Dropping in before I sleep.
Hang in there! It does get better.
Kiwi. Can you move to where family is?
Please take everyone else’s advice and speak to someone, it DOES help! Cry, vent, scream, do whatever makes you feel better at that moment. I know it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel but there will be one day!
@Maria Thank you so much for your words, I know you’re right. My ex did tell me that he didn’t know what to expect from me in the future and that he didn’t believe I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. So at this point, he’s set his mind on us not working together. I’m doing NC and focusing on myself to become a better person who learns from her mistakes not just for his sake but for my own. Maybe some day he’ll see that…
@LAbound yes I can go back to my parents - but apart from the pros (being close to my parents /I don’t have other family/, close to some friends, having my dog with me, it is my homecity etc.) there are cons - I would be geographically close to her and might see her or her parents sometimes, everything there reminds me of her, I would be tempted all the time. The other thing is I feel like I’ve lost everything - my fiancee + my dog (is with her) + my home (we lived in her flat) + work (contact with my clients as I was a freelancer).
I might get my clients and work back but can not afford to get a flat at this moment. And overall economical situation in my country is not promising.
And going back would be a shame for me - like I couldn’t make it here. But the reason is the breakup because apart from that I was doing fine. It is so f.cked up. I am so helpless I want to cry.
Did you follow my story LAbound? It is all crazy. She is crazy 
All that with her ‘new relationship’ - it is all insane and she doesn’t listen to anyone.
Right now I am totally depressed again and see no future for me. I can not find energy to work on myself - I just work - eat - sleep. And I try not to do anything stupid - still have my parents to live for.
Kiwi, ive followed it a bit.
My thing is not concentrating on the ex. If you go back, which I think you should so you arent alone, you can work to redefine and place new meaning on everything there. I plan to move back to my ex’s city. Everything will hold a meaning related to my ex at the start… but I plan on making it my city. My place of adventure. I plan to create my life and group of friends. But im way ahead of you… but you will get to that point.
It’s rough, but it cant get better until you work to make it better. Anytime you dont feel like doing something. …get up and do it anyway. For me, I didnt get better until I surrounded myself with family members that werent dysfunctional, friends that never told me fuck my ex and get over it but just listened and loved me, and I got up no matter what and did everything I didnt feel like doing. Whether just showering or getting out of the house to sit at a cafe and read. I felt like dying and just laying in bed. Instead I cried and forced myself up. You have to love yourself more than you love your ex.
@LAbound thanks. I’m trying hard to keep myself going. The weekends are the hardest but I do everything to keep my mind occupied. It is not even that I think of my ex (as a person) - I just miss my ‘old’ life and everything we had together. I am here because we wanted to build our future here. I am here for us. And I am left totally alone. I know - I don’t love myself - I was doing everything for her. I know it is bad but how to fix this, how to feel good to be alone? I don’t know if I can make it without help from the outside- I’m getting weak.
I agree kiwi and LA. A lot of the time it is hard to get out and do anything. I guess I was in worse shape before this point I laid in bed literally all day and wouldn’t eat and just slept. It was a living hell. Now I still feel bad but I’m active and interacting with people so basically just pretending. I still feel suicidal as I mentioned before. I am setting up an appointment to get prof help. I’m just so sick of this shit. I mean why did this have to happen? Why did he have to break me down like this? He ruined me. I obviously want him back but how in the hell am I supposed to do that when he’s an ocean away? I feel so helpless. And I’m angry. My ex never even dreamed about working abroad at this point!! But out of the blue some asshole offered him this job…he was supposed to stay in the same city as me!! But no this motherfucker went and ruined everything. I don’t want to be myself anymore, I don’t like who I’ve become. I hate couples and I’m bitter about everything. I’ve lost hope that my ex will ever want me back which is sad bc I was nothing but good to him. Does he want to be treated like shit? I have no idea.
I honestly can’t live like this. I don’t want to be myself anymore!! I hate myself. So what’s the point?
@Ly88 believe me that I still can not imagine how could my ex go the way she went… We had a long (13 years, 9 years living tohether) and compatibile relationship. We were family. You are not alone in this and with your questions “why”. And there are many others with their stories - more or less f.ked up. Yes it is all unfair so f.king unfair…
Ly88 can you talk to someone around? When I feel really bad I skype my parents or txt my friend - he tries to distract my thoughts.
Well all my friends and parents are sick of talking to me… And they don’t understand what I’m going through
It sounds silly, but have you read up on LOA, and on trying to raise your vibration ?
Remember, the universe is beautiful, and we are all the universe.
