You guys are sure about this huh? Just so I make sure I understand.
No contact. Puts me back in control. He’ll still miss me? And eventually start to chase me/realize he misses me again?
Like I wrote in the beginning… he ended things not because of a bad relationship but because he wasn’t/isn’t the right frame of mind.
I almost think answering his calls and THEN going no contact was a great thing to have happened. I made him laugh during those calls. I even sorta turned him on. That’s the last he’ll remember and then really start to miss what we had…
I’ll see how I feel when he reaches out again. The only time I initiated is when he asked me to call him when I got home. When I called he said he was just about to txt me. Doh! Haha.
Ugh guys this has been a whirlwind of a week.
But based on what I told you guys today… do you think it’s in my favor that he’ll come back?
I am 100% certain. This is the best way to get him back. And it’s not no contact forever. It’s just 30 days. After that you can talk to him again. Trust me you feel so much better about yourself after the 30 days. I’m on day 29 and I feel a million times better about everything than I did. I was a doubter before I started this, I thought I could do things my way and make it work. I couldn’t be more wrong. No contact is not just about making him miss you. It’s also about focusing on YOU. Remember you are the most important thing in your life. Yourself is your priority. NC is about healing and about getting happy without your ex. So many people say a break up is like breaking a drug addiction. You need to break your addiction to your ex. It’s going to be really, really hard. You are going to get upset. It will hurt like hell but in the end you will be stronger. You will have a clearer head, you will feel more contact and hopefully you will get him back. Think big picture.
Thats a great ending, but yes he will miss it more if he isn’t getting it form you. I def wasn’t ready for the relationship when i got into it, but because my ex kept pursing me it was only causing more problems because the fact its a lot of emotional thinking when you are chasing him. He will start to only think about the feel good feelings you give him, but not the relationship. You can tell him you need space, but you sound exactly how the relationship was with me after we broke up. There was still phone calls and flirting, we even made out a few times. Then the other side of that comes in, where the “I’m not ready” finds its way back, and then you are back where you started and it will hurt, because you have put a sort of expectation in your head since things have been going well. He can’t miss the relationship if he is still getting it. Which he is, just without the title
i spent basically 30 days not committing to no contact, and now emotionally my ex is more distant, after going through all the up and down phases. It sucks because you start to think “DANG IT IF JUST DID NO CONTACT THIS WHOLE MONTH I WOULD ALREADY BE BACK WORKING ON US AGAIN” but i was chasing the temporary feelings and wondering too much about what my ex thought, or felt i was being mean ect. But you have to do it for you, the same way when you are single and not involved with someone, you aren’t doing stuff to please someone else and that attracts people to you. You just gotta do stuff for you and he will be attracted and want to add to that, but not NEEDING him but allowing him to add to your happiness that you already have on your own grows the love, the real thing
Okay i reached out to me ex, and asked them to remove me from her songs daycare contact list (because seeing him in my email made me really emotional and made me want to contact her all the time) i sent that message and didn’t reply. She was basically done with me before that, but when that happened she saw me doing stuff for myself, and she was wanting to talk again (WIN RIGHT!) no… i feed into that we talk abit, long story short it gets emotional, the casual talk leave and the relationship talk comes up again, and i say stuff about how i care about her and her son still and I’m still motivated to do stuff because of them. She says “I wish you would have said you was doing it for you”
so basically the WHOLE 30 DAYS that i didn’t do no contact, i knew all the things to do to re attract her but i let my emotions get in the way, and everytime i did, she would say something like “I’m glad you messaged me, i was really missing you” and i shoot myself in the foot everytime because she was basically saying every time “What you was doing was working” and by contacting it just keeps messing it up if you don’t have faith in the process
Leave respectfully, don’t leave mean. Just have to say you appreciate the help, but you need time to figure out what you want, you aren’t mad at him or anything and you are okay with the break up but you need some space.
He can’t get mad at that, and if he does its because he is emotional and we react like children who can’t get the candy they are asking for.
if you aren’t contacting him, he will calm down and he will sit and think about you, and what he has done wrong, and what you have done wrong etc, he will go through the same process you are. but you will be on top again because YOU made the decision to put space for YOU and it isn’t about him anymore which will make him want to chase, if you stick to not contacting him
Yes, you have to start over all the way from day 1. It sucks I know, but it’s the most effective way.
My ex has not reached out to me during my current no contact but he is insanely stubborn and prideful. This Is like my fourth attempt at NC, every previous time I’d break on day 5 or day 7 when he contacted me. Don’t do what I did! Don’t let my experience scare you though, your ex might reach out but if he doesn’t it doesn’t mean no contact is not working. He could still miss you and not contact you. Maybe he is stubborn like mine, maybe he will contact you on day 29, who knows.
Maybe my ex doesn’t want me anymore, guess what? His loss. This 30 days has made me feel so much stronger, so empowered. Don’t you want that too? To feel better?
After tomorrow, I’m contacting him by text. I’m a firm believer in doing the things that scare you the most. Leaps of faith and taking chances.
