Brief overview just in case, I broke up with my ex for a second time 5 weeks ago and we met today for the first time since the breakup. We have exchanged a few texts and he initiated a convo the other week just before his birthday and then I sent a text the other day about money he owes me and he said maybe we could catch up. He chose to come over to the new place I have settled into. He was obviously curious and wondering about the area and stuff. He came over in the afternoon and brought his dog who was like my child lol. He walked in and unlike last time I had not contacted him harassing him to catch up and when we did see each other i didn’t initiate any physical contact. I gave him a quick tour and then he gave me a big hug saying hello and stuff. We then went and sat and talking about his new career whats been happening in our lives etc. We then went through a quiet period so i brought up some national news that had a significant emotional impact on me when i started getting emotional. This is not like me regarding issues like this and he was surprised so he got up and came over and gave me a hug and sat next to me comforting me a bit as i talked about it with him. We then carried on talking and he was saying how great this new house is and how happy he is etc. We also talked a bit about my family which upset me and he knows my relationship with them but i kept in in control as much as i could. My father is very nasty so i struggled with the emotions regarding that and he pulled me in for a hug and kept his arm round me as we carried on talking for 5 mins. After that he outstretched his hand saying “friends” and i was just like haha and went sort of quiet with my hand half stretched out not sincerely and he grabbed it and shaked it. This upset me a bit as I could never be friends its all or nothing and he knows this as I can be a bit crazy jealous so even though I’m of value as a friend i don’t know why he would want to be my friend. In the end he ended up staying for almost 3 hours which is way longer than i expected and I said to him i don’t want to hold you up and he’s like “i have no plans if you wanna just chill”. He returned some of my stuff I had left behind that we had shared together in our house and i was a bit emotional at that point but pulled in together though i’m sure i appeared more down and sad. He then pulled me in for a goodbye hug and held me for a bit longer than normal, and then let me go and then just after he looked sort of sad and pulled me in for a second hug. I said goodbye to his dog and waved him off but I didn’t keep the meeting going for longer than i had to as I had also arranged plans hha.
An hour later after he left he sent me a text and this was our brief convo:
Him: It was good seeing you. You’ve got a good ting going there, proud of you.
Me: Hey good seeing you too. And great seeing your dog too. Nice to catch up and hear about the good things happening to you.
Him: I hope you’re ok I know seeing each other isn’t easy. It was hard to keep it tighter. And I’m serious about the calling me if you get scared or need help.
Me: I appreciate it. Thanks. Hope you have a good day at work.
I tried to keep the whole meeting simple and upbeat and nothing surrounding my emotions regarding the relationship and stuff. What are your opintions on this meetup. Just being friends isn’t an option will drive me crazy and he knows that i’m pretty sure from the last time we broke up. Please help
That is awesome natycatty, you definitely have a foot in the door right now… Like we talked about before you just have to let things develop naturally… You can tell the effect that the meet up had on him, that is why I stressed the point of seeing him face to face…
My situation got ugly the other day, I went to the bar and saw her there with 3 guys standing around her, then they all left with one of them riding with her… I followed her when she left and she pulled over… I pulled next to her, just for her to tell me that he was just a friend and it was none of my business anyways, so I just drove home…
Coincidentally since we are FB friends she became friends with all 3 the next morning… With one of them posting on her wall that he put a napkin in her purse with his number on it and she should give him a call…
What in the hell is wrong with me, it’s over and I still can’t even accept it…
Yay JAM I was hoping I’d see you back on here sometime soon . I am excited about this progress but it also makes me very anxious and nervous too. I sent him a text yesterday regarding the star wars day with a photo just a short cute message letting him know i was thinking of him in a way. He responded well with an “haha thats awesome”. I left it at that and now I’ll just back off for a little while. But the whole friends thing makes me nervous. He and I were never really friends before the relationship began so its not like we have that to go back to. I know he’s being playing a lot of playstatin particularly after we met up the other day he went and played that all night must have been trying to distract himself. But I also don’t know what to think about his tinder profile and what he’s said on his tinder profile advertising himself.
Yeah i have no doubt seeing that would be hard and its very difficult not to respond but at least you didn’t go punch the guys out . Have you felt any better after the closure speech ? I haven’t talked to you much since then. Do you guys live in a small town or does she know your usual favourite bars and could she being trying to flaunt these men in your face.
