What to do after the meet up?

reconciliation
1

Hi guys,

I had my first meeting with her, well not the first… We meet up like two weeks afther the break up (like a month ago), she was super charming, and she said “i missed you” “I need you” bla bla all those things, we went at my house and we kiss each other, but when we were at my bed she was like i dont want to have sex… I was like ok no problem… we had nother fight the nexts days cuz i stalked her on tinder… then a week later we saw each other again to smoke some weed, she was the one who texted me for that, i wasnt expecting a text from her… so i said ok come home, and the same thing we were touching, kissing and all that, but the same shit, no sex cuz she said that she was going to feel like she will have the need to see me everyday and she dont wanted that, im was like ok no proble sure, always cool because i didnt want a fight.

Afther 1 week of that another girl who was in love of me started to text me, she asked about my ex and i told her what happend, she said that she has a fake account on instagram that im aloud to use it, but i just laugh and said i was going to bed, an hour latter she texted me that she talked to her on that account i was so mad, my ex realized that it was fake and tought it was me, she was really mad at me, and didn’t believe me that was another person and not me.

Well afther 3 weeks of that we started to talk again, and we had another date, i took her to a food market, we had some drinks and uruguayan parrilla (BBQ), we talked about a lot of things, we had such a good night thogeter, in the bus stop she hughed me like 15 min, and then we took a taxy to her house, she was cuddling with me, i gave her some ¿caresses? in the hair (sorry im spanish native speaking), well she fall asleep in my shoulder. Then we arrive at her house and i went to her door, she hugh me and then i look for a kiss, she put her cheek so i said, hey give me one in the mouth like always, and she was like nope, but she afther that said okey one short kiss, then she opened the door i gave her a proper kiss of goodbye.

I texted her afther that saying i really enjoyed the night with her and all that, she replayed “mee too! let me know when you get back at your home”.

well we spoke the next day for an hour on whatsapp, and like 30 min at night, she said she was in the bus stop one block from my house so i texted her “ok do you want companny till you catch the bus?” she replayed no my sister is coming but i was to stupid so i went to the bust stop, but she wasn’t there, i texted again and she told me she was waiting for her sister to pick her up… i mean that was wierd cuz i culdnt’t saw here anywere…

Anyway, today is the third day after that “date” and idk if i should wait her to text me, or should i text her, because i want another date, but something light, like hey do you want to somke some weed when you go out from work? (Uruguay was the first country in the world to legalise weed)

PS: She also asked me about my best girlfriend (friend) at the last “date” because my best friend always wanted to meet my ex and have dinner with my ex, me and her boyfriend.

2

@santiis2010 I highly advise you to stop smoking weed as it affects moods and emotions. And stop trying to get intimate with her! Take her out on proper dates and get to know each other better.

Is this the 2nd time she broke up with you? Do you frequently have arguments? What are they about? How long have you known her or dated her.

Think of ways to stop arguing! Arguments cause unhappiness and resentments. Go no contact for at least a month and work to improve yourself in all areas you think are necessary…

3

@patricia12 hey thanks for the answer,

We broke up just one but we saw each other twice since the brakeup, and I know her since June, I been in NC for 3 weeks till last Monday when I started to talk to her, on Wednesday we had a date, and now we where talking about on going on a second date this weekend, the thing is when we smoke togheter we always have a wonderful time, we laugh about stupid things (normal…) And have a good connection, maybe we are going out for smoke, drink or just chill in my house and watch a movie, she told that she will let me know… ?

4

Sorry, we broke up a month and a half ago, we never had fights before the brakeup, she broke up with me because she felt like she don’t want to be in a relationship in that moment… And then she started to date on tinder, I did the same, I dated like 4 girls since we broke up…

5

@santiis2010 Good grief, don’t smoke weed with her and don’t take her to your house!

Take her out on a proper date… Maybe to a restaurant for dinner (one of those places where if they know it’s a birthday dinner, they give a free dessert) and afterwards, maybe go to a theater to watch a movie.

Ask her if she’s willing to stop smoking weed with you! Smoking weed is bad for your health and it makes you stink! It’s a disgusting habit/addiction! You could support each other through the withdrawals. It might take a couple of weeks to get free from the psychological cravings.

6

@patricia12 Thanks Patricia, i asked her to go out with me today around 19>30 or 20:00 hours to the “Rambla” is a street that goes algon the ocean, just to chill, we dont smoke weed like some adiction, we smoke like once or twice a month, also i sleept yersterday with a co-worker… and we agree that we are not going to tell to anybody about that cuz can cause problems at work. Also another girl invited me to go to her house tonight but i prefer to spend the night with my ex just chilling and having a good talk about anything…

Oh another thing, she agree on having dinner at my best friends house next weekend, so i think that maybe she is trying to get back with me? idk im most of the time just thinking about her, even yesterday when i was with this girl from work having sex i was thinking about my ex and how much I miss to have those moments with her.

