haha thanks MsWB, as that made me feel better, but not on your behalf of holding on for 3 1/2 years but the fact that there is still much hope for me. How long were you with the cheater?
Do you plan to contact your ex anytime in the future since you said its been 8 weeks with no contact? Or youre waiting for him to contact you, and eventually wait for the candle to die out?
Pingpong: I totally understood why she told you she was seeing someone. As much as it hurt, I guess it is better she told you instead of you finding out from someone else. But tell me if I am missing something. Where, when and how did she meet this guy?!
I have no idea how she met this guy. I never asked how, where or when. I didn’t want to know at that time, All i said was “Ok, I understand” when she told me. There is no face i can put on this at all… i know her girlfriends took her out after we broke up and they went clubbing, and whatever girls do so perhaps they met at the club and she gave her digits, who knows.
Before when we started talking a bit, i was at her house and we talked (i was at her house cause we were carpooling to go to her uncles funeral ) and she was telling me stuff like this guy we knew from highschool would follow her at the grocery store and she told me he was a creep, blah blah, and that this other weirdo came up to her car and dropped like a paper with his number and stuff… seems like shes getting swarmed with guys as soon as we broke up lol.
Pingpong: i’ve onl been with cheater for less than a year. I already knew something was wrong 2 months prior. I failed to mention it was an LDR. I noticed he friended some floozie on FB and that was when he started becoming distant from me.
After almost 2 months, we were talking on messenger and I asked him what were his plans tonight. He said “just staying at home.” When I got off work, I went on FB, and guess what?! He was on a date with Floozie!!! She tagged him. Omg! I burned his phone!! “Who is that woman!!!” And he proceeded to lie, saying she was just a friend. A few days later, he broke up with me. And another few days past, they were arm in arm at a baseball game. This is why I hate FB! Haha! I can’t believe I was still pinning for him. But this was also during the time I met my current ex. Never thought we would be a couple, he is 100x better (not even comparable) to the last one.
But now it is over. Yes Pingpong, the more I thought of it today, the more I lose hope. I did reach out/ made my presence felt last Friday with a simple text. He responded with a simple answer…never heard since. That is it for me. If he wants me, he should be chasing after me, but as time goes by the more I feel we are just drifting further and further.
Pingpong: ok. As long as she met the guy while you were in a crossroads… That is where you are now. I have a story to tell that may give you some hope…
I have this co-worker. She was new in my dept. She moved here from a different state to follow her BF. They live together.
A yeat later, I noticed her dating one of my assistants. Not only that, she was going out (hanging out, whatever) with several guys in our dept. And I was like, wth!!!
Anyway, I found out that she was having problems with her bf because he was working a lot and she felt neglected. They got back together and celebrated their anniversary yesterday.
One of my friends too. She was with her BF for 7 years. And she wanted to get married, but he did not want to, so she broke up with him and started dating other men immediately and even during their crossroads. And I told her, “wtf are you doing?!!” Well, long story short, she and her bf got married. They haven been for 8 years now. I think if you are meant to be, it will always find its way back. 
Pingpong: i had to laugh at your comment “they took her to a club or whatever girls do…” Haha!! Well, yeah. When we are heartbroken, we are sooooo dramatic. My girlfriends are still taking me out every weekend. They’re the best.
i am sure she met him during my crossroad, as when we were breaking up i asked her if there was someone else and she told me no and when i looked in her eyes i can tell she was honest and i had always trusted her. As i was the one who always lied but she’d always catch me because id just burst laughing lol. That co-worker of yours mightve been in the situation im in, cause i know sometimes she felt neglected for me working too much and i only had 1 day off and it wasnt enough, but we lived with eachother, took turns sleeping at each others place but its not the same unless u get the whole day off and sometimes she’d get mad if i worked late or worked saturdays.
you have wonderful friends, as i am glad they take you out every weekend we can always rely on our friends.
But i have been thinking how should i begin contact with her again when the time comes? do you think i should text her with something alongs of me accepting her decisions?
Pingpong: I would say contact her after a month. How long as it been? Just send her a simple text to say hi. And go from there. NC is really not for everyone depending how the breakup went. You did not fight. There’s no anger (maybe deep inside you) but not towards each other.
We always want to contact our exes because we are so scared that we will lose them if we don’t stay in touch. And that is where I am now. Me and my ex did not fight or have “problems” (although “experts” claim that if there was no problem, then why are you broken up?) whatever. It’s very contradicting. Any sane person will know when it’s time to give it all up. She did tell you not to contact her for now, and you have been respecting that. I say give it maybe more than a month. And you don’t know, she may reach out too.play it by ear, by the way she replies, then you probably will know that it’s time to completely set her free. 
Now that I look back with douchey ex from 4 years ago… I went on match.com on an impulse because i just wanted to forget my ex. I was on it for 3 days. There were a couple of guys who emailed me. I started talking to 1 guy. Then I closed my match account and said “wtf am I doing?” And wasted $100+.
I started emailing him for like 3 months. But he knew my situation from the get go. He was being really forward so I cut all communication. The only difference is I knew my ex wasn’t gonna come back though. I had not chance, plus we had a very bad fight after the breakup. Our relationship was beyond damaged at that point. Yours isn’t. I hope that gives you some hope.
well, I feel less angry right now - oddly at peace. I listened to a bunch of podcasts today about narcissism that rang totally true. I am not saying he is for sure one, but… pretty sure. My father is one, but one of the ugly kind and I cut him off years ago. My ex husband may have been one too in an odd sort of way - so based on my history it would make sense that this guy would be too since they tend to gravitate towards people like me who only have self worth when making someone else feel good (that is not all true actually, I do have a lot of self worth)
Also, found out this new (previous?) girl has 4 kids without fathers as they are in prison or some such thing and she has been arrested several times for meth and having her kids around it.
