But my personal feeling is that he does have strong feelings for you and this is no way a lost cause : ) So try one thing at the time, make plans and if you feel insecure that is fine, if you wonder if you get back together fine but try to think on those moments what are your next steps for you make plans small ones but fun ones…Yoga helps to relax and focus your mind least for me. Just try to step out of making assumptions about people if you wonder why someone does something ask but do not pester and in your ex’s case dont ask least not during nc. Okay I have to go cook dinner but you can do this, you are so much stronger than you think and that is great quality to have. You just are confused and sad and missing him like crazy is normal. : )
Thanks so much again. You are so wise! I often go to my friends trying to figure out the outcome and analyze the situation and sometimes that makes it worse. I also do that while thinking back on everything as well. How do I stop that when I really want us back together?? And what if he does know he NEVER wants to be with me again!?!?! 
I hope he has strong feelings for me! I really hope so 
And yeah that is true taking things one step at a time would help. Yoga is actually helpful to me as well but right now I am not a member of a gym due to trying to get my eating issues under control. The good news is I have followed my meal plan these past few days even though I want to go back into ED behaviors. And yeah it is so hard for me to not make assumptions as I don’t like dropping all control…I haven’t contacted him in three days and am really struggling! But it’s so encouraging that you think I am stronger than I think I am 
Thank you
I dont believe he knows anything right now just like you don’t. You are smart and all you need is to just focus your thoughts differently and forgive yourself too not just others. We all mess up. I am glad you said he wants to be strong and I think that is just the problem. He wants to protect you by being strong and keeping his worries to himself and you want him to share and when he does not jump into a wrong conclusion.it is good you said to him that you want him to share but you cannot force it and it is slow process for him to learn to trust you as well. I mean he is not used to it so it is not so easy and you want him to comfort you and hold you when things are rough and that is what you need to communicate to each other but after a while once you see how things are when the nc is over. If you try to push it now he is not ready to hear things like that and neither are you ready to act on that way. Nothing is hopeless yet so hold on to some hope and to fact that he loved your awesome sides which you have many and no one is perfect and can be perfect but you can work on the things that are an issue like self doubt, confidence and listening to other person and communicating with them instead of building worst case scenarios in your head. Because those are sometimes bit like proclaim and leas you to do the things that will lead to the worst case scenario. So instead thinking all the worst things try little little thinking of some positive options as well.
But shouldn’t he know if he wants me? And if he wants us to work on ourselves and get back together (like he ended up wanting last time? ) Yeah, I also have a hard time forgiving myself. And yeah, I wish he would share his worries with me because I wanted to be there for him but even when his grandma died he said he didn’t need me to be okay or something -____- And yeah, I constantly freaked out and jumped to the wrong conclusion and now I wanna know if he already gave me the last chance Andy yeah thats true about wanting his comfort. A couple months ago he was weird about it and we ended up getting in a fight bc I wanted a hug and he said I needed to face my challenges alone and be strong. ugh. I hope that nothing is hopeless but I’m not so sure because some of my friends have said otherwise and that thought it still with me And yeah that is true… I would convince myself of something and then act on that anxiety/fear and make it worse.
Also what if he never goes back to the same number like after nc is over I won’t know unless I call his phone
You re jumping ahead of time again. He is confused what he wants right now I worded it wrong to say he does not know if he loves you but right now he is not sure what he wants to do and he needs time. Secondly worrying about how to reach him is not an issue yet. You can email him or send him a letter and be patient there is no point thinking and worrying things like that on day three of NC ; ).Jumping the gun again ; ).what you do is normal it is normal to worry silly things ahead of time but remember there is no point painting the devil on the wall ahead of time (silly saying of my homeland) which means don’t worry about things ahead of time, you will find out then what is the best way to contact him. You are smart and you will figure those details out closer to that time. Ok. I am off now got some work to do so have great evening and dont worry so much. I know you miss him and want him and that is okay.
@finntoga that’s true and I am assuming the worst again I’m just freaking out bc i am on day 3 nc and he has said nothing. I really miss him and I’m worrid that he won’t come back and my chances are blown
Like my anxiety is so bad I just want him back and to know what he is thinking and if all my chances are out the window by how he ended it
I want to contact him can I ??? I had a terrible day and I want him
You can do what you want but then you take responsibility as well if that pushes him further away. It is very bad idea to contact him but you are the master of your own life so decision is all yours. We all have bad days but you need to stay strong if you seriously want this relationship to work long term.
I forgot to congratulate you on sticking on your meal plan because taking care of yourself is the most important thing at the moment. You want to show him that despite what has happened you are strong woman and dealing with your problems like he suggested you should so good on you for that. Keep doing it.
@finntoga, thank you for the advice and for the congratulations. I haven’t contacted him but I really really want to I miss him so much and I just want to talk to him and fix our problem now 
I had a horrible day at work and really wanna talk to him idk what to do I just want him back
Hey Brokenhearted-sry I have been busy with work to help ya out. First of all-NO do not contact him no matter how much you miss him. If its because you are used to texting him, use an app like ColorNote-it lets you write text messages and you can save them. This will help you break the routine of wanting to text him. It doesn’t matter how much you miss him. This guy needs to know what life is like without you. He sounded so nonchalent and distant in the e-mail. Give him a taste of his own medicine. You are doing great doing NC so far. Be proud of yourself and find a way to celebrate whenever you complete a week in some way that makes you happy. And then celebrate the next week and so on.
