Hi all,
My ex partner “31” who has just broken it off after 5 years, has decided we no longer should be together after living together after 4 years. We broke up 7 weeks ago and it has been very hard for me. Emotions all over the place.
Her main excuse was that we are different people, we are not compatible, not on the same wave length, she gets me but I dont get her. Im interested to hear your thoughts on this analogy considering we have been together for over 5 years? Why now?
As all couples do we have our arguments and disagreements, however like the four horseman from Dr John Gottman states we didnt listen to our bids, we turned our backs instead of sorting them out there and then, it wasnt right.
We have had the biggest year this year, 4 weddings where she was a bridesmaid for two of them, her brother got married, our friend over the road got married recently, her friends are having babies and she isnt even engaged, though she new it was on the cards as we have discussed a ring “5 months ago”, 10 months ago she was looking to change her private heath cover to family cover so we can be covered 12 months in advanced before trying to have kids, I am on her will, we were looking at buying an investment property, after a month she still has us two as her main photo on her facebook page and still in a relationship, she has moved out which she did 4 weeks ago. She finally picked up the last of her things Sunday where we saw each other.
She suffers from Anxiety and is quite insecure and has been on medication as far as I have known her. I guess because I am the nice guy I give her way to much, allow her to get away with things far to often and then she will probably expect it. I believe she took me for granted way to often and didnt appreciate what I did for her.
Its all very confusing why she has made her stand by moving out, the wedding we went to 2 weeks ago, the week leading up to it she was living with a friend of ours over the road because it was to emotional for the both of us, but at the wedding she mentioned she was really looking forward to seeing me, she has been thinking of me alot. “mixed messages”.
She is a psychologist so some times I think she should know better to handle these types of low situations. I offered to go see a psychologist with her but she refused as her reputation as a psych appears more important, she doesnt have the time during the week which I think is just an excuse, she surfs of a morning so if she can surf she can make the time.
I really am in love with her, I was going to propose over christmas, at her most favourite place in the world which is at her grand parents farm where all her family would have been. It would have been amazing and I had everything planned but for it to be taken away was shattering.
These are my reasons why we have parted -
Work -
she see’s 6-8 people per day, has no time management so bring work home, writes case notes, emails GP’s and watches the stupid House wifes of New York tv shows where there is screaming, flighting, bitching etc and I think, where is time?
Come Friday afternoon "sometimes she takes to alcohol as a stress release from her stressful week.
She works two jobs, her own business Wed & Fri and a new job where she just started two months ago Mon, Wed & Fri. She was very stress about starting this job as she had to sign a 12 month contract. So as I do I buy her roses, a nice card and mentioned “just to let her know that I am here to support you and be there for you if you ever needed, I mentioned how proud I was of her taking a big step into her professional life”. She started her own business this year and went from 3 days to eventially 5 days a few months later, then this new job came about where she is now.
Professional vs the natural part of life -
As she is 31 and wants kids, I believe because society these days puts so much pressure on woman to become a professional, when they are 30-35 their natural instinct is telling them they should become a mum and have kids. The biological clock is ticking while living the professional life they are however the natural calling vs their professional lives are putting them into a confusing situation. I believe this may be a reason? has she got cold feet?
I am very confused and things do not add up, we have been very in love, photos dont lie, and for her to say the things she has said regarding marriage, kids, investment properties, me on her will is killing me. My friend said to me she is very confused herself, is in a tangent state and he thinks that “she doesnt want to let go of me and the door key which she DID HAVE is her last thread that she has to me”. You need the door key to take away that power.
She is very controlling and loves to take control and have the power.
She caught up with another friend of mine last sat night. He said he asked her straight up if she wanted to get on with life and she apparently said yes. He said after seeing her and trying to get into her head, his impression is that she doesnt want a relationship with anyone, his instinct tells him she wants freedom. She was very cold and basic to him, she didnt want to talk about feelings/anything. The only thing she said twice was its what she had to do. She is apparently feeling bad while trying to move forward, she seems to be on a journey in her mind. She has apparently lost a little weight but not drastically.
I asked him if she was wondering what I was doing? He said “no she didnt ask, she said she thought moving out was a big message to send and that she thought that was enough”. OUCH!!! He said well you should clarify what you want to him regarding the future. She apparently just repeated that she thought moving out was a message enough. This hurt me alot. What does it all mean?
Everyone is saying, give her the space she needs, let her sort her stuff out, she needs her space so I have been.
Ive read alot about the no contact rule, I just wonder if this will be something that will sort her out over time?
