Searched for a similar situation I am in. Closure

reconciliation
1

Hello Everyone!

I have searched on google and on here about my situation but couldnt find it. I wish I found this site sooner! I did so many things horribly wrong after we broke up but anyways…

I will try to be brief.

We had a situation on oct 18 that lead to our break up. I apologize that night via email and see responds "I could see you as a friend. I need time away from you right now

November 1, I hit rock bottom. Blacked out at halloween party and go to her house drunk as a skunk. She calls the cops and I call the cops on my own. They take me home, no charges pressed. Got luck. Knew I needed to get better. Started getting better on my own. Quit drinking and started going to counseling. Started no contact. I move back to my home town

Nov 24, she emails me stating she expected to hear from me for the holiday. I reply and say I really wanted to but I had told her I would leave her alone. We started talking almost daily

While we contact, I keep breaking the rules and keep coming on as needy and desperate. But I also tell her how I have been improving myself and changing.

Dec 1 I come back into town, I invite her to my aunts christmas party, she politely declines. Tell her I want to see her. She says she does want to see me. Say stupid stuff “youre stringing me along, you say you want to see me but dont actually want to see me” etc. She says shes not and that she does. Continue saying stupid things. But we are both understanding. We say we love each other to one another. Keep on pressing to see her. She says shes in a healthy mental state and that not tonight. Say more stupid things. Next day she says that shes happy and to give her space. Say more stupid things

Dec 3, continue talking. She invites me to yoga. We saw each other, hugged, she cried and I kissed her. Yoga was great with her. Held hands like we used to. I mouth I love her, and she smiles. She invites me to lunch. It was great. We spent an hour or so talking about everything. I ask her so many things about whats going on in her life. She drops me off and I kiss her. The kissing escalates to full blown make out session.

Later that day I text her thanking her for earlier. She replies several hours later saying she just experienced something crazy. One of her ex’s supposedly needed her help. She met with him at a bar and he was drunk. Professed his love to her and asks for her to give him and apartment (shes a property manager) and starts confessing he kills people for a living. Shes scared and she runs off and he chases her. She goes to a friends place to calm down and gets home later. She texts me about it. I tell her to call the cops but then tell her I want to come over. She agrees.

I haul ass to her place. We hug and I don’t expect much. I am there to provide a sense of security. She wants to go to bed right away. I expected to sleep on the couch but she invites me to her room. I lay down and she tells me to take off my pants to get comfy. I do. We start cuddling. Eventually we start making love. We make love all night multiple times. I tell her I love her while making love but she never says it back. But the love is passionate nonetheless. The morning we hug one last time.

Dec 4 I go back home. I talk to her in a positive manner. we continue talking via text. I invite her to my graduation and she asks for dates. She doesnt reply the rest of the day.

Dec 5 she texts back but doesnt respond to my invitation. Then I invite her to my friends wedding and she says I am expecting too much from her. Send a bunch of texts saying I dont expect this and that, etc Blow up her phone and realize it. I say ill leave her alone

Dec 6 she responds. She says shes been busy and hadnt had the chance to reply. She says that my graduation lands on a vacation she has planned with her daughter and her friends family and she says she doesnt think its a good idea to go to as a couple to the wedding.

She says "I enjoyed spending time with you last weekend. However it was extremely selfish of me. I enjoyed your touch and our time but for me it was closure. You said you knew it didnt change anything but I dont think that is true. I want to keep in touch with you but only if you can see our boundaries clearly. If that is too hard for you then maybe we should stop communicating.

I ask to call, she agrees. The conversation escalates. She tells me about oct 18 and I start talking over her. I accuse her of getting breaking up with me over doing something she had asked me to do and that it was unfair of her to do such a thing and how the day before she said that “we have a problem and that we have to fix it” but she breaks up with me the next day. She gets mad that I dont let her speak and ends the conversation. I apologize immediately via text. Later that day I text her a bunch of photos of quotes about relationships and the like. I flood her phone again. Later that night send her a video of me talking about our relationship and showing her an analysis I did of our relationship and how it fared.

Dec 7 she finally texts back. She sends me a pic of a llama she saw at a store (i love llamas) and then she says “i liked your video”. I dont reply since I am in the mountain hiking and I dont have great reception up there. she texts “we arent talking today” thinking I am ignoring her. I get her text and was able to call her saying I wasnt and then I snap chat face time her where I am. I send her an inside joke and she laughs at it. I dont reply. I tag her in a photo on ig and instantly take the tag down because I didnt ask her. I text her my apology about it saying I should have asked. Then I ask to call her and she says “im with a friend”. I freak thinking shes on a date but manage to keep it cool and say “enjoy yourself with your friend”.

