Is it over or is he freaking out?

[Dopierk]

Decisions…decisions…

I think my gut is saying to do something light and happy. Like the Mexican food one. Also, it shows that I’m out having fun, enjoying life.

The Mad Men one is riskier because I don’t know where his head is at. But if he is missing me it might be a better choice. It brings back memories.

[mosis]

The mad men one is pretty risky yeah I think. It’s very sweet and we can’t know if he is missing you or not so it really is a gamble, guess it all depends on if you are feeling risky or not haha, I think the risky one is okay if you mentally are prepared for a not equally sweet reply (not that he’ll be mean if he replies) if you are okay with that result in your head I think it would be a Decent risk just because you’ll feel good after

[Dopierk]

Ok so I did it…I texted him after 34 days NC.

So, I sent the Mexican one and I’m glad I did based on his responses. I don’t think my mad men text would have received a reply.

Me: Mexican food text

Him: (almost instant response) what is the place?

Me: [name of restaurant]. Ever been?

Him: I have not

Me: You should check it out! Gotta run, talk to you later.

(I sent this because I follow this relationship expert who said keep the convo short, end it positively and always control the convo by ending it first)

Him: Ook

Him: Random

So yea, hmm…. I’m really glad he replied, I was honestly expecting silence. But not a great convo. His first two response were kind of neutral and the last two are borderline confusion/bad/I don’t know. He clearly doesn’t understand why I’m texting him out of the blue. I’m not sure what to do going forward. Definitely not texting him for a few days.

The positives I takeaway:

-he’s instant responses really shocked me, I was like wow! Maybe he does miss me?
-at least he didn’t say anything bad or mean
-I’m thinking my number is still saved in his phone…I’m taking this a positive

I just don’t know what to gauge of his mood… He didn’t ask how I am doing or any indicator of how he is feeling… I’m thinking him might need more time and space before I text again. I think I have to stay away from emotion for a while.
I also think he may have been drinking/in a mood. The Ook, random, reminds me of this sarcastic attitude he gets sometime. I’m just so confused you guys. Haha.

Thoughts?

[Ras217]

Glad you texted him! I bet it felt good to get it done.

I don’t think his responses are bad. The hardest thing about texting is you never know what the person is actually thinking or feeling. So try not to put a label on his “neutral” texts. He could have been smiling on the other end. You never know.

So how long was the convo? A few minutes? In your ex’s defense, the text WAS random (not in a bad way). So he was stating the obvious. Haha.

You’ve planted the seed in his brain and now it’s all about timing. I say wait through the weekend and text again Sunday or Monday.

We’ll have to think of a text you can send him…

All in all. The convo wasn’t bad. He had no hesitation of texting you back. Also very good. I bet you just caught him off guard. Which isn’t a bad thing.

Yay!

[Dopierk]

Slept on it. You are right. Hard to tell what he is thinking.

The convo was about 20 mins long, I want to take longer replying than him. Keep him waiting. So I waited 10 mins after my first text to text back to his “What place was it?” text.

He literally responded to everything I said in under 30 secs. It was kind of insane, he hasn’t been that prompt in a LONG time. The last few weeks of our relationship it would take him normally hours to respond unless it was something like meeting up to hang out.

Yea, definitely waiting, I think Monday would be best. He normally is very busy on the weekends, I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle.

IT FELT SO GOOD TO TALK TO HIM THOUGH. I feel a weight lifted off of me. 🙂

[mosis]

thats really good 🙂

i don’t think his responses was bad, def was caught off guard and kind of confused but it looks like he wanted to continue talking so its good you stopped it 🙂

But instant responses are win! Cant say for sure what he is thinking exactly but he will def be thinking about you and prolly re reading those text for awhile figuring out what he should do or what just happened haha

i think the way it ended is mainly why he felt it was so random, like he was expecting an explanation for you reaching out to him again and he didn’t get it haha which is good

[Dopierk]

That makes sense! Yea, he probably wanted an explanation.

Any updates on either of your ends?

[Ras217]

Let us know what the next update is! if he contacts you/if you need help with convo #2.

I’m having a really tough time right now. I scheduled the appt for my dog (he’ll be euthanized on Tuesday).

I’m debating if I should call the ex. He asked me to keep in touch. He asked me for an update. I think if the health/dog stuff wasn’t going it would be different. But he’s trying to be there for me during this tough time. And I’d like to be there for him. This could make the relationship stronger in the end…. especially if he said he’d reach out when all is well.

[mosis]

I ended up talking to my ex -___-

someone posted a picture of me at the hospital, one of my best friends and she messaged me asking if my sister was okay (because she was giving birth) Went back and forth for a bit about replying or not. Ended up just sending the picture of my niece, and lead to conversation about kids and what not , but she was being very hot and cold, was very joking ect then randomly not interested so i stopped replying. She messaged me a couple time after that basically about the baby and my parents etc , it slipped into talking about her son long story short and then slipped into talking about us, and she said something about she has been thinking about how she never saw stuff from my perspective while we was trying to date, which was cool but she def is ready to be talking, so started getting too deep into talking about us so i pulled the plug and said i have to pack for LA so ill ttyl

she also mentioned in the talk that we prolly shouldn’t be talking…but kept messaging me. I think because that month of going back and forth gave up the emotional advantage and its turning into a logical thing, which is not really great but it put me in a mode of wanting to keep working on myself and what I’ve got going on in my life. Basically where i been at.

