You’re not alone bguarino! Don’t contact her, whatever you do. Try to distract yourself and don’t think about that day one year ago. You are right to feel angry towards her, but with time that anger will lessen. And , as Kevin says in one of his emails, you will never get closure from her, people don’t give each other “closure” when they leave them. Think about other break ups in your life - maybe one instance where you did the leaving. Did you give that person “closure”? Maybe you did, but you can’t ask for it. And what will you hear? I hope she will contact you herself, but till she does, stay strong, and make plans for your move - good luck with that - and your new life in a new place! All the best to you. Dont feel alone, we’re all with you! And in the same damn boat.
hang in there, I think you should first figure out your thoughts and feelings, then go from there, stay strong. 
That one year date is coming up for me too, on Nov 2nd. It’s just another day, now it doesn’t mean anything because the anniversary never happened. I might be a little sad, but I’m just going to distract myself. You should do the same. She doesn’t matter anymore in your life because you are the most important person in your life. Make your future plans that will make you happy…we have to believe in something good in the future to go on, so work towards that…You are not alone.
Travel- mentally prepare yourself. Tell yourself over and over you expect nothing. I said that to myself, but I really didn’t believe it, and it upset me when nothing happened. The only benefit is without any contact you get some more closure. Now I expect less for our 1 yr “couple” anniversary and my birthday in a few weeks (both occur in the same week).
I’m sorry. He broke up ten days before my birthday. It’s hurtful, but yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you for your support.
Travel- I wish I had your strength. You seem to be doing much better based on your own thread. I commend you for that. I see you just went on a date. That is a really good step. I’ve always been hesitant to date, it takes a connection for me to be eager about it, and so far online dating has been a disaster for me. I exchange messages, phone numbers, and then nothing happens. The person just goes silent. It doesn’t help in the context of all this ex-gf baggage. Anyways…
I thought I was doing better. I’ve lost 25 lbs doing cross-fit so I am back in my P90x shape. I’ve traveled to Europe and Nashville in the past month, seen friends and family, and I’m going to Europe again for a week next week. Overall, I’ve been busy. I have watched and read a lot of Corey Wayne. I even paid for him to respond to an email to get his take on my situation.
Yet I am still completely fucked up and want my ex back. Every moment alone she is all I think about, and how I was single for 5 years before meeting my recent ex. How it took me forever to be ready to date again. I do not want and cannot go through that again. Yet I am completely hung up on my ex. No matter how much “tough love” advice I get or read it is only a band-aid. My ex-gf was everything I wanted (hot, funny, smart, crazy in bed, etc.) save her insecurity. So my new goal should be to find that same thing without the insecurity? Find the perfect person? That doesn’t seem like realistic advice.
I think I hate myself most for not working it out 8 weeks ago. I feel completely lost and reaching out to her is constantly on my mind although I KNOW BETTER. I honestly am wondering what’s the point of living… as sad as it is to say that
sorry for the pity party, but friends and family, I feel at least, have heard enough
You have the strength inside you. You may not feel it, but it’s there. You have to believe in yourselves. I’ve had days when I felt “what’s the point of all this?” But eventually I realized that every time I’ve broken up, I’ve always found someone better. And I believe I will this time too, when I’m ready.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. Don’t be so hard on yourself for taking long. It’s your journey, embrace it instead of trying to fight it. Tell yourself, this is how I’m feeling, so I’m going to feel it instead of trying really hard not to feel it. I’ve had breakups where I was where you are right now. I just bounced back a lot easier this time. Trust me, I still want my ex back but I’m just done obsessing over it. I’m living my life one day at a time. Frankly, if he contacts me, I’ll probably just tell him that I am not ready yup be friends and continue nc. He’s the source of my pain, so I had to eliminate it.
I really believe that if there is something really special there, your ex will realize it and try to come back. But I don’t know how she feels about it. You have to let time pass to find that out and you can’t just hang on in the mean time. You have to move on. Don’t go on dates if you don’t want to. Do something that’s truly productive for you that makes you happy. I love traveling and it’s awesome that you get to travel. Try to find happiness around you, it’s there. Look for it, don’t ignore it. Don’t be overshadowed by this darkness you are feeling. You have to feel what you are feeling, no way around it. Accept that. You have to believe that it gets better. You know it will!
You’ve been a lot of support to me over the last month. Thank you for being here. I’m here to listen to you as well.
I lost a good friend because of my ex. My college ex-gf that I was rooming with when I met my ex. I chose to throw her out (it’s my house) and fight with her in order to keep my gf, and now she hates me and we barely speak.
Then my dog dies. A dog I had for 10 years. My best friend.
Then my ex and I break up, and to be honest I can’t remember who broke up with who. She says she did it. I say I did it. But I was drunk every day for 2 weeks (the two weeks after my dog died). Not my best moment.
So now I am living in my house alone. No friend. No dog. No gf. It all fell apart in a matter of months like a bad country song.
And my ex is happy as can be. I am not saying that because I am stalking her. I am saying that because that is who she is. She moves from relationship to relationship without care. It’s how she copes with things. I was her rebound from her last (2 yr) relationship. I see that now. How she talked about her ex with me, made me drive by his house, all that nonsense. But still we became best friends and when the relationship ended, for some reason, I did not stop and think what I was doing or what would happen. I was acting on ignorance and emotion. Now I just have regret.
My house is now a reminder of everything. My dog’s food is still sitting there. My ex’s towels are still in the dresser. And I am stuck here for at least another month until I have enough money saved to move.
Heck even moving is stressing me out. If I do that and she reaches out, which happens often based on the 3 relationship forums I read, then what? It’s too late because I am gone.
