Where do I go from here!?

reconciliation
1

So my ex and I dated for 2 years that were so strong and happy. The last. Couple months were what made it go down hill especially the fact that I was emotionally unstable because of my depression. At the end there was an older girl that hungout with his friends that was trying to get at him. So we broke up cause not was an easy way out cause he had his friends to be with 24/7 then this new girl. This girl is EVERYTHING he doesn’t look for in a girl. Everything he has ever said he doesn’t want. It’s been almost 3 months since the break up. He’s still hanging it with those friends and that girl. I did NC for a good 30 days and he actually tried contacting me first. We’ve talked here and there since but everytime has been me contacting first. He’s been really nice in then and sometimes obvious he tries to keep the convo going.
I hear he got mad at a rumor about me moving on (which isn’t fair considering he seems to of move on)
He also tweeted out relationship song on twitter where he knew I would see it with a bunch of sad faces.
He is the type where if he knows that I might still be trying to get him back to throw up his gaurd super fast.
So my question is,
Where do I go from here?
Do I keep trying to make contacting every other week like I have been?

Do I try and go NC again for awhile and then see if he contacts me or even send the letter?

Do I try and see if he wants to meet up or hangout?

Please please just help with what’s my next best bet?

2

I think you should do NC.
and if he tries to contact you just dont respond to it.
If he tries calling you like 10 times a day then just pick up his call and just tell him that you’re not comfortable with this “friendship” thing and 2 years of relatiinship is not a small thing to get over like that.
Tell him you dont want to be in touch if he just wants to be your friend.

I may sound strange but atleadt he will give it a thought and he will not keep you hanging in between.

Its my opinion if you like it then only follow it.
God bless :slight_smile:

3

Thank you for the response.
I’ll keep your advise in mind!
Does anyone else have any advise??? Please help???

4

I believe that you should continue the NC as well. Maybe he is playing hard to get and wants you to chase after him, which makes him in control. You want him to be begging beck for you. After all, he did break up with you. You don’t want to give him immediate power for that again. Play hard to get as well. Make him wonder why you’re not acting needy and make him worry in that sense. Just be in control of the situation, hun. DO NOT freak out. Take a deep breath, step back, and do what feels right for you. Remember to nourish your mind, body, and soul by doing what you love.

-Brianna

5

Thank you @15briannare for the reply! And yes you’re totally right. He broke up with me which makes him hold the power I don’t want him to be in control.
How long do you think I should go NC again? We spoke last night just for a second cause I have him a job recommendation and he said thanks for looking out for him and he’ll apply! Then I did not text him back. I also posted something on twitter that may or may not of been smart. I did one of those things where it says dm me a # and I’ll post your number and what I think about you.
He DMed me a # so what I said for his was
"I don’t know where to start with you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart but glad I know you still got my back

6

Also could I get some input from you @a.z

7

Leslie,

Hi. You just posted on my feed to give me advice about contacting my ex on his birthday - which I am not.

I have some thoughts that I am hoping you can just sit with - not react to - and keep an open mind about. And then I will give you the advice that you asked for.

Leslie, you are young and no doubt mature. I don’t doubt you are or were in love. This is the thing though. You deserve a love that doesn’t breakup with you to talk to an older girl. You deserve a straight forward guy who adores you and is devoted to you and only you. You know this in your head. I believe you need to own this. This relationship is a message to you and be thankful you are learning the lesson now so you don’t repeat this pattern into your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s. You need to raise your price tag b/c when you value yourself more? The man you are with will value you more. You need to ‘own’ that you are worthy of a love that is clear and honest. And a love that loyal. He is having his cake and eating it too - talking to another girl and keeping you on the back burner. Raise your price tag, you are worth it.

You are sending him a VERY clear and loud message that you are going to be there for him no matter what so, actually he doesn’t have to come back to you. You invited him into the perfect unhealthy setup. Do you know how? You are doing favors via the resume for a guy who left you - to try out an older girl. And what do you do? I say this with so much gentleness and no judgement but hoping you will see - you go do favors for him. If I were him? I would personally think ‘This girl is such a pushover - I am going to date around and if any of it doesn’t work, I can always have her back when I feel like it’. So, no rush. If you were my younger sister, I would want to shake you - then hug you - and then beg you to see what you are doing is disrespecting yourself.