I felt that same feeling, but you are giving HIM emotional independence, which isn’t brining him any closer to you. It is just a sucky reality after the break up. The natural urge is to give it all to this person and show how much you care, but they already know that. It changes nothing for you, honestly. You want to be in a relationship again. I tell myself “I rather not talk to her for 30 days and have her for a life time than be comforted for 30 days and be questioning the rest of my life”
don’t have to be so extreme haha but thats what it is, 30 day is REALLY short in respect to your life and even the year, but it makes all the difference. if you look at it that way you will be good on feeling more confidence in going through it
nooooo i have had to RESTART, which is why I’m pushing so hard to not crack haha, my ex will talk to me after no contact that isn’t a problem or a fear i have. But what I’ve learned from breaking no contact, the past 30 days, she tells me everything that i wanted to know but didn’t have faith in. She was missing me, and i feed her, she wanted to talk, and i talked, etc. Slowly giving her emotional independence. So the process was working, and instead of thinking about the bad feelings she felt “we just had bad timing, i still wanna workout” but contacting off sets all those feelings that bring her back in.
I went over a week without contacting, and she brought up her son to me, and it hit me pretty deep because i love the kid, and even though she says he ask about me all the time it didn’t mean she wanted me to see him etc she was just being emotional. So i feel into a trap and after talking it just made her feel better about herself and feeling on top.
So I’ve had to go to no contact all over again, wasted 30 days not sticking to it, or talking every 4-5 days. But ima be on vacation for 2 weeks so that’ll make it way easier, after being through the process enough i finally accepted, contacting really changes nothing
I’m glad your sticking to it now! Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes, that’s how I learned. I’m very stubborn and I thought that I could get him back in my own way and that as long as we were on speaking terms we could somehow work it out. I was so wrong haha.
but i will say my ex and i have been on “no contact” before.
I left for 3 months and we didn’t talk, i was actually in another relationship and we got over each other. When i came back we became friends again and both of us was in relationships, but after not seeing each other for so long it was fresh feelings, and we feel in love pretty hard again, that time it was really on my terms. This time is basically on hers, so its worked before, it was messed up because we was both in relationships with people that didn’t make us happy and took basically a year for that to end, and it was very emotional during that time. So when we finally dated it was already too much emotional problems that never went away.
Mainly i wasn’t emotionally available but didn’t want to hurt her feelings anymore by not dating her, it did way more harm than good because i never took the time to get over the relationship that i just got out of (her relationship ended 2 months before mine and she was over it)
so hopefully this is the last time “bad timing” gets in the way. Regardless if we get back together or not though, i have learned ALOT, and i know ill be okay.
Just have a plan and STICK TO IT BY ALL MEANS.
will say helping other on the forums helps greatly, you even learn stuff about yourself. So during the time of no contact i encourage to continue helping others with their struggle it will give you strength to stick to it yourself.
My ex is a very forgiving person though and carrying, not very stubborn, so your ex will be a lot tougher to break through, make sure you let us know how the contact goes when you do it!
Oh wow, mosis. You have been through quite the journey with your ex. I commend you for sticking to it. You must really love her. I agree, it has helped to listen to others stories on here and to help others.
I will keep you all posted, it’s not going to be easy with his stubbornness. He also holds grudges and doesn’t get over things easily. So we will see where his head is at in a few days. I think there are also some major things that will need to change if we get a second chance at our relationship. I don’t know, I’ll see what happens in a few days. But I have kind of moved on without really moving on if you know what I mean. I still want him and I still want to see what we could be, but I know I’ll be okay if it doesn’t work. I’m managing my expectations.
Thank you for the support!
Ras217, probably because I have tried everything else and failed. And I know a friend that it worked for. I also follow this relationship expert (I don’t think I’m allowed to link to his site on here) and he talks about tons of success stories. NC is not a cure all. It’s just the first step. But I’m a believer now, it’s crucial. Also, I’m pretty much done with NC, I’m about to be on day 30. And my goal with NC was to not only make my ex miss me but to heal from the heartbreak. I don’t know if he misses me. But I do know how I feel and I feel SO much better.
I wouldn’t focus on his contact with you if I were you, you are going to drive yourself crazy. It’s probably for the best since it takes away the temptation of you answering his call and breaking no contact.
It is hard because you are fresh in it @Ras217 but no contact is super important, there are a lot of benefits, but the main one is so that you don’t get super emotional and mess things up, you have to think with a clear head. Also after no contact your feelings for each other settle in a way. Like i said, i became much close with the recent ex even though we was in relationships because the feelings of being together wasn’t there but we still grew closer to each other, had we not had time apart that wasn’t possible.
Its really tough concept to grab because your emotions are involved, but so many people have done it and aren’t bs’ing you on that. have to have some faith because doing it yourself with no plan and support to keep you logical and focused is tough and can lead you to make emotional and damaging choices
but trust me, it may seem like forever but you will feel better again when the storm cloud clears
because doing it yourself with no plan and support to keep you logical and focused is tough and can lead you to make emotional and damaging choices