Dec 8 I call in the morning and she doesnt reply. I leave a voice text saying just wanted to see how she was doing. No response from her the rest of the day.

Dec 9 I get an interview in her home town. No contact from her still.

Dec 10 Make my way there. First place I go is to her place to drop off a christmas present for her and her daughter. I ring the video doorbell and she answers and ask what I am doing, I tell her, and she says shes not home. I saw on her ig that she was baking like 30 minutes before I got there, and her dog was out and all the lights so I ask her if shes being honest. I tell her that she can tell me she doesnt want to see me. She says shes not lying and she just left to get some supplies. I believe her and drop off the present. We talk, I tell her about the interview. I ask her why she wasnt responding to my texts and snaps and she says she giving time to herself. I agree to leave her alone. We end the call and she thanks me. Realize there might have been some confusion and text her to clear something up. No response.

Dec 11 (today). No response still.

Sorry for the read!!! I didnt expect it to come out so long.

I found this site yesterday and I wish I had found it sooner. Anyways. I want to know if I should continue giving it a shot? I am working on myself. I have been applying to many jobs, I had an interview today and it went well and I have another one lined up tomorrow. I am going to counseling still. I am doing these things for me. But I want to know if there is still a chance to get her back? Since I found the site I stopped texting so damn much. I am worried about that phrase “for me it was closure”. I know that I should try regardless. I know I need more time for me to accept the break up and I still see myself with her but I know I am not over her so I am being biased. I just feel like all this advice I have read on this website only pertains to people with exs who havent got their “closure”. I dont even know what that means honestly. and how that affects my chances with her. Maybe I am over thinking it and everything can still be saved as long as I follow this guide. Maybe not. I dont know what to think!

2

Aww sounds like me my boyfriend left me a week ago well he got me to drive him home to his town then left me there so I drove all the way home then now he has blocked me on everything don’t know why as we were great I do love him and want him back what should I do leave him for a while and do nc this is killing me I am missing him so so much can’t do this without him please help xx

3

Having sex isn’t a way to find “closure”! And that’s a very strange comment. Anyway, tell her you need some distance of no contact for at least 30 days in order for both of you to sort out your thoughts.

“We had a situation on oct 18 that lead to our break up.” What was the situation? How long was your relationship? Was it mostly good or somewhat toxic?

Glad you stopped drinking and are in therapy:) That’s a great first step.

4

I believe it was closure for her in the sense that now we saw each other one last time in a very pleasant manner instead of how we separated with her being cold and me being pathetic.

About a couple of weeks before oct 18 we had separated and she reorganized some tickets for a show that she had gotten to take her daughter instead of me (since we were no longer a thing). On oct 18, I found out about it because she asked her daughter if she was excited for the weekend and I saw that there was only two tickets and got sad that I wasn’t going to be included. I overreacted essentially feeling that she didn’t want me around. She said that I could go and to just get a ticket. Instead of acting like an adult and letting it go I declined and secluded myself upstairs for the rest of the night to pout by myself. She didn’t like that I would pout in front of her daughter and this time I knew I was going to process my emotions so I left upstairs to be alone. When I was done, I went downstairs and I found that she was in bed with her daughter and there was no space for me in the bed, nor did she even call me down for bed time. So like a god damn child I went upstairs and slept on the couch. When I went to work early in the morning the next day I didnt wake her up to say bye.

When I got to work, she texted saying she didnt know what was up with me and that she didnt like it and that I could do whatever it was I was doing at my cousins place. I left work stating it was a family emergency and to make matters worse I got home and her kid was up and was asking what was wrong.

I sure do have a lot to learn because I just kept digging a bigger hole. I told her daughter that I was trying to save them from losing them. I told her that her mom was trying to push me away. The daughter cried and you should have seen the face of my ex. She was furious.

UPDATE on the situation.

She contacted me on 12/12 asking how my interview went. I didnt respond now following the NO CONTACT portion of this website. Then she texted me yesterday, 12/15 saying happy graduation day. I didnt reply and she sent the same thing via email. Also she snapped me on 12/14. voila its working I suppose.

I felt bad that she was replying and today I finally sent her the message that I need time and space, as well as answering her question of how the interview went. I hate my wording. I said "I have come to realize that I need some space and time. I’ll contact you when I am better. I hope you understand. Bye:

She replied right away saying she is “glad to hear all of that [how my interview went and the needing time and space]. I wish you nothing but the best. Bye.”

