 is going to be a getting over the ex year and for the first half hoping we can reconcile.
Sending hugs back over the North Sea! I promise I won’t complained about the weather again! Lol
@aphrodite, I actually am a bit jealous you are angry at yor ex! People keep telling me if I got angrier I would have an easier time but for some reason I feel very little resentment. As for dating, I actually had some good ones! I’ve gone on about 4 or 5 and all of them have followed up and asked me out again. The problem is I don’t feel attraction towards any other guys. I had a nice time chatting over drinks but didn’t want anything beyond that. I did go out with some of them again but just came to the conclusion im really not ready. I can’t replacd my ex and don’t really want to and since ice been in a relationship from such a young age, I’ve never learned to properly be single and I think it’s impoerant to feel ok on my own! Also I do plan on reaching out to my ex to try to reconcile in spring/summer so just doesn’t seem right to lead someone on as a rebound in the meantime. I know he is probably dating and having one night stands so sometimes I feel like I should be but then I remind myself to do things for ME and do what I want and not what he is doing! @belle, I completely understand the temptation! Just recently I looked at my ex on facebook through one of my friends and saw he became friends with an attractive girl and they also started following each other on Instagram! I nearly threw up! I just decided it’s best to not check anything. I have no idea who this girl is and if it’s anything but don’t even want to know. I also removed him on snapchat as I kept seeing him snapchat other girls. All of this is so insignificant in relationship to our 7 year relationship so I really try not to look. I know he has been going out with his friends and having fun but I remind myself I look on Facebook to be going out and fun too and no one knows how much im hurting! Also like I said the other day i think our exes are probably feeling relief at the beginning of Nc but the reality won’t really hit them for about another 2-3 months of Nc. Only after the fun and excitement of being single again wares off for them will they start questioning! Do your best not to stalk - im guilty of doing it but find its just better to imagine my ex filling his time by going to work and spending time with boys and I can’t really handle seeing anything else on social media so I try to tune it all out! When I feel an urge to stalk him it helps me honestly to come on here and respond to posts or to read different articles about different love stories. Corny I know but reminds me that if my ex doesn’t come back I can still have a happy ending! As for your son, I agree he should absolutely reach out and see how he’s doing. It’s only been 5 days Nc so I would give him a little more time before really using this against him, but regardless of what happens with the two of you he should always make an effort to be in your sons life!
Thank your feed back! How inspirational you are! It never really dawned on me that in a few months time they might suddenly get tired of being single, and how this NC right now they are probably enjoying the peace that we give them. Thank you forgiving me the insight. I think we get bogged down with how we feel, knowing that at the moment nobody will match our ex’s even though we browse around on date sites and we focus so much on what we’ve lost that we forget the bigger picture.
I agree about coming on here for relief. Listening to people’s stories and heart ache. There are so many of us! Lol
I do wonder what the % of people who come on here reconcile and who don’t. I wonder about you, Aphrodite and myself…all out of long term relationships which of us will reconcile, who won’t,if non of us will or we all will!
Glad you understand about my stalking behaviour! Lol. I’ve learnt,I will not do it again. Hmmm… I hope not.
I’ve opened up a Pinterest account and making lots of boards of nice things I like and my interests because it reflects who I am. I know as some point in the future he might google me (stalk) so making sure I look like I’m in a happy zone!
He’s not on my facebook but again, I’m going to change my pictures a lot to make it lookalike I’m moving on. Just on the off chance he takes a look. He prob won’t but I might as well make it look like I’m having the time of my life! Lol
Good for you for being strong in deleting him off all these sites. You’re right, it’s soul destroying, I can imagine how you must have felt to see him with these other women
I won’t have strength for that so as you said, don’t look! Ignorance is bliss.
@belle, ignorance is most definitely bliss! And it’s a double edge sword for me because at least in my situation, he wanted the break up to see what else is out there. So my only shot really at reconciling is if he does date other girls and see it doesn’t measure up to our relationship. I can only really see him coming back if he spends time being single, sees it’s overrated and doesn’t meet anyone interesting or if he does see some casually and realizes he’s happier with me. So As much as it pains me to think about, I think that’s the only way he’ll be back. So I try not to think about it. I have confidence in our relationship and connection and do think he will have a very difficult time finding it elsewhere.
And I agree right now they are probably feeling a bit of peace and relief! Remember, this was there decisions. In all the research I’ve done on reconciliation I’ve found the person who ends ir first feels happiness and relief and takes about 2-4 months to really process the emotions and another 2-4 months to realize if they miss the person and want to reconcile. Of course each situation is different and this is a very general timeline but I remember talking to my ex two weeks post breakup when I couldn’t eat if sleep and felt the world was ending and he told me he was sad but so relieved and happy. I couldn’t believe it! But he did want this and had time to prepare which I didnt. I think it is normal for our exes to not miss is terribly yet and they will only re evaluate in a few months time.
