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I’m sure you guys knew this was gonna happen… but I went against everything we’ve talked about yesterday. I definitely do not have any regrets. It helped me a ton. But of course, there are things I wish I wouldn’t have SAID. Overall, no regrets.
We met last night. He came over. I was sad (in a sad mood) and I needed to talk. We talked about the dog stuff, my health, and….. he was just… there for me. It felt awesome and I felt at ease. I said “I feel like I lost two of my best friends in one week”. He said “you didn’t. I’m still here. And you’re making the best decision for the dog”.
We talked throughout the night. We were intimate (sorry guys). Talking about old things we used to do/still want to do. We were up til 3:30. Everything was great even knowing this wasn’t about us getting back together. In fact, I didn’t straight up ask him about getting back together or anything. There was TALK about the breakup, but I never said “when are we getting back together.” We both know that can’t happen right now (we’re both not in good places). But we made it apparent that we are here for each other without even saying that out loud.
He asked if he could stay the night. I said yes (after jokingly asking him to leave, which I acted cool/chill but made half jokes about our current situation). Of course there was a lot of joking and making jokes about the whole situation. Thinking about it now, a part of me wishes I talked less/joked less/just let him talk. Even tho I wasn’t prying him on anything… I just feel like I gave him too much info about what I’m thinking about this. But I’m a TOTAL overanalyzer. Always have been. And we are VERY open with each other. In fact he asked if I had seen anyone since and I said yes. We talked details and he brought it up multiple times saying “I can’t believe you already hooked up with someone!” Just giving me a hard time. Saying he didn’t care. But he does, right? Especially cause he kept saying it.
This morning, we talked more about “us”. I made a comment (forgetting why I said this) saying “ah ha. Is that why you broke up with me?” He gave me a look basically like “don’t be an idiot”. Then he’s like “you did not do anything. It has nothing to do with you. It’s literally not you. its me.”. And I said “oh that cliche line?” He said “buts it’s true!”
Then… I was very forward. Not in a typical girl way. Trust me I’m the most chill person I know when I’m with him with very little girly moments. But no spazzing. No neediness. None of that. So then… I was just forward with him. Saying “I’m the most chill and understanding woman I know. And very logical”. basically saying that it’ll be hard to find someone like me. He said “you are extremely logical and chill. And have always been understanding too”. Then I said “what if in 6 months you feel like you’re on a top of the world and you start thinking about me. And I’m moved on with my boyfriend on a trip to Italy”. He sorta chuckled but then realized what I was saying. And to be honest… he’s literally only thinking about what he has to focus on. And he was honest by telling me he doesn’t have the mental capacity to think about someone else (in a relationship). He told me Saturday morning the word “relationship” adds pressure because he simply doesn’t have the resources ($$) right now. And he simply needs to focus. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me or my life. He wants me to be ok/happy. But he said this has “gotten to the root of his ego”. Which I told you guys that.
I said okay well do you care about me? He’s like “ha I know where you’re headed with this”. And he says “yes of course I care about. The second I saw your Facebook post I called you.” I said “well I care about you a lot. And I like being around you.” He said “definitely I know this”. Then he’s like “look let’s just play this by ear”. I asked what he meant. He said “let’s just chill for a second. just go with the flow right now.” He’s got a lot going on still but says things are STARTING to come together and now he just needs to put it all in place.
I said okay. I’m clearly not in a good head space either. We need this time to chill.
I guess I’m just worried. I was involved with a FWB relationship before and I told him I refuse to let it be that. He said this is definitely not a FWB. I believe him.
In the end he’s simply needs time to get his “manhood” back. Now that we sorta had that post break up convo… I think I can go back to giving him the space and NC. However I think NC, mixed with some distance and delayed contact (meaning if he calls… I’ll eventually get back to him but will need to break out of wanting to call him everytime I need a shoulder to lean on.
Sorry this was so long. Hopefully you guys read through this and sorta see where I’m coming from. And give me a little insight as well. Thanks!
Hahaha disregard the first long post. I hit send too soon then tried to remove it… didn’t work! Read the second one.
Sorry one more thing (ai yi yi) I want to add our meetup was planned. I didn’t call him out of the blue and ask him to come over. We planned it yesterday afternoon.
Okay I’m done! (See how I can talk too much… Haha)
Okay you guys are going to think I’m cray cray… but I want to give you ALL deets.
There was a comment about dating. He basically said something about dating, obviously not right now. And I said “well if you’re ready to date why wouldn’t we just date each other”. His response was always “I just gotta focus now. I gotta get myself back to normal”.
Okay done. I promise.
I don’t really know what to say… I think you made a mistake with the intimacy but if you don’t regret it and your happy with that choice..well it’s your choice.
Obviously you are going to do what you want, but if I were you I wouldn’t do that again. It will honestly hinder your chances of getting him back.
