LY88,
I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this.
If you don’t have insurance you should still be able to find other resources where you can get help. I would start by calling a suicide hotline, in addition to talking to you, they should be able to give you some resources in your area where you can go for counseling.
I would also google support groups in your area, I went to a few and they were definitely helpful, sometimes even more than going to a therapist.
Also you said you are in school? I would check with them as well.
As daunting as it sounds, please take the time to seek the help you need. It will be helpful for you.
As far as your feelings, all those are normal. You just need to let yourself process them, and whatever happens, you will know what to do. Those decisions just come to us.
Keep posting on here, that also should help.