SO! I don’t know what the deal is, but this is so completely opposite of me - little me who has hardly ever been in trouble, doesn’t do any drugs and barely speeds. I have several degrees and a job working for the state. (record store is my weekend job). I guess I didn’t know what type of women he was into when we started dating and really not sure why he was with me in the first place. I must have been SO BORING!!!
I am not sad about being boring, by the way. I like having a job, paying my bills, staying out of jail, etc.
Oh, in case you haven’t figured it out, I am not planning on rekindling this relationship. Funny how a few days of distance can clear the mind. I still have to get through next saturday, however.
MrsWB: Thats my plan atleast a month. well try to… that’s the thing i am worried about tho. I know a simple “hello” would be so simple , i am not sure if it was really make her want to message me back lol I might be thinking too much into it lol thats why i was thinking of texting her a month from now but within the lines of saying how i accept her decision and how happy i am for her thats shes enrolled in school now, and if she wasnt seeing anyone seriously, perhaps we could try us again. Unless that is WAY to sudden to drop something like that lol but yeah what you said maybe she’ll message me herself and itll save me from the trouble lol
your theory is very true. I too am at that stage. Yes, as i want respect her request as if i do contact her now, i know itll just piss her off and hate me and that would not help at all with trying to get back together . It only has been 3 days of NC since when she told me that she was seeing someone. The beggining of the week we texted and it as good but mid week i can tell from text she was cold , so it mustve just started?
Octopus: very glad that you havee decided not to stick with that kind of person as i know you will find a great man soon. This is probably just a life lesson for you as life is full of so many experiences. You made up your mind so fast haha but glad you see so clearly now.
haha yeah, it does seem fast. But there is so much evidence of weird things that I just have to trust my instincts.
I should have the very first date… it went horribly and I left saying “no way, there is too much drama there.” ha! Silly me!
It is easier to get over someone when you know they are such a loser! Lol. And the woman he’s dating now? Psshhh! Really trashy. He likes trashy women, that’s why he let you go. You’re too good for him.
Hey guys! I hope I’m not intruding but I’ve been reading your thread and I really love how you guys are feeding off eachother and voicing your struggles.
Octopus: I’m 18 and when my gf broke up with me I knew better than to do the stuff your man did ahah he is being ridiculous and you definitely have someone better waiting for you
MrsWB & pingpong: I totally get what you guys are talking about how you’re at that stage where all you wanna do is talk to them but you know you can’t. And pingpong, rebounds never last so just give it time. She will realize that you couldn’t be replaced by some chump and she’ll end things with him. That’s when, if you’re ready And you want to, you could start talking to her again.
Maybe I could get you’re guys two cents on my situation?
Quin, go right ahead. This is why we are all here.
Absolutely, Quin!
Thank you so much guys!
Background info: we are both 18 and were together for a year and a half. Her main hobby is horse jumping which takes her across the country. We have been able to handle the long distance parts of our relationship with ease and had been extremely happy and in love with each other until recently when she left on after an unresolved fight.
My Ex girlfriend and I broke up about a week and a half ago. For the last month and a half we had gotten in a bad cycle of having arguments every 1.5-2 weeks which were not huge fights but still took a toll on us as we started to feel More distant. She was away at the time which also didnt help the situation.
2 days prior to the break up we talked about having a serious talk about us and how we have been having trouble lately. She also asked for space and to not talk before we hung out next in 2 days.
When we did hang out next I gave the solution that since she is home for a while we would have time to work on us and get back to our normal, happy, loving relationship. but she proceeded to say she thinks it’s best for us to break up because she doesn’t see things ever going back to like they were before and she doesn’t think we could handle a long distance relationship based on the past month and a half. She also said that since she is away a lot for her sport she may find a place who would like her to stay With them and compete through that location and if that does happen she can’t have the idea of leaving me behind make her feel guilty about being away (which it never has before). She also said that through all these reasons she still loves me dearly.
2 days after that we texted and she said how her mind is made up but i remained calm and kind during the conversation and tried not to seem needy even though my emotions were crazy. We ended the conversation on a good note by telling each other that we are both there to talk if the other would ever need to and we also said our thank you’s to each other.
It’s been 7 days since those last text messages and I’ve started no contact. My emotions have been crazy but I’ve stayed strong and taken into mind all of the tips on this website and many others. Long distance would always be a part of our relationship for the seeable future and I know the complications it presents but I know that I would be able to put in the work and effort to keep us strong during that time apart.
In the upcoming year she will be going away for horse shows frequently. I might also move away for law school in the 2017/18 school year but it is still in the idea stage. She also might be moving away for school that year as well.
So with all this in mind my questions/worries are:
⁃ Do you think it is worth it to try and get back together considering the future distance barriers? ( I believe we could do it but I know it takes both sides)
⁃ Do you think NC will work in this situation?
- what can I do during NC to fix the problems we had?
⁃ If NC continues as planned it will end about 4 days after her birthday, should I extend the NC to a further date? Or should I plan to start contact again by using her birthday as an “ice breaker”?
- Am I being selfish by wanting to get back together?
Any other advice is always welcomed too
I’m sorry it’s so lengthy I just don’t want to leave out too many details. It’d be really good to have your opinion on the matter. All my friends are telling me to give up and move on but it’s just not that simple. We both truly loved eachother and it seems like She still does but gave up on us.
And I also think that big reason she broke up with me is the feeling of leaving me behind which I don’t want her to feel that way. I know it’s a figure of speech but I’m not just siting around when she is gone, I have my own life going on too. I play junior hockey and also work so I’m busy as much as she is. While we were together we leaned on eachother and loved each other insanely but we were still our own person too.