@Brokenhearted, I’m glad I could help a bit! I agree-Latin guys are serious hotties in a variety of ways!! It takes longer for them to calm down because it’s in their culture. Growing up, many are not taught how to express their emotions especially to women. So this is a reason why you are struggling with your ex. He’s not sure wtf to do with negative emotions-and will shut down until his mind figures out a way to deal with them. How did he deal with previous breakups? He will most likely use the same coping mechanisms as before because he knows that it worked last time as well.
In general, how active was he on Instagram? And don’t feel intimidated that another girl has a better chance at him because she’s mexican…The large majority of guys don’t choose a girl purely on the basis of her skin. There were a lot of different factors that made your ex want a relationship with you. The fact that you were his first interracial relationship means that he seen something very special in you. How did you meet? And when he made this comment “you realize we are too different right” (it’s very obvious at that point, his mind was seriously considering a future with you (marriage, kids, etc…) because mentally he was trying to figure how the two cultures would work together. And like most guys in this type of relationship, totally freaked out haha. It’s very difficult to merge two cultures but many have done it. It’s a really beautiful process to have two completely different cultures intertwine their religion, celebrations, beliefs, traditions, etc and merge into one. I agree with you-the bi-racial kids are stunning with mixed features. It’s the best physical features of both races blended into one little soul.
lol go try scoping out other guys even at Disney World. There’s hot guys all around. You only need to check them out and notice things you admire! And I want you to ask yourself, would you date him? Yes or no? Purely judging them on their physical features. Your mission right now is to enjoy your surroundings…take in every little detail that brings joy into your life. I know how much a breakup can feel like a disastrous event in your life but you will see it’s just a small blip in your life radar once you are in the arms of your true love.
And yes, I love my job!! No, I have seen much crazier girls/situations than you Brokenhearted. I have seen girls try to cut their exs’ hair in their sleep so they can put a spell on them. One tried to cut an ex in some way so she could wear a vial of his blood like in movies she seen. I have seen girls send gifts and flowers to their exs’ work trying to get their attention. (So many flowers, that coworkers assumed someone had died!) I have seen girls use fake cell phones to take pics of exs’ with their new women then put the girl on a homewrecking site. I have seen girls put up with all kinds of shit from their men like buying the ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend a massive TV and giving her an apartment because it would make the ex-bf happy, believing that if she could make him happy that he would come back. Guys too!! I have seen a guy freak out and buy an expensive diamond ring and propose to an ex at her front door as soon as she opened it. Only to find that their ex was already hooking up with another guy-totally awkward moment lol. Trust me, your story is heartbreaking but not as crazy as you may think. There are girls that are a million times more extreme lol!!!
@Finntoga and Brokenhearted-Thank you for the endearing comments! @ Finntoga, I didn’t know you weren’t a native English speaker! You definitely fooled me because you have given such excellent advice with brilliant insights time and time again. You seem so strong during your breakup. Did you date after your ex? And although you didn’t know it at the time, your dating experiences would be a treasure trove of valuable information that would help Brokenhearted miles away. I love your timeline for an ex missing you. I think more people need to learn it and believe in that because it’s very true.