I have been stuck on “i wish you nothing but the best”. I feel like she moved on and now its impossible. I think im overthinking it. I feel like it was a good response but I am not sure.

5

I realized I didn’t answer the rest of your questions.

Our relationship was 297 days. 4.5% were bad days. And 54.6 percent were GREAT days. and the rest was okay days. It was an amazing relationship! She said she has never loved a person like me, and the same goes for me. I made her feel amazing. I loved every single inch of her and every single feature and I constantly let her know. I loved making her feel like the most important person in the world because she was to me. I loved surprising her. I loved cleaning her house for her. I loved loving her. Everyone in her family would tell me that they havent seen her so happy. Her mom told me that ever since we started going out, that she would treat her nice (my ex said she hates her mom) and when I met with her mom that one day to talk about me losing her she said that she was going to be sad that my ex (lets call her J) was going to start treating her bad again. Every single one of my friends were jealous of how great the relationship was. Everyone was happy for us because they saw how we would glow. Even though I struggled with some personal problems that affected our relationship, the majority of the relationship was truly great.

About halfway in however I did cheat on her. I got supremely drunk and had brief sex (not that brief makes it any better) with a classmate of mine. About five minutes in, I was so riddle with guilt I stopped and left and texted her what had just occurred. She was devastated. We were a long distance relationship at the time and I changed my plans for her. Instead of going to school and staying a long distance thing for another year, we agreed for me to come up to her city and move and work there to work on our relationship. It was a difficult couple of months, but in the end it did make us stronger.

The tipping point for her that pushed her over the edge was my inability to cope with my emotions. She has suffered a lot and she has learned to become a rock with her emotions. Me? I am a very sensitive person and it takes me a lot longer to process and handle my emotions. Thats why when I pouted that last time, she was done with it.

I am working on handling my emotions better and in a constructive way since starting therapy.

This was the most intense relationship I have had in my life. She said that she struggles with the thought of losing potentially the love of her life. With her ex husband, she finally made a choice that she wants to be happy and waste no more time on not being happy so she divorced him. An 8 year marriage. I believe she is sticking to her guns and following what her mind has decided. She wasnt happy with my inability to deal with my emotions so she cut it off. She says her heart wants me but her mind is telling her no. I understand she wants to be happy but I also believe that no relationship is without problems. No such thing as a relationship without difficulties. She can’t just break every relationship off once the problems arise. I believe a relationship both parties have to work together to overcome the issues at hand as a team. If she breaks off every thing then she’ll never be in a long meaningful relationship. She has forgiven me for my infidelity (Although she definitely hasnt forgotten, which I believe is a good thing) so I believe she can find it in her self to forgive me for that day and to understand that I am actively working to improve myself in many areas that I lacked.

6

The only toxic part of it was me triggering her. But what was great was that we did a good job of working things out. Until the emotions thing that is.

With her ex husband, she learned to do everything herself and it was hard for her to let me do things around the house. It was hard for her to ask for help. It was hard for her to give up control once in a while because she was so used to doing everything herself. Shes the owner of her own company, shes was the only person raising a child when she was married, and she was the only person who would maintain the house. Her ex absolutely did nothing but snowboard and smoke marijuana all day. It was hard for her to realize people do things differently and that it was ok. I never fought back when she would get mad at me over small things because I know she was going through the divorce and its hard.

I did my best to learn how she did everything in the house because I cared. I didn’t argue because I loved her and was willing to change my ways for her.

When I got in trouble with my work, it reminded her of her ex-husband in the sense that he never had any aspirations for anything because she would take care of him and he would take advantage. Even though I wasnt taking advantage and I had my reason for hating my work, it reminded her nonetheless of her previous marriage. Plus that’s not how you’re supposed to handle things at work anyways like a normal adult so I get it.

I believe that a lot of the issues we had, other than my personal problems stemmed from her last marriage. She separated in spring of 2017 and started dating another man (apparently she had a fling with a a couple of men according to her cousin, hey she wanted to have fun now that she was single), the divorce finalized on October of 2017 and then she met me on Christmas day. She cheated on her boyfriend with me and left him when he didn’t chase after her and I showed her that I was all in. So she went from an 8 year relationship to having two boyfriends (maybe more) without ever being by herself to heal and love herself. That’s why I think its good for us to be apart while she finds herself again. I hope she doesnt get in another relationship because I believe she does need to be single for a while and just focus on herself and her daughter. Once she is better, I would love to start a new and improved relationship with her, with both of us in much better states.

