Hi everyone, I am starting no contact afresh from today. Having failed the past few times, the closest being almost 2 weeks, I wish to try again this time round. It’s been a month and 2 weeks since my ex and I broke up. I am an amateur at this, so I really hope for mutual support that will help me to succeed to day 30 as I share how I am doing. Welcome others who are in similar situations to support each other mutually, let’s do this together!
Hey crystalbear,
I’ve started my second attempt with no contact again after I failed the first time. Don’t discourage, it happens frequently to break the rule but you can try again with more determination. I want to succeed to day 30 as well, it’s difficult I know and you are going to experience up’s and down’s during this process, you will begin to realize though you are going to be fine, whether you want your ex or not. So don’t be scared of yourself, swinging moods ecc, it’s perfectly normal, we are heartbroken. Be strong, you have my support and we all can make it through this hell!
Hi everyone, back to update on some progress. Thanks FishingTheSky for your support. I literally just missed him and looked up some past photos, but unlike previous moments, I did not yearn for him to come back to me and get caught in a downward emotional spiral. I am starting day 3, and I am positive that I will be feeling more positive and optimistic by the end of 7 days, although I will probably still encounter down periods.
Hey crystalbear,
I am glad to know you are starting to feel better. I am on my 4 day and it’s alternatively going fine.
I deleted pictures/videos that reminds me of her from my phone now, just to prevent myself from looking when I end up thinking about her. I still haven’t deleted our conversations on WhatsApp but I am sure soon I will be able to.
You are gonna face a whirlwind of emotions, I keep changing my mind about how I feel about her now, her birthday is coming and I am debating if sending a note or note. In time everything will be clearer.
Keep positive and stay strong, it is going to be alright!
Waiting for more updates
Hey guys, okay?
Yes, delete the photos, conversations, flee from Facebook, unfolow him, and keep all the things you have in your home that reminds him in a box in that period.
Even doing all this, we are still caught sometimes with negative thoughts and memories of the past 
I’m on 17 day of NC and I feel more confident today than it was two weeks ago when I sent a card to my ex and we talked for the last time.
I wish all good and if you feel bad, please write to us 
Keep strong
Hi Mister Handy and FishingTheSky, thanks for your replies i do realise that the possibility for me to fall in like or in love with someone else is actually real, haha. Realised that today when I bumped into a senior who is really charming and friendly.
Yet, when I have mini problems from school or work that cause me to feel down or in despair, I will miss him and wish for that comfort and support that was once available. But with you guys on this platform, sharing these sort of moments with you makes me feel better so thank yous in advance
Hi everyone! How are you doing? The weekend has passed and I realise that I am on day 6 of my no contact now. It has been but a few days since I updated here, but many thoughts and emotions have gone through my mind. Nonetheless, onto day 6 and onwards, I’m more clearheaded, and even though I miss him for a slight while, I’ll tell myself, nah, it’s not such a good idea to go back to my past outlook (chasing him). I also tell myself that I am still not strong enough to handle communication with him, and that that will take time.
And I come here and pour it out and be able to move on with my day
Day 8 of no contact: I don’t feel the need to chase him now. I’m past that stage and I have things in my life that I would think about and focus my energy on primarily rather than it being on him.
Cheers, will update again :)!
That’s really great crystalbear. It’s inspiring to hear your journey. I think I need to start my NC again… I didn’t break it, he did. And now things are all messed up again.
I know exactly what you mean about yearning for taut support and comfort from your ex. That’s where I’m at now. I’ve had a lot of crap happening lately and I’m struggling to stay optimistic… Then I have him wanting to see me but I don’t know why and I’m so mixed up.
I know that you really need to be soooooo strong and certain before you see them. I wish that I’d lasted the 30 days… Even longer maybe. I feel like I’m back at the start again
Hi Emtwopointoh!!