@DragongirlNo I have not dated anyone yet. I have flirted but I believe taking my time to grieve the most significant relationship I have ever had in my life and he was that for me. So far. He has been only person of my dating relationships where I felt 100% ability to be me and home. I have tendency to always keep small part of me from everyone just for me (and that applies to all my relationships with my family friends and I have some really good close friends and I am close with my mother and my sister but still I keep a bit to me) and he was the one person I felt ability to open 100% Show all of myself. I was devasted when it ended but I have always believed that you need accept people as they are, you cannot hold onto someone if they you are not what they want. It does not mean I am less of a person but for me it was a question of being honest and real even if it hurt. Pain is part of life’s tapestry and most important thing for me was to love him enough and love myself more to forgive him so I dont hold on to negative feelings and am able to continue without him. So now I am really busy with exams and work. I have friends and so many things in my life that I just keep myself grounded remembering what I have and not what I dont have. Something will come in future but I am also okay in my own skin to be alone it does not make me afraid. So for now until I feel ready to date I wont do it but I am open for something new so I dont keep myself closed but I have not yet met a man who can charm with his intellect and conversation because that is important to me. So in the mean I just have fun with my friends and meet my family when I can (we are all in different countries so it makes harder but we facetime weekly). You see I look at all life’s experiences as learning opportunities and chance to improve myself. Change will get you somewhere it could be different but just be open. I am so glad you did not notice that I am not a native speaker: ). I don’t believe he will come back , I used to but I dont think it is good for me to think like that. I get sad down but I have been the type in any of my breakups to contact person I guess I go to opposite i.e no contact. Usually what happens with exception of one guy they have come back six months or year later to ask me back but by them I have already either been dating someone else or moved on. My relationships last usually a year and with my first love it was for 3 years and this one it was for 2 and half years. It hasnt helped that I have lived in different countries that does impact situation because people have the fear what if she moves the country again but I am happy in Denmark so I want to stay here permanently for now : ).
Wow Dragongirl I am scared about the kind of people you have seen and the stuff you wrote. I would have not even considered such things . WOW! Brokenhearted that is really good advice from Dragongirl about checking guys out just as fun experiment. Do it in restaurants during dinner and everywhere.People watching is fun and takes your mind of from the ex for awhile. I pretty much agree with all that Dragongirl said above. So you see Brokenhearted your problems are things you can work on so you are the confident person you want to be and ready to be in happy fulfilling relationship.
Finntoga-Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us-that was special !! Your breakup aftermath sounded like it was really a journey of your heart and soul. And you even seem at peace after all these months! Even though you are not a native speaker, you have a way with words that is honestly captivating. A breakup is such a unique and personal experience but one fact always remains. I’ve seen this in thousands of couples over time. As soon as a person really lets go of an ex and has fully moved on, it won’t be long before that ex will want to be back in their life again. It has happened to me plenty of times exactly like you mentioned. I have always wondered why it always happens in this way. Is it karma giving them a taste of their own medicine? Fate? I have yet to figure that out.
Another thing I want to add-I see with each day that passes that Brokenhearted gets guidance and so much more from your words. @ Brokenhearted-there is a quiet strength in your posts that will continue to build as you take control of irrational thoughts and begin to put focus on the little joys in your life. I hope you are having one of the most memorable times in your life!!
lol yeah Finntoga I have seen plenty of girls/guys that are very desperate to get their exes back. I’m with Finntoga and totally agree that your problems Brokenhearted are fixable and you can overcome them to be an even more incredible woman. We are cheering for you because the universe needs someone with a really big heart like you!
@dragongirl Yeah, they are haha. I didn’t know it was a cultural thing AND he has anger issues and PTSD… so blahhhh. I’m super anxious though. I kept thinking of him today and how much I miss him blahhh. And yeah he told me before he shuts down and gets frustrated easily. I’m actually not sure how he dealt with previous breakups. He just said his ex gf (mother of his son) was crazy… etc etc. Also he has custody of his son… so that says a lot about the mom.
Well, he usually would be on at least a few days a week. I fell back and checked his IG, that coworkers, and then the mother of his son, and one of his friends…same as 2 days ago. Took me about a minute. blahhh. @finntoga it is so hard! Still off the school site though.
And ugh. I just didn’t like her bc I thought she was hitting on my man. I asked him about her if I should be jealous and he said no, and that I know that. I know he would get upset/hurt by my lack of trust… I also knew deep down I had nothing to fear and I still let my anxiety and lack of self love affect me.
