@pixiepie
Thank you so much for your feedback. I am really struggling with knowing if he really meant the break up with all his heart or if he wants a break and my friend’s comment about how my babe was thinking of the break up for so long and was sure really hurt me.
I also know it is important for me to make improvements in myself and with my issues… would he really notice that I have stopped contacting though and miss me? O.o Even if he is really mad? or even done??
Oh my goodness! I will definitely read your thread and try to give my own input! My anxiety is also really high right not and I completely understand!
And yeah, about the emails, I don’t know if he will read them or not… I know he would read my texts when I sent tons of them but not sure about the emails.
Also yeah, my friends sometimes tell me things that are not what I want to hear and then I freak out thinking “omg what if he is actually completely done with me?”
What makes you think he will miss me and I will hear from him/see him again?
Should it bother me that he had ignored me 10-11 days before that email? And I know my email to him probably caused him to reply with that and upset him but not sure… and yeah, you’re right about the tone I just wish I knew!
The friendship comment really means nothing you think? I know he had said before he didn’t want to lose me ever but who knows… 
Yes you need to stick to NC no matter what anniversaries happen, he is expecting you to act like clingy person and when you do opposite and show him that you can manage just fine that will make you super attractive and him re-think that yes you can work on your issues and change those bad patterns and have the trusting loving relationship instead of gf who constantly questions what he does thinks etc. Nothing drives man a way faster than clingy needy person. Also instead of worrying about these friendship words think of it this way instead of being a bad thing it is good he wants to have you in his life and unlike his ex girlfriends that makes you different from them so it is positive thing not negative because I personally want my lover to also be my friend. Not something where if he has issues like the phone or maybe something at work (men are funny creatures they like to be seen the strong one and don’t always share problems until they have to)and he pulls away a bit or is not as attentive as usual and then his girlfriend immediately assumes issue is the relationship oh my god he will leave me and bombards him with messages he will feel hurt and anger due to mistrust and also angry because no one likes behavior like that. So what he needs is time to cool off and like others have said he expects you to prove him right and start bombarding him again. When you do the opposite it will make him think of you more wonder what is going on which is what you want right? And then when you are ready with self improvements you want to achieve you approach him calmly and suggest meeting to catch up like friends he is more receptive and will find this new and improved you much more attractive. The NC time only feels long because you miss him but in reality it is very short time when you think of how much time is spent working and doing mundane every day life things. So instead of comparing what was different last time you broke up with this time etc. Think of rather what kind of relationship I want with him, how do I change my negative behaviors so I dont repeat them.What do I love about him and why do I want to be with him ? What do I like about myself and what not and how do I improve those negatives so I like myself to be happy in my own skin with or without him.I do feel that this is not in anyway yet lost cause or lost relationship but it just cannot continue the way it has so time, nc and self development are your answers to happy outcome and like pixiepie said write things down to get an out let. Start a journal the things you want to say to him, put them in that journal and then closer to end of NC read those things again and you can see change for better. You can do it.
@Finntoga Thanks so much again. You are so inspiring! I will continue NC. I’m just finishing day 2 and am really struggling… and yeah I think I knew that about the clingy needy thing but he stayed with me for so long when I was like that!!
And yeah I hope I’m different thatn his exes… I know he had previously said I was but my roommate said both of her exes made the same comment; however, my ex gave me examples of ways he acted differently with me that with others.
About the trust thing. That’s a really good point. I think it did hurt him that I didn’t trust him he just did not vocalize that too much. I had no reason to not trust him, I just have a hard time trusting ANYONE and I’m not quite sure how to fix this! I thought a conversation could help but we then kept doing the me sending all the texts and him ignoring and had gotten so bad we weren’t able to talk before he broke up
Yeah he probably is expecting me to keep trying to talk to him; however, I stopped talking last time too so maybe he will expect that? Although last time I did not give him space until he said he would report me for being stalker ish -_- He was super angry and upset and I was too.
I"m not sure how to suggest meeting up after NC or if he will move on in the 30 days… I really hope he does not move on!
The relationship I want with him is how we were at the very beginning and also during our friendship when he first expressed his feelings for me. I know we can get that back…I definitely need to love myself, though. And realize I deserve something good. It is just hard for me because my self esteem is quite low.
I think the journal is a really good idea, I just need to follow through with it! Or maybe even write emails to myself and send them to me instead of him?