I am so sorry for the delayed reply. Yes, I really do advise you to start your no contact again if you have not done so! Just for some encouragement, I am so delighted (and also for this reason so excited as I reply you) that I am 13 days into my no contact rule, which makes that almost 2 weeks since i have contacted him since he blocked me off all forms of contact, and I feel really, really great at this point! I just want to tell you that, and it really feels great! To be two weeks / 1/2 way into my no contact period and to be absolutely NOWHERE near wanting to contact him at all! Which is absolutely fabulous because this was where i failed the last time (kind of), almost two weeks in–I broke the no contact rule.
I now have my own commitments to focus on, and as I pursue my interests, I realise that I slowly am becoming stronger and less emotionally reliant on him. I believe in God and so I do pray from time to time, especially when I have down moments.
My down moments include indulging in surfing the net, Googling questions like “Will he never contact me again?”, “He never liked me”, “He said he never loved me”, and most recently, “The best way to get revenge on ex bf is success”. The last one occurred near the end of the 2nd week of no contact, and it is perfectly fine and normal to experience moments of self-indulgence and wanting to validate yourself even when you are already halfway through. I still do face these moments, but after dwelling on it for some time (two nights to be exact), I realise that I need to do my work and have wasted my time. So i tell myself to get down to business, and that I have spent enough time trying to seek validation via the Internet.
To be honest, in my no contact journey, I am very thankful that he blocked me off all forms of contact with gradual effect. I would not have been able to stay no contact (because I simply cannot stop talking to him about my day) if he did not do so. So I take it as a blessing in disguise and it was a fantastic chance for me to embark on my self-recovery. And perhaps, in perspective, he could have been helping me to get over him, and protecting me from drowning further down the abyss. I am really thankful that he left me, tbh, right now. I could not have ventured into the things that really interested me and the things that I was passionate about if not for this break-up and this period of no contact.
So as I set out to become stronger and more mature and to understand myself as a girl and as a woman, I strongly encourage you to grow stronger by maintaining no contact. Block him off if you need to, like what my ex did to me. When you are strong enough and confident of handling contact without it affecting your mental and emotional state, then do so. But that will be awhile later. Perhaps, you will realise two or three weeks in that you don’t really want to stay in contact with him anymore, you are growing well and doing better than expected without him in your life, and that you will be in a similar position of thankfulness and positivity.
Let’s share our journey in no contact and grow stronger together. Hugs, lots of love.
Hi everyone! Update: it’s day 16 of no contact and im feeling great, so that’s awesome. I didn’t know that it is already day 16 - that makes me a little more than halfway through my no contact period, amazing ^____^
Just to share some thoughts that came to my mind:
My ex and I, I feel, are poison to each other, at least at the emotional and mental stages we were in at that point in time, so it was actually good to break up then. Coming two weeks in no contact, I just had some amazing ideas with regards to my ambitions and ways to expand and develop what could possibly become a future career and achievement for me. And I thought, if I became successful, and if he came back then, I actually didn’t want him back. I didn’t welcome that idea back into my mind, and I was almost disgusted that he came back, when the scene played out in my mind. If you weren’t there when I needed you and you threw me aside, what right do you possess to be by my side when I am at my best / celebrating my accomplishments?
Yes, I do subconsciously hope that he contacts me in the future, but when that scenario played out in my head, I was like, hey, not so. Nah… not really. In fact, as I gain confidence, not from his love or desire for me, but in my independence and potential for personal achievement, I realise that I am able to assert myself and my dignity as a lady, and I do not require a guy (he isn’t a man) to validate me (at least not for the bulk of the time). It is in my achievements (a product of my self-development) that I find self-confidence in and where my attractiveness lies, and I do not need a man to tell me that – the right man/people will know that I am precious in that light and should be respected and cherished. And loved.
Sending you guys peace man. Will update again soon.
Glad @cristalbear to see how you’re doing.
It’s really amazing as NC period can change our way of seeing things, life and the relationship we had.
How old are you?
And I think sometimes our situation was a favor that our ex has done! They were weak in not fight to save the relationship and simply jumped out!
Keep it up and keep us updated.