You nailed it with “missing your old life” more than just missing your ex. I think all of us here are going thru the same and that’s why it’s been so hard for us… So many things in our lives were in one way or another connected to our exes that we feel like the ground that we stood on has been pulled from under our feet. It’s especially complicated when moving to another country/city or something drastic like that was involved. Unfortunately, we have nobody else to blame but ourselves for putting ourselves in that situation and building our lives around our exes. I mean I know it’s very unfair but it’s true. Even if your ex was the one who wanted you to move for/with her, do you think she would take the responsibility for it now? I kinda doubt it… It was your decision (of course influenced by your love for her) so you gotta put up with the consequences now. Sucks, I know. I was planning to move to my ex’s country too to be with him but now I’m almost happy it didn’t happen. Can’t imagine where I would go if we broke up since we would be living in HIS house to which I would have no legal rights and would have to move out of. I have friends there too and have lived there before but still it would have been devastating for me. Perhaps this is a lesson to learn for future relationships. You have to have a plan B no matter how happy you are in your relationship cuz shit just happens… In your moments of bliss you think you’ll be together forever but you can never know the future.
@ly88
Stop asking yourself why it happened, it will only make things worse. I almost drove myself crazy with that question and didn’t get any close to figuring out the answer. You will never fully understand somebody else’s intentions even if you think you know that person well. And anyway, will knowing why make you feel better? Will it bring your ex back? It may give you some closure but I don’t think it’s worth driving yourself crazy to find out.
Oh my, I realized now I may have sounded a bit too cruel and bitter in my previous post. Sorry for that everyone, I know we’re all looking for support and understanding here but I guess I’m at the point where I feel like just finally facing the harsh reality. No hope left and only disappointment…
@divinegirl you are right so don’t be sorry. I think people here focus more on getting their ex back (well that’s the name of the site…) but I think we should focus on ourselves now. I have a problem with that because for years I was giving her everything - but that made me happy and thought that is the way. But I got lost somewhere.
And I know what happened and why - I got the explanation - but it didn’t make me feel better. And it didn’t stop me from thinking “how could SHE?”.
So as you say there is no point in trying to figure out the answers “why”.
I think most of us here are probably the same: we’re the happiest when making other people happy. It’s just very hard not to lose yourself in the process cuz ironically that is what often pushes our loved ones away.
I just started reading Eat, Pray, Love and a lot of it resonates with some of my experiences. I recommend it for anyone who’s doing soul searching and trying to find that balance in life…
I’ve wondered how much of those “explanations” we all got was actually true. Cuz you do ask yourself “how could s/he come to that?”
@divinegirl I think that explanations does not even matter - as long as you know that you were fair or you are aware of any “defects” yourself. It’s the other person decision, their life.
As for my case I am not a bad person and I treated my fiancee with love, care and respect. I also know that some things in me could be better (I want to and have to fix it - for myself) but I do not agree that in overall I deserved to be treated and dumped this way. And I still CAN NOT believe that SHE could act this way. It hurts even more because she didn’t listen to my logical arguments and it all happened in the major pivotal point in my/our lives. It all doesn’t make any sense.
I do not believe in anything anymore…
You will go thru an incredible transformation and you will believe again 
Unfortunately, logic usually has little to do with such decisions.
I’m sure you gave it all to your ex but maybe she just didn’t know how to receive it. In Kabbala, there’s a belief that men and women are vessels for light and love and must know both to give and receive it. Once that balance is off, it’s over. You will learn that and apply it to your life wisely, I’m sure.
I too don’t think I deserved to be dumped on whatsapp and Skype and not even get a chance to say proper goodbye. But who am I to judge, like you said it’s his life. He’s going to live with this choice and your ex with hers.
@kiwi I too feel like nothing can be understood even though they may have given us reasons. My ex gave a bunch of bullshit reasons and kept changing his story, which has led me to believe that he just needed to work on himself and didn’t want to admit it to me. He wanted to focus on his new career without interference. This job of his made him move across the world.
I just want him to realize what he has lost and I think he has been too busy to process everything… I don’t know why he wouldn’t want me back. I was nothing but good to him, we had fun together, we understood each other. True love is hard to find!! You may go on and never really find the right person. It is not as easy as everyone thinks… I understand what we had was amazing so why cant he? I keep hoping that if I give him more time to get used to his job…being in a new country…etc. he will come back on his own. I;m trying to make it to march without contacting him and its proving incredibly hard for me… I just wish I could send him a love letter… telling him how I really feel… but I cant because it will push him away right? What are we supposed to do if we reinitiate contact and our ex never makes a move to get back with us? what then? Im so terrified he wont…and then ill say something about it and lose him forever.
@divinegirl yeah I don’t think have the time our exs really thought about it… they make rash decisions in the moment. And my ex dumped me over the phone… the first time. and was really mean about it. Then when I saw him later in person he got back with me for like a week before ending it over the phone again… what gives? I also wondering if this killed my chances of getting him back… Im going crazy. I just wish this nightmare would end. I need him in my life. I did nothing wrong to him and we were madly in love to the very end. If distance is what broke us apart can it be recovered??
I really do want to go talk to a therapist about this but I’m having issues with insurance so I don’t know when Ill be able to do this. I feel like my mental health is deteriorating everyday. I really do feel like I’m going insane. Part of me thinks I can never get my ex back… and yet I don’t want to give up. I really don’t know what to do here. I spent all night crying when I should have been writing a paper. And I wonder if my ex is just completely over me… its just devastating. Im so lost. again