We met at my first job out of college. Bout 3 years ago. We were coworkers. I remember thinking he liked me and him texting me a lot and he told me that he was dating someone from where we worked! I was sooooo confused! And kinda annoyed bc I was interested and thought he was too. Turned out later that he liked me the whole time…since he first met me -_- And he and this girl dated 1-2 months at most I believe…and he didn’t act on his feelings with me. It was annoying. She was mexican. I still dont like her. The job i recently turned down actually is the job that she worked at after leaving where I worked with my ex too. And I would have been taking her job. smh. That comment still bothers me. He said that and then prob a few weeks later said how he would go to church with me and we could get married and he also said that I would make a good wife. I said I would be a good mother and he said I would be a good everything. That was in July and I still to this day freak out bc he said the too different comment and never said it since and he would talk about kids and marriage…both of us. I honestly like different cultures… I didn’t care a thing about that, I want to learn his traditions and everything…even within cultures people still have different traditions and other things. And yeah aha I want my kids to be biracial, I think lol.
Ugh. I tried to look at other guys today but then I ended up comparing myself to all the girls. Thinking negative things about myself … thinking is she prettier than me, I look so fat (I’m not overweight I just view myself as such in a distorted way -_-)
And then I kept thinking of my ex. It was a mess. Hopefully I will have better luck tomorrow lol. And enjoy my surroundings some more. I feel like my ex is my true love. I don’t feel the same way about my old ex as I feel about this one, I never did. I hope we will get back together, but I’m not sure.
Haha your job sounds so entertaining! And wow, that is insane…Their exes could get restraining orders on them! But actually! My old ex is kinda crazy sometimes and he would not do anything like that. And the fact they want to put a spell on them is super creepy. Did they ask for advice? Also the blood thing also creepy lol
And wow…if I were the ex I would feel SO MAD getting all those flowers at work! That would push me away even more. And wow… some of them need to respect themselves 
Awe, I’m sad my story is heartbreaking and I’m glad it isn’t too crazy 
@Finntoga, you do have wonderful English! Even your vocabulary is sooooo good! I am so impressed with you 
You are definitely such a strong and admirable person and have helped me sooo much. It really means a lot to me that both you and @dragongirl have taken the time to aid me day by day …you girls have no idea how much it has helped
@Finntoga, yeah @dragongirls experiences made me laugh and also think "wow that is scary lol " And blah I tried checking out the guys today…found literally no one. Kept thinking of my ex and/or comparing myself to other girls. My eating disorder thoughts were super loud and my anxiety was soooooo high. I was kind of a mess. And yeah, people watching is soo fun , I like it too.
It means a lot that both of you think my problems are fixable, it really does. I oftentimes think I am worthless and hopeless and will never be healthy or in a better place. It’s pretty depressing So hearing the opposite from an unbiased source is great
@dragongirl, Yes I agree with what you said about Finntoga It really means a lot! And yes, you both have a captivating way with words! And haha that happened to me to with my old ex. I also had broken up when I was at my limit and knew I couldn’t fix him and I needed to stop trying to “help” him bc it was destroying me.
Last time this ex said break up and 3.5 weeks later he was saying he loved me and talking about snuggling smh ugh it annoyed me bc he needs to learn how to communicate!
Wow. you think I am making that much progress? Thanks! And quiet strength? Really? That makes me happy. I sometimes think I am completely weak. So that is nice to hear.
@Finntoga and @dragongirl. Sorry for posting 5 times, I wanted to make sure I covered everything My phone was in the car for most of today bc I wanted to make myself be more in the moment. Today was really hard for me. I was close to having a panic attack several times. I also spoke w my therapist and my insurance wants me to step down soon, which is soooo anxiety provoking I feel I am not ready. She is going to try to get me 8 more intensive outpatient sessions. I haven’t binged/restricted much if at all recently …last week I skipped a little bc I woke up late and used that as my “excuse” -_- But other than that I have tried to stick to my meal plan as much as possible. Hard though especially a lot of body hate coming up today. I’m so glad you both think my problems are fixable and it means a lot that you think I have a really big heart It really does
I keep worrying though, like if my ex’s phone is off does NC even work like as far as him missing me? Should I make it longer? My fear is he will never talk to me ever again!!! And especially with his phone off it makes it harder for him to talk to me, sure he could check email and he doesn’t do that much…but maybe he thought I would keep contacting his work? Who knows. I just hope he has realized by now that I have not contacted him! Has he noticed even if his phone isn’t working??? That is my fear.
