If I show my girlfriend that I have changed. I know talk is cheap and I need to prove to her that ive changed. I’m determined to change to give me the best possible chance of winning her heart back. Do ppl think that change will help me win her back?
I read your story… and yes the changes you made in yourself and in your life would help you to win her back but you need to follow all the rules of NC. Sometimes in long term relation things get boring due to so much of time spent together. And i myself was having so many fights, arguments and what not from past few months. My ex wasn’t supportive and hurt me alot with his words and actions. I still love him but i am feeling much better without him as i have peace of my mind. I still miss him but i like this peace more. Sooner or later i ll be missing him more. But i have made a firm decision that i ll only talk to him when he will actually value me and my needs.
So suming up all, give her her time alone and wait for her to miss you. Till then work on yourself more and more and strike the iron when its hot. That is show your changes when she is terribly missing you.
But for now, follow the plan.
Thanks for your advice. It’s always good to have another opinion on it. All I want is to win her heart back. I know it will be a long road.
It’s a strange one.
It’s a strange one. She obviously loves you.
Similar in a sense to my story, as in despite her feelings for you she still wants out.
Women make strange decisions.
Sometimes I feel they get scared as they’ll analyse the future too much.
Changing yourself for better is always good, but my question is will she see these changes?
And how do you show her?
We are kind of in the same situation.
For me if I want to show him I need to keep giving what he needs. And if that is time and space so be it. It’s gonna be his birthday coming soon and I will give him a really nice gift I know he will love. And a card. I am thinking of easing him because he is affraid of things going back to where they were. And also using some of the letter techniques in the article.
But don’t change just for her. Change if you think it’s gonna be good for you in the future
After I do my 30+ days of no contact I plan to send her a hand written note.
Here’s an early draft of it
https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/heres-my-letter-what-do-u-think/
Then hopefully we can start to reconnect as friends then hopefully more
I think it’s a good one. I will later write a draft of what I am thinking of writing in the card as well.
It really depends on who they are I think. If she is very sensitive and emotional maybe focusing more on the good times a bit more. Or maybe if she is the rational type, enfasizing the changes you made in your life is a good bet.
Can you read the last thing I posted on my thread? I don’t thin you need to read the whole thread
Ye she is a very emotional girl, but that’s one of the reasons I love her. I miss her so much but I’m trying to put a brave face on it! I’ve replied on your post let me know and I will try my best to help you.
RustyRed the last thing I posted is about our meetup yesterday. I know it’s so hard. Yesterday we went to the movies. There were kissing scenes it was so hard my heart was racing 
What did you guys argue about mainly? Is there something there that needs to change?
Working on yourself is great, and valuable. It’s also good to think about what needs to change within the relationship - She may be impressed if you are looking hot, but if the same old arguments keep cropping up, it won’t mean much…
I think your letter is great! My only comment would be maybe you shouldn’t put “all my love”… it jars with the lightheartedness of the rest of the letter. But I’m not an expert, so whatever you think!
All petty things really like who’s cleaning most stupid things that just escalated. We were really happy but I’m worried she’ll only remember that bad times ! I know there’s a small chance I can win her back. I just need her to see that I will/have changed. But for now I’m doing no contact and giving her space she wanted. I hope she misses me
Thanks by the way it helps to get things off my chest
That’s OK, I know how it helps, even to talk to strangers!
Hmm… If she left because of arguments, and those arguments were petty… That makes me think
- it actually wasnt because of the arguments, it was something else.
Or - the arguments may have seemed petty, but were actually just a symptom of a much bigger underlying problem.
True she would get depressed a lot, she used to think of her past and get upset about the fact she was bullied at school and had no friends. I always tried to comfort her. Recently she started to see a physiatrist about it. I encouraged her to talk to some one. Now I’m thinking it might have worked against me
If she was bullied she was probably a lot more fragile underneath than she ever let on even to you.
People who have been bullied must be treated like very delicate flowers. Flowers who often attack as a form of defence
I was never bullied, but have worked with a lot of people who have been. They are very very fragile delicate people, in very tough armour.
Yes she was very emotional and would take things I said too serious. She would always feel rejected and said I was the only one that cared. Her father left her when she was only young so she’s always felt rejected. I would try to make her feel good about herself all the time. She always said I was her rock.
I’m glad I met u, u have good advice. And talk sense. How are u feeling with your situation now?
Right now I am just waiting. I think it is for the best to let him sort his head out, and to give enough time for him to remember how annoying his wife is! It is hard, but chatting on here helps 
Good I’m sure everything will come good for u. U seem a good person. And good ppl deserve good things.
It is hard, but some how comforting knowing there’s ppl out there hurting from a breakup too. It’s good that I found this site it’s been very helpful. And I value the advice I get. So thank you.