My boyfriend broke up w me this morning via email. I am devastated. A little bit of background is we were together for almost a year and had been friends about 2 years before that… during that time my now ex fought to be with me and i constantly rejected him due to religious differences; however, round a year ago I confessed my true feelings for him and we started dating.
When I was not accepting him as my boyfriend but was still kissing him around a year ago, he began to pull away. I, someone who struggles with anxiety, started blowing up his phone hard core. Then a terrible blowing up/ ignoring cycle was started. We had broken up in October for a few weeks and the break up was horrible. He had made it seemed final and had said we weren’t working and then a few days later threatened the cops on me if I kept texting him! Then we got back together early November and had been doing much better November-February. Then my mental health was getting worse and he started a new job and also his gma died the beginning of March. Towards the middle of February the ignoring/ blow up cycle occurred for 1 week. I guess he was upset thinking I wanted to control the relationship. Then we never really got back to where we were and recently he had ignored me for 11 days and I became frantic and yesterday realized his cell wasn’t accepting calls so I left a message on his work voicemail… this morning I emailed him at work telling him to check his personal email… well I got the following…
my phone went off because I had to pay my phone bill or my student loan and chose student loan
I had not been in the office until today
I no longer want to be with you because you go crazy all the time
I hope we can remain friends but that would not be until the distant future
I would appreciate it if you no longer used my means of employment to contact me
Thank you and sorry for it ending over an email but I can no longer put up with this.
Have a good day and hopefully we will continue to be friends at a later time.
Then I replied asking to speak in person… and he said
I read it already.
I rather not meet and just stop here. I know that I had previously told you that I would not just stop talking to you but I am giving you reasons to why we will no longer be together as well as a possibility of us speaking again in the future. Sorry, I will be logging off my personal email now.
Have a good one.
i then proceeded to send like 60+ emails and still wish to send more.
I feel like he does not care a thing about me. How could he just do that via email… also the stuff about being friends??? He is not friends with any of his exes and that’s why I sent tons of emails asking what he really meant and if he really felt. Last time he turned out having only wanted a break so we could work on ourselves but did not communicate that… is that what he really wants this time or is it final and completely over?? Please please please help!!!
You really, really need to back off with all the texts and emails. The hard reality is that you’re creaping ever so near to “Death’s Door” which is the point where your ex is trying to get read you through dramatic means. You’ll get a restraining order or something if you keep going.
What both of you seriously need is time and space, possibly a couple of months.
I agree. As hard as it is you’ve got to back off for a while. I know it’s horrible when you think you haven’t had answers, but you are not going to get them regardless of whether you bombard him with messages or not. One of the points he mentioned was that you go crazy, and at the moment you are proving him right. If you back off, you will make him think!
Yeah, I mean that was the reason he broke up both times I think… The blowing up. And it was difficult because he would ignore and then I would blow up his phone even more out of anxiety… He had gone 4 months not ignoring me but I was still struggling. I realized I made a mistake with all the emails yesterday as I “went crazy”
The last time we broke up he had said he would go to the police and say I was stalking if I kept texting and then it turned out 3 weeks later that he only had wanted a break for me to work on me and him on him… He failed at communicating that though.
I’m really hurt he did it via email and of course I was freaking out bc I hadn’t heard from him, he could have told me his phone wasn’t working.
I also am concerned about how he seemed ao angry in the email and at the same time was like “have a good one” -.-
Which is hurtful.
Yes I know I had issues with all the texts during the relationship and I wanted to speak with him in person about it so we could go get back on track. What should I do? Do I even have a chance at getting him back?? It also bothered me about being friends in the future… Also times he has been mad he has don’t stuff like this and like said he was breaking up but he wasn’t. But this time felt more real and I don’t want to chase after him anymore bc that continues a vicious cycle. Do I have a chance at getting him back? I’m stopping w the emails and haven’t sent any today and the texts were during our relationship which was also a mistake. We never fought in person either so this really aucks. Do I have a chance?