Getting on a plane again, headed to Dallas, so… I may not be able to respond for a couple of hours after this…
Yeah, he wants to be friends… But I have a feeling that he wants to test your level of “crazy” before it becomes anything else. That way it’s a friendship and doesn’t have the pressure of being a relationship… So, play it cool…
I had a party at my house on Saturday night so she felt like neither I or any of our friends who coincidentally were at my house as well would be there… But we decided to go there afterwards. It was difficult to hold myself together as long as I did… still couldn’t fully control my emotions though…
Lol yeah I’m pretty crazy I do know that much but the friendship shit really does worry me like with the awkward handshake bullshit he gave me wtf was that? Its almost been 6 weeks since the breakup and this was a good meet up since he was the one that initiated it and didn’t want to leave like he stayed for 3 hours. Way longer than i expected. However this makes me curious as to if and when he will next contact me. I reached out yesterday in that little text and it was cute even though it wasn’t much i wasn’t even sure if he’d respond but he did. He initiated all the physical contact with me even though they were just hugs and he gave me a little wink which he always used to do to me if i was looking good or something. It was cute.
Its difficult to maintain those emotions though with how things ended with you and her and seeing mutual acquaintances and her out with some guys would have been hard. I myself even had a cry after seeing him the other day even though the meeting went well considering everything ! Woo hoo Dallas hey. Lol I haven’t actually been to Dallas
The handshake is a half ass attempt on his part to make it look like that is what it is… The hug… And the double hug… Then try to throw out some lame handshake attempt…
I would be careful… Like I said it almost seems like he’s testing you… Kind of like poking a lion with a stick…
I haven’t reacted really thus far, like i said i got a bit down towards then end when he was leaving because it was right after the stupid friends comment and the way he went about it. What things could i do that i should try and avoid that would provoke him ?
When he and i talked that day he made comments about how he’s sitting round watching a lot of netflix and playing playstation because he doesn’t like to just sit there and think and be alone. He also said he’s been drinking a lot of beer and made no comment about any other girls. Probably because he knows i can be pretty jealous. He also talking in a lot of detail regarding his police application and how he’s moving forward with that and told me the exact date of when it is too. But when we argued right before he broke up in anger he told me about how he had gotten an email regarding the fact that he’s moving forward in his application yet he didn’t even want to tell me. Yet we’re broke up and he’s telling me about it still cause “he though i might like to know” which of course i would i was his biggest supporter.
Lol well you’re having more fun than me i’m just sitting here working on my assignment.
It looks like it’s a hug, step back… See what happens… Another hug step back… Friends handshake… It just seems like he’s testing the water to see if it’s alright to jump in…
From the outside looking in of course…
After I saw the Ex the other night, I text her and asked her to do me a favor, just one thing… “Tell me that you never want to see me again and to leave you the hell alone” she refused to do it, she said so… You want me to lie and be mean to you… I just needed her to say it… No luck…
How long could it take him to jump back in if he does ? I just found out through social media the best friend who hates me is coming back into town in a month. I have a feeling that if any progress is made that will affect it. I doubt my ex told this guy he’s seeing me even as a friend because this guy will obviously have a problem that my ex is even trying to be friends with me. I don’t know what else to do in the meantime. I;m hoping he contacts me within the next week just to chat and then he has his interview for his new job on may 20 so of course i will send him a message that day wishing him the best of luck.
And yeah it would be so much easier if they could make us hate them so we can just turn away and are completely done. If only though right !!! Lol i’ve missed your input, its handy having a mans input and i’m sure you’re not too much older than my ex
You are right though… If his friend that’s been supporting the split comes back it will be a problem… pretend that you are fine and everything is good, embrace the friendship!! if you can do that and build that interest in you gradually, even when the friend returns, it will be tough to justify not speaking to you or listen to his friends advice…
He wants more than a friendship if you flip it on him and he thinks that you are ok with that, he will no longer have the advantage that he thinks he currently has over you…
Lol meh some people like me and your ex like the older men i guess haha.
