I think I need to interact as much as I can in a non needy way…
However just now I remember of an instance that happened when we were together…
She went to a parent teach conference for her daughter and her ex husband was there and they had talked and both had cried and they kissed (or he kissed her as she said) and grabbed her butt… she told me of it when she got back and I was okay with it because I believed she loved me… I feel like this is eerily similar as in that we both talked and cried (I didn’t go for a kiss though)…
Thinking of that just now doesn’t make me feel good. I feel like she even told her new boyfriend of what had occurred with us.
But then maybe not. Because she continue to text and interact with me positively afterwards.
All the woes of an over active mind.
Maybe I’m just making connections that aren’t even there
Honestly it sounds like she wants what she can’t have and plays games with the new guy in her life.
How long ago did you break up? How long were you in NC?
Sometimes it feels like that too, like she is just using us to boost her self confidence and get the pick of her choice but then digging deeper she’s also been through a lot and she’s at some cross roads in her life at the moment.
Her exhusband was a horrible person. The boyfriend I stole her from was actively trying to cheat on her so that’s why she gave me a chance. I was the best time of her life but I also did her wrong several times (from being uncontrollled in my thoughts and actions), and now this new guy seems to be a rebound and using him to fill the void I left. It sounds like that because he’s the opposite of me (or so it seems). She told me she doesn’t love him, even after five months so she can’t seem to invest herself in him or forget about me…
We broke up in October.
We went no contact for three weeks in November. Talked on and off from December till January. Then went NC (with small hiccups here and there) up until now on her birthday. Saw her for the first time since January this past Sunday. Started talking again except today she hasn’t replied since I got off of work.
Anyways…
Sometimes it feels like I’m playing her game and sometimes I feel that she’s just as lost as I am
It sounds like you need a hard reset on your relationship which means NC again. Just three weeks is not long enough and it sounds like she needs to get her own head straight too and figure out what she wants. It does sound like she wants you but, as you say, you are playing her game. You are on her hook and her safety net for this rebound guy.
I still don’t think NC is the thing to do. I need to interact with her, I need to reignite those feelings she’s has for me, I need to get her to open up to me and really let the love flow again.
Maybe not sending a text and calling everyday but I do need to interact with her.
I think with NC I will make it easy for this other guy to root himself more. Maybe not. I don’t want to risk it by letting them do their thing. If I want it I need to work for it.
Five months of dating and saying she doesn’t love him because he isn’t me. That’s my opening. That’s my in. Yeah i need to continue working on myself but at the same time I need to work on getting her back. I did NC from January till now and i don’t want to step backwards after seeing her and do NC again. I think that’s the wrong direction to go as of now.
Well you are the only one in the situation and the only one that can read it so if you think that is the best course of action then best of luck. Keep us posted 
I know I need to not worry about it but I’m trying to find out why she went cold again. I texted her last night some pictures I took and she just read them but didn’t reply.
Crazy how mixed signals suck
It’s best that you don’t prod her. That will drive her away
Prod her as in bug her about her new boyfriend and ask her questions about whats going on?
Thats not really the type of interaction I want to focus on. No one likes a needy, desperate person. If I am to focus on getting her back I need to focus on interacting with her in ways that make her happy and feel good.
However I am rewriting the letter I made but I think that is more for me than for her.
I figure since she has gone cold I have to just accept it for a little bit as in leave her alone for a small while (like a week at most) then start texting her again.
This first bit of interaction since NC was really heavy and emotional and brought questions up to her that had her feeling confused. Maybe she is realizing that she should leave him or maybe not but right now she is doing a lot of processing and perhaps its best to give her a little bit of time so she can ask those questions to herself without me breathing down her neck.
Im still stuck on those five months and she still doesnt love him. I think because she broke her rule about introducing new men into her life (wait at least half a year before she introduces a new man, she broke it with him because he also had a daughter) she feels that she wants to stick with this new man because she doesnt want to remove another man from her daughters life, she does desire stability but even after five months she says she doesnt love him makes me think she might leave him, as long as I continue showing her that I am stable and more mature than before.
I cant imagine being with another girl and not being in love with her because I am in love with the woman I left. I understand why since I hurt her so badly that she is trying to move on thinking I wont change or thinking she will never forgive me for the things that I have done. I guess I would try to move on with a woman that hurt me intensely but if that woman showed me a lot of growth then I would most definitely give her another chance but thats just me, not her. But maybe, just maybe, she will give me another shot
My good friend had separated with his then girlfriend, now wife, because she was real immature but in that year she grew up a lot and he got back with her and while they were separated he went out with other girls. Now they are married. Yeah things are different and I doubt she hurt him as badly as I did with her but hey nothing is impossible right??
I always say that nothing is impossible, only difficult.
Keep us posted
This has been extremely difficult. But I think if I had given up a while back because I felt defeated than yeah I would have lost. Even though I haven’t given up it seems the door hasn’t closed. She said she loves me. She’s just so worried I will hurt her again she’s going against what her heart wants. I get she’s protecting herself. I just have to continue becoming a better person
That’s all you can do; give her space and work on yourself. But most importantly never give up.
It sounds like her heart wants you but her mind can’t shake the negative emotions. So you need to give her space so they melt away
Hi guys. Its been a while and lots has happened. Some of it good and some of it not so good. I will try to keep it as brief as possible but I’m writing now to clear my head after what has just occurred.
As we know she had started going out with a new man, Ryan. Since then we have gone no contact and I started my new job.
