http://elitedaily.com/life/noteveryoneyouloseisaloss/1021613/
I wish i could believe that JAM, I don’t think my ex views me as a loss though. I’m almost near positive he was with this girl from his work yesterday the one i’ve been worried about. She’s 20 years old and he was offline for about 5 hours yesteryda morning to afternoon. Also he went to his friend’s band’s gig and he didn’t get home till about 1am thats pretty good right ? And if you were with someone at the concert or were having a great time you wouldn’t go on fb at all would you ? Cause I saw he was even though he was there. I think I’ve lost him but I can’t seem to face the facts 
Can you give me a reason why he wouldn’t be concerned about you at all? Like what makes you think that? 
Well I think he is but i worry its only as a friend. He was very thoughtful the other night when he stayed up with me discussing my problem but he treated me that same as if i would go ut there and behave like I always have so he clearly doesn’t think i’ve changed or want to see it. Change is a long process but I’m trying.
Hey Coolcat-I just finished reading the entire thread! My thoughts are…He’s just stringing you along trying to see if you will have sex with him until he finds a girl he really likes and wants to date. He’s using you to move on-that’s the suckiest thing a guy can do. He’s still emotionally attached because he continues to text you and he knows you will respond so he’s not too worried that he’s lost you. And yes, he sees you as plan b. He’s not even considering your feelings and disrespecting your past relationship by asking for sex without commitment. Total douche guy behavior.
So he plays games online-playstation. Do you ever play with him? That’s one of the BEST ways to bond and re-connect with a guy. Don’t give in to his sex requests because like he said he can detach from that and you can’t. You will only end up very hurt because he will see you as a fuck buddy and nothing else. Don’t be so available to him when he texts-let him miss you. Don’t initiate any conversations either-ignore anything to do with sex so he gets the message that you aren’t interested in doing any of that.
JAM, i really liked the article u sent and it certainly made me think …
Coolcat, i read somewhere that whoever cares more about the relationship has less control and more likely to get hurt… I guess thats the situation that may apply to ur current situation.
i cant figure out what is his intentions… If he is finding it tk let go or if he wants to use u… Either way, at the moment he seems like he is not yet ready to get back…
I suggest u reduce ur contact with him to minimum. when someone is not sure, i think its better not to be rewarding him with ur love, ur time etc…
U can give him all ur love when u know he is also ready to do the same for u. Otherwise its not fair.
Wow @dragongirl I didn’t expect you to read it all but thank you :). It makes me sad thats what you think as I was really hoping that wasn’t true it just seems quite odd as the sexual part of conversations came out of no where one time when he was drunk and he did the same last year when we were broken up as well. I do however believe I’ve lost him for good I just hoping that wasn’t the case. I tried to bond over his playstation when we were together but he had one freaking game just one and thats all he would play so I couldn’t even get interested in it and now that we’re broken up I am way to poor to go and invest just to play with him haha. Ido think he thinks about me in non sexual ways as he often looks in my fb chat and i can tell cause the seen time changes from day to day and stuff. I’m really disappointed he’s playing these games again he said he wouldn’t do so again after he knew how much they hurt me last year.
@Jasminka86 hey thanks for your reply 
I haven’t really been contacting him myself nly when he does, the only time i reached out mainly was when I needed his help with a friend of mine because I was very upset at how she had treated me. Unlike last time when we broke up he’s the one messaging me, the one who asked to meet up the other week for the first time, whereas last year that was all me. However I think i have given him back the control as he now knows where I stand in that I still have feelings and thats why i can’t have sex with him. ARgh I hate this don’t know what to do. He also just messaged me on fb its currently 5.45am here and we’re both starting work early.
So my exes best friend has turned up back in town for a surprise trip. Thats not going to help things with my ex. As far as I was aware we were going to go for coffee on wedensday after his interview but I don’t think that will happen now he’s in town. I could be wrong and nicely surprised but this guy hates me s much he used to get upset last year when my ex would hang out with me even though we were broken up
@Jasminka86 @JAM818 I don’t know what to do my ex messaged me again yesterday morning just for a quick little chat before work started then I saw he has entered our chat twice as the seen time has changed though he didn’t say anything. But now this friend
So awkward thing last night. I was in my exes fb chat section when i accidentally called him. Lol i was like oh shit he’ll know i was stalking him or in there for some reason. So i sent a quick apology telling him i always accidentally call people and he was like oh i didn’t even see it, but stalking me were you ? And I was like ah shit lol no I wasn’t I was just checking we’re still on for coffee after your interview on wednesday. I used that as my cover lol and I was like nah theres probably no way he will because he knows I still have feelings and his best friend was just in town the one who hates me so I was sure he might put a halt to everything. But I was wrong and he responded with “of course we are” which was great, so I then tried to end the convo there saying I’ll see you then. But he instead carried on asking me how my weekend and stuff was. I’m super nervous abut getting coffee with him. Its great he’s willing to meet me i think as this is a huge step for him changing his career and he’s almost at the end now and I will be the first person he catches up with and who he fills in about the interview. Promising ?
