@dragongirl lol smh… I should have realized his motives we have never hung out before he just stops by my cube almost every time he walks by…
And yeah I agree about the older ex… He is kind of obsessive w me like will call from diff numbers bc he knows I won’t answer idk he also used to be verbally abusive and he isn’t anymore but still… I told him I wanted to get back w new ex though… He told me to wait until he is not angry…
And that’s a really good idea about my room!!! It is currently w huge mess… And every time I see my bed I think of my new ex sleeping over 
so maybe moving it around could help… And also cleaning it lol
Yeah both the options you gave make sense. I know it originally went off bc he couldn’t pay bill so it may be mostly that and also him not wanting me to blow him up? I hope he has checked his email since break up day tho… So he could see yeah I failed that day but then I sent one and then I went nc! I am pretty sure he expects me to go crazy… And I wish his phone was on so he could see that I’m not. I’m also annoyed still thinking would he have made me wait this whole time or would he have contacted me… And I guess idk the answer so speculating doesn’t help. Blah
Thank you for the encouragement let me know when you’re caught up too. I really appreciate you and @finntoga helping me out so much. I don’t think I could be on day 9 nc otherwise let alone not have looked at his social media today even tho I want to… I know it’s a habit I have to break!
I’m also really annoyed and mad his phone still is not on
Nothing wrong with having admirers. I know you are not ready for that but it is great ego boost. You see others find you attractive too so regardless what happens with your ex life is full of opportunities : ). Why are you mad about his phone? So he either has no money to fix it which explains why he has not fixed I mean come on who is this long without a phone? But regardless keep up the good work with nc and be proud of yourself 
@finntoga
Haha true but I said yes thinking he was just being nice and then realized he was meaning a date! And I am not over my ex and want him back and I don’t want anything to sabotage that. My old ex called and texted me yesterday and I was busy and later told him I can’t keep talking to him Bc it’s not healthy.
But new ex has said nothing. And yeah his service is still out and his line is not yet disconnected so I don’t think the number has changed and I guess logically he would have changed his number by now if he was planning to change it?
Maybe?
It just makes me mad that it’s not on. We broke up 1.5 weeks and and right before that his phone went off meaning it’s off almost 2 weeks. He does have a work cell phone but he doesn’t use it for personal uses… That’s why he’s not in Instagram or fb. I doubt his friends have that number I wish I did but that may make him mad.
Yesterday I went all day not looking at his sites! I’m nervous and anxious tho Bc I don’t like knowing nothing about what he’s up to:/ I haven’t looked today either… And I am so tempted.
I currently am on my way to vacation so hopefully that’ll help me calm down… Even though my sister and niece had to be rescheduled Bc their flight was too full
You did so good not checking and continue that. I am glad that you now have that break it will give you something else to think about besides this. And I know you are not over him and want him back but part of this nc is to work on you and also the fact that you accept that he might not want to get back together. We hope he will but there is no guarantees. No one says you should give up yet at all and you are doing so well with working on things that is great. So you meet the work person but keep it friendly only. I dont think he would have changed it so I think there has to be some money issues and it can also cause a lot of stress for a person and especially if he is not used to sharing his concerns with people not great to bottle it all up. You think you are tempted but it is obsessive checking what someone does constantly and remember that is not what you want to be it is about trusting him and his feelings for you : ). Have a great vacation.
@finntoga
Thanks that was really sweet. I’m so tempted to look at social media… And if I did it yesterday I can today. And you’re right I need to trust and I guess if he never comes back then at least I am in a better place.
And yeah if my coworker seems to want more I can make sure he knows just friends.
And yeah it does make less sense to delete the number and change it… Hopefully it comes back on soon I want to try again every day and I prob should try to wait 1-2 weeks to check? Idk I would feel completely heartbroken if his phone number changed.
And you have a very good point he doesn’t share his concerns well at all … And he does bottle stuff up. I would have paid for his phone bill but he probably also knew I would offer and I don’t think he likes me paying for things… Like I gave him new phone for his Christmas gift and he said he would pay me back -.- and I was like no it’s a gift you don’t need to
Well imagine you calling the number every day to check if it works now what would you call that???LOL. Wait couple of weeks and then try again to see if it works but only once.
You can only offer to pay something and if other person says no never push because it might be really sensitive topic to him. Especially since he sounds like the protective kind of guy. But this not sharing his feelings us women we always want men to tells us how they feel but it is not something we can force. If they are not like that we just need to accept it and leave because it comes down to you cannot make person to change unless they themselves want to.
Haha @finntoga… touche. lol I would be obessing…I called it 3 times yesterday and once today. And I want to keep calling AND I know it is obsessing and letting anxiety control me. And yeah I could try in 2 weeks or so. I finished day 10 of NC and ontoday 11…double digits. Annoyed he has not contacted me at all.
