Yeah mate I agree, it just makes me think to myself why do we care and love these people so much that know how much we are hurting and can’t even say ‘Are you ok’ after we have known them for however long, I just get annoyed at the thought that she is messaging someone else and being all smiley smiley to them which was obviously what we were like at the start, but this is her true colours, her excuse to me was I can’t do it anymore because she has changed, she had too many hopes and wants and by her wanting them things it spoilt it for us, why not just give it time to happen
I agree with absolutely with what you just said. The thought of her and another guy makes me ill but they are just rebounds… doesn’t mean it can’t work out and these guys replace us. They will walk over dead bodies to get what they want. They want it NOW.
No going back for me after someone else mate, not a chance
mate you just have to stay strong!
As hard as it sounds, once they leave, whatever feelings they had for us have changed. Dont get me wrong I am not saying they dont care, far from it. So dont be down if she does not ask after you. Like I was saying last night. Dont just sit about and count the days down. As you need to work on your state of mind etc.
You might think that a text asking about her mate might be sweet, but deep down you know you are doing it just to satisfy that urge within to contact her.
her blowing hot and cold can be down to all types of emotions. So dont stress or panic yourself into guessing the reasons why. Main reason is because she will be confused as one day she will feel strongly to you, then the next day not so much. Again with everything going on in the world she will have her kids to worry about first and formost.
keep on at what you are doing and dont give in to the urge! Also dont get disheartened if she does not reach out at all during whatever length of NC you are doing. Its all about how you act and put yourself across after all this.
I agree with Lee. We need to act and put ourselves across in attractive ways. Make ourselves seem like new fresh people, that will set ourselves up for someone new or even their return
Yeah I agree, good thing is that it is in their hands now, we won’t have any regrets in years to come, they had the chance to right it if they really wanted to
Morning all! the last to updates by you both are on the right track. I will add that regardless to the manner of the breakup what was said during/before/after we first of all need to forgive ourselves, and to stop thinking of the “what if I only did/said this or that”. Then we need to forgive our ex’s.
That will give us all a much greater peace of mind, and once that kind of “baggage” has been removed from our lives, we can start learning to “love ourselves” again, and realise that in fact we are all good guys and there is someone out there for us all. Then once we have that mindset but still interested in possible “getting back” with our ex’s we can try to re establish the contact but in the knowledge that if its un wanted we will not revert to stage 1 again and be all cut up over the knock back.
Agreed. I’m sure we’re all capable of finding happiness elsewhere. I don’t think any of us should contact our ex for any reason at this point, we will look unappealing. I should be counting the days but tomorrow it will be two weeks since contact for me so I have completely given up but in a good way.
That more of a positive spin.
Its mad as I too sit and question if this is working on her at all. and that it feels like an eternity since any contact. and while i know i should really start over, but even if i did not include the message i sent on the 14th. I am now only on day 20. and tbh i think longer would be needed for it to work on my own emotions and certainly for her to warm to any contact towards me.
#Been harder today mind, as I am now back in the UK (I work abroad) and now in lockdown for 12 weeks, so have alot of spare time that i need to fill to stop my mind wondering
two weeks isn’t even that long, from listening to yours and others no contact periods. It’s just I thought I knew her which made me think she would have contacted me but hey ho. The night time’s are a lot harder than the day time as you all probably find as well. You sit there wondering they’re missing you or even at the very least whether you cross their minds. You start to think they are definitely talking to someone else and have moved on. If that is the case there isn’t much that can be done.
feel your time with exercise if you can Lee
i am 100% certain we are in their thoughts one way or another. Might not be often and at times might not even be positive.
and we all feel our case is different as we know our ex’s and think they are sat at home missing us as we all shared great times with them.
Might be wrong to say but… assuming they are talking. Its only talking. There will be NO meeting or anything like that for a very long time. and while IF they are talking I can appreciate there maybe some kind of excitement for them. It will pass in time.
BUT…(and this has been my problem) we HAVE to stop thinking. as its only second guessing. You go online and you see her little green dot is on. In your mind… she is chatting to someone new. and thats sadly how our minds are wired during this phase. She is just as, if not more likely talking with old mates. Mates that could be helping her during these lockdown times especially if they know she is going through a break up. Plus could be other family members she is chatting to. So dont always assume the worse as it will eat you up inside!
In some cases (and dont flip) it could even be a good thing if the girls are seeking contact elsewhere. as at somepoint something will be said and they will think “jack, would of never of said that” or just something would click and they will think of us again. But we all cant sit about hoping that would happen. or letting them think that. We need to concentrate on getting over them and then make a plan of what do we wish to do.
