Hey everyone. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, this site and others, and came across a variety of NC guidelines- ranging from 14 days to infinity (until your ex contacts you in a meaningful way). I also read that each situation is unique and only I know what is best for my situation.
That said, I have been following my ex online, yes stalking. She rejoined facebook after years off it, and that site threw her in my face (Add as Friend???) and the dating site we met on she is now back on it. I take this to mean she is looking for dates, and her rebound didn’t go so well.
Also I went through 21 days of NC without initiating contact, but I reply twice to her texts after days of ignoring them.
So this morning I sent her a text. I said “Hey. I just had a crepe from that café we used to go to. It reminded me of you and us going there for breakfast each weekend. I am glad we did that”. So far it has been an hour without a response. At first I was shaking after sending it, but now after an hour without a response I feel calm. I have been very angry with her these past days so I am mixed about getting a response.
So the conversation went well I thought. She replied, we caught up on how we are doing. I then ended the conversation saying I had to run to a meeting. She replied with:
Have a good day
There is nothing good that is going to come from us talking, I’m happy you are doing things for yourself. I am with Jon now. He is great, everything I’ve wanted in someone -social,outgoing, loves life, does crossfit, plays ultimate frisbee, he is very active and well accomplished, loves his job, makes good money and cares for me. That’s all I needed in someone
You’ve had all these chances, you wanted to just sit at home everyday and watch movies and play games.
I couldn’t see a future with you and I still couldn’t now sorry
Me: For the record I wasn’t texting you trying to get back. Just being friendly and passing a slow morning. But I do sincerely wish you the best. Hope you get speciality soon!
Her: Specialty?
Me: At work…moving on up. I know it meant a lot to you. Just well wishes.
Her: Dude you were my problem and I got rid of you. Just leave me alone your worthless and wasting my time
wow those must have hurt. diffidently do no contact asap. and literately start working on yourself. even if you dont get her back you’ve still have become stronger and a better person after this. I think if you wanna contact her again you should at least do 2 months of no contact. good luck and keep us posted. do you mind reading and letting me know what you think of what I worte? thanks
Thanks. It was tough to read the first time, but I learned so much from our talk.
She replied to me. After her texting me first for 3 weeks and me just giving basic polite answers, I sent her the first text since the break up and she responded relatively quick (with my phone I can see when she reads it and the reply came seconds later).
We had a good civil conversation talking about how we are doing, work, activities, and her dog. When I asked what she has been up to she did not say hanging with her new boyfriend- she said work, friends, and her dog.
Her rant (not sure what to call it) about her boyfriend’s qualities and not ever wanting to get back together with me came totally unprovoked. I said goodbye and she replied with that. I did not say I wanted to get back together. I think she was trying to make jealous or something.
I took the high road and responded I was happy for her and wished her the best. I wished her luck in getting a promotion at work. She responded by calling me worthless and wasting her time. But then after a while she back tracked and apologized. She said she thought I meant something else. I’ve re-read this part and I cannot figure out what she was confused about. I think my niceness upset her because she wants to mad with me. At the end she said she is still on edge with me because I hurt her.
So overall,
She started a relationship 1 week after we broke up. She brings up how great it is all the time. She is trying to make me jealous.
Reality- she is very hurt and misses me. She does not want to be hurt again and thus the anger in her words. She needs more time.
Travel that is my plan NC until she reaches out, if she does. I have focused on myself. Doing a sports league, cross fit, and flying to London and Nashville all in the next 3 weeks.
What do you think of the text messages and my thoughts on them?
I think you replied with respect and dignity so be proud of that. Don’t ever lose your dignity to anyone…we all do, but not after your ex leaves you. You were strong enough to reply with poise, whereas, she replied with a lot of emotions. I don’t know what’s going on with this other guy, but if she has that much of a reaction from your text, she’s still not over you. She needs to process her feelings and calm down. Give her time.
The only way, I will accept my ex again is if he begs and pleads…not with it otherwise. You should value yourself more and continue to make positive changes for yourself like you have been.
Thanks travelbug. Can you give me your honest opinion on what my ex said to me (as opposed to my reply)? Chris from the exgfrecovery site said the conversation, and I copied it exactly, “it seems relatively good”. I am having a hard time seeing how it was good, except she responded and then she later apologized. The middle part though…like you said full of emotions.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad. But it sounds like there’s a lot of emotions from her side. She may act and say that she has moved on but she would act indifferent if that was the case. She is not over you yet. But do you want to wait around till she resolves her feelings?
I know, everyone I know is pissed at her for how quickly she “moved on” and the subsequent texts she sent me in the first 3 weeks. They all say move on, but all of us here know how hard that is. As we do NC do make them miss us, we also start to forget the bad memories too. Thinking of her sleeping with hew new bf makes me mad, but right now I would still take her back.
I spent 5 years single and she was my first date. I had/have a lot of issues stemming back to high school where my gf at the time left me (or cheated on me I never really knew which) with my best friend. Right there I lost my gf, best friend, and my entire group of friends. That took me 3 years to get over. Then my next gf last two years after college and that whole time I never really committed to her. Never once thought about getting married.
So 5 years go by, and I work up the nerve to actually look online, and within a month she messages me. Just a funny intro, that I didn’t get right away, but we messaged for a week then met up and right away we hit it off. She was completely open and spontaneous, and had no fears. After two months I was fine saying “when we get married, when we have kids” it was that kind of love…
So will I wait around? I am trying not to, but I don’t plan on any serious dates. I won’t be looking, but if I meet someone who knows. Need to go NC for at least another month…maybe she will reach out and maybe she won’t.
