Ahhh… ok. I want you to know that your feelings are normal and totally legit. You are not crazy, just going through the motions. It is a lot to handle because everything is happening too fast, from breaking up to seeing him with another woman after 5 days. That is truly a wtf moment. I would very much want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he helped you get out of your shell. But the way he acted by flaunting that other woman, and her being immature and going on FB saying he is her boyfriend is grade school level.
If there is any consolation, it is good he ended it now before you have been together for years and he is acting this way. I think some people come to us for a reason and a season and they help us become better people for ourselves and for someone more deserving. I also realized that being angry at someone makes is move on faster because it is not worth holding on to. I hope that helps. Some breakups like mine ended more on sadness and a lot of loss for words and tears.
We’ve both been single for a long time and like what you said, as much as we are self-sufficient, having someone in our lives to help us get us through the stresses of every day life, is totlly an added extra to our lives. It is nice to have that.
It is funny how you mention grade school level, because that is exactly how it has all felt the last week. I just spent a while reading another post that sounded so familiar - and then I realized these parties were 19 and 20. We are 41 and 43 for petes sake. Grow up.
During our relationship he kept expecting me to get angry over all kinds of things and I didnt - and my response to him usually was that I was a rational adult, why would I get mad over those things? Now that he is with this gal - who is full of drama, mind you - I think maybe he is just emotionally immature and craves drama. And add that to his narcissistic tendencies when he is stressed… well, it is a poor mix. I am not probably the woman for him. I think if we could have worked things out we would have been very good for each other, but I dont think he knows how to handle happiness for too long.
At any rate, I am not replying to his message. If he comes in next weekend, he will get the same treatment as today - short answers, no small talk. Then I am ghosting and focusing on something else for a change. Something fun, and rewarding. All this negativity is for the birds!
Oh Sister, I am too. I go from glad, to mad, sad… It is part of breaking the addiction of the relationship. And I dont mean addiction in a bad sense, but physically that is exactly what is happening. Withdrawl.
Justina & Octopus: I am such a mess too, but this is why we are here. Because we can’t express this in person or else they will throw is in the looney bin.
Octopus: from what I read about your ex, his behavior is acceptable if he is 17, not 40+. I’ve seen men in their 40s who act like little boys and it is such a turnoff. That is actually an insult to little boys, because I see a lot of little boys who act better than your ex.
I guarantee you, give it some time and you’ll be laughing about it and tell yourself “wtf was I thinking?!!” But right now, allow yourself to be an emotional rollercoaster, because no matter how he is behaving now, he still made a change in your life.
From a males point of view, this guy seems very immature for such a grown age lol. should act his age and not his shoe size haha but myself i dont even want to act like that at all cause it’s so embarassing. You deserve so much better Octopus as i know this is just a temporary phase for you and you will find a wonderful man. I have high hopes for you octopus and see a bright future ahead!
Thank you Pingpong! I was actually out doing some yard work, thinking… and I am going to start a new post. Things I will miss, Things I wont. Just thinking about the things I wont miss was a bit eye opening. and the things I will maybe dont have anything to do with him specifically.
Pingpong: I had a co-worker who was 46 and he was such a mama’s boy! He was so pathetic and I remember he was rich and his mom paid for his swanky apartment and he hates driving to work and he would ask us if we could give him a ride home. I gave him a ride one time that is why I saw his swanky apartment. No, I did not go inside. Just dropped him off at his gate.
He was a total dbag. He got fired when he called some of our females co-workers “B!tch$&”. What a jerk! Lol.
One side note. I haven’t cried since the night l packed up and left. I feel like it… I try to make myself. But I just can’t. And I cried a lot when I was with him… More than I had in over ten years combined. I don’t know what this means. I feel like I should cry. It’s healthy, they say.
i feel it is healthy. Let it out. For a guy to cry it isnt very manly but sometimes i have to let it out and afterwards i’ll be able to go through with my life. I’ll be strong for like a week or so and than this would all repeat again but eventually i wont have to cry for her anymore as time will make us stronger.