Well I doubt my ex will tell me he’s back in town as I doubt we will get much closer during these next few weeks though i really wish we could. I really don’t like this friend but I understand that to my ex this friend is important however I don’t think he’s as good as a friend as my ex thinks he is. He’s also done quite a lot of things that have hurt me and I didn’t expect my ex to choose my but just have my back a little more when this guy did nasty things. I have an idea that if my ex and I get back together I want to have a sit down with this friend nothing to serious but just offer a truce. We are both important in my exes life and lets just leave it at that. However i still don’t think i’ll get that chance
So you think I should pretend to be ok with being his friend even though I’m really not ? Last year when we broke up he knew the only reason i maintained being friends with him is cause i was fighting for our relationship. I would hope he realises that this time. But I’m noticing the exact trend of our breakup last year. He breakups up, we don’t have a lot of interaction, he deletes me off social media, he drinks and plays playstation a lot, i get my life together, we meet up he says he’s proud, he’s on tinder etc, he says he wants to maintain being friends. Not saying that this means we’ll get back together again, but things are different this time as I have just moved into a great house away from my family which causes a lot of drama and I’m feeling better.
That’s the thing… You are getting everything together and he’s not as on track as you “appear” to be… Maybe the friendship offer is because he’s trying to slide the reconciliation in there eventually on his end… It worked last time so, maybe he thinks it will work again… Like I said awhile back, use social media as a billboard for the positive changes in your life and the perception of happiness… Even if you have no conversation going actually with him… Believe me… He’ll notice…
I deactivated my FB account, so… That’s not an option for me!!
Well I feel much better especially after this move. If by some miracle we work it out i won’t have to depend on him or my parents for living arrangements and that was a major stressor in my life. I didn’t feel settled, especially after my parents kicked me out last year which is why i ended up moving in with him. I just wonder if he will see it like i do how this new place changes the whole dynamic of things ! I have been posting a bit on fb, got my hair done posted a selfie and moved into the new place and posted another selfie haha. I’m just scared he truly wants to be friends which is odd cause he and i were never really friends before we got together. And his tinder profile annoys me it says “In need of a winter warmer, apply within” like ok mate.
And lol i will never delete social media haha i’m too much of an addict, keeps me sane somehow haha. Can’t function without it.
Yeah, it’s definitely a benefit… With both of you having your own “space” there won’t be that pressure to have to force the relationship to work… If things seem like they are taking a turn towards being argumentative or falling back into old routines, you both have a place to retreat to so that things can cool down, which you really didn’t have before.
Don’t worry about the Tinder thing, right now probably like me (no I’m not on Tinder) I’m on POF it’s more of a confidence booster. I wouldn’t act upon any of the replies or “hook up” it’s nice to know that somebody shows an interest in me. That is more than likely what he’s using it for as well and he’s getting to the point where he realizes that this may not necessarily be what he’s looking for…
All this evening I’ve been feeling restless though. Whilst these things seem positive I can’t shake the negative feeling that things won’t even happen again. I mean I am surprised when he offered friendship as I thought he would try and separate himself from me fully for good now. However I have seen on fb this evening that he’s going to his friends bands event which is nice. However this is the same band he tagged a little 20 year old tart to so she could have a listen. She’s someone from his work who he just became friends with obviously. He doesn’t normally become friends wkth many people from work so this has be concerned. He’s either gonna have a nice out for fun, take this little chick along or meet someone out both of which are not great options. The gig is next weekend so it’s not like I have room to really make a move as it really will take a lot
Longer. However I am wondering about this little 20 year old. She doesn’t look like me at all and is all into makeup and looks a bit trashy tbh. And if he thinks I’m young and immature then lord haha.
And JAM I think you will find someone else. You seem lovely to be honest and I appreciate your help
Yeah, you can’t be concerned with the possibilities of this one random chick…
I just had to watch my ex leave a bar with three random guys the other day, all of which she became friends with on FB the next morning. Along with one of them posting on her wall about how he slipped his number into her purse…
You have to treat it as nothing… I became friends with about 6 women in the past month, invited 3 of them to my party on Saturday night… Did it mean anything? Nope… Because none of them showed… So, just because he tagged her and maybe invited her… Is she going to show? More than likely no…
Yeah but she’s freaking 20 years old. Thats an 11 year difference. I know some people can make that age difference work, for example you did but this chick doesn’t look like she has the maturity or class. What makes you think she wouldn’t show up if he invited her though. While he may not be the most attractive man out there he is charming.
I wish there was a way to speed this up so I know for sure whether he wants to get back together or not cause i’m tired of just sitting her hoping :(. I feel like i don’t have a good chance but a couple of things he’s done have made me feel otherwise
. Have you felt any better after the closure speech ? I haven’t talked to you much since then. Do you guys live in a small town or does she know your usual favourite bars and could she being trying to flaunt these men in your face.
still couldn’t fully control my emotions though…