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Posts
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You’re not a wimp!!! You need to try and change your mindset ASAP! No talking down to yourself! You wouldn’t call your friend a wimp, would you? Of course not.
Right now things are good! You made the initial contact. I bet he’s been thinking about that txt here and there.
I would send another text soon. How about tomorrow afternoon???
Just remember everything you told me. You’re awesome and he’d be lucky to have you! And if he doesn’t…. HIS loss!!!!
You’re right. I’m never going to get him back from a woo is me position of sadness.
I will text him tomorrow afternoon and will be ok no matter what happens because I said I would.
No more stalling, no more excuses.
It gets pretty easy to freak out about the unknown, which is his side of things. You are just taking too much time to yourself to over think about him haha you are good though everybody has their moments but you gotta kick that mentality ? Honestly worst case is you text him and he doesn’t reply which won’t happen I don’t think, other than that y’all have a decent convo that can lead somewhere and you will feel better 🙂
Well, he hasn’t replied so far. It’s been nearly 12 hours, unlikely at this point. But who knows…
Not going to lie, got a little upset today about it. But I’m over it now. Not going to dwell on it.
But I do feel like I need to be realistic. He’s obviously not going to respond to any memories of us right now. I think I have only maybe one or two more shots at sparking a conversation. So I’ll have to try something less bold, probably just stick to his interests and being friendly.
Also, probably need to wait a week or so before I try again. Not giving up yet, but starting to come to terms that I may never get him back.
I still have some of his t shirts. I don’t know what to do about them. He’s too stubborn to ask for them back.
Is it sad that if this doesn’t work out, I just want to see him one last time for closure? Because I really want that.
How are you all doing? Any progress?
I’m going to focus on being happy this week. I have to be more positive. I’m going to be ok no matter what happens. Because I said I would.
sorry :/
all the usual advice is saying those sweet things that are memories, but it really only works if the person on the other end is in the mentality to do it. But def understand getting mad at it, thats the tough part about going in with expectations.
But i think as a LAST resort, getting closure is good if you think the efforts won’t work. So maybe wait a week and talk to him. If he doesn’t contact you after that i think its the hail mary pass and closure time. Gather all his things let him know you wanna return them, ask to meet and talk clear the air and let it go. If you say the right things, he might reconsider (in time) especially if its clear you are willing to walk away forever, if not you still get your clarity
but i wouldn’t suggest that until its absolutely clear he is done after 2-3 weeks of reaching out, neutrally as friends.
My situation hasn’t really improved, per say. Did that pocket dial days ago, was gonna follow up and tell her it was a pocket dial but figured it wasn’t pointless and just leave it at that. I don’t think I’m at a point it should matter. My friend says her relationships isn’t something he see lasting long even though she is trying to make it work. I did fb snoop she unliked a page i started on Facebook long time ago, because i started posting in it. Been up and down about it this week but coming to terms more and more about not having so much of a “plan” because the contacting each other so much during the past month has really put it at a place that isn’t in my control, either she will hit me up or i maybe talked to her early next year or something around my birthday. So we’ll see but i still get up and down emotionally at times. Have been dating, no relationships but it really does just make me appreciate being in a relationship more because dating isn’t as fun or consistent haha
Yea, I agree with your plan. Thank you so much with all your advice these past few weeks. It has been very helpful. I’m feeling a lot better today about everything. There are endless opportunities for love in this world. If not now, I’ll find someone even better one day.
But for the next couple weeks, I’m going to give it one last shot. Because I still think he is worth it.
It’s good to hear that you are at least doing ok. I wish I had more advice to offer.
Yeah i think it would mean more having someone you know. I (as weird as it sounds) randomly talk to people haha so I was talking to this older couple, by older i think like 50+ easy, and they said how they broke up, got in different relationships and married, and 17 years later her (now husband) called her out the blue and said he never fell out of love with her, and they have no been together for 10 years. Thats really rare but its still a kind of you never know whats going to happen 🙂 I think its worth getting back with an ex because you’ve seen both sides of the hardship and most times go in a lot wiser.
i think you have a month though to really pursue casually before just throwing in the towel, as long as you manage your expectations and don’t get too caught up in the technical rules because everything really is different. But its always my pleasure to help 🙂
and the crazy part is i don’t really think i usually even need advice with dealing with my ex haha i know what to do usually the only advice i don’t stick to is keeping myself out of the emotional decision making even when i know what the results would be. But it helps having the buffer and just saying it, like a middle man before doing anything so you help me knowing someone else is hearing 🙂
i actually went on a date, or a hangout and was pretty honest with the girl about I’m basically rebound dating and it made a funny intro and had me over my ex for a good bit haha while we are playing mind games, basically, with our exes to sway them our way you kind of have to temporarily do the same to yourself to help the process work.
@dopierk – I would feel the same way you are right now. So know that everything you’re feeling is normal and justified. What was the text you ended to sending? There could be a number of reasons why he hasn’t responded… but… I’m certain he will. Like mosis said, maybe wait a week and if you’re ready, ask to meet to exchange your stuff and get what you need (closure). I did that with my ex and the moment we saw each other we knew we wanted to get back together. So… you never know. And you are 100% right. You will be okay no matter what. It’s ALL about mindset. Easier said than done but practice makes perfect (two very cliche but true lines).
Keep us posted on the next few days. And if you need to vent we’re here.