Good luck
Truely inspiring. I have just restarted no contact again, as I lasted also only 2 weeks. What caused me to break was the ONE bad day of curiosity since I saw her friends on snapchat and my ex go out to the club. I have deleted all social media apps so here we go again! My goal isn’t 30 days but try for 50. But if I go past 30 I’ll still be proud of myself. But crystal, your words are inspiring and I have took some of your words and put it in my
Notes , so she. I feel down I’ll read it and I’ll feel replenished!
Hi everyone! It’s my 17th day of no contact pops part poppers shouts HOORAY!!! I’m really happy, glad and proud of myself that I have made it this far in my no contact :>>>
On a more heavy-hearted note, I do think of him when my mind drifts, and I do wonder if I will ever see him, bump into him or be in contact with him ever again. I’m sure many of us going through this will find these thoughts very common.
However, my thought processes are taking on a different direction now. Previously while I was still in love and super attached to him, I told myself, let’s start from friends. But now, if he were to contact me again, I feel like telling him straight off the bat that if he isn’t planning to pursue me or harbors any intentions of forging a long-term relationship, let me go. I do not want to remain friends with him, nor do I have the mental capacity to remain friends with someone I might get attached to again only to end up in disappointment and hurt.
Now, I feel that it’s either nothing, or a romantic relationship. Perhaps it’s the anger that’s starting to surface only now post-breakup, and perhaps from my anticipating his coming back (if he ever does), causing me to feel angry that he left me.
Those are my feelings as of now, will continue to update.
Thank you for your response Mister_Handy. I’m currently in my university phase :]
Congrats on making it this far in your NC. I’ve definitely been there and know how hard it is but I’m glad to see the progression from your initial post to now. Night and day my dear. Great progress!
Hey skylarjade! Thank you so much for replying! You have a nice username btw! Haha
Okay, update: It’s day 18 of my no contact, and I’m looking forward to making it 3 weeks aka, 21 days.
Yet, today brought new thoughts. If he doesn’t see my worth, I shouldn’t see a future with him. A quote I saw on Instagram went along those lines. And I feel that that makes absolute sense.
Up till now, he still has be blocked on all sorts of communication. I am at crossroads here, whether to carry on hoping the slightest bit that he will contact me, or to really, banish him out of my mind and my life. He left me, and I should live like he will never come back.
Please help. I know that I should devote more time to focusing on me, and really improving myself, but for a guy who reeks of uncertainty and isn’t really worth the effort chasing back, what do you guys think? (Should I be the one doing the chasing anyway??)
Appreciate your support here. Peace out. I guess this is the ‘down’ in my personal journey of third week of NC.
Hey Pingpong, I am really humbled that you’re inspired by me. However, I’m more embarrassed than humbled because I broke my no contact awhile before you typed this message. It was an emergency that I badly needed comfort to.
The thing about our exes is that some are our confidants as well, and he knows my good and worst sides. This problem is quite a grave one and it attacked me emotionally and mentally. This may or may not justify me breaking the no contact rule, depending on which pov you see, but I knew that I had to speak with him, and so I did. (That was my 19 days into NC, when something really bad happened on the 18th).
However, when I talked to my ex, I realised I was over wanting him back, and wanting back a relationship with him. I felt nothing more than someone who needed emotional comfort.
I guess the 19 days of NC Still pretty much did its job. NC WORKS DAYUM. Haha.
Close to 21 days / 3 weeks NC, but the 10 days short perhaps would have made a difference. Or perhaps it would not have, in terms of a slight attachment to him that seems to be revived again.
I have contacted him with short exchanges daily (real short) since I broke NC, because I am requesting something from him, but I realise that my attachment could very well be resurfacing and I need help. I need to keep it at bay.
Today, I even dreamt 2 dreams of him, of romance and the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship.
So I’m here on this platform again to seek some consolation and advice. Being here really helps me feel better and makes me feel that I’m actually healing bit by bit.
My ex is not a guy who is heartless. He listened to my problem and my request for a hug. He said he would not be free till the end of this week at least to come down to where I reside and give me a hug.
Question is, should I be harbouring hopes on the end of this week meet up and go NC for the whole of the remaining week and then contact him to ask if he is free?
