@KPowers1192 It isn’t that I’m giving up, it is just that I have to take time away from the situation. You know? I love him dearly and would love to have something with him. However, he really damaged our relationship, and it just wouldn’t be fair for me to stick around and make myself suffer. As for his step mother thing, I don’t think she would say anything to him. Especially since she is an outsider like me. We both joined a family and doesn’t have good functions, and even though she is more supportive of some of their aspects, she is also more mature about it. I genuinely want to know if something happens to him. Most of the time his cousins don’t find out until after the fact or they find out right away. So I didn’t know if I should ask her, plus she isn’t as supportive with the situation because she knows everything he has done and she is in favor of me. His step mom would know immediately. I am still thinking about it, but it would KILL me if something were to happen to him…and I wasn’t there… I whole heartendly agree with your NC views. It is just so weird to think it had to go this far. But I have to remind myself that it isn’t my fault that it has come to this…
@frey18 Calling me after work isn’t the problem, I loved that. Ignoring me, making everything on his terms, keeping secrets, etc was the problem. I know we were “just friends” but we acted like we were dating. I told him we couldn’t after so many times of him asking to be for the reason you mentioned. I told him it was impossible. It is. We have such a strong connection that it was practically detrimental to be anything but in a relationship. We acted like we were dating yet we were “friends”. It shows how impossible it is. I hope this doesn’t sound bad, but I would rather so NC and not know what is going on. If it had to do with any form of reconciliation, he would have made me feel guilty about it by now. Judging by his actions and control, I knew it was nothing but bad news. I’ve known him long enough to know what “we need to talk…” is about. You know? it is hard, but I knew it was going to happen because things were too good to be true. I have never rejected him before, so this would be something new for him. You know?
@Oshi Hey! I guess this is his point to make the decision. Who knows how I will feel in the future? That may have actually been his last chance. After everything he has done, what is the point in wasting my breath when he knows what he did wrong? I can’t avoid those facts anymore, but I feel this is the best confrontation. Sometimes people need negative situations in order to create a positive behavior for themselves. Even though it bothers me at somewhat, the “what if” factor has left my mind. No matter what I do or say, it isn’t going to grasp his attention compared to silence.
I’m just starting to have some doubts right now. I’ve been thinking about everything he put me through and I just don’t see how he ever loved me… How could he do this to me? How could he claim to ever love me?.. I’ve been crying all morning about it.
I don’t see how this is going to work. He doesn’t care.
Oh ellie, I’m so sorry! I’ve had a couple of those days myself, specifically the other day when I was talking to you, and I know how rough they are. I’m giving you a virtual hug because you totally deserve it. I know this is really hard, but you just cannot think like that. True, his actions since the break up are not necessarily those of a good man or a man who has his head on straight. But there are obviously good things you guys did and had that made the relationship last as long as it did and that are making this so hard on both of you now. You’re just having trouble seeing them because you’re distraught. His actions now may not speak much to love, but I know undoubtedly that he did love you and still could. What is going on right now has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He does care, which is why he still texts you and continued to act like you were in a relationship while you let him. He’s just confused and mixed up, which is why he doesn’t seem to understand how much he cares or how he can have independence and you. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I believe what I said wholeheartedly. Today is just one of those days, y’know? Everyone has them. This too shall pass.
@ellie I agree 100% with between1standa. It’s just one of those days. We all have them sometimes so it’s normal to think this way. Believe me I know what it feels like, you ask yourself if it’s true that he really loved you when he’s acting like this right now. If you really felt that he loved you then he definitely did. I’m sure of it. We all have this thoughts that preventing us from seeing the whole picture, but when someone truly loves you then you can feel it. Right now all of our exes are not acting like they did. I think it’s just a part of the break up and the feelings that left with it. It’s obvious that he cares and has feelings for you, the question is when he’ll start doing something about it. I’m sure that he doesn’t want to lose you, that’s why he keeps contacting you and being around you. I believe as well that maybe he’s just confused and eventually he would figure out what he wants and his mistakes as well, but by that time it might be that you already have moved on with your life! And you’re right, we shouldn’t have this thought of “what if” on our mind, and also you should feel complete with yourself that you did everything you could and the blame is on him right now. Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will turn out fine!