I want my ex to contact me. That’s my problem I think. I need to know she is still thinking of me. That my fantasy of her ending her relationship with this guy (who in all honestly how can someone date someone 1 week out of a 10 month relationship and not be like “wtf”?) and reaching out to me will happen at some point.
I am currently in Italy for work and last night was in vienna. Anyways at some point last night my ex sent me a text. I have her blocked so they bypass my messages and go to the archive ( strange yes but that’s how my phone works). Anyways this morning I decided to archive a few girls from dating websites because I realized I’d rather focus on me till after the holidays. So I move the conversations to the archive and lo and behold there is a text from my ex: “Hey. How are you doing”.
So I’m conflicted on what to do now…its been three weeks without contact from here. 1 month from me.
A) tell her to come over, we can cook dinner, hangout and catch up. basically a direct approach.
If she is still with her boyfriend I’ll tell her to “not contact me anymore unless it does not work out with him. I’d love to see her, but it’s not right that we both keep taking when she is with another man.”
B) continue nc
Thoughts?
I think you should continue nc for a little longer until you decide what you wanna do. funny how shes looking for you now. I guess when you move on is when they start coming back. good luck would you mind helping me out with my situation? thanks
Hmm…It’s a tough one. When my ex reached out, it was to say hi and to make himself feel better. It wasn’t because he wanted me back. So, know that, this maybe just for her. she maybe checking to see if you’ve moved on or not. Which obviously you kind of have. How are you feeling about it? If she wanted you back, she would tell you. Plus, aren’t you in Italy right now?
I don’t know, I feel like I’ve moved on and don’t want to go back anymore and reopen those wounds. But if you want her back, you may have to respond.
First tell us what your thoughts are…
Yeah I only mentioned being away because its been a good distraction. She’s crossed my mind but not as much.
Part of me does want her back.
She is reaching out for some reason. Right? She could have never reached out forever. I am pretty sure she cut off her prior bf totally after a week or so (he also broke up with her but had another girl lined up).
It could be curiosity or boredom or interest. No way of knowing till I find out.
So do I?
I don’t think you should. But it’s your choice. Sometimes to need more answers to have closure, so if that’s what you want, then go for it. But it doesn’t seem like she’s contacting you to get back with you. If she was, she would be more persistent.
Hi,
I just read your story.
I think if you want to get her back, you should not respond. By not responding it will make her think she lost you for good and when that happens, she will want you back. Wait until she makes contact a few more times, then respond.
If you are done with her, then respond.
good luck!
travel- yeah i understand. she is probably looking to check up on me, am i dating anyone, thinking of her, etc. however she thought of me enough to reach out. especially after all the hateful things she said 4 weeks ago and me saying nothing for 4 weeks straight.
no easy answers, only I can decide…
ok so here’s the update. I replied to her “how are you doing?” text message after about 3 days. I was in Italy the time so I sent these messages at about 9AM local time, 3 AM EST. I was not expecting a response because obvi people are sleeping. I did that on purpose to prevent a back and forth exchange right away.
Me (3:07 AM EST): Hey. I’m fine. You should come over to my place some night. We can cook dinner, hangout, and catch up. Brew [her dog] is welcome too.
Her: (5 seconds later): It’s 3AM what are you doing up?
Me (+1 min): I’m in Italy. What are you doing up?
Her (+2 min): You’re still there? I am working overnights for a week for my project.
Me (+7 min): I arrived on Monday and I’m flying home in a few hours.
Her (+8 min): Oh didn’t you do there in October too
Me (+4 min): No just London that time.
Her (+3 min): Cool
Her (+3 min): I’d come hang but I don’t think Jon would like that (angry face emoticon) - [Now here I am not sure if the angry face means she’s upset because she can’t hang out, or it’s to represent Jon. I am also wondering if this is just a polite decline]
Her (+2 min): I am glad you are doing well
Her (+26 min): Are you seeing anyone now
Me (+1 min): If you are still with your boyfriend then please do not contact me anymore unless it does not work out with him. I’d love to see you, but its not right that we talk when you are with another man.
Her (+3 min): Ok
Her (not sure when this was sent because I shut my phone off for the airplane): I’m sorry I just wanted to see how you were.
That’s all folks. Overall it was not too bad I think. Especially compared to past conversations. I am glad it stayed civil.
My take on it
- She reached out (positive)
- She is curious what I am doing (positive)
- She mentioned her bf for the millionth time (negative)
- She is upset (angry face) that her bf would be mad and we can’t hang out (if true then positive)
- She is made an excuse not to hang out b/c of her bf (if true then negative)
- She is curious if I am dating anyone (positive)
Thoughts on her comments and the overall conversation? Thanks!
I don’t understand this type of reaching out. I am glad that it was positive, but I think it is weird to reach out when she is in a relationship with someone else. I mean, I would only do that if I wasn’t really interested in him/her and was really interested in being with the person I was reaching out to. I don’t really have a good take.
I am having a really hard time myself. I really want to reach out to my ex, and we have been in no contact for over 30 days now. But I don’t feel good enough about myself to reach out to her. My birthday is in two weeks, so I am hoping that I hear from her then, but I may not.
You think it is weird for her to reach or for me reply?
If you’re saying it’s weird for her I totally agree. I mean it’s not weird like a two headed person, it means she is thinking about me in one way or the other. And yes if you switch places and are in a relationship with someone, what would make you reach out to a recent ex? What does it say about your current relationship?
Oh, it is weird for her to reach out because she is in another relationship. It is perfectly natural for you to reply.
She is thinking of you, and it is natural to think about a recent ex even in another relationship, but it just seems like you wouldn’t reach out to that ex if you are happy with your current relationship, you know?