Originally I had planned to contact my ex at the end of March but now I am contemplating whether I should just wait for him to contact me. He would definitely reach out end of April to wish me a happy birthday so maybe I should wait till then. On the other hand, I do want to remind him im still here so that’s why I was thinking to contact him again in March. I’m not sure. What do you think?
I also wonder who will reconcile. I think a lot of people who do do not come back here and share their stories. If I do reconcile I will absolutely share my story! I really hope we all do get our exes back
I’m going to be not visiting this site anymore. I need to step away from reading all the stories ESP on the reconciliation board. I took a break earlier from here and it helped. I just wanted to say it was nice talking to you and hearing your input. I wish you the best with your situation and hope it works out. Stay positive!
He is probably feeling awkward and conflicted about it, but overall I think his pride and ego was very hurt and he’s responding in an immature way, with anger and “holding himself back” from your son. That’s what it seems like to me.
Gosh do men ever grow up?
Him saying you should have thought about that when he begged to get back with you is just such a spiteful and immature thing to say. Men get very immature when they’ve been hurt and they act out. (No offence men, I know it’s not all of you). I think this has to do with that most weren’t taught to talk about emotions, and it’s gotta come out some way or another.
Actually I think it’s you that has the upper hand, despite the ball being in his court. He has clearly not moved on as he is still holding this anger and resentment. I really don’t approve of the way he seems to “punish you”. That’s what this is to me, you’re being punished for hurting his ego and not wanting him back when he pleaded. He wants you to suffer right now from the void of his existence in you and your sons life. Maybe I’m being too harsh, I don’t know the situation well enough but this is how I see it. It that whole “you didn’t want me then, so you can’t have me now - Ha!” attitude. I would be careful about saying that too him though because if you exposed his immaturity he would most likely be defensive and get more angry, not admit to his actions as admitting immaturity would hurt his own ego.
Yes my ex was definitely conflicted on whether or not to break up. In the end he said he had a gut feeling that breaking up was right (my gut feeling was screaming that it’s wrong at the time, that it’s a mistake). I think when he leaned towards continuing together that was fear of loosing me and not actual want to be with me.
He would definitely look stupid if he changed his mind, but right now I bet he’s just happy to be single:(
Argh I’m so mad at him for stealing my heart and then ditching it in the mud. I hate him:( I don’t like hating people but I do… He didn’t even say goodbye, he couldn’t even give me that.
Thank you, I’m really gonna work on improving myself now. Gym starts tomorrow! Like a snake, I’ve got to shed my old skin and go through many changes. Or maybe a butterfly coming out of a cocoon is a better metaphor lol.
And don’t worry it is entirely normal to not find anyone else appealing! I’ve looked at many hot guys without being able to find them attractive one bit. I’m completely hung up on my ex.
I agree with 2015 being a getting over ex year but I would like to change the label to: self improvement year:)
And haha, it’s okay you can complain about the wind! I do that when I’m over there! Soo windy! x
Thank you for all your advise @mike2014 - it was great chatting with you! Please update back if you have any positive news to share and I wish you luck! You stay strong as well!
Well I think it’s hard for you to be angry because your ex was so open and honest about why he wants to break up, and you know he said he wants to marry you one day. However I think you will get if you don’t hear from him during your NC, but maybe I’m wrong. Don’t worry about it, just go with the flow of your emotions!
I know what it’s like not feeling attracted to any other guys. I’m at the same stage as you, where I really need to work on my independence and being happy on my own. Yes you should definitely be doing things for you! If you want to date someone do it, if not then don’t. Don’t worry we’re here for you through this sadness, and you will overcome!
Regarding meeting up with him, I think I would wait until April if I was you. Wait until he contacts you on your birthday, that way it will seem like he’s chasing you not vice versa.
Haha, yes we are right at the end of the Atlantic…thanks to you Atea1234! So all the bad weather builds up momentum and dumps it off at poor little UK. We’ve got high winds expected end of the week. Think of me battoning down the hatches!
Mike2014, come back anytime, I know how you feel about the site and moving on. This is a crutch and maybe you don’t need it for now. Well done you!
Atea1234,
That’s very interesting about how their minds work over the first 2/3 months. I don’t hesitate for a moment that non of them are aware of how we really feel. They are in worlds of their own having the life of Riley not worrying about having to please us to take us out…they’ve gone back to their man cave and probably really enjoying themselves.
How do you think if and when your ex comes back? Do you think you might feel resentment towards him? How awful he told you he was really happy! He should have kept his mouth zipped up and been a bit more thoughtful. It goes to show how ignorant he is as do the other ex’s how we really feel and how much this is effecting our lives and thought process. It’s very true what you said about their first 2/3 months!
Yes I’m thinking along the lines of waiting til he reaches out to me, if he does. My opinion is that if they don’t then they are not ready, so we could ruin things by making contact. I don’t know about false friendship, I’m not sure I could handle that. I think our minds will change all the time what we should do but I think your time frame is good. If you feel by March to reach out then you need to do it. Otherwise you might feel different and wait more time.