Also one of my last emails said I would never be his friend bc I couldn’t bare him being my friend and moving on with someone else…like he is not friends w ex girlfriends so I wanted to know the truth behind that… And I feel bad for my email bc I said he would lose me forever if he didn’t respond and just left it at an email break up bc then I felt like he didn’t care about me at all etc…
And I’m aware he prob broke up out of anger bc I had emailed his work but if he had told me his phone was out of commission that wouldn’t have happened. And why did he feel the need to tell me what happened (so I knew he want ignoring me) if all he wanted was to break up…
I’m also worried that what if he just thinks it will never ever work etc bc we had had a three week break before and then were good for four months also I’m struggling w anxiety depression and eating disorder and he has known this the whole time. I’m in treatment and getting help for it and I don’t want him to give up on me and on us I also don’t think it is only my fault as he knew if he told me he needed space I would send way fewer texts…
you need ALOT of NC. Not just for him to miss you… for yourself too. If you continue to look the way you do now to him then he won’t be attracted to you again. But more then anything you need to get yourself together as well. NC is definitely your answer for a while here!
Thanks… Yeah I guess my fear is he will give up on us and think we cannot work on our issues and be together. I know he previously had wanted that and that’s why he broke up in October but he never told me he just wanted a break until after the fact so i have no idea what he really wants now. I know I need to work on my own issues and can do that regardless if I get my baby back or not… I just want to know what he is really thinking and why he said the friends thing when he is not friends w any exes I want to know if he meant he really just wants a break I guess I don’t know though and dwelling on it doesn’t help. My therapist says we are codependent and she thinks He will come back bc he is codependent on me too and she wants me to work through breaking the thorns of codependency surrounding the actual love and caring. I’m just heart broken and I want to know if we have a chance of getting back together
I just want to know if we have a chance and if he was just really hurt and mad and broke up out of emotion… I read stuff on codependency and it said how he ended it really just increases the cycle and you don’t need to break up to end codependency you just need to stop the behaviors… I love him so much and he doesn’t keep exes around so the friend thing still ticks me off and makes me upset bc I feel like he may just want a break for us to work on our own issues without saying that… Like his only thing was bc I “go crazy all the time” and he “can’t put up with this anymore”
I just want to know if he will wait for me like last time. He’s seriously the love of my life.
I apparently sent closer to 50 than 60 emails which is still bad but not as bad as I thought.
Today I sent one and plan on doing NC from now one for at least 30 days. However, I want to know if I have a chance getting him back given that he broke up in October and was super angry and didn’t say the friends thing and apparently wanted a break all along and this time the friends thing really ticked me off and idk what that means bc he does NOT talk to his exes!!! and he like in august had said we didn’t need to be together as long as we dont lose each other (he said this when i had threatened to leave him) so idk what to think and i’m so hurt and confused and at the start of our relationship he had said similar stuff a lot as hd hi and he didn’t mean it but idk what to think right now jaskld;fja;slfdjasf Help please!
I think you need to take some serious time for yourself and get yourself together, strong and independent and to be the beautiful you that you are. You do not at this point seem to realize that this constant contacting him and even if you say I just sent one message is driving him away and will continue to do so. No one can say do you have a chance with him again or do you have a hope getting back together.Only time will tell. Instead of asking how do I get him back and will he come back to me if I do no contact etc ask yourself how will I be okay regardless does he come back to me? What kind of relationship I want and need? What are my boundaries in a relationship that should not be crossed and what are boundaries what I should not cross. Work on being best and self confident you where you know that no matter what happens in time you will be just fine. Trust me even though it feels now that you won’t you will be fine in time. If you are okay in your own skin, others including him will see it too but right now to him you come across clingy and stalker kind of person with this constant contact and I think he needs space to figure out where he is at and how he feels. Not all people can give us the answers why someone dumps us and why did it that way. Some people just do not like confrontation and drama and maybe he was worried about it too besides being angry. Time apart is what you need right now and once you work on you and feel good as who you are then if it is meant to be you will end up together but there is no guarantees in life about it and none of us can give it to you. You are great person but like all of us in some point of our lives you need some time to heal you and work on your personal stuff to feel good and only then can you actually give something in a relationship if you just get back together now you would break up again. He obviously does care about your well being that is part of why else would he say he wants to be friends in future. He wants to have a solid base with you and after working on yourself friendship can be great way to get back to someones life and maybe it can develop to relationship again but this is too soon for you to be friends with him. Like others NC is the answer and working on dealing with problems. You can do it even though it won’t be easy.You are stronger than you think.