7

What one person told me is that she went from a serious relationship (ie marriage) to a casual dating one (her bf before me) to another serious relationship (me) and she freaked because she wasn’t ready for another long term serious relationship. She just wanted to have fun and didn’t want something serious and being fully committed with me caused her to get triggered here and there. Who knows…

Sorry for the long novel folks! And thanks in advance to any and all replies I get!

8

Last post I swear. I just want to be thorough.

We were a long distance thing, then we lived together and now since we broke up I moved back to my hometown. We are only four hours apart.

I know I am doing the right steps in become a better person. I have a job interview on tuesday for a job 25 minutes away from her city. I hope I get it!

She says she doesnt see me in her future but I want to prove her wrong. I want to get this job, work hard as hell and save up as much money as I can to make my inventions a reality and get her back. I just have to show her. I feel like she wants me to prove her wrong.

idk where I am going with this. I just want reassurance everything will be alright and to trust the process. Learning to be patient sucks

9

I think you’re right, she needs time on her own for a while. But also time to feel the absence of your loving care and all the things you said and did to make her feel special. Continue with therapy and if you need more help to refrain from drinking, think about joining Alcoholics Anonymous. Getting drunk has ruined a lot of relationships! Another question: How old are you? Many young people don’t have much control over their emotions, but gain strength with self control as they get older.

Do you have your own apartment? Do you intend to go back to college and get a degree? What does this mean:“…to make my inventions a reality”?

Good luck with your job interview:)

10

I am 27 and she is 38 and that’s what worries me. While we were breaking up she kept saying that she wants me to find someone my age and that her life is halfway over and she can’t wait for me to get there. That she’s not in a position to walk with me in my life journey. She says she feels she is holding me back. She didn’t get along with my cousin because he is so negative and it hurts that she is so negative about us.

The age difference also bothered her because she has experienced so much life and I’m barely getting there. She would get frustrated that I’m not there yet.

I’m so scared that I won’t ever get her back but I know I have to be okay with it. It still feels surreal that we broke up.

I switched majors so I could graduate faster. I just graduated this Saturday after 8 years of going. Even though it was supposed to be a great moment in my life, all I could think of was about her.

I am currently a wantrepreneur, I have always been an inventive sort of fellow and I studied engineering for six years before I switched around majors. I have four ideas (and I come up with more everyday) that I want to make into reality in the sense of selling them and becoming financially independent. I never felt that I fit in a traditional job setting. She said she could have supported me in those endeavors but it all starts with me joining the workforce and she says that I wasn’t willing to do that because of what she saw with my job and how I handled it.

When I cheated on her, we agreed that she needed space but that i needed to be close. So we agreed and found an apartment close to her. I have a large dog and it was the only place that had no weight limit. However it was at capacity. So I put myself on the waitlist. She agreed to let me be at her place until the space opened up.

Finally when it opened up and we went to sign the final papers, she had a change of heart and didn’t want me to leave. So I cancelled it and lost my deposit. I was okay with it because hey she wanted me!

Since we broke up I moved back home 4 hours away. With this job I want to get my own place close to her to show her that I am willing to work and gain responsibilities.

That was another issue of ours. She had to work hard most of her life since she was a young teen and I didn’t start working until I was in my twenties. That lead to me not having such a strong work ethic nor a good sense of sustaining responsibilities. Her cousin said that she is sort of jealous and wants me to go through what she went through. I believe she just wanted me to be a man. And i showed her i wasn’t with my immaturity.

What she wants is:
Be able to deal with my emotions
Have responsibilities
Have a job
Prove her wrong

I’m doing all that.

That job I messed up that I mentioned earlier was an amazing job and my idiotic self has such a bad mindset about it. She said she loved the job for us because it was part time and i was out by 11 am the latest so we would have the rest of the day together. I really wish I didn’t mess it up. But I was irresponsible and that made her less attracted to me. She just wanted me to have a job and I wasn’t able of doing that.

I wish I could take it all back but this is reality.

I’ve been so anxious because i just want to get that job already and have my own place so I can be close. I feel that the longer I’m in my hometown, the faster she is just gonna move on from me. Shoot, it feels like she already did. She such a strong person that I feel this 10 month relationship was rather easy for her to get over. But I’m being pessimistic.

