Thanks a lot fo your reply… I got really needy after the last NC, no doubt about it. I will keep the focus on myself now and move on. When I am ready for it, and when I am completely over my needyness I will try to bumb into her at some place… Perhaps the gym. When I do I will make sure to show my happy face, with big “hello how are you” and such things. To show her that I am not angry or anything… If she then asks why she was removed as a friend and says she thought I was angry, I can just tell her: “Yes I know it might have upset you. But trust me, that was not the intention. I just wasnt ready for the friendship thingy, so I needed to be myself for awhile. Just like you did…”
Good plan?
Or anyone have any better ideas for what I should do from here on?
Sometimes you have to fake it before you make it. As you said, if she was forcing herself to be so “cold”, that’s exactly what she was doing. You may not be completely over your neediness, until it’s too late. Since you live out of town, what’s the odds that you’d accidentally bump in to her and it not seem planned (be honest)? If you have a chance, google search Relationship rewind pdf…it’s out there. You’re on the right track, but figure out how you can gain the upper hand in the “friendship” battle. That’s why it’s called a “false friendship”. You’re showing that things don’t bother you, you’re ok with things (even when you’re not), and you accepted things. If you haven’t already, accept that what you had is over. It sucks and hurts…but there’s a plus side. For whatever reason it’s over, that means something went wrong. You don’t wanna do that again, so you have a chance to make it better. If she felt as strong as you say she did, which I don’t doubt, you hafta hit those feelings again.
Just read through the first part of relationship rewind. Very interresting.
<li>So what you suggest I do now is to figure out a way to get back in contact, and figure out how I do it so I have the upper hand in the friendship battle.</li>
<li>And be as active on social medias as possible (I am makeing all my posts public, and she still follows me on instagram)</li>
I am also aware that the facebook post she made asking guys to not contact her, could have been because of another guy. It is possible. But if she really is as stressed as she said she was, and if she really loved me as much as she said she did, there is no way there can be another guy. But the possibility is there, and it has crosed my mind yes…
Before you do too much, read the other parts of RR. I think she’s already open to the “friendship”, so you’re ahead of most. But ya, you’ve got to flip the switch/drift. Be comfortable with the fact that you broke up, it didn’t work, and you’re ok with it (i know, it’s hard to do). Step 2 has some good strategies to get her talking, and good ideas for how to say what you need to say.
Not sure if i’d make all of your posts public, especially if you have mutual friends that might be reporting to her. Keep her off balance, and guessing. It’s a game, and whoever cares the least (or appears to), wins.
She didnt appear much into actually talking to me… But again: It could be the stress an hectic life… But she did have time to respond kindly to others…
Looking forward to reading part 2
well, it takes time. If she’s responding, you’re doing better than me. She’s gonna be hesitant to talk, her defenses are up. I can’t remember if it’s in step 1 or 2, but it says keep messaging 1-1, and don’t try for every day.
Well nothing new… Still not a word from her, and we have now reached 30 days.
But I feel much better. I havent visited her social pages or anything. Like Ive said before I find NC much easier, because the contact hurt me to much.
I am still going to wait for her to make the first contact. Last time she clearly wasnt ready to be in contact with me (acting cold) so this time she can contact me when she is ready.
instead of going out clubbing and drinking in the weekends she is now spending her friday nights with her old friends (friends she had before this new shool thing started)… So it seems like she is returning back to her old self…
(I know this because I am friends with these friends on Facebook)
Oh, and her sports team is also slowing down after November. Then she has to workout by herself again (We used to that together) and she will get more free time… Hopefully mind is wondering about me…
Well, sounds like you’re moving forward. Good for you. She might come back around, or you might need to give it a little more time. Are the mutual friends keeping you informed of what she’s doing?
I dont really know them. I follow them on Instagram and they follow me… Ive meet them once at the gym were my ex introduced us… They are her closets and longest friends.
Ive read a lot on “Grass is Greener Syndrom” and I think this might be the reason for the breakup. It does explain a lot. And now she is slowly learning that her new life wasnt so interresting afterall… She might reach out, she might not… All that matters is that I am doing better…
I will keep the thread updated if she contacts me.
She is also following me (eventhough I removed her)
Finding someone new isnt really top priority for me just yet. I am living life the way I want to. The most important thing is for me to be happy every day.
As you know its been 2,5 months ago since our breakup. And 32 days ago I removed her from all social sites, and she has not made any attempt to contact me. I am thinking she might think oh my god he is pissed now" or something.
Well what happend today, is something I have been fearing for the past months. I am on Tinder, and as I logged on today, guess who showed up? Yes! My ex!!
First my heart started beating a little faster, but it didnt really bother me as much as I would have feared. So I went to look at her Instagram and Facebook. Again, I didnt really care much about what was on there. I can she she has posted some love pictures. You know those you can find all over facebook… A guy and a girl kissing and some random love quote… She has posted a few of them these last weeks. And 2 weeks ago she said she planned on spending her Sunday with a “very sweet person <3”, so I asume it was someone she had a romatic relationship with (perhaps the reason she broke up?). But since she is now on Tinder it must have ended I guess…
I am trying to look at this as a possitive thing
This Tinder thing might be for my benefit… Please give me some feeback on my thoughts here:
She is clearly in need of love now. She is finally settleing into her new life and is now realising she has a hole in her life after me. And since I have completely removed her from social medias and gone NC, she asumes there is no chance of getting back with me. And she dosnt want to reach out because of fear of rejection…
So this Tinder thing might be good. The only thing that would come out of it is another rebound guy (just like the last one was)… Hopefully she will run into jerk after jerk, and finally realise what a big mistake she made…
Is this completely nonsense??
