@JohnJ786 How old is she? She seems immature and like she’s playing mind games with all of you…
She is 21, turning 22 later this year… I dont think she is doing anything out of malice. She was a little closed off with me today. Although I joked and said “I’d kms if we were quarantined together” and she replied by laughing and saying “I think it’d be fun, we’d make jokes about everyone and everything… We’d end up turning evil” or something… kinda strange ngl haha
I feel I am looking too much into this though
She said she still feels anxiety about him and his condition, etc. So I’m not where she is at mentally right now. But she obvioulsy does still like him
Tonight, she “complained” about him again, asking me do I put my dog to bed because her man puts his dog to bed every night and “idk how to feel about it” …
@JohnJ786 How old are you? What does kms mean?
It was a joke, I was saying I’d kill myself (kms) if I had to be quarantined with her (ie teasing her)
I’m 23 in a couple of months
Hi, Im not sure if you are still following this post, but I will give this weeks update anyway
on St. Patrick’s day (tuesday), we were talking and I brought up how last St. Patricks day, we went out with my friends and she was saying that day was so fun and such fun times etc. She also got me to try this new japanese cake and she said it was “jiggly and squishy” and said “reminded me of you” (she would always call me squishy, and say she wants to “squeeze me” - in a cute way) and then said my cheeks are squishy (which they are…)
I then said theres a photo of us from that day that I cant find, but we both look really good and she told me to send it when I found it (I sent it and she agreed we did look very clean)
Wednesday we didnt speak too much, neither did we on Thursday, she seemed to have pulled back quite a bit.
Thursday night, she got more responsive. I was telling her about this hoodie that she hated when I wore it when I was with her, and she said “Remember when you visited me at work wearing ripped sweatpants” and I clarified it was bc I had gone out to do groceries and ran into her that day - so wasn’t prepared and she said “Hahahha I know, it was cute” … She said it was cute that I came to see her at work…? I wasn’t expecting this response but anyway. Later that night, she was venting to me about feeling “Sad and crazy” as she is in the new country, has no friends there, only sees her family, has no money, no car, no social life and feels so trapped - so this drives her to be sad and crazy. As well, the whole pandemic going on gives her a lot of anxiety as James (her boyfriend) has an underlying health condition which would make it very dangerous for him - so she constantly has that anxiety still. But she said sometimes she is happy but falls back into being sad and crazy.
As well as this, she said that she can’t talk about this with James either as he has his own problems and worries to be dealing with right now, but that he is “so supportive and listens” but she feels bad even complaining slightly to him - due to his own health issues and worries right now. Also said she appreciates me for letting her vent etc.
Then yeserday, I had a morning exam so was busy with that, but she texted me a new song called “Hardest to love” - which I dont want to make a huge deal about but the artist in the song talks about how he knows its hard for his girl to let go of him, regardless of how difficult it is to be with him etc. and she randomly sent it to me and said she thinks I will like it… and said she doesnt like that artist much but that song is a “vibe”.
Then later yday, we called again! This time the call lasted 34 minutes! We were both very tired and lazy so there were a lot of silences and dull conversations but we did laugh at some points too. We went to the zoo for our 1-month anniversary in 2018, and I was telling her how we can live-stream the zoo now due to the pandemic and she said “why didn’t we do that back then, why did we pay to go see the animals” … then, I was telling her how i was upset that basketball is cancelled, and I would always tell her about updated when we were together and she said “Why didnt it get cancelled when we were together” as a joke which was funny… but she brought up our old memories twice in that phone call, even subtly, as well as Thursday night, so she is thinking about them a lot… But I am a little annoyed as the overall conversation was kind of boring and lazy. I hope that didn’t put her off. I apologised for sounding dull as I was tired, and she said I didnt at all, and thanked me for talking to her
Before the convo ended, she said James texted her earlier asking what’s up and she said nothing, then he asked whats her sisters up to, and she said “watching a movie” and he texted her while we were calling saying “Go join them I’d say” and she couldn’t stop laughing at that - probably due to the fact that it was a very “simple” and strange/boring reply… she said “what’s wrong with him” in a funny tone while laughing and was saying “I dont mean to say whats wrong with him, hes a nice guy but what the hell” while laughing a lot… then she said she had to go nap and we hung up. But I noticed she didnt really go nap as she was still online lol for a little while lol. But we did talk on the phone, and again it was her asking me to call her!
I’m still sticking with the plan of letting go, and letting her come to me to “get her back” instead of chasing, which I think has worked ever since I switched my mindset last week - I’ve gotten 2 calls and a facetime call too! We would rarely call each other when we were “in love” late last year, probably due to the fact we would text all the time anyway
I apologise this is so long and I’m grateful if you read the whole thing, but I would appreciate if you would give me your opinion on all of this!