I saw how she was up until this last week. After the twenty days of no contact when we first broke up before we started talking again, she said she was a mess. She said that she was drinking heavily, smoking again, working out as often as possible, and working a lot to keep her mind off of things. She broke down saying she missed me. She said she met another guy and that she couldn’t pretend to be okay because it wasn’t me. That he wouldn’t open the doors and do all the other things I would. She said one day she felt that she looked bad and started crying because I would always make her feel beautiful regardless of what she would wear. I know she has, or at least had, strong emotions for me. I want to believe that she is feeling the same way as me but obviously she’s a mom, and a business owner, but because she is such a stone she is doing a great job suppressing those emotions to continue on with her everyday activities. Whereas I don’t have much responsibilities yet and I have a lot of down time so my mind is always on her.

I saw the snap she sent this last time and it was a present for her daughter and she said “great things come to those who wait” and i could help but think it was in reference to us. I know I’m over analyzing everything she says and does. I’m just looking for any sign that says she wants me. On her IG this last week she was more active than usual. She is making it seem that she is doing great. And when we talked on the phone the last time before I did no contact this past week she said that she is doing AMAZING. That hurt my feelings.

Ugh. I hate all these emotions and thoughts running down my head.

I know every situation is different but I was thinking that this works. And I’m hoping it can work for this situation.

When we broke up at the end October, I was reflecting on myself and how I was in my past relationships and I wanted to apologize to my last ex before her. So I sent her (unknowingly, I hadn’t found this site yet) an elephant in the room text to her. I apologized for everything I had done to her and told her how I was faring. Then we texted and finally I got her to hang out with me as a friend. I talked about my current situation and she listened. Then we got drunk and had sex. She wanted me back. I told her that it was a mistake and she went off on me saying how she had feelings for me and that I was never going to chase her like I am with this current ex and called me all kinds of ugly names and stopped talking again. I just wanted to apologize and be friends and talk about my current situation, but she wanted more.

So I know the system has worked once for me before. I just worry that because she is older, she won’t wait around. I told her I’d give my life to her and her daughter.

Idk so many things!

11

It was such a great relationship which makes me want to believe we can continue on.

She said she loves my beautiful mind and soul. She said she loves my passion, how I care for and how I am with others. She said she loves the ways our bodies fit together and how I touch her. She misses so many things. All of our inside jokes…

Our love life was amazing! We would make love at least once a day and often several times a day. I loved everything about her. We experimented sexually and we were completely comfortable with our bodies. We made love everywhere and anywhere. I never had a sexual life like that before. I had a high sex drive and found myself masturbating too often and towards the end of our relationship, I wasn’t able to finish with her a couple of times. She said that made her less attracted to me because it wasn’t normal how often I would masturbate, but that was the only issue we had sexually. I was a greedy idiot masturbating so often when I had a woman who craved my body. That’s another thing I quit when we broke up and I told her, I stopped doing that so damn often. Anyways, the night we met, we made love all night. The night we last saw each other we made love all night one last time.

She told me her daughter says misses me here and there.

She wanted me to have a job but I would have loved to have been her partner in her company in the sense of helping her out, I wouldn’t even have asked for a salary. I just wanted to take some weight off her shoulders. When I got in trouble with my job and I was suspended, she found herself in need of help and luckily i was able to. She said she loved that i was able to help but she was angry because i wasn’t supposed to be there, that I was supposed to be working. I loved running the errands she had me do.

I should have voiced that. I never did. I never said I wanted to be her partner. I just listened. I listened too damn much. She wanted me to have a job and I did. She said she wanted me to have my own job to have my own thing. But I would have loved for my thing to be us. I think that would have made us so unique and I could have helped make her business thrive and we could have had even more play time.

I know that all of our problems were fixable. But I pushed her over that edge and she just gave up and cut me out. I wasn’t emotionally mature and that was the end of it for her. I get it. She’s got a lot of responsibilities and she already has a six year old to deal with so she didn’t need to deal with my stuff, she needed someone who could handle stuff and help out, not shut down.

I am so aware of all the issues that needs to be fixed and I have been working on all of them! And i continue improving too. I just need that job, i feel that once I get that job, things will start moving along in a positive direction.

Just need time, which is something she says she doesn’t have…

12

I think she cares for you deeply and maybe her love for you hasn’t died, but just faded a little. The thing is most women want to be proud of their partner and that includes, but not limited to the man having a steady job with a steady income. She sounds like a responsible type person who also has obligations to her daughter and business.

I hope you get the job and please try to be a good employee and do your best! To be practical, stay at the job and move the inventions forward in your spare time.