Tinder:
I dont know if you guys are familiar with Tinder? But you can say Yes or No to profiles that show up. I said Yes to her… She will never know this! Only if she says Yes to me when I show up on her phone we will be notified of the match and can start to text… But untill then, she wont know if I have seen her profile…
Are you still following RRewind? Have you reached out to establish a false friendship? Have you been on at least ONE date (He stresses this is REALLY important)?
If she’s on tinder, then ya, you’re probably right that she’s “looking”. I doubt it’s for your benefit, since it’s anonymous…but you pushing “yes” so fast probably wasn’t best, and kinda breaks no contact. What happens if she just see’s your pic and doesn’t answer at all…exits, or sees it from another “friends” account?
Remember though, NC isn’t the complete cure all, and can be dangerous.
How much are you using social media (Facebook updates) to YOUR advantage? She is more than likely following you, so SHOW her you’re not needy…that you’ve got interesting, fun, exciting things going on.
She’s headed to indifference, which is extremely dangerous. You seem to be doing good for yourself, so you gotta start planning something.
No no. I didnt mean she joined Tinder because of me. My english is just very bad. I just mean it is a good thing that she has joined Tinder. I take it as a sign she misses what I gave her. I am also over the 30 days of NC.
But what should my plan be?
She is comeing to town for christmas. And we will bumb into eachother at the gym. Perhaps I can show her that I am not upset there. Smile, give her a hug and say I dont really have the time to talk now, but it was nice to see her. Mayve that would make her reach out. And then if all goes well, I can suggest a coffee.
ahhh…i gotcha… ya, her being on tinder does mean she’s looking. Why…you never know. She could be missing you, or she could just be looking/lonely/moving on. DON’T make an assumption.
You’re in a bit of a different situation than me (mine is ignoring me, but using other people’s social media to still let me know what she’s doing, i’ll update in a bit)… I know you said you found relationship rewind. Have you told her you accepted that you’re over and thanked her? Have you asked about remaining friends? I think your time is running out.
Go to step 2. Put together a plan of action. A way/reason to contact her that’s believable. Text messaging or you might unblock her from social media so you can IM her.
Remember to include a bliss reminder.
Just hoping to “run into her” may not work. She may avoid the gym at all costs. You might use it as a reason to reach out, but you’ve got to try and establish a friendship.
Just a small update from me
Not much since last time. Ive talked with a few of my close female friends. I told them about Tinder, and also showed them the love quotes/pictures she posts on Instagram. I did not tell them what I thought about it, but just asked them “If you were her, then why would you start to post these things?”
We talked one on one, and they both replied:
“She needs/misses love… She might even be desperate for it. She has settled into her new life, and finally she can have room for love. But since you removed her from facebook like that, she most likely asumes that you are pissed at her, and is to affraid to make the first contact/is affraid you wont talk to her, or hate her. She fears the rejection. So now she has starting to use Tinder in hope to get some kind of love. And the images on Instagram is to get attention from a guy. Maybe you, maybe some rebound guy who just dumped her… We dont know”
I have also visited her Social pages aa few times. It still doesnt bother me. Clearly the NC has helped me move on.
She said today on facebook that she will be coming to my town tomorrow. She didnt specify for how long like she normally does…
We are almost guaranteed to run into eachother…
I will keep you updated with what happends.
Any kind of advice is welcome…
you gotta find a “reason”, but it’s gotta be kinda legit, to reach out to her or run in to her. Do you really wanna leave it up to blind luck that you will run in to her? If she thinks you’re still pissed, she might be wanting to avoid the confrontation all together.
The girls are probably right, she’s looking, but her guard will be up. She might be more receptive to “friendship” now. So you might get a better response, and if you’re not as “needy” it’ll go over better for you too.
Did you block her, or just un-friend her? If you blocked her, then un-block her. If she’s just un-friended, you might “post” on a comment or something you know she’ll see…
I’m assuming you’re not in the US…for instance, you might send her a pic (like last year at thanksgiving) and say "hey, the holiday is here, and i was going through last year’s pic…or you mom, brother,sister broughtt up this “pic” …you remember this? (a good time)…etc etc… (by the way…have some cool pics posted of you doing cool stuff, it’ll help the conversation…if you don’t, grab a couple of shirts and an extra pair of shoes, and go DO something kool…then post that you’ve been too busy and are just now getting around to it…even better if one of your close female friends is with you)
If she asks about FB, just tell her you thought it was best that WE have space (it was your idea), because you were worried SHE couldn’t handle being friends (flip it around)…might even include something like "i accepted what we had was over, and I as worried you couldn’t accept being friends…or something like that ask your female friends. Takes the neediness out (and i’d bet she’s already seen your yes on tinder). Her foolish pride might be getting in the way of making the first move. keep the conversation brief, but make sure you include you’re OK with things (accepted it) and brag on yourself a little…maybe you’ve hit a new personal bench press record (reminding her something you used to do together, without saying “hey, you wanna work out while you’re here”) or whatever. Bait her in to remembering positive things, then she might even think it’s her idea to meet you…