Namely, her bringing up our past memories together, calling them cute, calling me on the phone again, etc. and sometimes “complaining” or slightly “making fun” of her man to me
Today we didnt really speak too much… which I expected anyway. She was napping earlier and she has left me on “unopened” now, but I dont doubt she is still speaking to her man, James. Which does hurt I wont lie, but I need to keep reminding myself that its only temporary
@JohnJ786 Seems she’s initiating more which is nice. And you two are on good terms with casual discussions. I don’t know what it all means as she said she has no social life so she might be “talking” with you just vent and knows you will listen and be supportive to whatever she has to say. Bringing up past memories might be a way to keep you interested as her option.
Stay safe…
Yeah the past 2 ish days she has been very unresponsive, has been leaving my messages on “seen” a lot and mainly texting during the night or end of the day. We didnt talk at all today, and she messaged me asking how my day was etc. then asked about something medical related (her boyfriend has an appointment and she is worried or something) but her contact toward me has gone kinda cold as of recent…
She is calling/facetiming her other friends though which is probably taking up most of her time, but I know that she is not so much going out her way to speak to me very much after our phone call 2 days ago…
Kinda strange that she has pulled back so drastically all of a sudden
@JohnJ786 Well, if she’s calling/face-timing other friends it means she’s NOT socially isolated. She has other friends that she can contact and express her thoughts/feelings, and vent…
I guess you never did no contact or even limited contact. Some of your previous casual “conversations” have dragged on and on…
So after she had pulled back last week, it went on for a couple days where we barely spoke, or really only spoke at night
She did her makeup one day to resemble a typical twitch girl or whatever, and kept sending me selfies (bc she thought she looked cute) and asked me “If I was still your gf and I dressed like this what would u do”… today we were talking about someone and she said “If I got with you and I saw you tweeted like him I’d run away” …
Then we actually spoke on the phone on Friday, for about 20 mins, she told me earlier in the day she doesn’t want to call as she is too tired, but later called me bc she said she is too tired to talk to anyone but will talk to me bc she can chill or something. At the end of the convo, she gave the idea of watching netflix together, which we did for about 10 mins after the call ended, she had to get up
She then said we should continue it in the night and I should pick a movie but we ended up not watching anything together as she felt really sick due to cramps etc.
Then the next day (Saturday I think?) she was extremely closed off with me, didn’t messsage me until the night time. She told me she met her new bf’s dad over the phone for about a minute
She also told me during the week that she found him on twitter but isn’t going to follow him, he tweets weird things for someone his age, and is super into gaming and watches all the gaming youtubers etc… he just seems like an overall weird guy so it gives me a little hope lol
But yeah, that is this weeks update. Tomorrow or day after I will try and get her to call again. The convo on friday was very nice, we were laughing a lot and she got excited to watch a movie w me
@JohnJ786 Sounds like you’re getting along well with each other. Good luck.
Hi patricia, would like your thoughts on something
I followed her on her tiktok, but she “removed” my follow and said that it wouldnt look good if her bf ever went to look at her tiktok page and saw her ex (me) was following her… i said okay
Then she was telling me that I’m “the best friend she’s ever had”. “And sometimes im like should we have ever even got romantically involved, bc somehow I feel our friendship is tainted?”
I asked why she thinks its tainted and she said
“Like sometimes I just think to myself im so grateful youre in my life… because you understand me youre always here for me and i feel like nothing we do will ever create a distance between us”
Then I said that we’re close because we got romantically involved and saw more of each other etc and she agreed
then asked me if I had feelings for her still to which I said that shes a nice girl, I like talking to her but I dont know bc I havent seen her in so long, “but I dont think I do” (which I know I do, but playing it cool)
She kinda glossed over it and said that she hasnt seen me in 6 months, but it feels like so much less… she also agreed that all our nice memories from long time ago (last summer, and before) feel like a couple of weeks ago…
Then she asked me to watch a movie with her on Netflix which we ended up doing and just finished!
PS:
Lately, she has been asking me questions like “if i was still your gf…” and we were talking about a guy who tweets weird things on twitter and she said “if i got with you and saw you tweeted like that id run away” …
Then this day 3 years ago, we were hooking up in my room (when we first started dating in 2017), and my friend showed up and it was cut short – I also was in physical pain due to the nature of the intimate things we were doing (sorry if this is tmi)… we always joked about this in a flirtatious way like (remember that 
) and I posted a picture of me and my friend from that day today and she replied to it laughing and saying “omg that was this day 3 years ago??” (referring to when I was in pain bc of us being sexual) and i joked saying “worst day of my life” and she said “oh stop hahahah”
But isnt that a little inappropriate to be joking about with your ex while you have a bf?