@mosis – you’re very smart for realizing a “plan” never works. Something I’ve learned as well. Life’s all about taking chances. And sometimes having a plan doesn’t work. And you just need to let things be. It’s hard but it relaxes the mind. Knowing things will work out no matter what and not forcing anything. When do you leave for vacation? Also when was the last time you spoke the your ex?Updates with my sitch: after we saw each other last Saturday… we have talked everyday since. Saw him Wednesday night. And again last night. Last night took a turn… for the best.
Before he comes over he said he was looking forward to seeing me. He comes over Saturday night. I could tell something was on his mind. But I didn’t ask or push anything. I made homemade cookies and Mac and cheese. He comes up to me and says ” I’ve missed you. I’ve really missed you. And there are some things I want to talk to you about. And explain why I’ve acted the way I have.”
First he says he knows he’s hurt me. And he asked if I could forgive him. I said I can forgive him, but I need to take it slow. I told him he made me feel disposable when he left me during his hard times. (I want to add this convo was very relaxed. No tears or yelling. Simply talking and opening up). He said he never wants to make me feel that way. Ever again. Then said…
“Here’s what was going on in my head. The past few years I’ve lived a single man’s life. I’ve been hungry for business. And I’ve also incorporated my hunger for business with meeting women and living the single life. But… I realized I don’t need that anymore. And I can be hungry for business while having a woman that I value completely. I value you. You’re 100% supportive of me. You always have been. And I realized I don’t need to push you out. I’m able to share things with you that I’ve never been able to share with anyone else. I’m able to be myself with you 100%. I value you as a woman…” Then he asks me to come over to him. He looks me in the eyes and says “I want you back. I want to get back together. Can we enjoy each other’s company? No pressure on anything. But just be happy with each other.”
We talked about a “label”. We both agreed society often forces labels on anything. Relationship. Friends with benefits. Friends. Gay. Straight. Etc. Right now we are just going to be together. Exclusive. And that’s that. No labels (even tho I asked how I would introduce him and he said “boyfriend”.). He admitted a label adds pressure to him because of his job situation. I’m respecting that and just “being”. I’m good with it.
We had a great night tonight. Picked up some food then Netflix and chill (literally). Haha.
thats really great 😀
i think the label thing is tough, but its always a weird thing. Labels made me feel pressured because i wasn’t i guess emotionally on that level, but in the same way having labels kind of made me more into it when i started claiming “boyfriend girlfriend” ya know. Why does the label have a connection to his job?
but thats all great news that you let him be the one to do the emotional come back 😀
Ras217, that’s very good news! Happy for you! 😀
Thanks for letting me know that everything I’m feeling is normal. I was starting to wonder if I was going crazy/acting desperate.
I ended up sending the turkey inside joke. At least I know now what not to send (memories of us). But other than that I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if this means he’s still conflicted, he’s moved on, he has no interest in talking to me, he doesn’t know what to say… I don’t know.
I do feel like if he were to see me in person and see how much I have changed that maybe we would have a shot, or at least I would get closure. But honestly, I don’t know if he will even agree to meet me. I think I have to tread very lightly from now on.
I guess I’ll try texting him again this weekend/early next week. If that’s a no response, I think I’ll have to start considering how to give him his stuff back/get closure after Thanksgiving.
The last thing I want is to come off desperate or like a girl who can’t let go.
It is good news. : ) However… is it a bad idea to carry on like nothing even happened? A part of me wants to take things slow. But another part of me doesn’t know how! Haha.
I trust him and I know he’s not stringing me along or anything. But I learned more about him…. he’s a reactor. Reacts very quickly. I just want to make sure he’s serious about me.
Should I be concerned on the “lets be together, be exclusive, but not put a label on on it” situation? I know guys freak out about stuff like that… in technical terms we’re in a relationship. He’s just silly. Haha. Thoughts?!
One thing I learned about myself is I have to stop overanalyzing…
Anywho.
How many days has it been? From the sounds of it, maybe he’s also taking his time responding back. You did say he’s stubborn. Is he the type to just ignore? If not, just play it cool and I’m sure he’s just letting things settle. Who knows…. maybe when he saw your text his heart stopped now he’s all confused and being a dude and got all scared cause he realized he still has feelings for you. Anything is possible. 🙂
Hang in there though!! It’ll all pan out the way it’s supposed to. Try very hard to remain positive. 🙂
You’re good, girl. I wouldn’t worry too much about the no label situation. The important part is your exclusive. You’ll be calling each other bf/gf again in no time. Just enjoy being together again.
I texted him Saturday…so two days. He’s not the type to ignore. He’s only ever not replied to one message I sent him. And that was when I accepted his apology when he blew me off the last time we saw each other in September. My text didn’t really need a reply. I did NC right after that.
He is very stubborn. So I think this falls into one of two categories:
A) He is trying to stand by his decision to break up with me. And either has moved on or still has feelings but he is fighting them. And is not replying to send a message and/or doesn’t want to tell me in words that we are over for good.
Or
B) He still has feelings, but is feeling confused and conflicted, doesn’t understand why I’m texting him and why I’m being friendly and all after ignoring him for over a month.
Or maybe he is still feeling “stuck in his life” and still upset about his job situation. And he found my light hearted inside joke insensitive.
I don’t know. I’m going to stop overanalyzing the situation. I’m going to try to have an awesome week. And I’ll reach out when I’m ready again and be natural and friendly.
You know, the first time I reached out and he replied right away…He still seemed a little confused why I was texting out of the blue. So maybe he is just trying to figure out what is going on. Maybe when I did NC he figured I’d moved on.
You are right, whatever is meant to happen, will happen. All I can do is try my best. I’ll find love in the end with him or someone else.
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