It is just one of those days. He was in one of my dreams last night so it just brought up thought.
I understand being confused and how young we are, but I’m just like “how could you get rid of me?”. How could he hook up with other girls? How could he be hooking up with his boss while he kept in contact with me? How could he say all those horrible things to me when we got into that fight?
Then I’m like, what if he cheated on me when we were together? What else is he lying about?
Those thoughts destroy me. Yes, the past is the past, but it just hurts. How could he do this to me? I understand being confused, I was too, but I would never do this to him…
So yeah it really is just one of those days. I was kind of questioning even ever talking to him again. I am in one of those confused stared again.
He has kept me around for this long…and kept some form of contact…but he kept doing all of that kind of stuff. I’m not mad at him for it because he is single so he could/can do whatever he wants. I just question whether or not me not talking to him will even matter…
@between1standa Did I ever tell you or did you ever read the message he sent me about a month ago when we first started all of this again? I know Oshi read it before.
He sent me a message saying that I was his best friend and the past couple months have been different but I have always been his best friend. That he is holding back from the world and he wants me to experience what he got to experience, and how he is letting me go but hopefully in the future he can catch me before it is too late. He sent that around a month ago and then when we agreed to talk in person we ended up not talking about it and went from there having the moments we had.
You gotta do what feels right! Do you think he’s calling because he actually has something important to say/things are going to change? Or is this just a ploy to get your attention? You know him better than any of us so you’re going to know his motivations better than us. I think you really need to go with your gut on this one. I’m here to support you 100% though.
He sent that about a month ago! but then we practically ignored the conversation and stuck together! I was just saying how he said he wants to catch me if it isn’t too late…
It could be both! I don’t know what to do… but he called me…and I feel horrible if I just ignore that. That is me just being a caring human being. I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to seem like I’m giving in. How do I respond without seeming like he has the power.
So I stopped by his work like he asked. He wanted to take me out the day I worked. So I declined. Then he asked to hang out tonight when he gets off. I accepted (guilt trip I guess). what should I do? Just be flat out honest? I haven’t been in forever, but I guess at this point acting like I don’t care about us (which a part of me really doesnt) is my best bet right?
I’m so so sorry for sending this but I’m in full on panic mode about my situation and I want to hear about your situation more. Something came up. If you’re free, please please please facebook me. If you look up Carter Augusta facebook on google, I should be the 5th link down.
We had a great time at the movies and were biking back and everything was good until we pulled up at my apartment briefly. Then he started looking all worried and distressed and told me I should go take care of the cats and he wanted to just go home and he’d see me later. And I got frustrated and he asked what was up and I just told him it upsets me and is confusing/hurtful when we have plans to do something, like eat together and talk about the movie after, and he changes them up at the last second. And it makes me feel like I can’t contact him or try to set anything up without it being a burden on him or me forcing myself on him because he ends up pulling this stuff and canceling. And then he got even more upset looking and started to kind of pull away on his bike and I told him I’d really appreciate it if he didn’t just bike away from me. He stopped and I asked him what was wrong or if he could explain to me why he’s acting this way and he told me nothing was wrong. He always does that. I told him I know him better than that and he can lie to himself but he can’t lie to me. He gets this look on his face and his eyes go this certain way and I just know. And he pulled me into a hug and we were really close again and he told me to come by in a half an hour. I told him I wasn’t going to force myself on him, but that I am sick of having plans and having them get cancelled and he told me to come and that he’d let me know and said he’s not planning on texting me in a half an hour to blow me off. And I just said okay and came inside and saw your message. And now I’m just confused and hurting. I feel like I’m forcing him to make plans with me when he doesn’t want to, but at the same time, I know I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do. But I just don’t understand why he seems/acts so upset and won’t just admit it. That’s the first step. I’m not even asking him to tell me what’s upsetting him. Just to admit that he’s upset. I don’t know. He’s so confusing. But he just told me to “Come over!” What the heck.
it is hard, but I knew it was going to happen because things were too good to be true. I have never rejected him before, so this would be something new for him. You know?