Sometime last week, I also joked about how she always takes good photos of me, and she said I’m easy to take photos of bc I’m goodlooking… as well on Friday we called and she said she wasn’t bothered calling anyone else but she would talk to me as we could just chill on the phone… I think all of these things seem a little inappropriate to be doing while IN a relationship…
She also said that her sisters really like me, and always say so as well. Then said that her sisters dont really like the new boyfriend… which was funny to me but at least i have some soldiers on the field lol
But anyway, I am half hoping that she realises slowly that she does like me still (due to the whole “you understand me, youre there for me, nothing can cause distance, youre my best friend” thing, i feel thats such a pure starting ground for a relationship and love, and imo, your s/o should be your best friend who you can say anything to, which I am for her…
Let me know what you think. Am i on the right track?
@JohnJ786 You missed an opportunity when she asked if you still have feelings for her! You should have said yes… The truth is better than playing mind games (playing it cool). She might be ‘testing the waters’ so to speak, maybe because she doesn’t want to be the first one to say she still has romantic feelings about you OR she might be using you as a backup plan in case it doesn’t work out with him in the long run…
Are you the one who brought up the subject of the hook up day again? I don’t know if it’s inappropriate of her to be joking about it with you, but it is funny.
She contacts you and gives you compliments, but she’s still “with” James who she says is sweet and kind. It seems she doesn’t know how to set boundaries. She flirts with you while being involved with another man.
We actually ended up watching a movie together that night… was very nice
Maybe a night or two later she thanked me for making her feel wanted ie I wanted her around
She also said “you’re the best at making me happy”
I told her one night a few nights ago how much I appreciate her and she said I make her feel really good and nice… and that no one has appreciated her more than I do. She started crying so much when I said this to her… I feel like that might be a sign of feelings? Idk
The next few days, it has been very quiet with her… 2 days ago she was complaining how her man got mad at her for not liking a show that he loves… stupid argument and kinda childish of him. Then she was saying she felt weird as she thinks he might be bi (growing up in a conservative household, it was new to her thus made her feel a little weird - but she is okay with it)
She was also venting to me about how she knows when she tells her parents about him, that it’s gonna create a huge dent in her parents relationship with her. She said she plans on doing it after 2 years, but said “if it even lasts that long lol” which was strange to me that she doubted it for a second
Yesterday, I sent her a video of me yawning and stretching in bed and she “replayed” it and “liked” the video, and called me “a big baby” - all things she’d do when she liked me
However, us talking at night is kinda over now, we barely talk anymore. It’s kinda hard… 
since April started she has been kinda distant with me
Last week, start of April, I went back and told her I think I do have feelings for her - but that’s it’s okay and I’m not hurting etc.
Maybe that is why she’s closed off with me more but everything I mentioned (apart from the movie thing) happened after I told her I liked her still
But I am feeling a little sad about things… she told me earlier that she FaceTimed him and met his brother… made me feel a bit strange still that she likes him that much as to FaceTime him and stuff all the time… I was reading over our old texts of when she’d tell me I’m the one for her etc and that she so sure etc and I just got sad comparing it to where we are today… going to take some space and ignore her for a couple days
I forgot to include, she was jokingly saying to me the other day “remember the night at the hotel… well I think I’m pregnant” … “remember we held hands” (we got very intimate that night we spent at a hotel a couple days before she left - when she told me she loved me again)
It was a joke She was making that she got pregnant because we held hands… but she said it quite randomly so she was thinking about that night…
@JohnJ786 This keeps dragging on and on with casual conversations and some statements by her that almost seem as though she’s flirting, but with nothing substantial said as to what it all means. It’s almost as if you’re the “friend” she can vent to… You might consider no contact for awhile so she could start to understand what life would be without you. And it still seems as if she considers you an option in case things don’t work out with James. At any rate, I guess you will know more in August.
So not much happened since the last message, not sure if I mentioned but her and her man had a fight for like an hour bc he was mad she didn’t like his favourite show
Then a couple days later told me he made a YouTube video about a certain artist, explaining why he likes him but it was a very strange long video and she said she doesn’t know how to feel about it
But! Yesterday! She was upset about the current news etc and I comforted her, then she sent a voice message basically saying:
“Idk if it’s weird or if it’s even right for me to say this to u since I have a boyfriend or whatever tf, but you bring me so much comfort, like you’re the only person who brings me so much comfort. Whenever I feel sad I think how much comfort you bring me and any time I feel like my life is just sh*t I think that I have you as a friend and I honestly feel so so much better”
Although she said the “as a friend” thing, she acknowledged that saying this to me may not be right as she has a bf, so she may have meant it in a “more than friends” manner …
And today! I replied to her story of a selfie of her calling her pretty and she actually laughed, playfully said thank you and called me pretty back! Then, we FaceTimed for 45 mins! I even talked to her sisters and we were talking and laughing and smiling the whole time it was really nice. Then afterwards she initiated convo with me again, thanking me for calling her and saying she laughed so much
Then she initiated convo again and I didn’t reply till later in the night and we talked for a few hours. She was jokingly going through my old embarrassing Facebook posts and teasing me about them and laughing so much. It was really nice
Idk, but I just have this gut feeling shes starting to get some kinda feelings back for me… it doesn’t seem like her and her bf are speaking a bunch as they would before as she’s speaking to me a lot these days…
What do you think of these new updates? What’s your thoughts?