7

@santiis2010 If you care so much about your ex, why are you dating/sleeping with other girls? It seems you can’t control yourself after only a month since the breakup. And secrets usually become known sooner or later…

Why can’t you free yourself from weed? It doesn’t matter how often you smoke it, it’s still a bad habit!

What does 19>30 or 20:00 hours mean?

Sorta sounds like you’ve been friend zoned, but good luck and have a nice time:)

8

Firendzoned Is a big nope, why I’m not going to sleep with others? And 19:30 or 20:00 is the hours that is used in America (the south of America) and Europe

9

Well today we had an argue, she send me an audio after her work that she had some problems there and she was crying, and said I’m sorry but I’m not in the mood to go out tonight, so I was like okey no problem we can do something tomorrow or your next free day from work, and I keep talking to her, but after an hour talking she looked like distant and cold and I thought because it was about her problem at work, so I send her a picture of me and tolde her “hey come to tske a warm shower with me” and she said “? don’t get confused” I asked her why? And she didn’t replayed for an hour…

So I texted her again if she was okay? She looks distant, cold… And then she said “you are talking like when we were together” And I said “I just wanted to cheer you up, like you when you send me pictures in your bed the other day and I said we can sleep togheter and I can give you massages…”

Then she said “yes but you and me, we are going anywhere” then “and I don’t like when you talk to me asking for explanations, I’m going to sleep” I replayed to her saying you don’t get confused I don’t want you as a friend and other stuff but she didn’t saw the messages so I deleted them from WhatsApp… I don’t really know what to do now, we where talking almost everyday really good and she was okay with going out for a second date and now this happens… what can I do?

10

@santiis2010 To me it sounds like you don’t know how to be a good friend or boyfriend. Don’t you have any common sense at all? When she was crying, said she had problems at work, and didn’t want to go out, you did okay by saying “no problem we can do something tomorrow or your next free day from work”. But then you kept talking for an hour! Then you sent a picture and said, ““hey come to take a warm shower with me”. Then you text again saying,”“I just wanted to cheer you up, like you when you send me pictures in your bed the other day and I said we can sleep together and I can give you massages…” There was more to the conversation because apparently you asked for explanations about something and being too intrusive which made her uncomfortable.

WOW, it seems all you want is sex… It’s obvious to me that you’ve treated her like a sex object. You date/sleep with other girls after only a month out from the breakup. And I’m sure she will find out about that sooner or later, which will make your ex feel like she didn’t matter much to you. Sleeping around with girls will earn you a bad reputations as a player!

If you really wanted her back, you wouldn’t be sleeping with other girls so soon after the breakup! You would be trying your best to treat her with respect and not argue… and get to know her better… The WhatsApp comments you made were terrible and probably said out of anger and revenge.

Like I said before, try taking her out on proper dates and don’t try to get intimate with her. Don’t take her to your place and don’t go to hers. She is not your girlfriend anymore and if you want a chance to reunite, you must treat her with respect!

I’m sorry to say, but you sound like an immature teenager who doesn’t know how to control your impulses and emotions. Maybe you should talk to a mature adult on how to properly interact with girls.

11

Sorry but I’m just trying to resume, English is not my native language, but yes I tried to make her feel better all the time, she we talked I said to her that is not a problem if we saw yesterday, and I we talked about her problem at work too, but if I write everything what we talk is just too difficult for me, so I keep it short, I saw other girls cuz I know she did the same after the brake up.

And NO I don’t want to have only sex with her, I already say before I took her to a restaurant, and I was going to tske her yesterday an other place, sorry that you can’t understand everything properly…

12

@patricia12 I’ll try to write everything now so this post can work, first of all, we broke up a month and a half ago, almost 2 months, when she ended the relationship with me, she came back at me 1 week later, she came to my house and we almost had sex, she said to me “i missed you, i need you, yo drive me crazy” but we didnt have sex, next day SHE GOES OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY, we were talking on WPP and she said im going to sleep i have a headeache, then on hour later i walk next to her house because she lives really close to mine and i saw her outside her house, a guy in a car stoped next to her and she jumps into the car… i told her about that and she was like “why are you controling me” “i did it because i knew that you were going to find out” and i was like what the hell is going on… So thats why i was seeing other girls.

