Oh man this is hard… you sure about this???
Last time this happened… we saw each other… and knew right away being broken up was ridiculous. Got back together that night.
Well it comes down to what you want, if you do that it builds the attraction to the point his urge to have you back is so strong he can’t help but be the one asking for you back.
That puts you in the position of power, and that isn’t to sound bad about “being in power” because you are the one who is still in love and wants it, so the power is safe in your hands haha
If you got in that situation again, when y’all saw each other and got back together that is just an emotional reaction, there are still things to be worked out so this doesn’t happen again, because when the emotional part runs out those problems still exist and he is liable to hit you with the hurtful “i thought this was right, but i think i still need space and we shouldn’t be together” which makes the whole process of no contact and everything way harder the second go around.
I wouldn’t even tell him you need space. Just disappear. He will wonder what happen and he will start to chase you again. That’s the idea.
I really wouldn’t talk to him again unless he specifically says he wants you to be his girlfriend again. I know it feels good to keep in contact right after a breakup but it really doesn’t help the situation. I tried it just a month ago and trust me it didn’t help. It did more damage. I mean I really dont think you want to fall into an on again off again relationship. He needs to learn that it’s not okay to push you away like that when things get tough, he’s not going to learn that if you are always available to him when he wants you. In order to make him miss you, you have to stop taking to him.
He is prolly over whelmed with emotions right now, and ou are making him feel good still because he is getting that connection with you, but you want him to have that connection with you, and ACTUALLY be with you. He will question his move for the break, and it will put him in a place to kick the bucket on his indecisive feeling of not knowing what to do. The more you look like you are fading the more he appreciates you and the bigger priority you become and thats really where you have to be, its just how men are. But being available is making him comfortable not having to make the tough decision about how he wants you involved in his life
Remember, guys want what they can’t have. They like the chase. They want you when they feel like they are losing you.
@dopierk is right and i think anybody who has been through it knows, it feels good at the start, but it only gets worse as bad feelings and memories arise and you could be locking him into the “oh yeah i remember why i broke up with her, nvm I’m fine” mode and thats hard to come back from, and it makes the no contact period even longer after you make that mistake.
its VERY hard to go cold turkey though and not say anything and feel like you want to message him and explain yourself on why you are doing what you are doing, but putting him at peace does nothing for the results you are hoping you receive
You say “if you do that” you mean “that” as in NC right?
I want him to chase me.
Oh yeah, that as in not answering his call and going cold turkey on him. Its the best way, because it isn’t on his terms and you are doing it for you. When he realizes that you aren’t focused on what he wants anymore his chase begins
Ras217, I know this all sounds absolutely crazy right now, and goes against natural human instincts but it’s really the only way. Please don’t make the mistakes I made. It sounds like you have a really good chance of getting him back. It’s a really good thing that he wants to help you and cares about your dog situation. But he is going to need space to realize that his life is better with you in it. Emotions are high right now, you both need space to think more clearly.
My ex and I had a lot of problems, that majority was not on purpose and bad timing. For me i was emotional and got out of a relationship right before her. In about 2 years us switching relationships with other people we was never just single and available for each other. But even when i was with someone else or she was, i was EXTREMELY attracted to her, and the most time i was attracted to her was when she wasn’t making herself available to me, it made me chase really hard. So when we finally got together or her relationship ended with a guy, and mine ended with a girl she virtually threw herself at me. (no fault of her , its what she wanted and couldn’t help it) but even though I loved her so much, i was not attracted like i used to, we made it all about me (because i was the one fresh off a relationship) and basically there was no chase, i was handed all the benefits without having to make serious decisions on how i wanted her in my life. Now that she took that away I’m back chasing in a way, i started doing all the sweet things and passion i should have already done.
Point of that story is, No matter how much i loved her, i still couldn’t appreciate her because i was emotional, and she was making it okay for me to be that way by making herself overly available. He still loves you, but if he see you getting that independence from him he will chase, if he thinks you will always be there he will be complacent
I agree with everything mosis said. 100%. You have to commit to no contact. You can’t break everytime he calls you or texts you or shows up at your door. Everytime you break no contact it loses its effectiveness too. And it is so much harder to start it all over again. The first few days weeks will be extremely difficult. But it will get easier.
Okay you’re right. I won’t answer his call right away. I’m not sure I want to flat out ignore his call tho. I appreciate him trying to help out with my dog sitch. It wouldn’t be me to just ignore.
How long do I go NC for? Till he says he wants me back?
Also is it bad that I already answered his calls?
Ras217, as you know our situations are very similar. Exes going through job trouble.
The first two weeks of our break up, I didn’t now what no contact was. When we broke up we decided to be friends, bad idea immediately after a breakup. But I also let him string me along. He said he needed time to sort out his feelings. So for a week I didn’t initiate anything but he kept sending me messages “I need more time, I know you must be suffering, I know how hard this is for you” etc etc. we talk that following weekend he tells me “he can’t be in a relationship but can’t lose me in his life” I start pushing for us to hang out and we get in this stupid horrible fight that last two hours. The next day he doesn’t talk to me and I go crazy texting him and finally we talk that night, we decide to be friends again. Long story short, we hang out through the first month, he treats me like his girlfriend but I’m not his girlfriend. I have him all the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship. He shows hot and cold behavior throughout and eventually blows me off after the last time we hung out. You don’t want an on and off situation to happen. You don’t want a FWB situation to happen.
To be honest, it’s bad that you have already answered his calls. But the situation definitely can be salvaged. You just really can’t talk to him anymore. If you ignore him he will hopefully start texting you and calling you like crazy. He will tell you he misses you, he will tell you has been thinking and wants you back in his life.
But if he doesn’t do those things it doesn’t mean no contact is not working. It just means he needs more time. I’d suggest going a full 30 days no contact unless he specifically tells you I want you to be my girlfriend again. Sorry I keep repeating myself but it’s really what I formally believe will help you from my own breakup experience and researching how to get an ex back.
Is there someone else that can help you with the dog situation? I really think you should cease all contact…
The only reason I answered his calls is because of my situation. It’s not like he just contacted me just because.
But if you think I can salvage this and make him miss me I’m willing to do whatever. So just go NC again, simple as that?
I did the same thing @dopierk is explaining. It really hurt my ex feelings being in that position but i didn’t realize how much it sucks to be there.
It doesn’t seem like you to start ignoring him but its A GOOD THING, he broke up with you, if you give him what he used to he will give you what he has always given you.
Also you have to work out the stuff with your dog on your own. My ex has a son, and that was always her way of getting me back involved emotionally when i was doing great with no contact. No telling how long the situation will go on with the dog, and you will keep making the excuses to be involved, because working with the dog gives you that “in a relationship” feeling form the past without being in it.
Its a tough road ahead, the no contact is painful but once again you have to step outside of natural urges and comfort for the long term results, and i think he is in a great position for you to grow is attraction again, you haven’t gone too far and it is never too late to start.
for example, i had to accept the relationship was over with my ex. Then she would text me out the blue " (my son) was asking for you today" because i wasn’t responding to anything else, she hit me with something we still had in common.For me it was her son but For you its the dog. Thats his mutual in right now, you can’t give it to him
Yea, I’d say go no contact simple as that. I mean if you want to send a message before you go no contact and say thanks for the help with my dog or something along those lines you can. But I wouldn’t respond to him anymore or initiate anything.