Secondly, I don’t know who came up with the idea that b/c your ex broke up with you that he is in ‘control’. He is in control of himself and his decisions. And you are in control of yourself and your decisions. There is no ‘power’ or ‘control’ over another…only choices. So OK, he broke up with you. You are in control of you. And you can control your decisions - next steps - actions- words - and thoughts. He sent a clear message to you ‘I am going to explore’ and you can send a clear message back to YOURSELF too…take that in. You can say to yourself ‘OK, I gave my heart to someone - I learned a lot - and he doesn’t want to be exclusive with me. This means, I have the opportunity to find the right guy who will’. And you focus on you. This will end up being one of your most rewarding lessons ever in your life (and painful b/c breakups are torture in the beginning).

As for advice, I would re-apply the NC rule entirely - no contact - no emails - no helping him - no texts - no discussing him with his friends or friends that associate with you both - you know the drill. I would do an about turn and focus 100% entirely on you - and your life - on raising your price tag. I would do this for 60 days - I know that may not be what you want to hear - 60 days?!!! If you can’t, do 30 solid days. He will react during this time - you won’t care b/c you are strong and you focused on you.

He is then going to come back for you without a doubt if you do what I wrote above. There is no question that he will. I rarely say something like this but I would put ALL odds on he will.

And when he does Leslie? My hope is that you have realized your worth, learned the lessons that God is trying to teach you, thank your ex for all of the wonderful memories and moveeeeeee on.

Your situation isn’t a matter of ‘Do I have a chance’? You can have him back in a snap once you apply TRUE no contact for a longer period of time. Your situation - I believe - is here to teach you to value yourself more and not settle for someone who plays games - leaves you to try something else - or screws with your head by texting you break-up songs and then doesn’t want more.

So, that’s my advice.

8

Thank you for your advice. And i see everything you’re saying and I agree with it all except one thing I know that I was in love and he once was too. I know this and so does our parents and friends cause they’ve witnessed our relationship. So you can’t really tell me that atleast I wasn’t in love because I was.
bUt I do totally agree with you I am devaluing myself. I KNOW what I deserve and who I am and that I am too good for him. I need to start living it though. Because even though I know this is doesn’t mean I don’t want him.
He honestly once was the perfect person to me. In our relationship we were both so faithful and he was always there for me when I was at my worst and he always stayed by my side until the last few months is when he changed into a totally different person. Someone I have never seen I. The two years we were together. And I know that is because we are both SUPER young. And have so much to learn I know this. But I also know that I loved/love him so much and would do any then to give us a second chance bhtninlynif he realized what he has done to me and how much better I am than that hooch he is with and that he messed up big time. I realize I’m being too nice to him now I just thought it was a good idea to try and huld the relationship/friendship up. But I will take this time now to go in NC and keep working in my self.

9

Hey, really quick - will you re-read what I wrote? I wrote that I have no doubt that you WERE in love meaning I KNOW you were in love -that both of you were in love. I didn’t say you weren’t in love - that would be so rude -yikes.

It’s why this is so painful - and I totally 100% get that (I am going through it). He changed though and I am glad you get you need to know your worth b/c you sound articulate - intelligent - loyal and amazing.

I pray you go NC - as in major 100% NC. And Leslie, if he comes back in 30-60 days then you need to do what is best for you. I hope you don’t go back unless he really proves himself.

This guy IS coming back (remember I told you so) after NC - major NC. I think he will freak out a bit when there is real true NC and when he reaches out and you do not respond. If friends ask, be cool and say ‘I decided that I am worth being in a relationship with someone who knows my worth’ - and say nothing else. I can actually promise you that this will work. He is going to eventually come a runnin’. I hope you move on but then again, if you feel you can trust him then? You should follow your heart b/c it’s your heart.

10

I’m so so sorry I totally read that wrong I thought thAts what you said!

11

And thank you so much.
It’s going to be SO hard but I think what you’re saying is what I really need to do. And if he does try coming back (which I find it so hard to believe right now) I already promised myself not to hurry up and take him back but he has to prove to me he knows who I am and everything I have done for him and that he will not just leave me like that again. Thank you though this is gonna be tough doing no contact again for 30 days or longer. But it’s probably all I can do to help him realize what he has lost. I just really hope I don’t stalk his social media while I’m doing it. I really don’t want to do that. I want to keep it to post happy stuff and pictures of me going out to try and prove that I’m still a good time haha. But I’m scared in gonna stalk his stuff and also scared of breaking Nc.