He stayed with you because he loves you, but everyone has that breaking point when it gets too much and that is what happened here. So the positive he loves you, negative is the bad patterns. So if you work on the ones you are causing you have a chance and if not then it still is good thing because in net relationship you would not repeat them either. But start with one step and focus on. Remember that none of your feelings are bad thing, you are human and it is okay to feel what you feel.I actually read this pretty good article about happiness. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/10/un-international-day-of-happiness-makes-me-miserable
Journal, emails what ever works and helps you is a good idea. You should remember that this is about you loving you and knowing that you like everyone else at times struggles with issues but you want to work on those and that is great. How to suggest meeting is also something you can think about, you are your third day of NC so you dont need to have all the answers now. You have time to figure it out. Regarding self esteem think about anything in your past situations that have made you loose the self esteem because it is clear that you have also had it. And not trusting anyone what caused it? Something happened sometimes that made it happen? That is why you should do stuff that makes you feel good, fabulous and confident. Feeling of achievement is something that can make you self confident. I lost my confidence once and I took time out I was working in a very high position crazy hours and was so overworked that I lost my self belief that I am good at what I do and that for me was like small death I got depressed. So I knew I either do something or lose myself and I took a step so resign my job, retreat back to my hometown, found a job there and figured out who I was again. And I found me I am not saying that you should do so drastic steps as I did but just taking time to figure out who you are, what you really want for you and what kind of person you want to be and why dont you trust people. I mean I have been hurt and people have lied to me and for any years I was cautious to open up in relationship always kept something to myself and that was the reason my relationships failed. Until learned to open even though it was scary. The only thing you can do is to give your trust to person and if they break it shame on them, in that case you did nothing wrong and yes it hurts but it should not mean that you dont trust anyone after that so figure out what happened that made you loose trust in all others and work on dealing with that because it is baggage like that can make up mess up relationships. I know I sure have with y fear of being lied to and left until no longer because I know I cannot force anyone to be with me, I cannot make people love me or stay with me unless they want to and more importantly I cannot control other peoples actions but only my own reaction to them and first think then act. I use to be quite the opposite so you can break these patterns it just takes time and you deserve loving and happy relationship where you both give and take and if you say he is the man to do it with then you have a goal to work on. First deal with those fears and negative patterns, then get your confidence back and how could he not find you attractive and someone he wants to be with again and this time make it work an long lasting.
Oh I also forgot that at the start of us going downhill he had said we were not on the same page when it comes down to it because he said I have an idea of what a relationship should be like and constantly force it on him and also said I told him he needed to make up Vday and that should be his choice not mine (we missed vday and I was upset but I never said he had to i think it was a text misunderstanding though) and then a couple weeks later after I had blown him up he had said we were not working together properly. And he didn’t want to talk in person either time are these incidents concerning at all?
@finntoga Thanks so much again 
I hope he loves me I’m just sad he did not fight to actually work out the bad patterns maybe he thought he was though? I don’t really know?? I will have to read the article, looks interesting!
Yeah my problem is that I don’t love myself and I’ve struggled with mental health including eating disorder and that disease constantly tells me I’m not good enough.
And yeah, I think a journal will be really helpful to me.
I guess I do have time to figure it out, I’m just super scared he won’t respond to me after NC or even try to reach out during NC
I didn’t fully trust anyone because my ex BEFORE him had cheated on me. And with this ex I was so scared of that happening with him that I let that old ex’s wrong affect my relationship with this ex It was not fair of me. I also was abused as a child so that is another thing that broke trust as well as a high school best friend abandoning me out of no where. I"m not sure about my self esteem and why it is so low, I’ll have to try and work on it.
I also feel like I’m achieving when I work a lot but I also worked too much as well!
And then I was anxious and burned out. That is so awesome that you were able to quit your job and find something better for you!! I am actually looking for new jobs myself
I think taking time for myself can really help me. And yeah, my fear is opening up in relationships and with my recent ex ( who never cheated on me) I was constantly afraid he would find some girl that was prettier, smarter, funnier, sweeter, etc.
I really want to be able to trust him all the way but I trusted my ex before him so much and he cheated on me time and time again (not this ex, a different ex) And I know my recent ex is completely unlike the other guy but my wounds and fear are still there.
