Ok I will follow with that advice. Thank you and I will let you know how it goes ?
Ok need help Patricia. Currently texting him and did flirt a little bit by asking to teach me how to play spades. He asked when I wanted to learn and asked what he was doing Friday. He indicated that was a busy day but I’m busy on Saturday and Sunday. Should I “schedule” for next week or leave it alone?
Ask him to let you know later when it would be convenient…
Ok! Thank you!
So after this convo I’m getting mixed feelings or rather whenever we text I feel this way. He always text me one or a few words such as “hey wassup” or “I’m good and you”. I guess it feels weird given this was the person I talked to on a regular about everything. Now it seems he really doesn’t want to chat. I even feel like he’s lost interest and that I’m wasting my time.
We haven’t seen each other in a month or so. I don’t know Patricia, maybe I’m wasting my time on this. Some days I feel hopeful others hopeless. ??
First of all, let me suggest you don’t have contact with him everyday. After the dinner, he sent you a couple of texts, but you initiated two. So that was four within a week. Remember during the relationship he mentioned you were taking up too much of his personal space and time? Reading and replying to notes takes up time and he probably still thinks of you as a smothering person. I know it seems strange and different from what you were accustomed to, but try not to feel hopeless about the current situation.
So how did the conversation end today after you wrote him to let you know when it would be convenient for him to teach you how to play spades? Maybe he doesn’t want to chat so much because you might have a tendency to drag out the conversations on and on and on … ?
Thanks I’ll go back to just only responding when he initiates a text. When I do text I’m trying to find things to text about or overthinking things so yes, I’m either dragging out a one-two word conversation or not really talking about things at all.
Our conversation went well but simple. Not too much talking. He said he’d let me know what was convenient for him and I ended the convo with talk to you later. I definitely don’t want him to think that I’m the same smothering person as before.
Again I’ll do more of stepping back (even if it gets hard) and allow him to do the reaching out.
Again thank you for all your advice. It helps more than you know.
When you reply, just comment on whatever he writes in his note or answer any questions. You could also include new things happening in your life, but don’t make a book out of it, lol. Wishing you luck and keep your chin up, even when it gets hard. You’re doing fine:)
This helps a lot! I don’t know why I get nervous whenever we’re texting. I’ll try those things and keep positive about it all.
Have you heard anything from you ex yet? If not and since Labor Day is coming up, he might have previous plans with friends +/or family for a get together for barbecue or something. Don’t give up hope, he might contact you within the next couple of weeks to teach you how to play spades:)
Keeping my fingers crossed…
No, I haven’t heard from him since we last talk although even when we first broke up I was the one who reached out or rather broke the silence. His family does get together for holidays so if he does reach out it will probably be after then.
You wrote: “…I haven’t heard from him since we last talk although even when we first broke up I was the one who reached out or rather broke the silence.” Way too smothering! You have to take a step back from doing this.
Don’t reach out to contact him! Be patient and wait for him to make a date to play cards:) Be very patient even though it might cause you some stress wondering if or when he will. You have to prove you’ve changed for the better…
Yea, I see what you’re saying now. I’ll definitely step back and wait. Don’t mind being patient plus I’ve been crazy busy lately with my businesses so only thought of reaching out a few times but again like you said I don’t want to come off smothering (as before).
I’ll just let him come when he’s ready.
Hey Patricia, just letting you know I’ve followed with the plan and have not contacted him. No word on his end but I’m not losing hope. For now I’ve been consumed with my businesses and other personal things.
I do pray I hear from him though!
Sorry you haven’t heard anything yet:( I thought maybe he would contact you soon after Labor Day to meet up maybe this weekend or next, but glad you’re not losing hope. The meet up went well and that’s why I think you have a good chance to reconcile:) You mentioned business(es) and I’m wondering if that means more than one and what kind? Glad to hear you’ve been keeping busy because I know that helps a great deal to keep away from dwelling on the sadness…
Yea, I’ve accepted it may/may not happen but worth trying right?!
Yes, I have two actually. A non for profit and for profit. One helps young girls the other helps adult women. So definitely keeping me busy at this time.
I would’ve thought he’d reach out by now as well but all good. Also thought maybe he was looking for me like I normally do. Kinda hard to tell but it’s ok.
What does this mean? “Also thought maybe he was looking for me like I normally do. Kinda hard to tell but it’s ok”.
In what way are you helping girls and women? Best wishes for both businesses!
If your ex doesn’t contact you within the next couple of weeks, are you going to contact him to just touch base so to speak?
I guess I was saying maybe he hasn’t reached out because I’m normally the one who does. Since I haven’t I was thinking he’s lost interest.
With my non for profit, I mentor young girls by helping them create social change within themselves and their communities. I have a program that focuses on making that happen and teaches it at local community centers and Afterschool programs.
With women I have a business that teaches them how to better themselves and their lives through vision boards. I show them that by simply creating a vision board you can change the way you think, act and speak about the future.
I’m not sure. It’s like one part of me plans to, but the other part is saying what’s the point? If he isn’t reaching out why should I? I’m confused when it comes to that. What do you think?
Hello RichBeauty, I know you’re busy with your businesses, but how are you holding up otherwise … are you still following the no contact? Your ex might be the stubborn type and feels like he would be a weak man to go against his decision of breaking up and he probably thinks that includes not contacting you either. Plus he remembers the smothering you did and might think if he contacts you, it will start a chain reaction of you doing it again. Anyway, maybe the middle of next week try a short note to say hi and ask how he’s doing. Maybe something personal you know about him; like asking about his work or family etc… but keep it very short. If he answers, write one more short note about him teaching you to play spades. You could even look up spades on the internet, read up on it, and then say it looks like fun, but you’re confused about it and it would be great if he could show you how to play the game sometime. Hoping all is well and take good care of yourself:)
Hello Patricia, I’m hanging in there and still following through with the no contact. I’ve been really focused on my businesses and since they all focus around children in some way, I’m swamped now that school is back in which really helps.
My ex is a really stubborn person and was one who never played around with breaking up (something he’d tell me repeatedly) so I’m sure it’s one of the main reasons he has not reached out or admitted (if any) that maybe breaking up was a mistake.
Nonetheless everything is going good and I’m still in a positive mindset about it. I may reach out in the next week or so about playing but I’m really hoping he reaches out to me. I feel if I do it will feel like I’m doing the smothering again.
Thanks for reaching out Patricia. Like always, your talks are reassuring ?