@brokenhearted123 … You’ve been advised the calm, considerate way by us all over the last few weeks. Now it’s time for the straight to your face, blunt truth.
You’re behaving obsessively; it’s not healthy, and it’s definitely not helping you get your ex back - at all.
You haven’t been working on yourself, you haven’t been questioning your relationship with him, you haven’t been giving yourself or him any time whatsoever … You’re pretty much ruining any of your chances.
You HAVE to go No Contact and MEAN it.
Whatever happened then is NOT going to happen this time. I can promise you that.
@Cantsum
But that’s the thing. With us it is always a big circle and I’m pretty certain I could get him back like I have before in the unhealthy way… and right now a part of me wants to prove you wrong. The only time we did the space thing was in October when he was angrier I t hink than this last break up and he got angrier the more I texted… I just do feel it could still work AND i know that it isn’t necessarily healthy or good for us if I just continue the cycle… Although I still want to prove you wrong because I know I’m right…my unhealthy way could work short term at least…but I want long term. Hence me expressing my angst instead of bottling it inside or falling into my eating disorder. (something I would have done before!)
And I am working on myself…the other two could tell. But working on yourself is not always up hill climbing! Yes I’m obsessing because he’s the love of my life and I’m trying to get my anger and frustration out there without me contacting him and I really want to know the truth.
And @cantsum
How would I be ruining my chances when I have not spoken to him or interacted with him in any way for 5 days… as far as he knows I fell off the face of the Earth after my email on Saturday… maybe you had misread my comments though, I know I wrote a lot.
And I have been questioning and reflecting on the relationship… that’s why I am not doing my old way of getting him back by “convincing” him and trying to make it better… I realize that kept us in our cycle.
I just would like a little more credit where credit is due… yes I am still overly anxious AND also I haven’t contacted him in any shape or form and am letting my wise mind overrule my emotion mind as far as actions go… thoughts come after actions 
@cantsum
And I’d just like it if you recognized he is getting time… he doesn’t know I’m flipping out. I’m working through that without him. I didn’t contact him idk if you thought I did, but I’m stubborn, I stay strong. This sucks but I am not breaking.
Smh I accidentally subscribed to his school thinking it meant something else -.- so then I unsubscribed but idk if that gives a notification bc idk how like pages that aren’t personal pages work so I deactivated just in case bc I do NOT want to break nc -.- it’s probably best for me to stay off fb completely
http://mashable.com/2015/03/30/facebook-events-subscribe/ There’s apparently a way to subscribe to events and I accidentally subscribed to events from his school for like 5 seconds. I don’t think you get a notification for that but I still got off fb because I do not want to break nc!! Help
Woo I think I am in the clear! I don’t think it notifies you you would need to view your subscribers I believe. Man I need to stay off Facebook though like seriously I don’t want to accidentally passively break nc -.- at least I didn’t like a post that would be the worst
You need to stop looking at that schoool site and and i general anything in social media related to him like his instagram etc. It does not help. Your roomie said to you as well and yet you insist that you can get him back like last time. This is not like last time you need to consider that he broke up with you because he is tired of having this cycle in your relationship. It does not mean he did not love you but not many people can forever deal with type of cycle you two had. It has nothing to do with sex or lack of it or anything else, he can deal with your eating disorder etc. but when you get anxious it seems you go on such overdrive with it that it goes obsessive and sooner or later it will start impacting your other relationships too… You need to work on changing that and it is slow process and it means when those thoughts of him comes you need to actively work on the thought process and you can. So continue that like you have been.
Remember what kind of relationship you said you wanted and then think of if you get him back now do you really think that is what yours would be? Nope. Nit under these circumstances, you need to work on you.