And yeah you have a good point. I think it is a sensitive topic to him. Idk if he thought I bought presents with an agenda or what (like he didn’t want anything for vday) but I honestly LOVE giving presents. If I make it or buy it it means the same. The reason I love giving presents is I get to really think about the person and what makes them so special and what they will really like I put a lot of thought into it. And yeah the not sharing his feelings was really hard on our relationship…And yeah maybe he could get better with time… unsure.
I’m super anxious right now. Want to check up on his social media and/or call his phone again. Freaking out about that stupid phone still.
Ugh. I just looked once at his instagram (it’s private and the numbers of posts hadnt changed) and then at 3 of his friends’s instagrams… I’m now annoyed at myself for giving in and I also didn’t give into looking at the school’s fb which is even worse so I’m so glad I haven’t done that. Ugh I’m just anxious and angsty and frustrated. I also left my phone in the car today and it helped me better enjoy my time w family
Family break fun fun only no obsessing about a phone. Well done on nc day 11 you are doing good- small slip on instagram but well done on school website. If his phone does not work so what after nc you could also send letter I think it would be nice and then he would maybe not feel pressured like on the phone he might so think of that instead of what if his phone does not work. Remember you thinking of other things rather than being anxious all times is priority : ).
@finntoga
Thanks so much for the encouragement. Usually when I slip up w anything I think black and white. Like with eating stuff I used to think my day was ruin and then do more behaviors! Now I am on a meal plan and learning to move forward w the next meal because that is best for my body.
Yeah that’s a good point I’m worried he wouldn’t respond to the letter haha but who really knows… So worrying about it doesn’t really help me. And yeah leaving my phone behind when I’m with my family helped yesterday. As far as my ex’s phone I won’t try to see again until day 22 of nc and feel free to hold me to that! I also wonder if he ever checked his email or if he is not thinking of me at all. But who wouldn’t have checked their email in almost two weeks… Question is if he read it. But once again obsessing about it doesn’t help. It’s just hard for me to focus on the right here and right now as opposed to being angry about the past and also disappointed and then worrying and wondering about the future. Ahh
Also my other ex tried calling me 10 times last night 
there was also a text I got it much later and simply said I was in Disney world. I’m so annoyed it is like he is using my break up with new ex (the one I want to be with) as an opportunity for him, old ex to try and get me back. AND I BROKE UP W HIM 2.5 years ago!
Tell him to stop, say that there is no chance that you will get back together and that he needs to leave you alone. I really recommend that you read this whole chain we have written here when you get back hoke from this break and honestly you see vast improvement : ). There is still work to be done for sure but things have progressed so be really happy with that and feel good about it. Especially regarding your eating disorder that I have heard is difficult battle and you are doing so well. : )
Oh gosh I think I caught up with your posts! Okay so this is a mexican guy right that we are dealing with? I’ve dated plenty of those in the past because they are hot lol. It’s going to take longer than most guys for them to calm down so expect to wait for some time before your ex reaches out to you. It’s just the way they are. I’ve dated them, best friend has dated them, cousins have dated them so I know this type of guy very well. The fact that one of his relatives made a fucked up comment about you being white-don’t even bother wasting time thinking about that. It has no bearing on what your ex will do and decide about your relationship. Since you have been with him for a long time, the color of your skin doesn’t matter to him. Your behavior and his behavior doomed this relationship not your races. I think it’s cool that you were an interracial couple!! Does he normally date outside of his race or does he just date mexican girls? What about you?
I hope you are having a super awesome time on your vacation. Your goal is to find the hottest guy every place you go…doesn’t matter if it’s in a restaurant, store, beach, airport, etc…and report back to me and Finntoga who once again has given plenty of excellent advice! You are trying to retrain your mind to understand that even if you and your ex don’t have a future, there are plenty of other guys out there for the taking!! It’s just a practice exercise for you that has helped other friends and I know it can help you. So get to it!! I’ve been busy working on projects because I’m a writer for women magazines and websites in real life. I write articles about every aspect of relationships and health so I’m always busy but I wanted to make sure you were doing okay.
Hi @finntoga, I know I need to tell him and I don’t think he will listen. And I feel mean And I know that shouldn’t stop me but I feel plain cruel. I don’t like hurting others. Blah. And sure, I’ll read it after vacation! I’m glad you can see improvement, that really means a lot to me. On another ex bf recovery site I posted and he said don’t worry about the phone thing bc I’m still early in NC…Finished day 11 though! So difficult. I really miss my ex I want him so badly. And I haven’t looked at his sites today. Leaving my phone behind really helps. Tomorrow I will be bringing it with me, though, and it will be tough! I need to talk to my therapist at 11:30 so we will see how I do allll day. Ugh. Anxioud about it. I also had a terrible day where my eating disorder was so strong today. I didn’t act on it, but was definitely tempted. I also had a food I’m super afraid of at dinner and was so uncomfortable, it tasted good and it’s still a fear food. I’m starting day 12 of NC now and nothing from my ex I’m feeling really down and bummed like he doesn’t want me ever… blah 
Hi @dragongirl, good to hear from you! It really means a lot to me that you and @finntoga are willing to help me out SO much through this.
