Hey Patricia, Today was a struggle for me. Had time on my hands and most of it was thinking about him. I’ve kept with the no contact but wondering have I lost my chance with him? He still hasn’t contacted me so I’m thinking maybe he’s getting serious with the lady friend. I’m also skeptical on reaching out next week because I’ll feel like he will think I’ve started back with my smothering. Still on the fence on what to do and just needed some advice.
Hi RichBeauty, It’s been a month since his last text so he won’t think you’re smothering him. In fact, he might think you’re seeing someone because you’ve changed your pattern of smothering into not reaching out to him so frequently. Write him in the next few days and see what happens. Don’t forget to mention playing spades:) When he replies, don’t go on too long with replies to that.
Ok I will do that and give you feedback on it. Thanks for the advice!
Hey Patricia,
I reached out to him today. No response back yet but keeping positive about it.
Update Patricia,
So we talked for a minute. Again I reached out since it’s been a month. I kept it short like you told me to but did squeeze in some info about spades. He promised to teach me.
My question is what do I do now?
Did you two talk on the phone or was the “talk” via text? Did you ask him when it might be convenient for him to teach you how to play spades? Did he ask you how you were doing with the business or anything?
The talk was via text and very universal. He didn’t ask about my businesses or anything. I mainly did the talking by asking how he is, his family and he was just responding. I told him he still owed me a spades lesson but his reply was simply “I got you”. I don’t know what to think of this convo.
Sometimes texting doesn’t convey the feeling behind the words and some people don’t like to text a lot. They might prefer a phone call or even an email wherein they can take the time to write down more detail. He didn’t even ask about your personal life? Did he write he was glad to hear from you or something to that effect? I don’t know the entire conversation, but it doesn’t seem like he was showing much interest:( An email would give him time to think how to respond instead of coming up with a reply quickly on the spur of the moment.
You wrote: " I told him he still owed me a spades lesson". Ordinarily this sentence would seem harmless, but to him it might have sounded like some sort of guilt maneuver, as in you have an obligation to me. I know that wasn’t your intention,but this sentence just jumped off the page to me, lol. I guess that’s why I mentioned asking him when it would be convenient to teach you. But I don’t even know if that’s the best way either. Oh well, it probably doesn’t even matter what you say as long as he picks up on the idea that you would like to see him again sometime.
Gosh, I’m starting to get a little concerned because it was a month ago you first asked him about the spades thing and he hasn’t tried to make any arrangements with you. Other than flat out asking him about a certain day, I guess the ball is in his court again. Another idea would be to ask him if it would be convenient Saturday or Sunday. Kinda pin him down to confirm one day or the other, lol.
Now I’m wondering about that ‘friend’ he mentioned. What’s going on there? If it were me I might be tempted to send an email and let him know I would like him to teach me how to play spades sometime this weekend if he isn’t seriously dating someone. I know that’s really not a good idea though. It was only about 2 months ago you met up in person and he said he loved you and a month ago talked about spades. But it just seems like this waiting for him to make a plan with you is taking sooooo long! It must seem like an eternity to you.
Hope you’re doing well with the businesses and with your work outs:)
This waiting is driving me INSANE??. He never asked about my personal life and/or family, even after I asked about his. In fact he kind of ended our conversation after he responded to me saying he still owed me a spades lesson.
I definitely didn’t imply it as a obligation but I see what you mean. When we were dating we texted but mainly conversation was through the phone so I can try that but I’m lost at this point.
I was thinking about asking to see him again “if he wasn’t seriously dating someone” but was thinking like you it may be too risky.
Don’t know if he has an email address. We never contacted that way. Something I should of mentioned earlier in the beginning of me reaching out for help is he was in jail for 8 years. He’s only been out for 4. Our relationship has been the most serious since he’s been out. Not sure if this changes anything but just thought of that as I was responding.
I asked a male friend about this situation on Sunday and he basically gave it to me straight. Told me that our conversation 2 months ago at dinner was hes way of reconnecting with me. That when he apologized for hurting me and saying he was still in love with me was his way of saying “I’m rethinking my decision of breaking up with you but not man enough to admit it.” Told me that while he may be getting close to the “friend” if I say “hey would you like to try this again” or something of that sort it would have him running back… lol.
He’s always been a stubborn guy and won’t budge unless something truly gets him thinking.
Maybe I can reach out and ask for his email but I’m thinking that would be smothering again. I’m sooo lost on what to do now ???
Hey, what your male friend makes a lot of sense! And it just might be true:) Does this friend of yours know your ex? Why was your ex in jail for so long? Maybe that had something to do with his thinking you were smothering him too much. In jail I guess there’s a lot of structured routines and very little privacy. Maybe kind of like a smothering closed in feeling. Anyway, I think it would be a great idea to get his email and write a nice note letting him know you would like to try again. But start out slowly and have a talk about how you could please each other to make a possible relationship better than it was before. This could also be done over the phone, but if you write it out, it will give him the words to read over and time to think about how exactly to respond. If he’s been seeing the ‘friend’ for 2 months, you should tell him all this stuff before he gets too emotionally involved with her. I heard it takes men about 3-5 months to fall in love with a woman. I don’t know if that’s true or not or even if they are involved in a romantic type relationship, but you don’t have anything to lose by writing or talking to him at this point. He already knows you love him. Maybe let him know it might be a good idea to email each other because by doing it that way, you could write each other when convenient. Don’t worry about him thinking you’re smothering him again because you’ve already proved you’ve changed due to the fact you had no contact for a long time…
He went in for robbing some people. Basically he was running with wrong crowd and they ratted him out. He was 21 at the time.
My male friend doesn’t know him at all just was giving me his opinion from a male perspective. I just sent him a text asking for his email address. I know he’s at work now so whenever he responds and if he gives it to me I’ll express my feelings then. I hope this works ??
He’s been out for awhile, so I’m assuming he turned over a new leaf. Most of us have done things when we were very young that we regret or wouldn’t even think of doing again. Writing emails would probably work out better (sometimes) because neither of you know when the other is available to chat.
I hope it work too! Good luck!
Yea, when we first started dating we talked about that and I was always telling him how proud I was of him that he learned from his mistakes and became a better person. I kept telling him he’d be an awesome motivational speaker to some of the kids in juvenile cause they would be able to relate.
He just texted me his email so I’m going to think about what I need to write ?.
Thanks for all the encouragement!!
Hey Patricia,
So I’m about to paste my email to him. Need your advice. Let me know if I’m taking too much a risk, what I need to add/subtract, etc. Definitely don’t want to be all over the place.
Here it is:
Ever since our meet up a couple of months ago I’ve thought a lot about you, things said and just everything in general. I’ll be honest I never really got over you. I just stepped back and accepted that you needed your space. If you’re not seriously dating anyone I’d like to try us again. Take it slow and get comfortable with conversation first.
WOW … he replied fast!!! Your note sounds great:)
When you see him, don’t forget to have fun too…
Yea, he did! Ok, I’ll finish it and send it to him. I definitely will ?
Okay, good luck and don’t be bummed out if he doesn’t reply right away.
Remember, he needs time to think, lol. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Thanks for that reminder!! Whew,here goes nothing …
Hi RichBeauty, Have you received a reply to your note yet? If not, it was sent close to the weekend and maybe he’s probably taking lots of time to think about it. It is a lot to consider, right? Anyway, if he hasn’t sent anything yet, hopefully you’ll hear something sometime this upcoming week…
Hey Patricia,
No, I haven’t ?. I pray I hear from him though. I wanted to text and tell him to check his email but I know he checks it periodically for shoes so I’m hoping he saw it.