[mosis]

isn’t ready to talk * sorry

and not ready to see each other.

[mosis]

@Ras217

If you contact him it really just depends on how you contact him i guess. If you contact him about the dog i guess there has to be an exchange in this where it isn’t just being about the dog and you letting him on on your struggle means him letting you in on his, and helping from a non relationship point of view of course. Not sure exactly how to work that out conversation wise right now, but i think if you update him on the dog thats what needs to happen he has to let you in and be honest on whats going on with him and how he is feeling about himself, not in relation to you. Just like letting him vent about his problems i guess.

Thats if you go the route of talking to him, if you eventually end up doing that because I know it happens haha

Its just bad timing, when my ex and I broke up, it was during a time we have had a lot going on, i was finishing pilot school, we had scheduled talks with daycares and stuff, her birthday was the same month, halloween , and slot of hangover situations that make no contact difficult. So you feel it out, just when you do contact you have to be getting a fair exchange of putting yourselves out there and i think that you need to communicate that with him

[Ras217]

I think that’s a really good point. If I’m updating him on my life, I’d like an update on his. And….. that’s exactly what happened Monday night, right? He gave me an update on his life and filled me in and said he wants me to keep him updated on my life.

So that’s good right? Tit for tat?

[mosis]

Yeah its actually good if you are going to be limited contact, just him telling you to keep him updated is the problem, i say if you talk to him talk about the dog of course. But you ask him about what is going on with him because it concerns you. He will more than likely say something vague like he is just going through some things. And you can keep it real with him and let him know, if he is going to keep being secretive about what exactly it is that he is going through and doesn’t want to let you in than maybe y’all should have some time apart not talking (Going back into no contact) because you want to be there for him like he is trying to be for you but it can’t be one sided. (basically pushing to not get the wait around option). high emotional level and risk of course going this route haha usually wouldn’t advise it but if you are trying to go that route you will have to be blunt about “if we are going to be involved this way as friends you have to let me in on whats going on, or we should not be doing this right now” , so basically sticking up for yourself, at the same time showing concern. Because if you keep up the you contact him first stuff it’ll not fair well.

Of course on the other side the more safe thing to do is play into his game of contacting him (not that he is playing games, just a phrase) and then later, if you guys so happen to hangout or something you will prolly get close because its an emotional time. There is when you get him and you don’t get TOO close, physically and let him know the emotional stuff i said about going this route.

and the most logical one is to just not update him and let him come to you, say you forgot and that you have been going through a lot, in which he will prolly say “i told you you can call me if you need something” and you let him know, “yes i know, i appreciate that. Maybe next time just checking up on me would be nice, its hard to focus and think about my phone sometimes when i have so much going on.

so basically giving the demand without being a aggressive implying that you have your own stuff going on and don’t have time to give all the effort into keeping communication so he meets you half way.

Im kind of free thinking haha but thats basically all the route i see that could happen which ever you think feels most comfortable going with, based on how y’all interact or his character

[Ras217]

Oh man decisions decisions.

Well I know two things for sure. This is not a normal time for me. And it’s not a normal time for him. So not sure if there is a right or wrong decision.

I told him I’d update him. I’m surprised he hasn’t called this week… but I’m sure he’s giving it a little space as well.

For now I’ll think about it. I don’t feel comfortable calling him today. Maybe later tonight or tomorrow AM.

I just want him back in my life…

Also, where did you and the ex leave things?

[mosis]

Yeah its a lot to pull in and gaging where he is, and always there shouldn’t be a rush 🙂

I say your chances though are pretty good playing the cards right, because he still has feelings for you on some level.

And she asked when i was leaving for LA basically i said sunday, she said thats really good 🙂 and mentioned our mutual friend (who is kind of my inside ear i guess) was over the apartment and he saw we was texting, I owe him $20 cuz i told him we wouldn’t carry on any conversation after letting her know what my sister said haha smh. But he was there and saw we was texting and she mentioned something about some starbucks drink i got she couldn’t remember, so i told her, and jumped out the window on this one and was like “maybe ill get you one when I’m back ” to which she said “hhhhhmmmm not sure thats a good idea really. Maybe its too soon” and i agreed, then we talked about my friend being over the apartment shortly after that and i cut the conversation and was just like “i have to go but ttyl”

was like a smooth flight with a crash landing haha but this is why i prefer to just not talk even with important events like birthdays and what not, just because that hot and cold conversation that tends to happen. So ill be on vacation basically for two weeks. My friend also said she was mad that she assumed i was going on dates. Because someone mentioned i was in town with a “friend” and she got emotional about it

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