Also his comment about us being friends in the distant future…does that mean he is going to move on and have no intention of being with me ever? Like distant future would give him time to get over me!!! I DON’T WANT HIM TO AND IT REALLY REALLY MAKES ME ANXIOUS What do I do ? Should I just assume that he wants to get over me and if we become friends will have moved on to some other girl? Or should I assume that he never wants to date me at all? Does that comment mean I have no chance? He didnt say that comment at our last break up…he did say thought that we were broken up and threatened to call the police if I kept texting him -__- I also was so mad I said I feel like you didn’t care about me and you don’t…you never did…etc. And (this was the break up in October) he goes “fine I didnt and dont care now stop texting me it’s annoying”
It was real mean. Idk I’m freaking out. Blah!
We broke up because he is the one who refused to tell ex that I am his gf, the ex who shared house and contributing was that he is emotionally immature at times i.e he does not like dealing with emotional matters and rather avoids which leads to deceiving and also at times little lies and I am tolerant of peoples weaknesses and bad qualities since I have loads myself but lying is the one thing that is unacceptable. He did not cheat, we did not have arguments we had trust but when he felt that he was not ready to take a step he would not tell me i.e moving in together. Lots of had to do that he is very rational and does not like strong emotions and we had very passionate relationship in every aspect and very strong connection and he always said even when we ended things and even that was very beautiful but sad moment that he loves me more than anyone but he is not ready(scared) he always takes lots of time to decide simplest things so big decision can take years to make in life whereas I am opposite.He is a beautiful person but lacks at times courage and I accept that. He told me when he left that until he is ready to choose happiness with me, it is better we are not in contact and I agreed it is better for me. But I found out couple months later that he had moved in with this new girl after just a month meeting her so either he just does not know what he wants because it is not like him (it took him 5 years to move in with previous ex) or she is the love of his life but I cannot sit here and ponder that and obsess about it because I dont know if he ever would come back and if not then I would have waited my life out when I am as worthy to have love and experiences. Everyone has said that it sounds really rash from him especially as she has child and he is not ood with children and he always said he does not want them but if I think about that it only would make me anxious and it is something not in my control. But I am in my own control. So please notice when you think about his phone, will he want you again. No one knows time will tell. We hope he will. The nc is about you so the length is what it should be based on your healing if it two months then it is. The jealousy about the other girl is because you did not trust yourself and him because there will always be people who want to flirt with your partner it is a big world but if you feel happy inside you then you dont get jealous take it is compliment. You need to trust your partner and your relationship because if man wants to cheat he will. You cannot stop that.
Thank you Dragongirl from your kind words : ). I do think it is like fate dealing the cards that people realize at times too late what they had and grass is not often greener. To be honest all mine that came back I was okay to lose. My first love I did take back after he cheated on me but we had dysfunctional relationship because I was so young and I did all the things one should not like call excessively and so on but that was the only time I had obsessive phase in breakup because I learned. But this one hurt me the most albeit I behaved the best I have. And Brokenhearted because I still love him deeply I do miss him at times when I let him come to my thoughts but I try to keep in mind that my first priority is my own wellbeing. You cannot give something to someone else if youd dont care about yourself first and foremost. And when I said to you that what are the things or treatment you can accept for me lying about feelings that also impact our relationship was not okay so I let him go.It was not what I wanted just like you dont want to let your ex go but he is not yours to have but him to want to be with you and you cannot hold on to someone who is not in that place. You are progressing so much day by day and like dragongirl said we are cheering you on because you are great person and your issues are all resolvable and the fact that you acknowledged them was the first step, second is taking ownership and working on them and you have taken that on too without fear so really you should be pleased with the achievements so far and continue striving forward and just like Dragongirl and myself they somepoint do come back. Look at your previous ex, guy cannot leave you alone because he knows he lost a great person. Your current x might want you back or not we do not know but he needs time to figure his stuff out and nowthat you mentioned that he also has custody of his kid I mean come on two jobs, child and he was also having a relationship and with all his issues as well no wonder he is not knocking at your door right now. Remember first thing that comes after leaving someone is relief and anger because he feels like you pushed him to walk out with your behaviour (at this point he cannot see his mistakes or any blame) and how long that will take depends on individual, once he has time to reflect then comes missing, regret, feeling bad for hurting you and memories and then if he loves you he will come knocking but you cannot push it, he needs to do at his pace so use the time well for yourself. Absolutely you can after 30 days contact him (once) to see how he reacts but only if you are confident that you are ready and in control of those negative behaviours you had and more importantly you think that you are important and matter and are great person : ). I know you miss him, love him and want him but he cannot be the reason for your existence and happiness. You are. But continue the great work you have done so far and keep writing here to deal with those feelings. We might not answer immediately due to work and me for exams but I do read it and will answer as soon as I can.