Don’t feel hurt that she said she is doing amazing as I’m sure you would prefer her to move forward with her life and not be drinking so much.

You sound like a nice guy and I’m sure she misses you. You both need a little space right now. You need to “get on your feet” (so to speak) and she needs to process her thoughts. It does sound like there’s a good possibility that sometime soon you two will reunite:) Be patient and vow to control your childish emotions (pouting). If you get another chance, always treat her with respect and talk through any issues that arise.

Good luck and keep us posted:)

13

She is an extremely responsible person. She inherited a multi million dollar business when her father died as she was about to get her masters. She worked her way through college. She is a great person! I told her many times I admired her work ethic and capacity. She loves lists and the action of crossing them off. She is an amazing mother too! She is cultivating an amazing little girl and I loved being a part of it. Her daughter misses me a lot. I miss everything.

I hope I get the job too! My attitude and view point towards a job has changed dramatically and I am excited to work hard to achieve my goals. My problem originally was just the mindset in what I was doing. It was an easy job but I wanted more which didn’t make me happy. The problem was how i handled it. But now i learned and I am going to implement what i learned towards this new job. I am worried that this job will take my whole life away because I’ll be traveling a lot and may be spending up to a month away doing surveys. But I have the potential to make a good amount of money which I can definitely use to make my ideas a reality. It’s a toss up. Before i had an easy job that gave us a lot of time together. Now this job will take our time apart but I’ll be showing my capability to hold down a job. I am just worried she won’t like that we won’t have time together (assuming we ever get back together). I will continue applying to other jobs however. Noting is set in stone!

I feel that she said she is doing amazing to not let me know she is suffering like I am. Like how it says on here that she is trying to show she isn’t hurt. I do want her to be happy and I told her that I thought it would be a good idea for her to go to counseling as well because she’s got her issues too concerning her divorce and ex husband, boy is he something else! He’s mean, vulgar, and constantly attacking her. She said she was only with him for so long because she didn’t want the child to not have both parents but she just couldn’t any longer when he wanted to go on a snowboarding trip while they were going to buy a house together. She said she realized she didn’t need him. Anyways, I told her i wanted her to get over her issues so she can be happy.

I know she misses me, but she has a strong mind and right now her mind says to push me away. But like you said, she needs to process her thoughts. I have high hopes because of what I’ve heard from her family. Shoot, her mom loves me because of how I made J feel. Her cousin thinks I’m a great person and the best thing to come into J’s life. Her manager is jealous of me because he loves her. I just hope she really starts to see what we had and that the issues we had are worth working on together. She said it herself, she said she’s never loved anyone as intensely like she did with me and that she’ll never love like that again. I want her to not throw it all away. We were each other’s Christmas present and I love the circumstances of how we became lovers.

I am trying to be patient, it’s just so hard when everything feels like it is going so slow. I am definitely working on my controlling my emotions and I am becoming aware (thanks to the counselor) of the deeper rooted issues that are causing me to act the way I do. I have to work on forgiving myself and to stop sabotaging myself and that happiness comes from within.

Thank you so much Patricia12 for listening and talking to me. I appreciate it immensely and I hope that I get to come back on here and tell my story of success. Have a beautiful day!

14

Update on things

So I went to her hometown for the interview and the next day after I said that I needed space and time (the day of the interview) she texted me saying she has been putting good vibes for me and that she hopes that I killed the interview. I didn’t text back but I planned to text her afterwards if I got the job.

Well my car decided to crap out on me at the interview and I couldnt leave. I called her but she didn’t reply. I texted her and she finally texted and said she was busy making a gingerbread house. I finally was able to get a hold of her and told her the situation. She was concerned and agreed to let me use her AAA account and get a tow truck.

Afterwards I texted her saying that I am thankful for her help. She called me but I missed the called, she texted me saying she was sorry she wasnt more available for me but that she was at a basketball game with a friend. I called her and we were on the phone for a good hour. The conversation went well.