I guess I am really really hurt and upset this was done through email. He seriously is the love of my life and he had told me I was different for him than any other girl and he was willing to fight for frustration to be with me because he loved me so much
I feel completely heartbroken. He broke up for like 3.5 weeks in October and didn’t communicate that he really wanted a break and he ws so mean right after the break up. Then when we got back together he said he was too frustrated and we had a little break and now we can work things out… and that the time we spent not talking was for him to work on him and me on myself.
He knows about all my mental health stuff at the moment too. He also should be in therapy but he isn’t as he has anxiety ptsd and anger issues.
I feel completely empty. Why did he not tell me his phone would be off? Of course I freaked out. I want to know if he was planning to break up with me these 11 day that he wasn’t speaking or he was just mad and me sending more made it worse.
I know right now sending more won’t help us break the cycle… even if he did take me back it would put us back in the cycle. I just wanted to speak in person and talk things out. Today is day one of NC and last time I did 21 days and felt better about myself and got him back, but we still both fell back into old habits.
My issue was I trust him in the sense of fidelity but because of the ignoring I did not trust he would not just never talk to me again and for that reason I would blow up his phone.
I want to know if I have a chance. Some friends say definitely not others say who knows others say yes because we are codependent.
I don’t know how I will get through this right now. We talked about marriage, our kids, everything and now I feel like he cares nothing about me bc he broke up via email I think out of anger prob bc I contacted his work email.
I guess I feel hopeless? I want him back and I do not want him to move on. In some of my rash emails 2 days ago I said I could not be his friend bc I could not bear seeing him with another girl… also he does NOT remain friends w exes so that really ticked me off especially since he and I were never completely friends, he wanted to be with me. I have so many questions and want to know his real intentions…if he will work on him and wait for me or if he will think we are hopeless and won’t work and move on
I have been there too The man I was with two years broke it off via email and that was crushing especially as his email was cruel in a way that he acted like nothing the last two and half years had never happened oops apparently he had fooled me and himself for past two years. I have had to break relationship too and it is not fun to be the one who ends it but I have always been honest and therefore it is better to face it and the person and give them the chance to ask questions but not everyone is like that. And it is possible that your boyfriend does not have those answers for you at the moment so even if you would ask them he most likely does not know himself what he wants right now and this where the time comes in. He needs time to figure out what he needs, wants and who he wants and also deal with stuff just like you. Yes you love him now with all your heart, you are in shock and you are hurting but the worst thing you could do for any potential future chance is to contact him. DO NOT email him, text him or call him no matter how much you want to. That will blow any chance out of the window. Neither o you sound like you are in the right mind frame to be together and what you need is the time to figure out who you are without him and only when you know who you are and more importantly like yourself only then are you ready to commit to anyone. I don’t know you but I am sure you a great person and you just are feeling hurt, lost and betrayed in a way and it does not help that you have other issues that you re trying to deal with but what you gotta do is stop listening people who say you will be together or who say you wont. That is not something they know for sure. Time will show that. I really recommend that you just take it one moment at time. If you feel desperately sad have a cry, if you feel lonely this is the moment to rely on your friends and family for support (even if they dont get it but they care about you and that is what you need) and remember what you do have. You have the possibility to work on your issues and become fabulous, you can work on things so you know that you will be fine without him and yes you will have days when you miss him so much or you wish he was with you or random things will remind you of him and then you feel down but this is not a race it just takes time. Time does help and heal. The feeling of hopelesness does not last forever, when you start working on yourself and you get one of those good days in there others will see that and he will get the message fro others. I do believe based on what you told me that he cares about you and it was not wrong to trust him. People just simply do not always do and behave the way we want and hope and that we can’t change. Do the NC full 30 days at least and do not break it even if he contacts you because you need to show him that you are not dependent on him and that is also a way to start breaking those old habits. He needs time and if you give him that space, it does not automatically mean he moves on with someone else, since he has fought so long to be with you so for your sake stop worrying about that for now. What you need to do is work on breaking those habits and letting a person have space even when together with you. Anything in this life is possible but first you both need to be in better frame of mind not to repeat the same mistakes and patterns. So instead of trying to find ways to talk to him now no matter how much you need it take this nc time give it him and yourself and then see if you can talk once you have better perspective to things you both did wrong in the relationship and you feel stronger and look fabulous and confident. That is attractive so try to concentrate on yourself and when you feel sad, desperate, hopeless on those moment rely on others to support you through them (just not him this time) and then see what happens. I know it is hard but chin up you are not alone. The positive thing you can do is work on you. He needs to sort himself out and there is always bit of hope when there are feelings there and I am sure there is from him, he is just angry and feels pushed and cornered with those messages, let him cool down and when he gets to thinking mode then he can work on himself.