But it is good you are getting all those negative thoughts out here and not to him : )
Hi @finntoga
Thanks for the advice. Yeah I mean we had both “ended” things before and it continued the cycle or we would say it’s done and we didn’t mean it so it’s hard to take this break up seriously sometimes. However, you and my roommate are right. Regardless of what he is thinking and if he just wants a break to work on us or if he is completely done or if he does not know, I need to stay off social media like looking at things he is on because that just fuels my obsessive behavior. I never find anything bad either it’s just like an addiction that’s hard to break though -.-
It’s just annoying because the unhealthy part of my brain wants to just reach out and try to get him back like in the summer. In October though I just had given space and we got back together later after space and we needed more I think… Like to work on ourselves. It just would have been easier if I knew what he actually wanted but right now I need to accept that in this moment we are not together. You’re right about my anxiety. It like changes how I act! I even made a fb to look at his today then I deleted it realizing how unhealthy that was of me. I did not add him or anything I just searched him it was like an addiction (he has me blocked on mine so that’s why) but I am now off altogether and will not make any other temporary accounts just to see his photos as that was a mistake. Me doing that only fuels my own paranoia and obsessive behaviors . I want him back and regardless of what he wants I know I need to be in s better place
Yeah that’s an excellent point like cantsum said I need to be wiling to take the risk and work on me … It’s just so hard. I’m in so much therapy already haha
And thank you for saying that im glad I am venting here and not to him as well as if I said most of those things he would think I was not working on me at all… And even if he never comes back I can at least prove him wrong that I can work on my issues and not go crazy and that he made a mistake
I am kinda annoyed though because I bought all these cute dresses to wear and then we broke up and the reason I bought them was to wear them with him -.- lol
Lol.Don’t be annoyed just because at the moment he is not in the picture it is nice problem to have too many new summer dresses…you can wear those dresses and make yourself look good for you and other people : ) And you are doing better I mean look at the thing syou already see. Somethings re-reading your own posts is helpful as well. Well better to have a lot of therapy than none at all and continue on a downward path. You are doing the things you should and sometimes progress is slower sometimes faster and then you have a day here and there that feels like step back but you know why that is so it is looking much better.
Hi @finntoga
Thanks for that
Yeah today I am wearing one of the dresses… I had bought some to go dancing with him though and due to our fighting via texts we never did go dancing 
I feel empty this morning and really am missing him. I feel like I am calm and have already learned a lot and I want to share things with him. However I know he was probably very angry and upset and it takes him longer to cool off. I re read the last email I sent him and I would be really hurt and offended if he just ignored that and said nothing else.
At the same time I want to work on me and my issues before contacting him as I don’t want either of us to go back to the same pattern. I just wish I knew if he was trying to wait for me to work more on my stuff or if he is completely done!!!
It’s so frustrating.
Next week though I am going to disney world with my family… My sister parents and my three year old niece. It will be a good escape. I may give my sister my phone so I am not checking it waiting for a response or something from my ex.
He has said nothing and I’m day 6 nc. Does this mean he does not miss me
Hi Brokenhearted,
First of all, you are using anxiety to justify your behaviors! Don’t give anxiety that much control of your life. You are the one in control-don’t ever forget that. Constantly going on fb, de-activating, going back on it and de-activating it is a quick way to build your anxiety. Do something more productive with your time. Finntoga gave you some great suggestions! Along with Finntoga, listen to Cantsum even though it’s not always what you want to hear. He’s a guy so he gives you insight into the way a guy’s mind works.
Second of all, when a guy breaks up with you, always assume he’s done forever. It’s the best way of dealing with a breakup because it allows you to learn to live without him. I know it’s extremely difficult. But there’s a good chance that your ex is tired of breaking up and making up and falling into the same unhealthy routine. When he’s said he’s done, he could have meant it this time. Rather than thinking of all the similarities between this breakup and last time, think about the differences. The fact that he still has you blocked on his social media accounts speaks volumes to what he wants at this time. He wants to not have you in his life at all. If this fact wasn’t true, he would have sent a message and an invite so you can check up on him. This is obviously not the case. So for now, you have to continue NC. Be proud that you have gone this far without bombarding him with messages that will only serve to piss him off further and annoy him.
You have to stop thinking of him as “your baby” because he no longer holds that title in your life. You have to learn to do life and exist without him. This is the toughest part of breaking up. The two of you may have a past but you are no longer a unit. It was his decision to split your relationship into two singles. Keep reminding yourself of that.
You are going to miss him a lot and those feelings will fluctuate. Expect that. One of the reasons you want him very badly is because you can’t have him. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. Getting over a breakup is a lot like navigating wild stormy, choppy waters in search of dry land. Sometimes you will be in control and other times, you will just have to have faith that the universe will allow you to arrive safely to dry land. Even though you may feel stuck, trust me you are moving to better times in your life.
@dragongirl
I’m still reading your post but me being blocked on his social media doesn’t actually speak volumes! I have been blocked for about a year even when we were together! So it wasn’t like he blocked me after the break up I was blocked through the relationship due to some of my issues … Does that make sense …so it really says nothing
And cantsum is a guy but he didn’t realize that I haven’t contacted my ex
And I’ve been off Facebook since October so he had no reason to unblock me so your Theories about the social medial actually aren’t valid bc we weren’t even friends when we were together. It’s a long story we had convos about it