And yeah I just read the rest and I know my situation is different than the norm for example the social media part of it… It actually is completely unrelated to the break up so it has nothing to add. Wig that being said that’s also why this feels the same as before bc nothing has really changed at all in terms of me being blocked etc…
Also I wasn’t justifying my behaviors with my anxiety rather I was reflecting back on them and realizing that’s what caused it.
And how I’m a little irked by the social media comment and I don’t really know why… I just know it doesn’t apply bc I was never unblocked from somethin I did early on about a year ago
And it’s hard to stop thinking of him as my baby bc that’s what he still is to me and always will be. And last time he broke up I clearly was still that to him so that’s anxiety provoking bc idk what this situation is.
Also we wouldn’t break up and get back together we would threaten break ups or assume we were broken up like fighting. This is only our second break up if that makes sense and I prob could have gotten him back last week had I really tried but I am trying to do the best for us both . It’s just annoying bc the Facebook thing literally says nothing the reason we weren’t friends is a long story he and I know that was best for us
I get what you are saying about the social media accounts. But the thing is that your ex still hasn’t contacted you right? Regardless of whether you were blocked on his social media accounts, he still hasn’t reached out. That right there speaks volumes. Do you honestly think that if you reached out today, he would reply?
Did you always give him ultimatums? Those are like the kiss of death to a relationship. When you give an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to mean what you say because the other person will take it seriously.
I have a question the first time you broke up was that preceded by the same silent treatment as this time? I.e like now he was not in contact for almost was it ten days? Did that happen the first time as well?
@dragongirl
Yeah I mean last time he took a while too bc we both needed space so we waited to contact each other. I’m not sure if I would get a reply but I guess it doesn’t help me thinking about it as I know we need space. I also gave ultimatums at the start of our relationship before but I stopped this time around bc I knew it caused him to do the same and hurt us both!! I just am trying to go all the 30 days and truth is no one knows how this will turn out or what he is thinking: I did give an ultimatum recently though last Friday when I said I wouldn’t ever talk to him again -.- but I stopped that
@finntoga yes and no. Right before the break up he had ignored the night before bc I blew him up and other times that he threatened break ups would be when he was ignoring as well we had gotten in such an unhealthy pattern it is hard to tell bc I have examples for both events
I have to say that I agree with Dragon girl about the part of when boy breaks up with you assume it is over even though in every part of your body you dont want to believe it is permanent. The thing is he said that is what he wants right now. That could change or then again notin future ,none of us know but if you keep thinking I can get him back you are not doing any favors for yourself at this time . He has not contacted you because right now he does not want to. That doe snot mean he has totally forgotten you or does not have feelings for you but right now the negative tendencies in your relationship are way too much for him. You should always first deal with your own hurt, pain, sadness and issues that you get to be strong and independent. and only then look at entering a relationship otherwise you will only drag all the old issues to new relationship.So NC and getting you to strong place first then reach out to him once to see if he is okay and wants to meet and if he does not respond to you positively respect that and leave him alone and move on. If he wants to try again great. If he only wants friendship then you have a decision to make.
I believe becoming strong independent and self confident are achievable goals for you and it is good that you have the first part right that you want to try and work on yourself.
Now you seem to get slightly defensive on some of our comments.We are simply giving you our honest opinion based on what you have told us,our experience in our own relationships and our life experience and it comes of a place where we only want to support you and we dont caim to have all the answers here : ). You will not like all of the things we will say. You already have one successful achievement here going for you, you are following your food plan yay, second thing is to stop this social media thing where you check things and I believe you are close to resolving that, third is starting to do things with other people and just enjoying one moment at the time instead of resorting to thoughts to way too far ahead in future or worse past. And number four is to stop constantly thinking does he love you, will he come back to you etc because that is only holding you back from healing.
It is really great that you put that new dress on : ) Remember anything like that is good.
One thing that stuck to my head in your response to Cantsum was that when you say your only issue in your relationship was your bombarding him messages but that is not really true is it?You said yourself that he did not like to share or ask for support, you were clingy and obsessive and anytime when people cannot argue without throwing in a threat like I will leave you if you dont do this etc it means the foundation of the relationship is not very solid and the two participants aren’t really behaving like communicating mature adults it is about control and having it the way you want it. Like I have said before this control seems to be issue for both of you whereas the only thing to control is yourself, your behaviour, impulses, anxiety and thoughts when you try to exert the control to another person it will never lead to a positive outcome. We have talked about this before and once you start facing your most irrational fears instead of trying to compare it to what happened previously and accept that all of it a possibility but you are in control of yourself and therefore regardless will you get back together or not it means you will be better off in all your other relationships (friendships,family) and in any future relationship. So instead of thinking will he wait for me or is it truly over think of this way what ever will happen in future the positives you learnt from this one is how to improve yourself, work on your issues and not resort to negative pattern when things that you dont like happen… All relationships are learning experiences and a chance to improve if we only let that happen. You have already taken a good step forward keep doing that.