I beleive my ex will at some point make contact for my son, because his guilt will get the better of him. Again I will cross that bridge if it ever comes.
It maybe through my son that there is reconciliation but quite honestly I can’t think that far down the line. I just want to become happy first, on my own I guess
Aphrodite,
Well I’m worried he will turn his mind against me (im going crazy by saying that). He’s for sure got to be punishing me hasn’t he. Yes, he’s using my son. I’m not going to get worked up by it because I think to myself that he got me and my son through the last 8 years when my son was very small and life was difficult. I managed with the help of my ex to be at home a lot therefore pick up drop off my son at school. So, if I never see my ex again and he wants nothing to do wth my son then that’s his loss. He will miss out on a Truly wonderful boy and bond that many miss out on in life. As i said, my son is 11 now and is grounded, loving and bright and to be honest, as long as he’s got me he will be OK.
Has anyone thought that if we all reconcile, how will we be with our ex’s? Do you think a lot of trust will be gone? How will we be able to live knowing that they could walk out of our lives again because they get cold feet? How do people in this situation get the relationship to work again on a deep trusting level?
Aphrodite, I’m impressed about the gym! I need to walk my dog for longer and faster but the damn wind!! Haha
@Belle Aww dear! High winds! I really don’t miss that from my time over there!
For sure he won’t turn his mind against you. That’s fear talk on your end! Don’t be so afraid, Belle!!
Yes he can really hold a grudge, but if he doesn’t get over it soon enough he will end up a lonely and bitter old man! I wonder what it is that makes him so unforgiving! Just give him his space for now. Don’t live your life in fear!
I definitely believe you son will be doing just fine with you watching over him! It really is your ex’s loss! He should not be using not contacting your son as a way of punishing you sigh. I can see how you’re grateful for him being there for your son in the past, but still this isn’t fair, not if it continues like this.
I don’t think about how things would be with my ex if we reconciled. There would be a lot of challenges I’m sure, but I would cross that bridge when and if I come to it. At the moment I can’t rationally imagine reconciliation with my ex (despite the strong gut feeling being there). I would need to be at a completely different place in my life and even if me and ex became romantic again I think it would take years for us to become exclusive again after all the drama that happened between us. Rationally I honestly can’t see it happening at all which is why this gut feeling is so strange. My ex really saw me at my worst for too long (I was going through so much family and personal difficulty at the time) so I would have so much to rewrite.
So I can’t answer your question I’m sorry! But if we were to reconcile right now I know I wouldn’t trust him, we would argue and we would break up again.
Have you made a list of all the goals you want to accomplish for yourself during the NC period, by the way?
@aphrodite, I think it’s great to be doing things for ourselves! Now is definitely the time to be doing that. I think beingn attracted to other guys will only come with time of we really move on from our exes. I think I will try to wait until April when he contacts me on my birthday. He will contact me when he starts to feel ready to pursue a relationship so there really is no need for me to reach out before. I just don’t want him to think I’ve completely moved on. I always wonder how long it will take
Him for reach out to me since we always leave things so open ended. @belle, I also will be shocked if your ex doesn’t make contact to at least ask about your son. It has only been 5 days but I can guarantee in a few weeks he will absolutely check in on you guys. I do think in a way he is trying to “punish” you so I think he is probably just taking some time to gather himself and he will reach out. I have a ways to go before March when I can consider contacting him so I guess i will wait to see how I feel by then. I do really worry about trusting him if we get back together. I think I will be so curious about girls he dated while we’re apart but I have decided I think I would ask him we don’t doscuss it, at least not right away until we are stronger as a couple. I do fear he could leave me again but I truly believe he won’t come back to be with me unless he feels 100% ready and committed to us. I think at the time I would have to evaluate how to see how sincere he is but I do believe he would only return of he truly wanted to. In all of our situations we would have to be able
To bury the past and really move forward and recreate our relationships and I thknk a lot of it for me would depend on how devoted my ex was to this process. If he wasn’t 100% in it, I now know I’m okay without him so I wouldn’t pursue him unless we both mutually really wanted to. Something I fear is how my family and friends would respond if we got back together. They’ve seen how devastated I was as a result of the break up and I think they have even more resentment than I do! I think if it got to that point I might actually ask him to talk to my parents and explain himself. I think reconciling would really be a difficult process with lots of obstacles, but I do think it’s a great opportunity to really recreate and refresh a relationship. I would be thrilled to have the chance to have my ex back with a renewed sense of commitment and opportunity to really improve things. I guess only time will tell if this will happen! I just fear going too long without talking to him will help him move on and think I don’t want to reconcile…so hard to know how to act!
Hugs to both of you for getting through another day of Nc! I hope it’s getting easier for you both. When did both of you initially break up with your exes?
Deep down he doesn’t want you to move on so that he can have you as a safety net. For that reason I think you should do everything you can to move on, because only then will he feel a fear of losing you. It has to be genuine though.