That is a really good point about control. He would tell me sometimes I tried to influence him and he was getting upset thinking I wanted to control our relationship…but it was really my anxiety that was controlling me! It is encouraging that you have been able to break these patterns!! I hope I can break them and also get back with the love of my life… I miss him so
You have not had an easy ride in this life but you propably did not realise that throough those hard experience you are still incredibly strong and resilient person. Lot of people could just give up on life after hard experiences like abuse but you are strong and survivor. Also all of us have been with a cheater one point in life. I found out that one cheated on me when he got himself tested for std’s that really freaked me out as he was my first love and first man I had slept with so not nice experience. What is not the easiest lesson to learn is that you cannot drag those things that happened with someone else to next relationship. You need to learn to live with the fear but give the new person a chance as they have not done nothing to you yet and therefore are innocent of what has happened in past. Sadly we all have to meet those people who are cruel, lie and cheat but we cannot brush them all in the same mould. I wish it was not so but such is life and no one said it would be fair. But you have managed through worse things and like I said he clearly does have feelings for you it just that mistrust and emails made him mad. So once he cools off and he gets the space he needs I am sure he cares enough to contact you and if not then you contact him once you are ready after the nc to just for a friendy chat without pressuring him and take it from there but first things first goal is you for now : )
Currently really struggling this morning. I don’t know if my exes phone is even working yet and if it is not, was he really planning on just never talking again and breaking up!? Like what the heck would have happened had i not contacted his work since he had not even emailed me informing me his phone was gonna go out and since idk how long it was out for. He wasn’t on Instagram for like a week and still isn’t wlrhough I’m blocked out now -.- so maybe he had gotten my messages last Wednesday when I went crazy ? (This was before we broke up I texted him saying I would come by his house to talk since I had not heard from him in over a week (the week started when I sent him 50 texts my first day of work but also he had been acting distant since his gma passed away early March )
Im ruminating again and now I want know if my friend was right and my ex wanted to break up the whole time??? Or if my ex was posted and that’s why he didn’t tell me about his phone and then I went and emailed his work and made him angrier??? Ugh help
I don’t think his phone is working still and now I’m flipping out wondering if he was just really ticked and angry and that’s why he didn’t tell me about his phone and if my email to work made it worse OR if he was actually going to let our relationship dissipate??? Which was my greatest fear and he had said wouldn’t happen? Ahhhh help!
You are reading things into a situation you don’t know about. Maybe he was just busy with work and since he was also short on money as he was only able to pay student loan and not sort the phone, money stuff and lack of it to pay bills is stressful and people are not always comfortable talking about money even with their girlfriend sometimes people just need to stew and think about stuff and they will talk when they are ready but you did not give him the chance even in relationship people sometimes need space to figure their stuff out before they talk about it. If he said he would not let your relationship dissipate without saying so then why don’t you believe him. You said earlier he was honest about stuff so why would he lie about that? The thing is you jumped immediately when you did not get response and assumed worst case scenario when it could have been multiple things that were keeping him pre occupied like money situation, work issues etc, and he has a child as well so …give him some credit if he is the guy you described he is? Only you know him.
And that is why you need to heal some of the things inside you before you get back together with him. And start writing that journal : ).
@finntoga
Yeah that’s true. It was just really hard for me to trust that because my anxiety and fear that anyone would just leave me and that I deserved to be left and hurt was so strong. I also knew he was upset with me for sending him 50 texts 2 weeks ago and I guess I internalized that and thought everything was about me and I sent like 10-15 every day for a week then didn’t say a thing for 2 days and still didn’t hear. I want to know when his phone was working and when it stopped and why he didn’t tell me and if he was just planning to break up and you are right, I do not know. It is just really difficult for me as my anxiety is strong. The journal is a great idea I am hoping I will start today 
and yeah I know he has a son who is 5 and I guess I never thought he struggled with money as he has two jobs! One is only part time though. I want to know if we will get back together and what exactly he feels right now and if he even misses me… It is really hard for me to keep calm and not ruminate. I don’t know how to start fixing myself and my issues! All I keep thinking is “what if I never get him back!?” “What if he just was gonna break up and let me go without telling me?” Etc
@finntoga I also do know he is probably mad right now and angry even though his email seemed to mask some of that like I would have rather had a more emotion filled email you know? ughhh like what was he planning to do not talk to me for two weeks then let me know his phone has gone off! -.-
maybe his email masked some of the anger because he does not want to hurt you intentionally which would speak volumes about his feelings but think about it your expectations are too much is dome would text me like 10-15 times every day and I have one full time job, one part time and I am balancing a child and relationship etc. Last thing you need is to get bombarded. He was with you because he wanted and you are worth being loved like all of us. You are no better nor worse than anyone else. You are good enough and you working on stuff which is great. But really? 50 messages and hen followed by 10-15 per day?? People cannot always answer immediately and you should not expect that.It does not mean he is getting ready to leave you. maybe he was going to tell you about his phone breaking but after the messaging or emails I would not have either because I would have been angry too if I am honest. It seems you are very impulsive and jump on the first feeling you get and then act without thinking it through and not putting yourself in his position. I can say something I work full time and study part time and that is rough and I equal having two jobs to that so did you ever ask him is he tired? How long will he work two jobs? Does he have money issues? Etc.I mean he has student loan and I am assuming he also pays some maintenance for his child so money could be tight why else would he work two jobs? You need to work on issues one at the time this is not a race that you need to finish by end of this week or next. You mentioned therapist have you spoken to her/him about self esteem issues and trust issues? Maybe that would help seeing a professional who can provide tools and steps you could take? I dont know I am not really an expert.