I am trying to figure out what it is that I really want, in order to tackle my emotional dependence. There is some part of me that tells me to live my life without getting a hug from him, although that part of me always gets shut down because my emotional side is crying out loud for comfort. And he is the only one that can give it at this point.
Crystal,
Your post made my heart sink because I can identify with your struggle so well. It’s hard to tell how many days is enough to heal and 30 is not some magical number. The toughest part of emotionally difficult times is that while these people WERE our confidants, they no longer are, and they can’t be anymore if we are trying to move on. When you say your attachment is growing for your ex, do you also think his is growing for you? Is this something you want to avoid because you are positive things will not work out?
I just started no contact again two days ago. It feels easier to do this time but I also feel like that is slightly because I am relying on hope that he will reach out if I give him time and space because that is what he has done in the past, I worry that I’m delaying the pain of realizing it’s over, but I’m really trying not to!
Hey Palmtrees22,
Glad to meet you on this thread Really glad that you responded to my post. I am thankful for going on no contact with him because it has allowed me time to detach myself away from him, and also inbuilt in me warning signs to keep this attachment at bay and to regulate my expectations of him whenever I find myself falling into the “lair” again.
Since I wrote, I have spent time regulating my thoughts and really thinking what he is / means to me. For one, I know that my ex is not a bad guy, after much reflection. I realised that he is not bad (in terms of being like many guys out there who would willingly see girls cheapen themselves in front of them for their own interests, be it abusive relationships, narcissistic guys, lustful guys etc). In fact, being my ex-senior at work and also being five years older than me, I look to him alot to tell him my deepest, darkest worries that other friends or family would be so quick to judge me on.
He does have a soft spot for me, i would like to believe. When he received my message that was sent through a friend telling him about my problem and wanting to meet up with him immediately, he unblocked me on Facebook and asked me what is wrong almost immediately. Ah, the bastard still cares…I thought. Because I tell him what I dont tell to most people, he has a sort of brotherly vibe to him.
Regulating my thoughts and coming to terms that I am attached not so much to him but more to what he can give me, I tell myself that I can do better. One relative has offered me much emotional support that I needed two days ago, and that helped me to stabilise my emotional realm and to not be too needy when I text him.
I have texted him to ask for requests, and he replies when he can. Although he is unable to accede to my request because he is working or etc, he still replies. I think that says alot as to what I mean to him. Because previously before this, he literally was blocking me on every communication channel we had.
I know that I am not part of his priorities, and I am okay with that. He has not met up with me to give me a hug yet, but I have told myself that I should give up that hope. It is for the best. I have acknowledged that giving him his space will enhance the friendship/ relationship that we have with each other. I just got into a dance crew, and we are putting up a performance in late Sept/Oct. When it is closer to that date, I am considering asking him to come down to see me perform. It would mean alot to me for this person who acts so tough and cold on the exterior (he is soft though inwardly) to come and see me perform. Yet, many things can happen in a span of a month. The future is uncertain, and I will definitely continue to update my progress here.
I am preoccupied with other things now, so I am proud to say that I have a life to lead, and he is not at the forefront of my mind.
Sorry Palmtrees22,
I talked too much about myself – here’s answering your questions.
I do not think his attachment is growing for me. He does not have me in his priorities right now, and that has been the way since June, when he broke up with me and decided that finding himself and focusing on his career would be his priority. He is sticking to his word. However, for my case, I’m not concerned with whether his attachment is growing for me, because I don’t want him back. If he can become a sweet bro to me in the future, I don’t mind that though. I love that he can give me hugs of comfort (only when he is free though, currently. Haven’t got one yet).
I do not know what is your situation like, but babe, I read this online, that said, even when (and esp if) you are trying to get your ex back, you got to LIVE AS IF YOU AREN’T EVER GETTING HIM BACK. That’s the key. Ultimately, you have to take care of yourself first and become strong first, because honestly, the possibility that he is already over you is very likely, especially if he has already given it a chance before.
Cheers,