@finntoga
And yeah that makes sense about people realizing what they had… My old ex blames him becoming even worse on me Bc I broke his heart. He I think is getting better and is still obsessed w me. He says he’s dating a girl w a child. Well not dating but friends w idk he just wants a girlfriend or still a rebound and also asked me if I would get back w him. I said no. I made a mistake tho by asking if I’m prettier than this new girl -.- I was just feeling insecure and I get like that where I want anyone to affirm me. I need to work on that though like getting my self esteem from the inside, just loving myself
It is so exciting that you have put your own well being n front of your love for him I have a hard time putting myself first when I know it is most important
And yeah I know he is not mine and I still feel like he is and I’m his it really really sucks
It means a lot that you and @dragongurl are cheering me on
And yeah I know I need to keep working on myself I just get discouraged sometimes … Like it’s been 2 weeks since we broke up and day 13 nc and I’m really discouraged and I miss him so much and keep wondering is he going to talk to me
And yeah that’s a really good point. I always wanted to hang out w him and his son (I had before we were dating) then we became too unstable and I didn’t hang out with them. I didn’t even really think about his son being an issue Bc to me I was willing to work around that and also his time w his son
And yeah my old x realized that I’m worth it I guess? But he realized too late
And yeah I want him to contact me and keep freaking out if he will within the time or not
I actually hAve to go and I will respond to The rest of your post later today
@finntoga
Yeah I love him so much and miss him so much. I really am upset wondering what he meant by saying he hopes we can be friends but not til distant future does that mean he never wants to be w me at all? I’m heartbroken. It’s helpful to leave my phone in the car though… I also tried calling once again and checked his IG his coworkers and a friend of his -.- it feels like he doesn’t miss me or care at all
It’s day 13 nc and still nothing
@Brokenhearted, I have hard days too when I still miss him unbearably much and hope we would be together and when I am not so strong. He lied only to avoid drama and confrontation i.e this was the only thing we ever had argument about and not that severe either I simply said that he should be honest with the old gf about who I really am or if he does not want to be with me just tell me so. I did not require him to move in with me,wanted to but always made it clear that it is not something he has to do unless he wants to, I am not type of giving ultimatitums for me it is I ask myself what can I live with and accept and then talk to other person and explain my feelings. He did no lie about other things to make it clear I know him well inside out and always could see if something is bugging him but what I could not do is guess what that something was and he was. I think he lives with the other girl least he did in January not sure because we only had one common friend and she is the one who introduced us to each other and I decided that having her and telling me both good and bad despite me asking not to was not good for me so I told her honestly I cannot be in contact with her either. I had yesterday one of those tough days and feel deflated today as well but this is life when you love someone deeply it just takes time and I accept that , most days I am fine but when other stuff goes wrong you just wish your best friend and lover would be there but we dont always get that so I try to think that least I have known love like that some people never get it. I have friends, family, job, health, I can travel, study I have options and there are people so much worse off. Always when you think you have it bad there is someone out there who is worse off. He was angry when he said that so dont take everything he said in the moment of breaking up so seriously. It is only day 13 that is barely two weeks so at the end of the day short time for most people. He has lots of things going on at the moment so he needs to deal with those. And why do you keep saying I dont know if he contacts you within time, you mean this 30 days? That is generic, people are different he might need longer than a month so be prepared for that don’t get fixated to the length of time. To be honest you also think of this friendship thing wrong as well because you want to get back to his life and you want him to see you are working on yourself and do not go crazy when things do not go the way you want because that will happen a lot. Especially when there is a child involved