I’m glad you got some closure on some of the break up stuff, I just really hope your ex is being genuine.
I’m glad you feel better about things but I would urge you to proceed with caution. Don’t make yourself to available to him.
I’m going to be honest your situation makes me very nervous. This whole sequence of events you just described sounds so eerily familiar, like my ex and I literally had these same convos. I just hope you ex is nothing like mine and doesn’t go hot and cold on you. My ex said the same thing to me “I just want to see where this goes” but “I can’t be in relationship right now.” And I’m not any closer to getting him back, than I was two months ago when we broke up. I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t want to give you false hope.
The best advice I can give you is to manage your expectations. And try not to pressure him so much with the dating stuff, the tighter you hold on, the more pressure he will feel to push away.
I hope you get him back.
i agree with @dopierk you have to manage expectations and not be too available, and try to stay away from relationship talks, the more he talks about it even if he brings it up the more he will push away from it. It really isn’t even anything to talk about i feel like, just because no matter what you say or how much sense you think it makes, he won’t be back together with you until he makes sense by his terms
I know ? If only you knew back then what you know now :p
I accidentally pocket dialed my ex yesterday of all people haha
I had to put my dog down today… I’m feeling very much in shock. And trying to relax and focus on me.
Relationships ARE hard. And… every relationship and person is different. Not everything is black and white. Not every relationship is date, fall in love, live happily ever after. It’s about learning about yourself and the other person, sometimes you take breaks, sometimes you break up and get back together. What’s important is to be true to yourself, be caring, understanding… and be a good person.
I know this all sounds so “cliche” but definitely something I’ve learned through out this whole process. Especially while losing my best friend (dog).
I’m sorry you had to put your dog down today. 🙁 I can’t imagine what that is like.
Sometimes, I just wish it was easy. I was always so jealous of the people that married their high school sweetheart or met their soulmate when they were 8. They never had to deal with heartbreak.
Thank you…
They may have not had to go through heartbreak but let’s be honest, are those people truly happy? Going through heartbreak is a learning experience. You learn what you can tolerate and may even learn new standards about what you want in your next relationship. Whether it’s with your ex or with someone else. It’s all about the experience and all depends on your mindset. Everything is a choice. And this will make you stronger no matter what.
This is very true.
It’s kind of weird…I had this convo once with my ex. He was like is it better to meet the love of your life when you are young? or is better to date a lot of different people, experience heartbreak and then find the right person?
Sooo, I’m going to reach out to my ex either tomorrow or Thursday by text and I am so stumped on what to say. “Hey, how are you?” is not going to cut it…
*This is my second time initiating a text, I havent texted him since the Mexican food convo and he hasn’t initiated anything yet
When you’re young people are definitely going to change. People change all the time actually. You learn so much by meeting different people. And that helps you understand what you truly want in a relationship and in life.
Hmmm… what about a “remember when…” Type text? Something funny you guys talked about doing together? Any inside jokes you can bring up?
There was something that happened recently that reminded me of an inside joke but idk how well he will respond to it. Haha.
I guess I’ll try and tell you and you let me know what you think.
LOL, this is going to make me sound so dorky. I swear I’m super cool sometimes. Haha.
Ok, so my ex and I are huge sports fans. The college I went to, the mascot is sort of a turkey. So when we first started dating, he asked a lot of questions about our mascot, liked to jokingly make fun of our mascot, and wanted me to get him a t shirt with our mascot on it. He said he would wear it when we watched my school’s football games. He became adorbaly obsessed with our mascot. So one of the questions he would ask was, since our mascot is sort of a turkey does it make turkey noises, gobble, gobble all that stuff.
So I told him this story, about when I was freshman at college and how the orientation leaders convinced us to form a turkey with our hands and make turkey noises. It was a joke but they some how convinced us all the cool kids did this at football games haha. Anyways, so I demonstrated this to him and he pretty much laughed uncontrollably and then asked me to make that turkey noise again. I refused, I was so embarrassed. After that it kind of became our little inside joke, he would ask me randomly to make the noise and one day I convinced him to do it. He sounded nothing like a turkey and I corrected him on how to do it. Haha. And we had a sold ten minute discussion on what a turkey sounds like. Haha.
So it became this silly thing we bring up from time to time.
Anyways, so recently I was at work and a co worker of mine’s phone rang and their ringtone was this strange animal noise. I was like “Is that a monkey ringtone?” And they responded all defensively, “No, that’s a turkey.” I laughed and they were like, “It’s a real turkey noise not gobble, gobble” and then they demonstrated the noise. it reminded me of our little inside joke. And I laughed so hard.
I could tell him this story in a text. I just don’t know how to make it concise. I know if we were still together he would definitely find it funny. I just don’t know where he is at right now emotionally.
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