cant find your post. you reply to alot of people. plz provide me with a link when you have a chance.
Telling her what time and consoling when you leave the convo is good
Alright. My last response was “The appointment is at 14:00. Dont worry, I will be fine.” I think thats okay right? What I said at the end was consoling but still left the opportunity for her to ask tomorrow. Leaving her asking is desirable I believe because it makes her come to me. Checking out your post now.
Appreciate it
Alright your post is quite long considering all the responses youve had. Ive given it a once over and will go through it again tomorrow to try and see if I have any input of value. I do know that a woman will use returning belongings as a reason to keep a form of contact with a man. I have experienced this in the past. You left this or that here. Anything that connects the 2 of you is a potential for contact if she needs it. Also she may be uncertain about the meeting on friday and not want to come across as over eager.
Thanks mate, I don’t think eager is the issue. I think she thinks I know something and she can’t lie for shit. She is like an open book.
So I think she may not want to expose her nice person persona to be a facade.
Apologies I havent read your entire post. I will read it tomorrow. Just a quick question. Have you read “The Game - by Neil Strauss”? It has a lot of dubious tricks and things that I do not advocate. But it gave me a great understanding into the female mind when I went through my first major breakup. So perhaps it will be helpful.
Hey there dudes sorry I was snoozing haha. Final shine how can you be sure that me ignoring some of his messages will bring the affection back. Especially when he’s trying to get with some other girl that really affected our relationship when we were together. If he wants to ever be with me again this is not the way to bring the trust back. He also hasn’t been in contact with me since he cancelled the movie date which he organised to go with me.
Now in regards to your updates there were so many while i was asleep haha. I know she is concerned and its a nice thing that she’s concerned but I think you sort of have to go this one alone. Even though she’s offering her support you two aren’t together at this point in time so offering such help can be misleading and especially when you both just need space at ths point in time. My ex and I didn’t have any contact for a whole week after it ended then we sent basic easter messages then the next week he sent me a text about my money and then only after about 5 weeks of being broken up did he ask to meet up with me. And then thats when he started getting me hung up on him more and playing his stupid games even if he didn’t know he was playing games. So you just need to be careful space is good 
just don’t get caught up in the trap
How can you be sure. You can’t. But as a guy I can tell you it is the best shot at making him realise that he can lose you. Which will make you attractive to him. U have the love already. I really like the analogy of the cat and piece of string. Drop the string in front of the cat and it doesn’t want anything to do with it. U are a text away. And while there is all this string dangling around him but the one right in front of him doesn’t draw attention anymore. He loves you. He has deep feelings for you. But u always have to keep things a little exciting and enticing. Its really just keeping passion and flirtation. Which brings good emotions. The piece of string that he has a history and love with will be the one he wants in the end. I apologise for making this sound like a game and l understand your trust issue. But insecurities and being a doormat only make the piece of string less desirable and although he really loves that piece of string it doesn’t bring the excitement back. As per my message above to Jburg, I read a book called the game by Neil Strauss a number of years back. I have been researching male and female attraction and dating advice for close to 10 years. Attraction is a natural instinct. Love is different. Do you have a pet? A great example and this is true with every sentient creature with a brain. This example is really evident in dogs. If you chase your dog what does it want to do? It will run away. But if u stand near your dog and run away from it it will chase you. Without question. People are exactly the same, we only have overdeveloped brains that tell us to behave in certain ways and not to do these things. But when it comes to something as powerful as emotion the instinct kicks in. Don’t be the chasing dog or the piece of string sitting there. Find yourself again. U know how easy it is to get some guys chasing you? Have some fun with it. I’m not suggesting u go and bang these guys. But men are really besotted with women. I don’t know the rules with linking other sites here but I can show you websites with literally hundreds of thousands of men looking to learn how to hook up with chicks. Have some fun. Experience some guys in the pub trying to hit on you. Watch them chase you and let it build your self esteem up. Wow. Hope that helps. Well its 2am here. If he texts u while I’m asleep don’t respond. Unless it is a genuine emergency. I wanted to talk to u about some concerns about my little message exchange earlier. But I’ve just taken 2mg of xanax cos I need it to sleep. Goddamn life and its stresses.
I will give you all the little psychological triggers and everything in detail if you like. I sincerely want to help you better your situation. Heartbreak is very painful. And I want to help people here as they help me. All these little triggers that make you the most attractive dangling string happen naturally when you feel good about yourself. When you are in the moment and not in your stuck in ur head. There is a good book called flow (can’t remember the authors name (it sounds russian)) which tells you how to get into that invincible state where everything that comes out of your mouth is gold and you are unstoppable at anything. Goodnight fellow heartmenders. May the ex’s come crawling back during the night.
Yeah at this point its either my best shot or it will truly help me get over him. His behaviours have been making me angrier and as a result I no longer know how I feel about him however I’m sure if I were to see him those feelings would flare right back up again. I’m not very experienced in the realm of dating and sex, my ex was my first for everything lol. I think he sort of feels like he owns me cause he was my first and I haven’t experienced anyone else so he’s probably just like oh crazy women like her they always stick around haha.
I have seen this one guy at the gym who is kind of cute, I’ve seen him round before and I think i saw him kind of looking at me in the mirror as I was doing squats in the weights section. I’m such a chicken though haha. My ex hasn’t contacted me as of yet, I’ve been kind of expecting him too as we haven’t talked in a while however I also wonder if he’s avoiding me cause of the cancelled movie date the other day.
Thanks again for your help I appreciate it. I know how hard it is to sleep these days after a breakup. I used to live with mine so I was so used to sleeping with him every night. Its a hard adjustment. Hope you’re doing ok !