which I am glad you realized : ) His son is not an issue but as much as you wanted to be with them all the time it is important that they have their twosome time without you because that child will go before anyone in his life. It does not mean he does not love you and could love you but that is part of the contributing factors that he ended because he does not want dysfunctional relationship around his son and taking care of child and working same time is really though. I have friends who do it and man I dont know how they do it? It does not mean he does not think of you but he needs time to process things so please do not look at it as the worst thing ever and better he says he wants you in his life in some form than saying he does not.Because sometimes best relationships comes from friendships . I mean imagine breaking up like I did, we made love, hugged, held hands kissed hugged some more and he held me so tight then he told me that when ever he is with me he wants to be with me all the time and he thinks of me always. What do you do with that, he says those things and still chooses life without me? To me it speaks either fear of feeling so strongly (apparently his cheeks were hurting when he was with me because he smiled so much) or lack of wanting to be with me which hurts but I got to see it that way regardless am I right or wrong. I did say he is emotionally immature even if he is 35. So it is not such a picnic that way either. It is actually harder to let go of hope that way.And I know I needed to for me because I dont move forward in my life if I just would have sit and hoped and waited. I needed to have changes coming that made me feel good about myself again because when you break up as you know you feel unattractive, unwanted like a loser and that is not okay. You and I are fabulous people and we need to remember that even on bad days so do not think of what he said on the moment he was really angry because it is time and his actions later that will tell you what the situation is and I mean his actions not words. You are showing so much self awareness already which is great so all these things. At the end of the day just try to be best person you can and good things will come to your way. That I am sure because good things are happening to me too every now and then and I feel happy on those moments and I enjoy them even if I am heartbroken and miss him. So you can too enjoy moments when being sad and missing him and little by little those moments becomes more and more and you realize that you will be fine what ever happens and you are in control of your fears, anxiety and eating disorder and that is wonderful feeling to have. Good to see you are enjoying our holiday : )
Hi Brokenhearted-I hope you have been able to calm your anxieties a bit. I’ve just catching up on your latest posts with Finntoga. Addressing your comment “we can be friends but not til distant future does that mean he never wants to be w me at all?”
You have to understand that your ex wrote his last e-mail when he was highly highlyyy emotional. He may try to sound clinical and like the decision was cut and dry for him but I guarantee it was also emotional for him too. You guys were together a long time. You WILL NOT be easy to forget. Little things will remind him of you even when he may trying to avoid thinking of the relationship so he will also be hurting. Please don’t put so much focus on his last words. It may feel like he doesn’t miss you but you could be completely wrong about that. One of the best things about being apart is that it is giving him plenty of time to forget all the insignificant things that bothered him. So think of time as being an eraser of bad moments in your relationship. The more time that passes, the more he is likely to remember the best things about you and your relationship.
Another thing I want to add-don’t be so harsh on yourself when you check his social media or even call his phone. Slipups while trying to break obsessive behavior are bound to happen. As long as you are aware that you messed up, it’s okay. Like Finntoga said, you are definitely developing a lot of self-awareness in different areas of your life. This is all part of your breakup transformation-so you should be really proud of all the things you have been able to achieve so far. I also agree with everything Finntoga said. Especially when she talks about the 30 days of NC. This timeline is not set in stone. You may find that you need more time to get your head straight even more before you contact him. Or you may think you are ready to contact him by then. We just don’t know at this time. So just enjoy discovering different things about yourself and the world as the days go by.
