Short background:
She got stressed out because of school and 2 new jobs. This caused her to loose feelings for me and she broke up. It was still important to her that I stayed her friend as she needed my support.
Ok here we go:
I gave her 2 weeks of NC, and she did not try to contact me doing these 2 weeks. (Yes I know, stupid! But I was very worried about her stress) We slowly began texting again. But I feel like most of the times I have to actually drag it out of her. It is mostly me who starts the conversation, and some of the texts she doesn´t even reply to. I invited her out for a friendly cup of coffee, but didn´t get a reply…
So now I want to give her 30 days of NC. But I want her to text me this time so I have something to ignore! I want her to wonder, I want her to think about what is going on…
How do I do this?
I m thinking about writing her one final text, something like this:
To be honest I expected at least a “no thanks” to my coffee invite.
You told me how important my friendship and support was to you. But a friendship takes 2 people, and to be honest I am tired of being the only one who is interrested in making it work.
From now on I am going to focus my energy on someone who actually wants my friendship, and can appreciate what I have to offer them.
Make is shorter and sweeter. Be more understanding of where she might be emotionally and mentally. And don’t say “From now on I am going to focus my energy on someone who actually wants my friendship, and can appreciate what I have to offer them.” That says a few things. 1. You’re throwing a fit because you aren’t getting the attention you want. 2. It is confrontational and counter productive. 3. You’re telling her that “friend” to you means something more…
To be honest. Try not writing anything at all. Your emotions aren’t in the right state. She will wonder if you stop communicating all together. Good luck
Since the Coffee invite was for Sunday, I could write her “Nevermind the coffee invitation” and then go NC after that… (I am sure she will reply to it, and then I have something to ignore)
in a healthy relationship, i think it wouldnt matter how busy she is - she should still count on you to support her and be the one who she “comes home to”. just because shes busy doesnt mean that her feelings go away - so that raises a red flag for me.
why would you want to be friends with your ex? first off, do you really JUST want to be friends, or do you want to date her? By accepting friendship you’re basically saying… “i’m fine being here to support you and give you all the benefits of dating me without the intimate parts… im okay with you getting over me slowly while still being here for you emotionally… im okay with you feeling good about our breakup… im okay with you feeling confident and possibly dating other guys in the meantime”.
Being friends with your ex is the worst idea to me. You’re allowing her to have all the power and call all the shots about what is going on. You need to make her miss you and that only happens when youre not there.
my advice is dont even respond at all… make her think you dropped off the map. if she texts you repeatedly then say you need time for yourself. she will secretly freak out when she realizes that youre serious about moving on.
Thank you for your very detailed answer.
Deep down inside I know that just cutting her of is the best solution. But I am affraid she wouldn´t even notice. I want her to text me so I have something to ignore… That would make her see it.
How about just:
“Sorry, cant do this friendship and support thing when you are not interrested in it. Good luck”
Please don’t send anything. NC without telling her. I know how it feels to want to say something, but as someone looking into the situation who isn’t affected by emotions I say to go NC.
Yeah I know… I am just so upset… I have litterly been through all the emotions these last 3 weeks. Hate, love, cofused, anger, sadness and so on. She haven´t displayed a single sign of emotions… (Except happiness with her new friends and job)
Guess I am just looking for some sort of reaction…
But you are right… I am better then this. I must not give in to these urges…
we are right!! trust us!
i think everyone here totally understands how you feel…
you have the power already…you are the one who know what you want…she doesn’t…she will wonder where you went and if you moved on without her approval…she won’t wonder that if you send her passive aggressive messages lol
I dont really feel like I have any power… I want her to be the one who feels all the feelings that I have been through. I want her to sit all night thinking…
Thanks man. I have a feeling this NC is going to be hard on me because I wont get any reaction.
I will keep this topic updated with the progress. Even if there is no progress
And hope to get some response from you guys. It makes everything a lot easier when you have others to talk to about it.
Ok just a small update
2 days gone of this second round of NC.
So far, no reaction from her, but I didn´t expect that so soon either.
Tomorrow is the day I invited her for coffee (she didn´t reply to that invite, remember?)
But what if the reply comes tomorrow and she says yes? Should I continue the 30 days NC, or go for the coffee? Just in case… I highly doubt it will happend, but I want to be prepared…
Anyways, she is still very active on Facebook ect. She likes a lot of pictures. Just not any of mine.
I have thrown out most of my clothes, and gotten a completely new style (Yaaay)
I posted a picture of me on Facebook to show it of, wishing all my friends a good weekend. Big smile and everything to show I was happy. It got a lot of likes and some comments. But nothing from her…
Focus on yourself and not so much on what she is thinking or her possible reactions. It is not easy, but it is the best chance you have to get her back.
no to the coffee invite, remember you are doing no contact. I know exactly how you feel, I feel the same way with my husband, your doing good, keep it up.