Hi @finntoga,
Yeah you have a lot of good points. As far as the ultimatum and break up threats go, that was what happened before we broke up in October. When we got back together we had both done a way better job of not doing those! I unfortunately had started that when we first got together almost a year ago bc I wanted him to fight for me to prove he cared when I was upset -.- not healthy I know and we both did learn from it
And yeah you are right I did get a little defensive and I know everyone is just trying to help. I wish I knew if he is planning on coming back and it is the same thing as last time where he needs space or if he is completely moving on but also you’re right dwelling on that and thinking of that over and over again doesn’t help me!
I am on day 6 of nc and really struggling. I miss him a lot and I hate feeling completely powerless in situations. My heart is telling me he will come back if he loves me like he stated and my head is saying that regardless I need to act as if it is over for now regardless of the future so you and dragon girl both have good advice with that 
thank you for reading all of my thoughts it really helps
And yeah we both need time and space away from the negative patterns and behaviors we both had. I remember him saying like a little over a month ago that we were not working properly together (he texted it) and then he did not want to speak in person bc he was not in the mood for talking. I feel like he broke up bc we were at an unhealthy spot and I agree we were. I just want to know what he really wants in the future bc I so cannot be his friend and we have never been friends normally like when we were friends before he was in love with me so ugh how is that a good idea -.- but here I am thinking ahead again!
I guess my reality is
Right now We are broken up
I know he was upset
I know I am anxious
I know regardless of outcome I need to work on myself
Right now we are not speaking
And I guess that is all I know… Just what is happening in this moment it’s just hard to stick with that and not let my mind wander when I want to fix this immediately
I don’t know why but I just felt really proud of you when I read that : ). You are smart and you can get the control of yourself so feel super great about that, it is something to be proud off. Of course you will miss him and want to know those answers but you cannot right now so that is that. I am just so pleased that even in last couple of days your thought process already shows a change and that is great to see. Hard it will be but so worth in the end to stick with the NC and just get on with your life.Wanting to fix things immediately is something I do as well a lot and sometimes I get these things thrown at me by life at me to show me that sometimes it just takes time. I am very result orientated person so that is why I always try to find the solution and fix things fast too : ) Good thing at times and sometimes I should just take step back so I know what you mean.
Thanks that made me feel really good. I’m on fb looking at my old messages with him before we weren’t friends and it just made me sad. I just miss him.
And yeah that’s exactly how I am I am outcome oriented and I like to get things done and fix things right away!
And I guess I should be proud of myself for doing 6 days nc because I didn’t really find that feasible a week ago. As much as I want to talk to him now, I know I would have a better chance getting him back if he were LESS mad at me.
I am afraid of him moving on thinking we are not good for each other and I want him back. Last time he wanted me back too and never told me that and I have no clue about this time. I’m feeling pretty anxious and I also wonder about his phone still. I don’t think it has service on due to the fact he hasn’t been on ig hardly at all… Not like I should be looking lol.
One of my coworkers was not very helpful this week though. She is older than me and said I’m still young and if he loved me he would not have broken up with me… That hurt my feelings. I said if he loves me he will come back.
I know we have tons of work to do on ourselves and he had said that before too and I guess we will see what he ends up wanting it really just depends on if he came make changes himself and believe in us.
I also need to let go of my jealousy and my want for his attention .