@Finntoga, Everything that I wrote about you was true!! I’m sorry to hear that you had a bad day missing the ex. I love your guideline on dealing with issues that come up in the relationship. “I ask myself what can I live with and accept and then talk to other person and explain my feelings.” That is also the best way to try to come up with some sort of compromise with a partner.
You are also very true in saying that many people won’t know what true love is in this lifetime. Millions of people try online dating looking for someone to love but find it impossible. So if you got to experience that in your life, you were blessed. It sounds like you have a full life so keep embracing all the great things about it. And yes, it’s very normal to have the I-miss-ex-so-much-I-can’t-bear-it feelings from time to time. The emotions in a breakup never follow one singular pattern. They ebb and flow and are very unpredictable. Regardless of what life throws at you, both you and Brokenhearted are fabulous women-don’t ever forget that.
@finntoga, Yeah, today was soooo hard. I kept thinking of him all day Kept thinking of being there with him and/or him proposing, etc --And yeah, I understand your frustration. He didn’t need to lie he could have been honest. Was he older than you or younger? And yeah, I used to give ultimatums and realized that was not healthy And yeah, that makes sense that you didn’t require him to move in although you wanted him too, he definitely lost out on a wonderful woman! That is really good you are able to think and then explain your feelings. :)And yeah that is how I felt w my ex as well, I would know when he’s upset but he didn’t always tell me. And omg, he moved in that quickly? That’s ridiculous especially if he didn’t know her -- and wow, I think that’s a good and strong choice you made about the common friend I"m so sorry to hear you had such a rough day yesterday as well And yeah it does take a lot of time… I have never loved someone as much as I love my new ex. I am just madly passionately in love with him …would be cute…if we were together
I also am getting upset bc when we got together in July of last year he said I would meet all his friends and his family and I never met any! He said this after we had gotten back together as well, and still nothing I think though that it was because we had gotten in that reallly unhealthy dysfunctional cycle… but I can’t help but internalize even though I think it doesn’t mean anything. And yes I know what you mean. My boss harrassed me and laughed when she made me cry a few weeks ago and I so desperately wanted to tell my ex :(That is true thought, there are people worse off. I have a job and a family who loves me (even though not all of them fully understand my mental health and ED issues, some do, though)
And yeah I guess he was angry…I’m still upset and annoyed about that though. And yeah I just completed day 13 of NC. Blah. I tried calling AGAIN and still nothing. I need to stop. -_- And yeah I mean these 30 days. I hope I am ready to contact him by then and I know I would be a bit upset and let down if I haven’t heard from him by then, as I am already starting to think that he just does not miss me or care. And yeah I do want him to see I am working on myself and I guess the reason why is honestly bc I am SO TERRIFIED of him moving on!!! And yeah, you’re very right. He does need alone time with his son, I respect that. I also felt insecure because I am waiting until marriage and he, obviously, is not a virgin (he has a son) And I felt like I wasn’t giving him all of me or something and this was just from me, he had stated he was sexually frustrated and wanted to wait for me and he never pressured me or anything.
Wow, that sounds like a terrible way to break up as well. Especially giving you all those physical signals and then saying goodbye! You are so strong and I really admire you for handling that as eloquently as you did…I would have been a mess.And It’s really encouraging to see how much you have moved forward! It’s so incredible. And yeah, I definitely felt like a loser and unattractive and all those bad things blahhh or like too imperfect, he doesn’t deserve to deal w a girl w mental health issues… all that stuff. And yeah that’s a good point about words vs. actions.
I’m glad I’m showing self awareness! I feel like I don’t see it or improvement and I’m happy and encouraged that you and @dragongirl see it! And yeah it is sooo hard to control my worries my anxiety my fears, my ED… I really want to just not eat anything! And i have not done it…so I guess that says something. I found out I will be stepping down in treatment soon and kinda freaking out. Also got a new job and start may 4th so hoping that’s a good change.?