Yeah boys I agree, keep posting in here everyday and sharing your thoughts, I’m starting to look at mine in an ugly way now, don’t know about you two but her insides seem ugly to me at the moment, no contact with me and obviously doesn’t care enough about me to send a 3 word messaging saying ‘are you ok’
Thanks Lee, that seemed make sense…the green dot can be anything…I don’t want to guess one way or the other, it doesn’t warrant thinking about. Although early I was on Whatsapp, clicked on her convo, saw her come online, and I was sitting there for a good minute and a half maybe staring at it, and I was wondering was she staring back at it thinking is he gonna message me or is he talking to someone else. I remember when we briefly broke up before she said she stared at it. I doubt she is doing the same thing this time, good on her to be honest.
Yeah DR I agree, as time goes on we are probably all starting to get used to the fact it’s over…whereas a few weeks ago we were completely crushed down, but we are getting stronger, I know them moments of sadness are still there and very frequent but for me they are getting easier to deal with… that’s only if I keep occupied though, sometimes the pain can strike hard in the stomach and make you feel sick. But we have know idea what they are thinking and we shouldnt even try to imagine
Aagin, she could be watching or not. In my case and I am sure with both of you’s… When we were together would would text mostly via FB messenger. As things were different back then I would fire off a message then put my phone away.
What I am trying to say is… that until we broke up I had no clue how often she was online or not. Same as Whatsapp… I never used it to contact her, so never clicked on her number to see when last online. Once we split up its all I could do. And i would see her go on and offline on both apps, and would get down as first off she never sent me any messages and also as thinking who is she chatting to and thinking she goes online alot. But as I never used to look i had nothing to gauge it off. So in reality her frequent use of media could not of changed any, and was just the demons in my mind!
Remember due to everything thats going on in the world people are now starting to talk more! and I am sure they/we all have people we talk to now just to see if all is good and to keep us all from going mad.
Sometimes I wish I had the courage of my own convictions and words… As I recall last month, what i was planning to be my last message to her was along the lines of… “we believed fate bought us together” and that with this compulsory time apart due to corona “Maybe fate is giving us the opportunity to work on ourselves, and giving us the space we need to learn where we are going wrong”
I appreciate thats a positive spin and it could be turned into a negative, but you have to remain positive.
and like what was getting said last night… we all will experience different emotions during these times. google stages of emotions of Dumpee’s and Dumper’s. you will soon identify whats going on. and Anger is one of them emotions and thats normal.
how are we all feeling today? any developments?
Still gutted mate, realising she doesn’t miss me enough to message me so I’m thinking why should I miss someone that doesn’t miss me, how about you??
while i try to be upbeat when writting on here, I will admit to having some down days too! So now and then i am back to taking solace in google. Just to remind myself of how she is feeling and what is kind of going on behind the scenes “in her mind”. As like i have said… as hard as it is to know, they are not really missing us much, if at all. And it will take a number of weeks possibly a month or so for that to come into play. Even then it does not mean anything.
But yeah I keep getting pangs of wishing to reach out. But I know i am not there just yet in my mind if i was to receive a negative response or no response at all.
Its weird as when i take a step back, I know while as hard as it is right now, more time needs to pass for her to be thinking differently or be open to any form of contact. But then I will just have a thought or a memory that makes me smile and all i wish to do is tell her, as I think deep down she will smile too and the chat will be positive.
Part of me wishes to ask after her boy, as I do obviously care. Also as I dont want her thinking I dont care. But then I dont wish to reach out and it to damage my value right now
Yes mate I agree with what you’re saying but I’ve got it in my head now that she knows how I feel about her, I’ve told her all that and I have decided that I will never contact her again, whether she contacts me or not, I will reply but I’ll never initiate contact with her again
then sounds like No Contact is working well for you and that you are in a good stage of healing.
As for me while i dont wake up and instantly check my phone or sit about hoping for a text, I am becoming more accepting of the fact that this is how it will be. I still find myself hanging on certain Convos that we had during the break up (granted before i annoyed her with all the contact) as even at the time i knew that it was a good sign, but could not find the strength to leave it there and let the time and space work on her.
Even now I am in the mind that there is no contact yet because she is not ready herself for that and not just driven by anger and frustration.
Time will tell i guess
I am annoyed with myself that I tried so hard to make somebody want me, they should want you in a relationship, works both ways, if she comes back, she will have to change stuff as well now that I don’t like about her otherwise I will just find myself someone else in time who appreciates me like she did when we met before she turned into a different person, head up Lee mate, you’ve got to be the main man with her or without her, don’t put your happiness into someone else’s hands