I will do a 30 day no contact but the beginning is always the worst and I’m still worried he won’t think we have a chance since we already had one break. This past “fight” kinda started when I sent him 50 texts on my first day back to work and I’m sure it was super overwhelming. He had also ignored me for a week before that bc I had sent like 20 texts and then kept texting…but I was so scared he would just leave me His grandmother died about 5 weeks ago and after that he was super distant too and things for us got way way worse. I wanted to support him and he doesn’t like to be a burden on anyone else so he didn’t talk to me much about it.
This past Wednesday I texted him trying to come to his house to talk bc he hadn’t spoken to me in a little over a week. I’m not sure if his phone was working or not…if it was it probably upset him more because I “went crazy” once again. I know I need to work on my insecurities and anxieties and fears and also be able to give space and trust. He needs to also work on stuff and I’m worried he will move on. There is this girl that works with him and I think that she likes him. He told me I had nothing to be jealous of and said that I knew I had nothing to be jealous of. I do not think that he likes her but she still bothered me because, while he did not flirt back, she would try to flirt with him and now I’m scared she is going to try and steal my man
And I guess if he loves me enough he will come back but I also am worried because he does have a 5 year old and had broken up with the mother of his son so if he broke up with her then how do I have a chance!!! Even so, he had told me I was different than any girl he had previously been with for him so hopefully that means he cared about me even more…? Just feeling so confused and I want him back
I feel bad for all the emails the day of the break up and also the one I sent yesterday. I don’t even know if he has read them yet
He also used to call me princess and send me kissy texts before we were dating and then he would always call me beautiful in texts and he told me it wasn’t the same doing that because I had become so needy and he missed when I wasn’t so needy and I don’t know it makes me sad I don’t know if I can get that back ever
Don’t compare previous relationships his had to yours. Different people and stages of life means different relationships.No point to pt yourself down. Also do not worry girl at work if she has been flirty before and he had not done anything bout it why would he now besides if he has any sense he will not start anything especially possible rebound with a person he works with not worth the hassle if he did she would be only rebound. He needs time and space. Think of the nice moments you had and concentrate on healing you to a better you so you can fully trust and enjoy relationship with him or someone else in the future. It is okay to miss him but obsessing about every little detail only makes you feel worse. You can do this…
Yeah that is a good point… I so often over analyze and over compare trying to “figure things out”
And yeah that’s true about the girl at work… if he wasn’t interested before why would he now. I know we both need time and space and I really really miss him and I WANT to just talk it out now. I know he can say things out of anger and has before and doesn’t mean it… I just am most concerned bc we had a 3.5 week break in October and I don’t know if he will think that since it didn’t work after that break, it no longer will work out ever? And even that break was framed as a break up but he never said that friends thing and that scares me bc what if he just does not love me anymore? Even though 2 weeks ago I went to where he works (at a restaurant he’s security) and he could not take his eyes off of me.
I’m so confused and hate not knowing what will happen. I haven’t contacted him today and it is just day one of my NC
It also bothered me about being friends in the future… Also times he has been mad he has don’t stuff like this and like said he was breaking up but he wasn’t. But this time felt more real and I don’t want to chase after him anymore bc that continues a vicious cycle. Do I have a chance at getting him back? I’m stopping w the emails and haven’t sent any today and the texts were during our relationship which was also a mistake. We never fought in person either so this really aucks. Do I have a chance?