Yes, my ex is mexican haha yes, they are hot…and I think latinos generally are lol I mean not all but still. And with my ex I became more attracted to him as I got to know him more. That’s usually how it happens for me. Now he’s the most attractive guy on earth to me due to our chemistry and also our emotional connection and all our good times, plus I think he’s a cutie anyway :).
Why does it take longer for them to calm down. haha I thought this was specific to my ex? Is it cultural? He struggles with anger issues and will shut down as opposed to calming down and working through it. Last time I believe he liked my pictures on Instagram day 18 or 19?? I just finished day 11. And now he can’t like my IG pics bc he has me blocked (he had me blocked before but he could still like my pics, now instagram has changed its settings. And yeah that comment really upset me. That’s also why I was so upset that his coworker liked him (or I thought she did) he clearly was not interested AND I was soooo intimidated bc she’s mexican and I’m not. I’m the first white girl he’s ever liked and also dated… He said hes never fallen for a white girl haha like I’m the only one. He pretty much has just dated mexicans I believe? I used to like blonde guys but never dated them, it didn’t work out. And then like 3 year ago realized I really like Latinos haha. My old ex was ecuadorian and this ex is mexican. We also would talk about our biracial children and how cute they would be lol I love mixed babies I think they’re beautiful. But another comment ex made like one time when he was frustrated when we first got together was like “you realize we are too different right” and said we had different things we thought were rude, came from diff backgrounds, diff beliefs. And it really bothered me. He never said it again so maybe it was just said out of anger/frustration a year ago? Idk…
OMG I don’t even like looking at other guys haha.
But I guess I could try… lol scoping them out at Disney World! LOL
And yeah I guess there are other guys out there and I don’t want to go on a date w that coworker bc I’m emotionally not available. But I think your suggestion may be a good idea bc I wouldn’t be talking to them just observing. Thank you for taking your time to reply to my thread! It means so much! Haha if you write relationship and health stuff I have a question, Am I one of the most obsessive/ craziest girls or have you seen crazier situations lol. And your job sounds awesome. That would be sooo cool!
So you are both in US then? I did think so but was not 100 sure. I live in Denmark at the moment but I am Finnish, before this I lived in UK and Ireland so I guess I dont have country anymore. I have never dated Mexicans but I have been to Mexico ; ). I guess that does not really count. In general all my latino experiences are from my travels so not whole lot. My cup of tea tend to be Aussies though I have dated Albanian, Greek, Finn, Brit, Canadian, American and Dane . My last boyfriend and the love of my life is Danish but sadly it seems that he was the love of my life but not me his. But it happens. @Dragongirl I am not surprised that you are writer because you express yourself very eloquently and I really admired that. I wish I was so much better at it but then again English is not my first language; ).
@brokenhearted I am happy to help you in anyway I can and you are doing well better than you think so be proud. And have fun during this break. Find your inner child in Disneyland, you are never too old to have fun in there.
We broke up just before xmas but it is fine. I have accepted it and no he has not asked me back and I decided since what he did to me, first contact must come from him, he has to show me he wants me but I believe he is seeing someone else so be it. I dont think about him that much because it is not good for me and I concentrate fully on my studies (final year , final exams in one weeks time, I had degree before from Finland and have been working for many years but decided to go back to school again). Yes I am the blonde hair blue eyes Scandinavian prototype with extremely fair skin which annoys me because I dont tan ever even if I try I only burn: ) I speak Finnish of course, Swedish, learning Danish but it is hard and also bit of French, Spanish, German and fair bit of Russian. I was lousy in maths in school so put more effort on languages ; ). Of course NC is effective you are working on your issues. If he does not miss you in first two weeks it will take month, two if it does that you cannot impact but being best possible you , you can and that will get you through either getting back together or accepting it is over which ever scenario comes through but that is something to deal with later now it is about you.
I have only been to Chicago airport to change flights on my way to LA. I have relatives around Michigan, Minnesota areas. Have been doing family history and am in contact with some over there. But you know how it is since you have Scandinavian heritage that there are lots of them around those parts: ). I have only been to Puerto Vallarta but it was great, I went there after I had been to LA and Vegas to see my friends and former colleagues so it was nice chill out time on the pool and beach and did a little tour as well.My favorite place in whole planet is Australia. Been there 4 times and love it.