@finntoga
That’s a really good point. I think I logically knew that he could be busy and that may be why he didn’t reply right away but I also was getting more anxious because he had been replying less to my texts about when is his break can he meet up etc and I started to take it personally
@finntoga
So it is really hard to confront my issues. I have spoken to my therapist and she is encouraging me to stay in the future as she says ruminating on the past or saying “what if” is not helpful to me right now as I do not know. That is so hard for me because I like to know what is happening had have that sort of control. I know also my ex was upset thinking I wanted to control our relationship while I actually thought he wanted to so we clearly had a miscommunication. It is interesting that you say you also would not have notified your significant other of your phone going off in his situation bc you would be too angry… I guess I didn’t think of it like that all i thought is he hasn’t responded and then my mind jumped to thinking he would just never speak to me again!!! I didn’t know how to confront that. And now I wanna know does he miss me care about me would he give us another chance etc
I agree… past is past you cannot change it but you can learn from it is okay to be more careful initially whne you have trust issues but you should not jump into the mode oh he does not love nor want me he will leave me because I have issues. He saw your great attributes and I am sure you have many you just are blind to them yourself : ) that is why he fell in love with you, he knew about your trust issues and eating disorder and he wanted to be with you regardless so these were not the deal breakers for him but I think you might have gotten bit too demanding and taking his situation in to mind as well and that is normal too when you are dealing with issues.It is just not realistic to expect someone to do things always the way you want they have their own stuff and maybe he just wanted to spare you from his whilst you are having rough time? Does that sound like someone who does not love you and want you? It was your fears about past repeating itself that got you doubting and it seems you then only increased the speed of self doubt and obsessive behavior instead of going well what other reasons could be contributing for him pulling away?. My nephew is great source of inspiration to me because I use to obsess about past too. Learn to forgive to people who hurt you and feel sorry for them missing out on the company of great person like you. You are not to blame on the cheating nor the abuse those were the issues of those two people doing it, you were the victim not the one to be blame and not the one that had something wrong with. You were trusting person and that is not a bad thing we all trust sometimes to wrong people but how do we know until they show that. of them. So back to my nephew he is two years old and I love watching going around like he has a mission all the time and seeing how he is in this moment he lives full on this moment and future is just big open book and past he does not think of and every time I see him or I feel like dwelling on past I think of him and it makes me smile and I stick with this moment or making some plans. Dont make plans for like years ahead one year tops start with easy stuff. But every time you feel your thoughts slipping to past think of what is done is done I cannot change it but I can be better, I was not beaten so I am stronger now and you are so just keep at it. once you get good at seeing when the cycle comes on and getting breaking it you are on right track. Then try making small positive changes and if you have a setback in anything do not beat yourself just say ok messed up will do my best to learn from this and not repeat it.It happens.
Read what you are saying I want to know does he miss me, does he want me, do we have a chance? Where is the part of how is he doing? Is he hurt?Did I hurt him? Remember time is needed for both he propably cannot answer those questions at the moment for many reasons so to be honest time is only thing for both of you and will show if you get back together those answers are not here now nor will they be Your friends cannot say that I cannot say that if we did we would be lying because none of us knows. I know it is not what you want to hear but I am not going to lie to you.This is the situation and you re the one who chooses the next steps for you.
@Finntoga. I just read your message from earlier this morning! I somehow missed it. Thank you for your kind words. Yeah, I have been through a lot and that was nice to hear that you think I’m resilient. I am so sorry about your ex as well! That is horrible! It was really hard for me to not bring that mistrust into my new relationship as my old ex really really hurt me and took all my trust away and my new ex knew that…but was with me anyways… blah