You can want him back all you want but it doesn’t change what you are meant to do in your life at this point in time. The universe wants you to focus on YOU not HIM. You need to take control of your anxiety-writing in a journal was great advice. Find a way to harness your chaotic energy!! Find an outlet-any hobby that you like.
Here’s what’s happening to you while you are going through this–Love is said to be as addictive as cocaine-The reason is that the chemicals that are released in the brain are similar to the ones in powerful drugs like cocaine. Each time you interacted with your ex in the past when things were good was like giving your brain a “fix” (a dose of that drug). Now that he simply disappeared, your brain is still very much in love and is still craving that “fix”. Therefore, your state of mind at the moment is comparable to someone withdrawing from their favorite drug. If they did a scan of your brain, your brain would be very similar to a drug addict because you are withdrawing from your ex just like an addict withdraws from their drug of choice. Soooo that’s why these feelings-urges to contact him are going to continue to get stronger and will continue to do so. But you have to fight through them one moment at a time. When they get out of control, find a way to distract your brain. Your mind thinks that making contact with him is going to give you your “fix” back. But in all honesty, he’s just going to ignore you and you are going to feel a million more times worse because you were denied of your “fix” don’t do that to yourself Brokenhearted. Be strong!
“I do have a problem though… our one year anniversary since the first time we kissed is like before the 31 day period expires that’s really when we started dating… Can I not say anything?”
Addressing this post where you are asking whether you can contact him for your anniversary. I asked my man for advice on this one. He says: You have to continue NC on this day. For one, it’s not an anniversary if you aren’t together. What you should celebrate that day is that you have continued to do NC and have improved a lot since this whole crazy breakup began. I agree with him. Maybe he will initiate contact-no one can say what will happen. But if he sees that you aren’t overwhelming all of his inboxes with messages, your chances of him contacting you are much greater than you pissing him off by FORCING your way into his life. You have to respect his decision and what he wants, no matter how much it hurts.
Hi @dragongirl Thanks for the advice! It is sooo hard for me not to contact him as I want to know the truth. Like I want to know if he was PLANNING to break up with me before I emailed his work (he likes to keep personal and work life separate so that probably upset him) or if me emailing him was the cherry on top… Like also it bothers me that his email sounded so nonchalant and distant… does that mean he did not care? Also usually when he says “have a good day” he is usually actually mad… Idk though I’m all over the place Colornote sounds like a good resource though!
Thanks for the encouragement That actually sounds like a good idea! Today is only day 3 and I feel soo discouraged Like he wanted to break up all along and was certain and he will never want me back, etc.
And yeah that’s a good point. I am on medication for my anxiety and my psychiatrist is working on finding what works best for me and I’m also in therapy, individual and group. I think a journal would be a good idea and I was thinking about getting back into film photography for a hobby? I took a class in college and took and developed and printed my own film and I loveeeeee it.
I actually have heard about that addiction thing as well!! How come I am going through this and he is not!?! Does he not love me But that’s kind of terrifying. I’ve never done or tried drugs and to think that my brain scan would be similar right now is scary! lol And yeah I really struggled today because my supervisor was terrible to me and made me cry and I just wanted to go contact my ex, see if his phone was back on, and be held in his arms And yeah, my mind thinks that I could get him to contact me… even in the past like the summer he would say he didn’t want to be with me and the reality is, he did…but it took him way shorter to tell me the truth…even if I went crazy and blew up his phone and I also know I want the unhealthy cycle to be broken
And yeah, if I contacted and he ignored I would feel way worse and probably it would lead to me spamming him with messages?
@dragongirl
On the anniversary… I guess that’s a really good point that sucks thought bc if we do get back together when is our anniversary -__- And yeah I think that’s a good point too. And I don’t even know if my ex remembers the exact date or not we never discussed it… ugh. And it’s so hard for me to respect his decision when I don’t know what he really wants and don’t know how to interpret his email and also if we were still together would he just have not told me about his phone going off and expect me to be calm!!! I mean @finntoga said that if she received 50 messages then 10-15 and her phone was going off she also would not let the person know bc she would be too angry… and at the same time, I’m his girlfriend
Also I dont know if this makes any difference but I am a virgin. My boyfriend is not and he agreed to wait for me. He did talk about how he would get sexually frustrated and also he wanted to wait for me and would be honest with me when he was frustrated which sometimes made him not want me to come sleep over bc of the temptation I guess. I’m so scared that he will find some rebound now and sleep with her! I know deep down that is NOT the guy he is and I’m just so paranoid I will never get him back. And also we haven’t slept together so idk if that gives me a disadvantage or not…at least it shows he wasn’t just using me for sex because he definitely did not get that… we are also both 25 and apparently act like we are 15 -_-
I’m soooo tempted to reach out right now I want him back so bad. I’ve been blocked on fb throughout our relationship bc of my insane jealousy and vigilance and I was off for a while and I had told him. He and I had spoken how social media isn’t good for me bc of me snooping around and trying to look for issues and I was blocked bc we didn’t want unnecessary fights. Same goes for IG but he had set his profile to public so I could see everything still -_- the only thing is now it is private again ugh
Ugh and I want to know what he was really thinking when he wrote that email Last time he was clearly sooo angry and I knew he cared and this time I’m guessing angry but much harder to tell with that email
@finntoga also do you mean he does not know if he loves me anymore or does not know what he wants? I’m just afraid he will actually really want the break up