Thanks. Quick update. I had a text this morning saying: “I know you’re stressed right now and it seems you don’t want to talk to me about it, but I want you to know that I’ll be thinking of you today.”
Me a few hours later: “Im working on my issues is all. Thanks:)”
Her: I respect that.
I then responded and I hope I didnt fuck this up by saying what I said. Opinion appreciated.
“I want you to be a part of my life. I just want you to be ready to discuss that. And I need to sort out my issues so I am the right man for that.”
Any thoughts? Did I do the right thing? I worry that I have given her the opportunity to say lets be friends again.
Hmmm I don’t want to be mean but I may have left that last comment off. Its definitely a bit too soon and like you said you don’t want to be in that friend zone and that is the perfect segway for her cause she knows you want her in your life but yeah she’ll interpret that as any way possible including friends. You should ave definitely just left it with her though after her last comment keep her thinking remember.
Well my ex still hasn’t reached out to me. Weird do you think he’s avoiding me because of cancelling the movie date the other day. Whats up with his behaviours ? I feel like he’s over me but he won’t leave me alone ?
Have your angry feelings subsided? It feels like they have a little. I have my appointment at the doctor soon so will have to keep this response short. Refresh my memory. Did you contact him after the movie cancellation? He may just be going through a confident time in which he feels like he doesnt need you. I will elaborate further later.
With regard to my situation I think she knows what I mean as I have made it clear in the past. Perhaps I should make it clear in any further contact she makes that I am not interested in a friendship. That could help. Give it some thought. Stay strong. Be back in a couple of hours.
Lol I’m still always angry but I’m angry about my work atm I’m getting fucked over and I’m over that too lol. My life is going to shit :P. No I definitely haven’t contacted him at all he’s the one to initiate all contact since he sort of used me and got what he wanted almost a month ago now. I responded after he cancelled saying he felt unwell all I said was “no problems” didn’t wish him to feel better or anything like that.
I hope your appointment goes well though :). I know you have made it clear, just as I have but I think my ex still thinks I wish to be friends or he thinks he can be friends with me even though I still have feelings. I don’t think you need to clarify it again at least not just yet. Remember your breakup is still fresh so I would just leave it for now. You’re in a period of no contact or mixed contact (depending on what you want to go with, its all an individual basis). Don’t contact her again after today, if she contacts you just say yes it went well or still unsure and hoping for the best and leave it at that. I know you want her support especially during something scary like this but yeah come to us on here or your friends and family outside
All clear this side. To be honest I was kind of hoping that I could use this to make my ex feel sorry for me. She did mention that things might be different if there was something wrong. The reason I didnt wanna leave it that I need space is because it scares me that she will not contact me if I say that. I understand how it puts me in a position of control if I do tell her I need space or time to sort this out. But my instinct kicks in to what if she actually gives me time and starts moving on with her life. Truth is I want her to send me messages. I want her to miss me and start thinking about getting back together. If I say I need a few weeks of space or whatever, I fear that she will force herself not to contact me during those times of loneliness.
Regarding your issue. Next time your ex asks you to do something, say no. I would not worry about the timeframe. Certainly not over the next 2 weeks. It could be a power play. And you have to win it. Winning a power play doesnt always mean waiting until the other person to text. It means not texting until you feel good enough and like you deserve this dude and maybe even better. Truth is he seems like he goes through needy moments himself. Just not as badly as you do. Once he starts to see that you reject him, he will notice the change and that you are not needy. It is amazing at how quickly a situation can flip around. Stop being scared of guys at the gym. Go out to a bar where guys hit on women all the time and get used to having the power that women can have over men. I dont advocate this all the time because it can hurt peoples feelings, but you need to empower yourself and feel good and attractive and desirable.
I feel the same as you in regards to no contact and that it will help them move on and we are doing them a favour. But either way Nc will help us cause we either move on ourselves or they realise they miss us like we hope so hopefully it’s a win win either way. Now that being said I don’t think you need to say I need space or stop contacting her like perhaps take it on a case to case basis depending on what she is saying and how important it is. But congrats on being in the clear ?.
Yeah im definitely not going to meet up with him cause he couldn’t even follow thrlugh on a meet up he organised. I do think I could do better than him and everyone else thinks so too but you can’t help who you love right. You’re right I am needy but I haven’t put any of it onto him we wouldn’t only meet up when he wanted or if he wanted to if I asked but there was definitely no pressure from me. Still no word from him three days on. Odd. I see he’s heen playing PlayStation all afternoon after he finished work. Fun. I’m not scared I was giving this cute guy eyes and he was looking at me as I was squatting but he was with a friend as well.
All the things you want from your ex will be as a result of you being strong enough to say you need some space time to reflect. Then going no contact, I used my illness as a reason to reach out and force contact, it will either deepen the friendzone or make them see through the plan.
Her saying that maybe it would be different if something wrong is pretty sadistic to be honest, what difference would it make.
She needs to see you don’t need her, you want her.
We have all been through the stage of fear, but you really have to let go of the situation for you. She didn’t care about your feelings when she broke it off. She is forcing you to deal with everything now so do it. True tme it’s an enlightening process that makes you move on without you trying sometimes.
Don’t be afraid of the unknown be excited about the new you or old you with dramas.
We are her and the first few weeks are tough. It’s what your relationship needs to survive.
She sent me a message on whatsapp and tried to call me. Havent read the message yet. Not certain what the best course of action is here. I was thinking of sending a message regarding the news and leaving it at that. But I’m worried that she will try call again. Shall I ignore the calls?