Yeah, you seem like everything is going according to plan and he hasn’t got creepy again, like I have said many times before, just meet up with him and see where it goes… Basically what direction he takes it…
Interesting change for me, the ex wanted to meet up tonight but I told her that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea… Then I ended up meeting up with her later… I gave her a ride home, we talked in the car for a long time… I walked her to the door, where we hugged for a long time, then we started kissing and hugging… And kissing some more, it just seems weird going from almost nothing to this… I just have to keep my cool, any suggestions??
Yeah I’m very nervous once again, he’s meeting up with me first of all people after one of the most important interviews he might have. He’s super nervous and has bought a new suit and stuff for it. I’m trying to be very positive and supportive and he seemed quite sincerely appreciative. We had some jokes again here and there as he messaged me on fb.
Oh wow JAM my my how things have changed for you. Jealous firstly haha. But its funny hw things keep changing around for us. Luckily things didn’t progress forward from the kissing because it means you weren’t just being used phyiscally. Kissing when you are close or have been close with that person means more to me I think. Kissing is quite personal whereas sex is just physical. Terrible example right here but I went to Amsterdam a few years ago and i was told in the red light district the women don’t kiss the men because of the connection. Not sure if its true or applies to them all but interesting thought. Don’t get too ahead of yourself like me. I think that my ex is giving me all the signs but in reality he’s not i’m just deluded 
No sex, but I felt like that it could have happened, because there was so much energy with it… I don’t know, I’m just too confused right now… I’m going to pick her up in the next couple of hours to take her to her car… We’ll see what happens… I’ll keep you updated…
Like always Natty… Wait until after the meet up, you have to go in with an open mind of course… Don’t go into it with the negative self doubt that you have gotten used to… Stay positive…
Of course but good it didn’t happen. We;re grown adults with needs and i understand how hard it is haha trust me. My my things have changed, seeing her for a second time already hey. Restrain yourself 
And I’m feeling good abut tomorrow’s meetup, our convo on fb lasted a couple hours and he responded almost immediately to every message i sent and it was positive and I was very supportive of him and he was appreciative. My ex said a couple things which got me thinking haha including me saying “looks like we both have good things coming at us” and he was like “lets keep them coming haha” and said how proud of me he was with my studies, then when he ended the convo he said sweet dreams. He used to say the regularly when we were together it made me quite happy haha.
That’s really good Natty, I still have more faith in you two working it out than me lol…
She was crying a lot last night, telling me how she doesn’t deserve me and that she was sorry about everything, just how lonely she was etc. IDK… I guess we’ll see where it goes from here…
Hahah awww thanks, I have faith and I keep trying to hold onto that but its so hard. I have no idea where we’ll go from here cause there are many mixed signs. He said he hasn’t been to the movies at all since we broke up which is often a safe bet for men I believe and especially cause there are great movies out atm which gives me a better feeling. Gotta stay positive. I just redyed my hair and have a super cute outfit picked out for tomorrow, he’s going to be dressed up so I have to look good too 
Well mixed signals is a good sign. Now maybe let her initiate the contact so she knows you’re not there for her as much and you’re not there to cuddle her when she’s crying or feeling lonely.
Well, I picked her up from her house and took her to get her car… We hugged for a long time, I kissed her on her cheek… She said thank you for being there for me…
And that was it…
I guess we’ll see where it goes from here…
Good luck on your meet up today Natty, let me know how it goes!!
Oh thats wonderful JAM. I have also had a fantastic day. Met my ex and he was down, he didn’t feel good about his interview. We ended up going to lunch which he paid for as well which was lovely. We then went back to his house as I needed him to fill out some assessment for my uni and he did and then we were just hanging out. I then gave him a massage to help him relax as he was feeling so bad about his interview. He then insisted on giving me an interview. He was then like I know i shouldn’t but gave me a couple quick pecks. Then he kept touching my lower back and play fighting and stuff. He then kissed me a few more times haha and I kept laughing. I was like you’re a confusing man. He then admitted he missed me and I was like I’m surprised and we had a good lol then he was like I don’t know if i should say this but I like being with this girl. And I was like yeah I miss this too I commented on how we didn’t really get to experience fun like this when we were together cause circumstances forced us to move together so quickly and even when we didn’t live together I had so many issues with my parents it impacted on us. He kept showering me with little kisses and stuff and it was cute. He then suggested going to a movie next week cause I said there were so many movies out I want to see. So we made plans for next week :D. The only thing is on his phone I saw a message from this girl from his work, the one I was concerned about and it was her encouraging him regarding his interview today. However I’m not too concerned about her as I was the one he wanted to see and he said being with me after that was what he needed and how I was a great support today. I’m just a little nervous he knows I saw his phone :/, by the looks of things he doesn’t and won’t as we exchanged a couple messages after and I said I had a fun day with you today and he said yeah me too looking forward to the movies and stuff. Things are going good. He’s got me hooked again but I just gotta keep chill and not move to fast. So hard haha
That is great Natty, see… I told you to keep staying positive while moving towards the meet up… You are right though, it’s very difficult… In the last couple of weeks I had put enough distance between the ex and I that I felt as if I could start to detach myself from the feelings of wanting to get her back. But now because of the other night, I’m right back to where I was at the beginning… I have a feeling that the other night was a mistake, I’m trying not to read into it more, but seriously it’s difficult to do with what happened… Idk…