Then, afther the date of the last Tuesday, she was “HOT and COLD” with me.
And yesterday when we talk, well when she told she felt bad, i said to her “It’s okay if you dont want to go out today, no problem we can do something tomorrow, or another day, or maybe if you feel like you need company you can come here and we can watch a movie and chill” then we talk about her work and what happend, at one moment she stoped talking to me and she saw the messages, so i asked her “Hey are you okay?” she said yes, so it started to rain and i ask her “hey the rain got you at the bus stop?” and she reaplayed “yes” then i asked her about her son its 2 years old, and she didn’t respond, so i asked her “are you ok”
She said “yes why”. ME: “Its like you are cold and you are not answering, i thought you were not ok” and she respond “I don’t think they are going to fire me from work, the put me in another position as Visual auxiliar”.

Afther that we talk a bit more she always responded in a cold way, so i said ok maybe if i said something like hey you wanna take a shower with me (just in a flirty way not literal) (i think now that was just stupid and i just had to end the conversation and leave her alone, but nope… i texted her “you can come and take a warm shower with me” so yes she said " do not get confused" and i said “What you mean? in wich way (or sense idk how to say it in english)?” so an hour and a half later she didn’t answer so i texted her “Whats wrong Vanessa?”

She: Of what? whats happen?"

ME: i notice you a little bit cold, you don;t answer, so something is going on

She: Huh? ok ok, you talk to me like when we were together

ME: I just want to be charming with you, like the other day when we talked like that, i just want you to be honest with me, and without weird games

She: Yes but you and I, are going nowhere, i don’t like you talking like asking for explanations, im going to sleep.

i reaplyed to her but i deleted those texts a couple of minuts later, i said to her this “its a shame, i thought that the other day w had a good moment, i saw you excited after we saw each other and you where really cute with me” “But you beeing cold and hot made me confuse, and i just wanted to know why” then my best friend saw the chat and told me to text her this “the one is confused its you if you think i talk to you because i want to be your friend”

I deleted all those afther 5 minutes but she saw them, and i really regreat about that.

So today at 9:30 am i texted her “Hi Vane, i want to apologise, yesterday i was intense about asking you why you didn’t responde to me, i did it because i thought you where feelinf bad about those things at your job, and i dint realized of that. I just wanted make you feel better and thats why i keep talking to you, im sorry if i was pushing you and make you feel like you have to give me a reason, it wasn’t my intention. I hope you feel better today and you have a good day at work, you can tell me later about that”

“Oh and i didn’t say anything abouth going back togheter, we don;t have to rush into that, i deleted the previous messages because i wanted to write to you without any drama”

She: “I still got to read them, i can’t have a positive actitude with you, because then you make another idea”. I have to change my clothes, Never mind, it happened. We just end this conversation here"

Me: You are right, i let myself go about that. Alrgith we just end this conversation, its done, i just wanted to explain myself better. Also I like that you tell me about your things, i want to see you happy and i want to help you in what you need. We can talk later and you can tell me how was your day Vane.

Thats all, i hope this is more clear because we where like in a broken phone. I really care about her and i want to be only with her, but i was seeing other girs because i was hurt about what she done a month and a halfo or two months ago whe she said all those things and next day she went on a date with a dude. That was horrible for me…

13

@santiis2010 You wrote:“I saw other girls cuz I know she did the same after the brake up.” That’s called revenge or getting even. You’re the one trying to get her back, so you should have stayed true to her even while broken up to prove your love. You took her out after the breakup, but you also tried to get sex with her several times. You can’t sex your way back into her heart so soon after the breakup. You have to win her heart back with the way you treat her and learn how to control your anger so as to stop the arguing!

You wrote:“she came to my house and we almost had sex, she said to me “i missed you, i need you, yo drive me crazy” but we didn’t have sex…” You tried to lure her into having sex, making her think you’re only after sex. I don’t blame her for going out with a guy the next day. She was tired of you trying to get her in bed and wanted to be treated like a lady.

You walked next to her house because you were stalking her. She had a right to jump in the guy’s car because she broke up with you and you had no right to question her about the guy!

When she said she can’t have a positive attitude with you because then you make another idea, she was saying if she’s nice to you, you get the idea of reuniting and that idea makes her upset because she doesn’t see any positive changes in you. She won’t want you if you try to control her. She won’t want you if you make her feel like she owes you explanations. She won’t want you if you argue too much. She won’t want you if you make her feel bad if she doesn’t answer your messages immediately. She won’t want you if you act jealous. She won’t want you if you stalk her. She won’t want you if you try to have sex with her while she is not your girlfriend.