This is where things picked up. The next morning she texted me good morning! and asked if I would like to see her and her daughter in the evening. This was huge because I havent seen her daughter since we broke up on october. I said yes that I would love to. She asked about my car and I told her I figured out it was the battery. She stopped replying there

A couple of hours roll by and she randomly texts asking if it was her sister who told me all the things that I told her and how I was understanding of why she does things the way she does (why she pushes people away and to give her space and how she has learned to be independent). I hadnt told her because the person in question and I agreed to not disclose that we talked about her. I told her that I would much rather talk to her in person about it later that day. She agreed

Later that day I ask if she could pick me up, since the car was still not running, but she didnt respond. Five minutes later I tell her I will just uber so she doesnt have to make the trip with her daughter. She says thankfully (i think she meant thank you)

I get there and everyone answers the door. Her daughter, her dog, and her. Her dog jumps super high, and her daughter is very happy. I hug her daughter, greet the dog, and I go up to J and kiss her on the lips and hug her for twenty seconds

The night was absolutely splendid. We made cookies, made dinner, and watched home alone with her daughter. Throughout the night I constantly touch her, kiss her all over (especially on her lips), and we are close the whole night. We kiss intensely several times. She calls me “honey” and “babe” too.

At the end of the night she asks if I would like for her to get me an uber. I tell her I would like to spend the night actually and she agrees. She said if I would like to sleep in another room. I agree. As I get ready, her daughter invites me to sleep with her and her mom because her mom, J, wants me to sleep in the bed with them (all three of us together like before) and I ask her if her mom really said that and she says yes. I ask her daughter if that is okay with her and she says yeah!

So we read books in bed and go to sleep. Or at least try to. I cant really go to sleep. I couldnt get comfortable and just thoughts were running up and down my head. I constantly touch J and kiss her on the lips periodically. She returns the kisses. This goes on most of the night. It was pleasant. I guess I just didn’t want for it to end…

The morning comes, and I set my alarm ten minutes before her so I could make her coffee just like before. As I get up, she asks for me to stay in the bed. I oblige and let her touch and caress my back. We go on about the morning, have breakfast and drop off her kid at school. We go to court together (she was evicting a tenant of hers) and it was all pleasant. I tell her I love supporting her anywhere she goes.

Now it is time for her to drop me off at my cousins. As we drive I bring up the fact that she mentioned earlier that this weekend that is coming up is gonna be hard because she was going to be spending it alone. I ask her if perhaps I could spend it with her. She said that she needed to think about it. She said that we are both vulnerable and that she just has to think about it. I keep my cool, continue kissing her, and when we get to my cousins place, I kiss her once more and told her that I would really like it if we did spend the weekend together. She tells me to have a great day and I told her it was gonna be hard to beat without her there but she said to try. So later I went hiking to take pictures.

So today I texted her goodmorning and she didnt reply till later and she seemed cold but I knew it was because she was busy. She didnt really sustain the conversation. She asked me how I was and I told her that I went hiking and showed her the pictures. She just asked who I went with and I told her I went by myself. She asked if my car was working and I told her no, that I was able to walk to the hiking spot from my cousins. She stopped replying then…

Later mid day I called her to see how everything went and she didnt answer.

About an hour or two she calls me and she sounded happy. She told me she went to yoga but then cut the phone conversation short (it only lasted one minute) saying she remembered she had to talk to her manager about something and that she would contact me. I say sure thang.

I get called by intel and do a phone interview and they liked my answers and wanted to schedule an in person interview. I am so excited I called her but her phone went straight to voicemail (she usually lets her phone die, but also puts it on do not disturb here and there). I hang up. But then I call again and leave a very happy voicemail telling her about what had just happened and to call me whenever she can and to have a great rest of the day.

Three hours later I call again and her phone rings but she doesnt answer…

Its been another four hours since then and I still havent heard from her…

I stopped with the calling (I didnt really call much anyways) and figured she decided she does need space and doesnt want to spend the weekend with me (maybe)…

So what exactly is going on here? The night before went amazing, like literally a perfect 10/10 night with the family. She called me “honey” and "babe. She let me see her kid for the first time since the breakup and thats a HUGE improvement.

I have backed off and I know I shouldnt sound desperate and be okay with her not wanting to spend the weekend with me. I am okay with it. I did ask afterall. And I feel like I havent sounded desperate. What is going on is that I am confused with the sudden ignoring me.

Is this a shit test? Is she gauging my response? I know that perhaps I went to fast by asking to spend the weekend with her. I figure I will just leave her alone until she decides to text me or contact me.

I know the no contact portion went by fast but I have made huge improvements. I quit drinking and doing drugs, I have been getting many interviews and more keep on coming, I am going to counseling. I graduated college on the 15th of this month. I am accepting of the fact that we have broken up (I havent told her that, maybe I should tell her that I am accepting of it and that this is a new/different relationship). So many great things. She even told me she is proud of everything I have been doing. I just am confused with her not contacting me today. She has told me before that she needs space so why hasnt she text me that? I would have been okay with that. Its the not knowing that is getting me worked up. I am trying not to over think it. I mean so far our relationship has improved greatly, mainly getting to see her kid for the first time.