12

Leslie dear, just forget for some time that you had a bf who broke up with you. Just live your life.
My opinion is to leave it up to god.
He does everything for a reason.
If he wants you two to be together then you need not to worry.
May be this time your relationship would be stronger than before.
Stay positive and be happy.
I know its hard
I can feel the same pain.
It never goes away.
But leave that upto god right now.
You ll feel light.:slight_smile:

13

Block his social media. Do everything to set yourself up for success. I KNOW it’s going to be the most painful thing you might ever have gone through but it is going to be SO worth it! And don’t worry about him not coming back b/c Leslie, do trust me (well you don’t know me but I safely as close to promise you), he is. He just is. You NEED to block him on social media - block him OUT. And go through the pain - walk through it. You do this? You are going to change - grow stronger.

When I finally did this? About two and a half weeks in, I started to change and grow. And now, there is no going back to the ‘old me’ and it was one of the most painful breakups of my life. Force yourself to refocus - don’t talk about it but maybe on this site - when you think about it, go do something else. Stay focused on your goal - which is raising your price tag and let him do whatever he wants. You really have to block him on social media.

Yeah, this is tough but you are WAY more touch. And Leslie, you will regret it if you don’t try this b/c I am telling you, he is coming back (I’ve never said that to anyone else on this site -ever). I wish you can be an outsider to your situation - it’s all very obvious. He is going to come back and when he does, he will first get mad b/c you are moving on with your life (it doesn’t mean you have to be unkind either - you can be assertive).

Whether you want this guy back or not, he is going to come.

You CAN do this.

14

Thank you @divjun I honestly agree with you and that if it’s meant to be it will happen. God made this obstacle in my life for a reason. I just hope I can stay positive for the next 30-60 days!
And @lynnwrigley thank you and that’s crazy to me that you are so sure that he will come back. I’m also sort of scared of blocking him again because we just barely became civil and friends and I’m scared he will be very angry and confused why I went from being his friend to blocking him again. What if I just deleted the app from phone and not look at it until the no contact is through?

15

I’m with everyone else Hun. NC! For 1-2 months. Try blocking social media if it hurts you or tempts you. You might try telling him before NC that you care for him but you two need some time apart since you already did NC. Then you can get in touch after 30-60 days and see where it’s at. You’re so young too. Won’t you be off to college soon? You do have a chance I believe

16

Leslie,

Block him and stop worrying about how ‘he feels’. I am telling you, you will find a way to his page on facebook or wherever even by deleting an app - don’t fool yourself (we have ALL been there)!

Count on him getting mad. Count on him getting mad about the no contact. Count on him not liking the more confident YOU. Count on him not liking your boundaries either. You are turning and doing an about face. You can kindly explain to him after the 30 days that you were putting you first and moving on and to do that, it was best not to remain in contact. You can even tell him that if he texts you but when he responds, do NOT respond. I would do what I just said. If he texts or calls and says ‘Why did you block me’?! You can say (rehearse it - write it down and read or write it to him). I have decided to move on and that it’s unhealthy for me to be in touch with you while I am moving on with my life. I wish you the absolute best’. And then SILENCE. Whatever he says, say ‘I really need to get going now, take care’.

Count on all of this and count on him chasing you eventually - chasing.

Please stop focusing on what ‘he thinks’ and start thinking about ‘what you think’. You are worth it!

17

Hmm…well maybe you should have replied to his twitter response. He was curious and that’s why he responded to that post. You should continue with the NC until he comes to you for something with meaning. If you feel like that may be too long or want to talk to him as soon as possible, you should write him a letter. A nice, sincere letter. Nothing about your past relationship. Talk as if you are trying to start something new and healthy. What was the cause of the breakup anyways?

18

I so disagree respectfully with the letter. Cut this guy off - he is with another girl!
I pray you go NC. I pray you up your confidence level and gather up any and all strength you don’t even know you have (b/c you have it) and say ‘You chose not to date me anymore. And I am moving on. I wish you the absolute best but I cannot be friends with you’.

Any single thing you say about caring about him is letting him now you are going to be there - and he will take his sweet ole time coming back.

Oh man, if you would just follow the NC - move on - you are going to thank me one day. And he will 100% come back.

19

Thank you so much! I’m gonna try and be strong and do the no contact it seems to be my best option! And yes I’m already in college at the moment.

20

You can do this - 30 days is not that long once you get going. I asked one friend who isn’t in contact w/ my ex to be my go to text person when I would get urges. I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done (as you know, I am on Day 28). We have different circumstances but having a friend to text when you are having a moment, is helpful.

You can do this Leslie. And just trust me he is coming back - you will wish you didn’t waste all this time worrying when he eventually does. This is going to be a game changer for you - this time. I promise you.