You wrote:“ME: i notice you a little bit cold, you don;t answer, so something is going on.” Again, you question her and suspect something’s going on thereby displaying your jealousy. She told you the two of you are going nowhere, but you were acting like she owes you explanations and she doesn’t have to explain herself to you because you are an ex now.

You need to stop contacting her so much!! She needs a little space because all the arguing is still on her mind. And stop trying to convince her to come back to you! This will drive her further away from you… It will take time for her to trust that you won’t try to control her or argue all the time.

I understand why you were hurt and jealous, but you have to learn to control how you act and what you say. I’m sorry this happened, but try to understand why she gets cold with you and what you can do to improve the way you treat her…

14

@Patricia12

You tried to lure her into having sex, making her think you’re only after sex

That day she texted me, that she wants to meet at the beach to smoke, so I said yes, afther that SHE SAID let’s go to your house, and SHE WENT into my bed by herself, then we started to kiss eachother, and she jumped over me, so she was looking to have sex and then she tarted to say “oh no and bla bla bla”

I don’t blame her for going out with a guy the next day. She was tired of you trying to get her in bed and wanted to be treated like a lady.

I don’t think so, because that was the first day we saw each other afther the breakup. And i just talked to her like a week before when she was in the hospital with her son, cuz her son had neumonia, i spend like 5 hours in the Hospital just for her and i made her company and bought food for her and her son. I just wanted to make her company and make her feel better.

You walked next to her house because you were stalking her. She had a right to jump in the guy’s car because she broke up with you and you had no right to question her about the guy!

My best friends house is in the same block as her! that’s the problem, since she said im going to bed, i went to his house to play some FIFA. And i saw her outside…

When she said she can’t have a positive attitude with you because then you make another idea, she was saying if she’s nice to you, you get the idea of reuniting and that idea makes her upset because she doesn’t see any positive changes in you. She won’t want you if you try to control her. She won’t want you if you make her feel like she owes you explanations. She won’t want you if you argue too much. She won’t want you if you make her feel bad if she doesn’t answer your messages immediately. She won’t want you if you act jealous. She won’t want you if you stalk her. She won’t want you if you try to have sex with her while she is not your girlfriend.

Yes I know that, but I wasn’t controling her.

You wrote:”ME: i notice you a little bit cold, you don;t answer, so something is going on.” Again, you question her and suspect something’s going on thereby displaying your jealousy. She told you the two of you are going nowhere, but you were acting like she owes you explanations and she doesn’t have to explain herself to you because you are an ex now.

What i was trying to do, well asking to her with the “something is going on” It was if she was still sad, because i wanted to make her feel better, i don’t like to see her sad or crying. But i think i just asked to wrong question and she felt like i was asking about me and her.

You need to stop contacting her so much!! She needs a little space because all the arguing is still on her mind. And stop trying to convince her to come back to you! This will drive her further away from you.. It will take time for her to trust that you won’t try to control her or argue all the time.

I’m gonna leave her alone for some days, cuz yesterday I asked her if she felt better and how was her day at work but she just saw the message and ignored me.

15

@santiis2010 She needs time away from you for a while… I think you should do no contact for at least 30 days to allow moods and tempers to calm down. And whenever you talk or see each other, think before you speak! Don’t say anything that would offend or hurt her. If she attends the dinner at your friend’s house, remember these things.

Good luck.

16

@patricia12 do you think 30 days? Because before last week I gave her two weeks of no contact, also before that we had a date too and we had 1 week of no contact and before that week we had also 1 week of no contact… and before that we broke up. So 30 days? Or do you think 1 week or 2 is enough?

17

@santiis2010 You contacted her on the 26th & 27th. Yes, do at least 30 days of no contact starting from 10/27 (Sunday)!

Try to improve yourself in the way you treat and speak to her. Always give her respect and don’t argue!

I still think you should stop smoking weed…

18

@patricia12 Ok, but today we talked for a bit, about her job and about my job that I’m nervous cuz tomorrow I have to make a presentation to some new people in the company, I wished her to have a good day like last Friday when she sold a lot of jewelry, and that I’ll tell her tomorrow how my presentation went.

You think after that conversation (we talk normal like always) I still need to do NC?

19

@santiis2010 Okay, don’t do no contact. Keep talking as normal if you want to…

20
@santiis2010 Okay, don’t do no contact. Keep talking as normal if you want to..

Hum ok ok thank you, I’ll do my best to talk to her like normal, but since I started to talk to her today, I think it’s better if I wait for her to talk first next time, if not, I’ll wait two days as Kevin Thompson says on his web page.

Also I’ll try to not do the same shit that I did last Saturday ?