I just became needy bc I was scared of him forgetting me or never talking to me again etc and then when he rudely did not tell me when his phone would be off that upset me further and I can’t help but thinking what would have happened had I not emailed his work AND I know thinking that does not help me.it is incredibly hard for me to focus on the here and now 
I always think about the past or future
Ugh again feeling a ball of anxiety wondering what he is really thinking and if he still loves me and if he will come back …
How he broke up made me feel he doesn’t love me or care at all 
Also I was threatened by his coworker bc she is mexican and so is my ex. I am white, blonde hair blue green eyes, the whitest they come hah. And when his bro saw my picture he made a comment to my ex like ew she’s white!? and I never really got over it so I was threatened by his coworker who is the same ethnicity as him also bc he usually does not go for white girls it was just me it just hit my insecurity hard
Ugh I’m like really fighting the urge to try and call and see if his phone is working im not going to but I want to say I love him etc
You seem to care too much what other people think or say. So what if his colleague and brother said that? To me it sounds really immature to make comments like that. In general if I dont like my friends partner/bf/husband like for example I totally disliked my best friends ex husband I kept it to myself. I was always respectful and polite and did not make comments to my friend because frankly it is not my business. If that is someones choice right or wrong it is their choice to make comments about peoples ethnicity or religion sounds discriminating to me and tells me more about those people than anything else. My sisters first boyfriend was awful too,I could see last six months of their two year relationship she was so unhappy but I said nothing until he called me once drunk to say he is thinking of proposing to her (he had not told her) and I said over my dead body. And then I said to my sister what I thought but and left her to decide does she want to spend time with the kind of guy he was and she did not. My point with all this is stop just stop thinking about what people say. Some will be negative because frankly the relationship you had was really dysfunctional but if he is a man at all he makes his own decisions of what he wants just like you and the thing you need to work on is controlling the anxiety because at times you seem yo use it like a crutch for you, because you miss him and feel sad the anxiety gives you excuse to swallow on the negative things and keep the cycle and it is time you throw the crutch away and work on those thoughts that when they come you go no I am not going there. It is hard but it is up to you how you deal with these things cos you are in control of you. Keep up the good work with nc: ). Just to let you know I am going away this weekend and will not have pc after this morning so I wish you good weekend. Make sure you get out of the house and out and about a bit .
Give him sometime. Dont text or email as you mentioned you will do the 30 day NC…
Just dont think if anything negative or dont think of different scenarios that may happen because noone actually knows what will happen…
I can see how special he was to you but please remember he is not the only guy on earth…
Sometimes its just better to let things to time. Being patient is not easy. I know it. But you have to be strong. Regardless of if he will come back or not you should move on with your life. Try to make urself happy.
I wish i could answer to you if he will return or not, but i really dont know. I am asking the same question to myself. And uncertainty creates devastation. The best way i cope with it is that i try not to think about it and keep myself busy…
@finntoga
You are exactly right!! I totally care way too much what people think. I dont know if his colleague said that or not but i was intimidated by her due to his brother’s comment. And my ex didn’t care about that I don’t think although sometimes i feel insecure because what if that is actually important to him… Although we would talk about getting married and our wedding and such… so I think he was serious about me. I’m just so disappointed we fell back so far. We had become dysfunctional, you’re right. In person we were great but not outside of that! For four months we were doing much better though, then we fell wayyyyyyyy back and I can’t help but blame myself.
I know what you mean about the story with your sister. I’m glad you did say something! But you voiced your concern non judgmentally which I think is the key
Yeah I do need to work on my anxiety. I’m in treatment for it and also on medication. I know that I use it as a crutch but not on purpose… like I don’t use it as an excuse it is just something I fall to. By that I mean I turn to my anxiety (not consciously) and let it control me! I start thinking “what if?” “will he come back?” “what is he thinking?” Trying to analyze everything and I make it worse. And thanks for that Today is day 7 NC and I’m annoyed he has said nothing and I also am glad I did not try to call to see if his phone was back on last night
But my anxiety totally does keep me in the same cycle and sometimes I feel so controlld by it I hope you have a good weekend as well!
@jasminka86
Thanks so much for your comment. It is hard for me to not think of different scenarios…especially with so much past date… and also I know you are right! No one knows what will actually happen! So I need to stop doing so. Do you have any advice!
Yeah he is really special to me but you are right he is not the only guy on earth. We had a really strong friendship bond and then great romantic chemistry and in person were great and it’s just hard for me to want anyone else or even think of tht right now.
Yeah, being patient is so difficult! It’s so hard for me to be strong and not wonder what will happen. How do I move on and try to make myself happy? I can’t stop thinking of him so any advice could be useful
You are so right about uncertainty. It just makes it all worse! Thank you so much for your comment it really helped me I’ll try and respond to your situation as well
And even when busy I still see things reminding me of him 
ugh.
I’m also struggling again this morning. Day 7 of no contAct for me. I don’t think his phone is back on yet either because he hasn’t been on Instagram but i can’t know for sure unless I call it ugh and I can’t call it!
And then I freak out thinking if his phone is still out would he just have kept ignoring me and not broken up!!??
He also hasn’t been on Instagram so idk where he is