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Do I need to start NC over?
Even though he told me to keep him posted on my sitch, should I still do NC?
Was he just doing a temp check on me?
This might be TMI, but we signed up on a site to meet other couples/people. He said he’d deactivate the site, but I told him not to cause “I wanted to use it”. He was active on it yesterday. Is he trying to get my attention?
I’m so overwhelmed right now with everything in my life.
Yes go no contact, especially if he is expecting you to contact him. Which that is what he is doing, its kind of putting you in his ball court. Its very important you don’t do that. He is still looking for a connection with you to make him feel comfortable you MUST NOT DO IT, he will miss you but doesn’t mean he will want to be back together.
And the site you have to not worry about, just do what you want don’t come to any agreements about whats okay and whats not.
I agree with mosis, do a strict no contact. You are too available to your ex right now, he will start to think he can have you anytime he wants and will use you and abuse you. You have to regain some power in this situation. I spent the first month of my break up dropping everything when my ex contacted me, it was a huge mistake. It helped nothing.
@Dopierk is right i spent the first month going back and forth with my ex, with power swings. I was good for a week until i let her back in with something small and she was missing me but then got the power back because i opened up emotionally by contacting and she went back into cold mode. It was back and forth for the whole past month and now she has been left on top in a way, its VERY important you stay no contact, the long you let him have the power of the emotions the longer the no contact period will last and the less chance you have of him wanting it back
He called again this morning. Basically he cares about the situation I’m in and knows I’m having a hard time.
I appreciate him reaching and saying nice things. He’s a logical thinker so it’s good to get his advice.
But I DO want to have the power in my hands. I want it to be on MY terms and I obviously do want him back…..
Think it’s likely?
Its likely, but when you get comfortable being in contact still fresh off a break up it tends to do more damage than anything, but it feels good because you are getting that attention. Doesn’t always help towards getting back together though, you gotta feel it out i guess
So I need to remain focused on the big goal here not just temporary satisfaction. Question is…. how do I get that control back? To make him miss me to the point he wants to take me back.
He obviously cares for me. And he obviously still wants to talk. We have always been good at communicating. He said this morning “we are different. We’re good at communicating with each other” after I mentioned I was appreciative of him reaching out, but that we are broken up.
He’s supposed to call me again later.
Hmmm…
To get the power you have to leave on top, when he calls you or y’all talk you have to end the conversation on good terms but with independence. something like
“i do appreciate that we can communicate, but i do need my space right now for awhile.” and then go no contact after that. You get the power back in this situation because you ending it on your terms even though he originally broke up with you it feels like roles are reversed and then stick to no contact, he will think about you ALOT it would be hard for him to move on from you and not think about you just because it looks like he is losing you and you are getting your independence which is against what he wants right now, which is why he keeps calling.
But yes the hardest part for myself and everybody else here for the most part is to focus on the long term goal vs the temporary satisfaction. It hurts to go through the struggle for a little bit because it isn’t something you are used to but i have to keep reminding myself “if you love them, you have to do this” because continuing to react of emotions will ruin the future potential when things are shaky right now.
you are basically setting him up for role reversal and for him to begin chasing you
i suggest don’t answer that call later, unless he is calling about something important, if it is just advice or casual talk, don’t answer. Then get back to him later after that, say you are sorry you missed the call you got busy (but don’t tell him what you was busy with) and then let him know, but hey its great we are able to communicate, a (and some other nice stuff) but i need some space to think and to be alone for a bit.
Last time this happened…. we saw each other…. and knew right away being broken up was ridiculous. Got back together that night.
Well it comes down to what you want, if you do that it builds the attraction to the point his urge to have you back is so strong he can’t help but be the one asking for you back.
That puts you in the position of power, and that isn’t to sound bad about “being in power” because you are the one who is still in love and wants it, so the power is safe in your hands haha
If you got in that situation again, when y’all saw each other and got back together that is just an emotional reaction, there are still things to be worked out so this doesn’t happen again, because when the emotional part runs out those problems still exist and he is liable to hit you with the hurtful “i thought this was right, but i think i still need space and we shouldn’t be together” which makes the whole process of no contact and everything way harder the second go around.
I wouldn’t even tell him you need space. Just disappear. He will wonder what happen and he will start to chase you again. That’s the idea.
I really wouldn’t talk to him again unless he specifically says he wants you to be his girlfriend again. I know it feels good to keep in contact right after a breakup but it really doesn’t help the situation. I tried it just a month ago and trust me it didn’t help. It did more damage. I mean I really dont think you want to fall into an on again off again relationship. He needs to learn that it’s not okay to push you away like that when things get tough, he’s not going to learn that if you are always available to him when he wants you. In order to make him miss you, you have to stop taking to him.
He is prolly over whelmed with emotions right now, and ou are making him feel good still because he is getting that connection with you, but you want him to have that connection with you, and ACTUALLY be with you. He will question his move for the break, and it will put him in a place to kick the bucket on his indecisive feeling of not knowing what to do. The more you look like you are fading the more he appreciates you and the bigger priority you become and thats really where you have to be, its just how men are. But being available is making him comfortable not having to make the tough decision about how he wants you involved in his life
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