The other relationship she’s in might be a rebound, but only time will tell.
You should back off completely and let her initiate contact. She needs to resolve her feelings and sort out her emotions.
It’s up to you whether you want to wait or not. Only you know what you guys had and what kind of potential there was in the relationship. Do, what’s best for you.
In the mean time, it won’t hurt to go out on dates and be distracted.
hey everyone. So on the advice of a friend I accepted her snapchat friend request. Just being friendly. I wait about a day and then posted on mystory (which is a public list of snaps that all friends can access) 3 photos of my trip to london, one of which is a selfie of me dressed up for work.
So a few hours go bye and my ex texts me:
Her: I am only friends with you on snap to be nice. taking pics of yourself doesnt make me want you, I hope you know. I already had sex with Jon so I would never go back to you. Sorry. Nothing turns me off more than people taking pictures of themselves. I would rather see you in a picture with a girl having fun. I re-read your dating profile and there are a ton of red flags I missed. I can take you off snapchat if you are getting the wrong idea.
Me:I sent that photo to many people not just you. And you added me as friend…so i can’t take photos of myself? Also I asked for the breakup, but realized I made a mistake after two weeks. I was hurting from my dog dieing and drinking alot. I didnt feel good about myself and pushed everyone away. But I was wrong and realized that after 2 weeks. But you started dating in 1 week which tells me a lot about you. No good can come from being friends on snapchat or any other app right now.
Her: I was over you before the summer started. I knew you werent the one but just kept going. I realized who you are and you were never going to change. Okay then don’t add me, you are stressing me out again. Jon doesn’t do this to e. We are official so it’s a done deal now.
Me: Well I am happy for you. I really am. Like I said before you deserve happiness. I am sorry I stress you out, but I dont appreciate the angry texts from you. But I am busy so goodbye.
Her: Are you kidding me, you traumatized me and Jons trying to mend me.
That’s as far as it went before she blocked me I think. I also unfriended her on snapchat and blocked her texts.
Thoughts (aside from I shouldn’t have responded or posted the photos- but its my snaps to my friends what does she expect I cannot take photos of myself?)
I didnt think things could worse but they just did. I blocked her in google hangouts, but it only blocked the google part not her phone. I had that in archived messages and forgot about it. Anyways since her messages this AM I did not contact her at all. I am sitting with a client and my phone starts going nuts.
After the meeting I check it and she sent many texts. Ill sample them because they are long…
whatever makes you feel better, think you broke up with me.
You are the one that needs help. You are an awful person.
-You have no friends and there is a reason everyone breaks up with you
You are a waste of time and I dont know why I bother trying to be nice to you
-Ill be writing [my previous ex gf] an apology letter for my reactions to her and I totally feel for her
She then sent me emails…yeah didn’t block those either…
I am getting a restraining order against you. Please do not contact me again about places that remind me of you. I do not care. You are causing me anxiety and this is not good.
30 mins later another one:
This all needs to stop. I don’t want to feel bad for doing this to you. Just dont bother contacting me anymore. What is done is done. I am happy with Jon, find your happiness.
FOR THE RECORD- she threatened a restraining order during the break up. I did not contact her in the following 3 weeks while she sent me at least 5 messages. Since I sent one text to her last week I have not sent any direct messages to her. I do not count a public array of photos as contacting her (and if it does she invited it by friending me). She initiated contact today multiple times.
Relax, don’t reply. She is taking out all her frustration on you. She ll text you again I can bet.
And idk why but I think she is telling and convincing herself that she is happy with jon!!
Idk exactly whats going on in her mind but she is still not over you!
Start NC again.
Yeah her two emails are dripping with guilt. I followed the method and sent her a positive text last week. It reminded her of me and it hurt her, she actually says do not do that again. Right now though she is killing any love I have for her, and maybe she is doing it on purpose. I have only been nice to her each time she lashes out wishing her the best and happiness. I am not going to get into a fight with her and that probably upsetting her more.
I feel bad for her a little too. She is obviously in pain but doesnt get the chance to let it out since she jumped into another guy’s arms so quick.
Yeah you did the right thing. Let it be. Leave her like that only. When she’ll come to her senses, she’ll realise what she did and what she’s doing. Give her time and keep yourself busy
I wish I had your optimism but I think she is confused and feels guilty but is going to stick to her decision. And I have no faith in this 5 step plan. I followed it and it only made things worse. She said she doesn’t want to hear any thing from me that reminds me of her.
stay strong, your a strong person. its only over if you say its over. if you really love her then I think you should fight for her. remember that the 5 step plan also says it may not work but for the majority of the time it does. Also it sounds like shes still very hurt. If I were you I stop all contact with her if you still have any. and if your not doing no contact start doing it. keep yourself so busy that shes the least thing that would come to mine. make friends if you dont have many, go out with co workers and have fun,ect. keep doing you and forget about her for the moment. you need to be so confident that she wouldnt even notice if you feel insucure or not. the Jon guy is probably her rebound guy, dont worry about him too much. dont talk bad about him and change your way of expressing yourself if talking about him. (basically using psychology to try to get her back) are you getting kevins emails? if not you should. he gives you pleanty of tips for getting her back. you should do no contact for like 2 months. give her time to cool down and give you time to better improve. have you gone out on dates if not you should do that. just keep doing things that make you happy. after 2 months if you wanna contact her again, then by all means do so. but give more space in between. hope this helps.
do you mind reading and letting me know what you think of what I worte? thanks