Maybe listen to some sad songs if youre forcing yourself to cry. I love to sing some R&B sad songs as it always get me going and some songs really relates to me. It’s amazing what music can do. My ex use to love me sing too lol she told me my voice was amazing but i always thought i sucked lol. It isnt good to bottle something up.
right!! That’s why this lack of crying is bothering me. I dont want to shut down like I did before I met him. I am not one for chick movies, but maybe I should go watch the notebook. I never have before! HA!
Omg! That’s so funny! I watched the Notebook last week so I can force myself to cry. Actually, the reason we can’t cry because we’re so overwhelmed. When my BF broke up with me that night, I did not cry until I closed the door behind him. Same thing when my dad passed away. Well, that was different. I prayed so hard not to cry because I needed to be strong for my mom and sisters. But everytime I was in the shower, I had a Toni Braxton moment like in her video “Unbreak My Heart.”
I am so not a chick flick person too. One of my favorite movies is Kill Bill. Oh, and Galaxy Quest.
I feel like Octopus is my twin from another mother. Lol! We’re almost the same age, been divorced for 10 years, I used to work in a video store too. :-p
And yes, the Notebook and that 1 minute scene from “Up!” Never fails to make me cry! Omg! And Marley and Me! Stupid movie! We were on a flight from Florida to California, and our airline had 1 movie and one screen and it was playing Marley and Me and that scene where the dog was sick, everyone in the plane was bawling!! Even my guy friend!
I am angry today. Most of the time I am not - I just accept things for what theare. But today I am angry that he treated me this way. That he has done the things that he did, and that most likely he doesn’t care at all about what he did to me.
If I were to actually speak with him about it - which I wont - the response to everything I would mention that was hurtful would be " you did this by being … or by doing… etc… " and "its all about you, isnt it? " So while I wish he knew and accepted that he hurt another person, I really really dont think he will ever actually believe that.
And that is what makes me angry. How can a person hurt another human and just no care? And yes, I am assuming something that I do not know for a fact, but based on previous conversations in which I tried to express my unhappy feelings - these were the reactions I received. I cant imagine anything will have changed.
Anyway, no advice needed, just wanted to get this out there.
Wow, i feel the EXACT same way today. I feel like, how could she have done this to me. If she really loved me , she would have never put me in this position! She said looking for other guys wasn’t her intentions and it was just for her to “do her”. That *$@&@!! how the hell she move on so fast on and be seeing someone already?!
But this totally isnt me. I took a step back and accepted all the has happened. It’s fair game. She can see whoever she wants now since we are no longer together. But i started looking up things with rebounds and it made me so much better. As they it said majority of girls take atleast 6months or more to move on from a relationship that was 5 years+. Well she could be different as nobody is the same but just going by science lol. Perhaps she missed me and she needed someone to fill the void. It was annoying tho that she had to contact me and tell me she was seeing someone. Like damn, shouldve just told me not to contact you anymore.
on a plus note, i contacted my cousin and will be going to Chicago and Dallas texas in Oct. Pretty excited but also bummed at the same time LOL.
Pingpong: I can tell you right now… First hand experience, REBOUNDS NEVER EVER WORK…EVER! Yeah, because I was one.
The guy I pinned for 3-1/2 years? Yeah, I was his rebound. I did not know any better. He just got out of a divorce at that time. But I was stupid enough to go with it. He kept pursuing me, and I said “are you sure? Because You just got out of a divorce!” And he was like, “oh, I am so over her!” We talked marriage, kids, blah blah blah. Then guess what? He cheated on me. I should have known better.
You ex-gf is not emotionally available at all. So whoever guy she is going out with now, good-luck (or riddance) Hope he knows what he is getting himself into, unless he also is not looking for anything serious.