At the beginning of August something happened in my home town and she broke contact because she was worried about me. We started talking again. We escalate from texting to talking on the phone to her bringing me coffee to my work one day and a donut the next. She lets me know that she broke up with Ryan. Things looking good right? We continue interacting and escalate things more. We go have dinner a couple of times and she lets me see her daughter (huge win!). I finally kiss her and we go on a couple of dates, including doing yoga. It escalates more and now I’m in her bed and I tell her that I love her and she reciprocates the words (huge mistake). We were supposed to see each other later that day but she goes AWOL. She freaked out. She felt bad that she was lying to her friend about seeing me the past week. I want to talk but she doesnt so I leave her alone. This all happened in a span of just over a week, we moved oh so fast…
I sent her an email saying its just not working out. She apparently sees me as a stalker. I tell her that I wont chase her anymore and will leave her alone because I dont want her to be afraid of me and because its not going both ways (im chasing shes not). She doesnt reply. We go no contact again.
Its september now and my birthday. She comes into my work and surprises the hell out of me. She brought me a tart and a drink to enjoy. I walk her to her truck and we hug and she kisses me on the cheek. I felt so conflicted. I go to my home town for the weekend and when I return I call her and we are on the phone for a bit. We get disconnected but I drop by the dog park where she was at. We hung out and flirted just a little. I wanted to invite her to go eat but she invites me first. She follows me to my place and picks me up, this is the first time that she learns where I live. We eat and she drops me off. Now I hug her and kiss her on the cheek. The next day I call her in the morning but she doesnt answer. I leave her alone. No contact again…
October is here. It is now one year since we have broken up… Its her daughter’s birthday and I bought her a couple of gifts and drop them off at her house. She texts me later that night saying thanks and that her daughter knew it was from me right away. I dont respond… This was this past Wednesday.
Now we are here. Its tonight and I’m at a bar having a beer and boom she enters and sits next to me. I hug her and we talk. Catch up here and there but the conversation is interrupted frequently because the bartenders are her friends. I notice on her phone a guy is texting her. He sends three texts and then calls. She answers the phone but walks outside for the phone call. She finishes her beer, pretty fast, and says good bye. I ask if I can walk her to her trucks and she agrees. She says shes happy for me (about the things we caught up on) and I tell her that I brewed a beer and she asked how was it and I told her that I was saving it for us to enjoy together. She says something along the lines that she doesnt think that its a good idea to have a relationship of sorts. I ask her why and I forgot what she said but I call her out on the phone call by saying something like “its okay if you’re meeting a guy right now” and she says yeah she is meeting a guy and I tell her that I respect that but it still doesnt answer my question and she says that she has to go. I tell her to enjoy her night and that was it…
I feel defeated. I felt that I got so close to getting her back but rushed it and botched it up. Then the email didnt help. Now it looks like she found another guy and I’m here left alone. It doesnt feel good. I dont know what to do. I feel like I just want to give up but I dont know if that is the right thing to do. I still feel strongly for her but it seems like she’s trying to move on again. Maybe I just have got to move on. I know a year isn’t really a long time but now it looks like shes going onto another guy and what am I supposed to do now? Stupid me and my stupid email. I totally did this onto myself by sending her that email when it looked like she wanted me back but I pushed away. I just didnt feel good being called a stalker. I didnt feel good about a lot of things she said. IDK…
I guess I am still venting right now. I am feeling all kinds of emotions right now. I am sad, angry, jealous, and anxious. I just want to know everything, even though I don’t have the right to know. I want to know who is he. When did she meet him. Where are they exactly. Are they full fledged dating? Or barely talking? My mind is going uncontrolled. It didnt sound that he was present at the daughters birthday present. Why wasnt he with her at the bar right now? She is meeting him late at night on a sunday. What does that mean?
I shouldnt concern myself with this stuff but I’m human and I want to know… Why would she sit next to me? Yeah maybe she was being friend but I want the interaction to mean more that just that. Fudge
I forgot one thing about my last post. The day after I dropped of the present we drove past each other. I was simply going to wave hi but she stopped and we talked for a brief second. Before parting ways we stared at each other for a couple of seconds, smiling at each other. As if something was there or is that my brain just trying to insert things that arent there? IDK…
Sorry I just cant go to sleep…
The job I landed and that I have worked since then has absolutely sucked. I was constantly getting harassed by my coworkers. I started applying for new jobs and recently landed a new and better job this past monday. My first day of work is Nov 4th and I havent worked for close to a month now. I dont know what I am going to do this coming week now after this interaction. I mean in my mind. So much is going through my mind I need to be able to calm it down. I know its not the end of things. I know life will continue. I guess I just need to remove the expectations that I have had and that will alleviate my mental symptoms. I cant believe she found another guy again already. Like seriously? I’m hurt but why? We havent even been a thing for a year now. It looks like she was single for just three months. Do people really find others that fast? I mean three months aint really that fast but I havent even had a gf since her… Maybe I just need to find a girl to go out with…
I’m calming down… I’m becoming more rational and I have started reading the EBP stuff again and gettin refreshed before I make some deadly mistakes. I am going to start NC again and just focus on myself again. I am starting a new job and I have to be in the right mental state for it… Things happen. I want to believe that this new relationship wont last or wont get off the ground but I have no control over it and I just got to let it be.
Reading your recent posts I see my story. She is seeing a new guy but the way she is talking about her and the kids and spending time with them it sounds like there is not much happening between them. Sometimes she indicates that their relationship isn’t going anywhere and other times it is. We have done things together like walking the dog, going into town shopping and enjoying milkshakes, playing games and her telling me about her struggles and appreciating my help with the house and the kids and just recently she said that she wanted me out of the house after a few days but too polite to say so.
It sounds like they don’t know what they want. The only thing we can do is to keep trying.