I have a question. Based on what I’ve told you guys… think it’s possible he lost feelings for me and the job stuff was an excuse? Even though I saw physical signs of stress (sex drive decreased) and everything in his work seemed to be crashing… I got this overwhelming fear he was using the job as an excuse. Am I thinking crazy?
I don’t think you are thinking crazy. I have that same wonder about my ex and using his job as an excuse. Also, I think sometimes they don’t want to hurt our feelings so they use excuses in an attempt to “soften” the blow. But maybe it is really job stuff. I know guys get a lot of self worth from a job.
How are you doing?
My friends ex used to tell her that all the time, and i think it really is the job causing some stress, but i think it is an excuse to not address the problems and work them out with you. She eventually broke it off with him, and he def came crawling back to her (which she wasn’t receptive of) but in your case if you move on i think i would kick that bucket and wise up eventually but you can’t be hanging around letting him put you through the emotional damage of waiting for him to make a decision.
So… we talked again. I know, I know… I didn’t go NC.
Here’s the story:
He called but I didn’t see til an hour later. I sorta made it sound like I was on a date… Oops. ;).
We talked more about the dog stuff. Talked a little about my health stuff. He asked why I never called him back yesterday (wasn’t aware I was supposed to). I thought it was funny I inadvertently made him chase me by not knowing I was supposed to call him back. He mentioned a few things in his life, told me things have gotten worse and he’s having a really hard time. I told him it’ll get better. He appreciated my optimism.
He said to let him know what happens with my health stuff. I asked why. He said cause he still cares about me. Then said he’d still like to talk from time to time. I told him I didn’t want to be pen pals and just talk on the phone. He said “we’re not pen pals. It won’t be this way forever. I’m going through so much right now. This is only temporary. And I’ll reach out to you when I’m ready”.
Basically saying he still wants me in his life, can’t focus on a relationship YET, but this isn’t over forever?
I believe him that this isn’t about me. It IS him and he’s dealing with it.
Ahhhhh. Thoughts?
There is no solution for everything 
If you contact during no contact it can mess things up if they have negative feelings towards you but breaking no contact (depending on the relationship) all depends on how you are communicating while you contact them. Most people go the begging and emotions route. But you did really great even if by accident lol
But yeah i still wouldn’t get too comfortable, because what he is basically telling you is to pursue him and that can greatly backfire. Its good being supportive but he is putting you on a schedule to keep up with HIS life, and reach out to him.
You never know how long this will take to end, and you can’t put your life on pause being his foot stool. If he was saying that he wanted to be in a relationship and y’all work it out together that is VERY different then being apart. You should continue to be supportive if HE reaches out to you, also make sure you keep the image that you have a life and have other things going on. All about the chase If you don’t you could be babying him to stay the way he is and make the process take even longer
I just wouldn’t contact him/initiate contact. If he calls and you want to pick up fine. But at least let him chase you. I still think NC would work best, but that’s just me.
I just hope he’s not stringing you along. It’s great that he still cares about you, but something just feels off to me to be honest.
Based on what I said… think I’m heading in the right direction?
He knows I’m living life. He knows I have my own stuff going on. He said his stuff is being worked out. And sorta hinted he still cares/will reach out when he’s ready?
No I’m not going to put my life on hold, but if timing is right… and things work out… I’ll be happy.
Also I only included the big details in our convo. We talked about lots of stuff too. Good stuff too.
Thoughts?!
Agree with @Dopierk i unknowingly strung my ex along basically saying the same stuff he says, but if she went no contact on me i would have got over the stuff real quick. If you don’t go no contact, don’t let him make to the “contacter” (not a word) haha but whatever he is going through that is stopping y’all form being together HE has to deal with, and if he wants you in on that process he needs to actually let you in, not “ill hit you when I’m ready” and “we can talk sometimes” you gotta respect yourself
I know this would sound off to anyone. But he’s honestly not the “game playing” type. I was involved with many guys like that and he isn’t one of them.
I agree tho… he needs to contact.
How come you think it sounds off?
Well i don’t think it is a game he is playing. I def wasn’t trying to play games with my ex either, i kept contact with her because i cared about her and loved her, but i was going through my own situations. Which cause her a lot of “false hope” in a sense waiting on me to get over my stuff on my own timing without a commitment from me really.
Waiting on him is a judgement call you have to make for yourself, just saying it can get pretty lonely and don’t want to see your feelings hurt being told “hang on” with no end date of how long you have to be his support system without actually being with him. Also means he has the right to be with other women, (not that its his goal) but you aren entering the emotional connection again and wires are easily crossed in the situation it looks like you are heading.
I don’t know. Nevermind. I’m in a weird place tonight.
having withdraw?
huh?
in a weird place because of what?
Just having a bad day.
Unrelated… I think I’m going to contact my ex tomorrow for the first time.
Had to contact my ex earlier, my sister is pregnant and my ex gave her a gift awhile back told me to thank her. Just took a screen shot and sent it to my ex but didn’t carry any conversation after that. Not gonna lie though i kind of wanted to haha
Dopierk… sorry about your bday day. I hope you’re feeling better and today is amazing!
I woke up very anxious…
Have you decided what you’re going to say to your ex?
Mosis… did she break up with you or vise versa?
Yeah she broke up with me. What you think? She gave a really positive response, and sent like 3 follow up messages as if she was watching the phone waiting for replies, like 3 text 2-4 minutes apart. Which I didn’t reply to just left it at what my sister said (she is having a baby and my ex was pretty involved)
Like you said every situation is different and if she’s replying to you and carrying on the conversation… why not reply? NC is important however you have to remain approachable and positive. Or else what’s the point?
Thoughts?
eh I guess mainly because it was already late at night and night convos are pretty tough if she falls asleep. But the reply was, “Thanks :)” (2 min later) "Tell her I said good luck and congrats with the baby! " (3 min later) “?”
I figured I would either wait to see if she contacts me first again to get a chase aspect, or just continue to do no contact or (limited I guess in this situation) and see if she reaches out anytime in the next two weeks or so. I’m sure when we are in regular contact again I will have to be the one chasing as far as showing interest on going on dates ect but in the mean time, I’m the only one who would reach out to talk at this point so I’m expecting leaving that hanging alittle will prompt her to want to talk more. But won’t be having any heavy talks if she was to reach out. Brief convos left on positive notes, she was left pretty angry over the break up even though it was her choice so I’m kind of feeling out where she is at I guess. Getting her to reply I don’t think would be a problem but over talking with her (which I tend to do) hasn’t had great results.