I hope I get this job at intel, that would be great.

I wonder if she is mad that I havent gotten my car working but I did tell her my financial situation and that I couldnt afford a battery for a couple of weeks. So it cant be that. I only say because she has asked me twice about the car and when I have answered no she stops responding. But its not fair, she knows I cant afford the battery so why would she get mad that I havent fixed it?

15

Don’t worry. It sounds like things are going well:) It does seem you’ve been texting and calling a tad too much… don’t get back into the pouting mode! Step back a little and let her do more initial contacting, even if it takes a while, be more patient. It’s wasn’t a good idea to count the minutes or hours until she replied. People get busy, especially this time of year.

I think it’s a little strange to sleep in the same bed with her daughter there too. How old is her daughter?

I’m proud of you that you quit drinking and drugs! I’m sure she’s proud of you too:) I hope the therapy is helping you face and deal with whatever issues you have…

Keep up the good work and stop stressing.

16

I wrote a reply but I think something went wrong and it didnt get posted!

I just shot myself in the foot!

Last night I went to go country dancing with my cousin and his gf and I was denied entry because I didn’t have a valid ID

So I went next door to a bar to hangout while my cousin and his gf dance. I invited J to come over and have a beer and chat since we were close to her house. I also acknowledged that I was respecting her decision to not spend the weekend together.

She finally replies at 11:20 and says that she just got home and was done for the night.
I ask her how her day went and she said it went good, she worked, hung out with her daughter, and had dinner with a friend.

I tell her I thought that her daughter was with her father today and she replies that she went eventually.

Here is where I royally mess up:
I text her “I hope your date went great! I am happy for you”

She replies right away saying she “went to out with Mona. But thanks for the assumption”

I text back “well its because you usually tell me the name of the person. It’s okay. I have accepted we have broken up. I know we are’t exclusive. Sorry to assume. I was hoping that if you did, that it went great.”

She says “thanks”

I text back “I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ll leave you alone. Have a great weekend!”

She doesnt reply.

I text back an hour or two later “J, I am so sorry for insulting you like that by making such a bold assumption. I realize it was extremely wrong of me to say such a thing when EVERYTHING you have done for me recently tells me that you would have never have done such a thing in the first place. I feel like a monumental ass! I am deeply sorry, J.”

She read my response in the morning but no response.

What is going to happen now? What exactly did I do? What is going on in her head? How bad is this exactly? I am going to not contact her for a while now.

Ugh, it was going so great and I just had to open my big dumb mouth. What the hell was I thinking??? I feel like I am back at square one or something like that.

To answer your question, the daughter is six years old. Its not too strange. She is a little mommy monster and loves her mom very much. She also loves me so of course she wanted to sleep with us two.

17

OMG!! You messed up big time. You shouldn’t have invited her out to the bar last minute late in the evening. Then to imply she had dinner with a date was showing jealousy. And in a way, it was like pouting again. It was nice you apologized, but that doesn’t make it better and she won’t forget it.

You can’t keep making mistakes like that and verbally apologizing. The way to show her you’ve changed is to stop the bad behaviors and ways you treat her. Always be kind and think before you speak!! Imagine how you would feel if someone spoke to you that way.

Stop contacting her. Be more patient and wait for her to contact you. I think you need to work more on how you interact with her. I know you’re trying, but I don’t think you’ve changed enough in that regard in order to make a better relationship work out. But don’t get discouraged, just keep trying to improve your emotions and behaviors…

18

I was incredibly insecure and i did think but i am good at making bad choices. I don’t know what compelled me to send it. Right when i sent it, i knew it was a mistake.

You think she will really contact me after this?

You’re right, i do need to continue working on myself. And you’re right, it has been too soon. Maybe I should leave her alone for more than a month to really make an improvement.

I can’t believe I messed up so bad.

19

I personally think you need to do another 30 days of NC after something like that. As said here the 30 days is so you can change and stop being needy and desperate and you showed her in an instant that you haven’t changed.

I know it is really hard to imagine your ex with another guy, but you have to let that go. What might help you is to go on a date with another woman.

20

I disagree with Hijack about you dating another woman at this time. If your ex found out, she would think your love for her is meaningless. Yes, at some point it may become obvious that she will not reconcile and that would be the time to start dating others.

In the meantime you have more work to do on the efforts to improve yourself. You asked if she will contact you after your blunder. I think she will if she still has some love for you…