@JohnJ786 Sounds like more of the same sort of banter to me. Good luck…
You dont think her saying any of these things:
ie
“Idk if it’s weird or if it’s even right for me to say this to u since I have a boyfriend or whatever tf, but you bring me so much comfort, like you’re the only person who brings me so much comfort. Whenever I feel sad I think how much comfort you bring me and any time I feel like my life is just sh*t I think that I have you as a friend and I honestly feel so so much better”
Means anything? All of my friends are saying that no one says stuff like that to an ex… especially when you have a boyfriend… I insist to them that she says we’re only friends but they keep telling me she sees me as more. Shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one who makes her feel this way? She used to mention him everyday but she doesnt really mention him much anymore …
@JohnJ786 She has been giving you compliments all along… it’s more of the same sort of banter, just different words.
“Like sometimes I just think to myself im so grateful youre in my life… because you understand me youre always here for me and i feel like nothing we do will ever create a distance between us”
“you understand me, youre there for me, nothing can cause distance, youre my best friend”
She also said James is “so supportive and listens”.
Until or unless she breaks up with James, you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t know why you continue to dissect and analyze her every word looking for signs/hope that she wants you more than James. I suggest if you want to continue friendly casual conversations, do it. But maybe nothing definitive will be known until August…
So not too much has happened since I last posted. Things got dry between us and she got a little unresponsive. One day 2 weeks ago, I was upset about something and she reminded me that I’m the only person who brings her comfort and calms her down, and she means it. Things were cool. We also watched a couple of episodes of a show she wanted to show me.
We had a small “argument” about her wanting space or something a few days ago - I wasnt in the wrong and she realised this and apologised profusely. The next day I woke up to a huge apology from her and I accepted it. The rest of the day, she was very sweet with me, for example:
-
I posted a pic on Instagram, one she took of me back when we would hang out in 2018 before we got together, and she replied to it saying “heyy this day was so fun. We should do it again for old times sake” … That day we went suit shopping, to a museum and had lunch and coffee after, it was so nice. She said the museum trip was short but she enjoyed the company (me). I said I always have a great time with her and she said “I could say the same”
-
Later on, I asked her if she’s free to watch a movie with me later, and she liked my message and said yes she is, we chose a movie and planned to watch it but rescheduled for the next day
-
The next day, we ended up not watching it as she was genuinely too tired and thats okay. Although, later in the night, she talked to me about something. She told me that she feels guilty sometimes for talking to me, because her boyfriend knows we’re friends and we talk, but he doesn’t know we’re good friends and that we talk as much as we do. She said she talks to me more than she talks to her boyfriend. I reassured her its cool and no big deal. She said her bf is cool with us being friends, but he doesnt know that we watch movies together and talk as much as we do…
-
She has been decreasingly responsive to me ever since that day she was being super sweet after our “argument” which she fessed up to. Today, she was saying that her bf asked her to marry him over facetime… I was shocked… later she revealed it was a joke and she’s messing with me… I’m a little confused as to why she would do this kinda joking with me? A few days ago she also “joked” that her bf was talking to other girls on Tinder and that she was hurt… Why jokes about him specifically… We facetimed for 2 mins then earlier today and just waved at each other but she had to hang up as her mother walked into the room
-
I also learned that her best friend despises her boyfriend James. She told me months ago that her sisters aren’t too fond of him either. All of her friends like me a lot so I think that’s a plus in my column lol
I feel she is slowly and slowly warming up to me… She recognises that talking to me as much as she does is probably not right since she’s in a relationship with her new bf, but she still wants to do that, she still wants to watch movies with me and still wants to call me and stuff.
I think the “I talk to you more than I talk to him” thing is significant as It shows her and her bf don’t spend too much time “connecting” if that makes sense, especially while being long-distance, texting is important to keep that love alive. And I know the more she speaks to me, the more she becomes drawn to me as well.
In 2018, a couple days before her thing with the guy back then ended, she said the same thing, that she feels bad me and her talk more than she does with the guy she’s dating…
But the thing is, she doesn’t feel guilty or bad for texting me, she enjoys talking to me, but she feels bad as she’s worried how it might make her bf feel.
That’s all the updates for now. Currently I’m trying to get her to watch the movie we planned on watching together, and hopefully will get her on a facetime call pretty soon!