Today is day 2 of NC (round 2). The first was only 5 days and I replied to his plethora of texts asking how I am and if I’m ok. I had said to please just leave me alone and eventually it turned into a conversation which he was in control of and I’m sure I seemed needy.
Today is very tough. Your birthday is in a week and I know you don’t like to celebrate it much and it’s “just another day” for you but I remember the past 3 of your birthdays we spent together and it’s going to be so difficult not being able to do the special things I had planned. I had already taken off work to come see you and spend time with you and the family for your birthday but now I will have to find something else to do.
Today i feel extremely scared. I know you said you just want to be alone for a while and try to understand your feelings and yourself but I’m so afraid that you are trying to allow yourself to heal so you can move on and try pursuing these feelings for her
I am afraid to lose you for good. I keep trying to think of the end result of NC that we will eceny be back in each other’s arms. I know how much you care about me and I know you love me as I could see it on your face the last time we spoke. So I will keep thinking that and keep telling myself this is all worth it. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy as well.
If you give her the time and space she deserves, she will come around.
You seem to already have everything figured out hence I know you will be fine.
I hope you’re right @Martin, I really miss her.
I constantly wonder if she’s thinking about me and missing me as much as I am.
Does it matter that we aren’t friends on FaceBook anymore and that she deleted photos of me?
How am I going to make contact with her? Will a letter be good enough?
It’s been 16 days since the original break up. Ive broken NC 3 times now. The first time I broke NC was not to bad. We didn’t talk about the break up or relationship at all. I called her because I wanted to, and Invited her out to Coffee just to talk. It went by okay. Felt a little awkward. Went a few more days and called her telling her I would like to see her, and she said she wasn’t too comfortable with it. And yes I understood, she told me to wait another week. She texted me one night around 10oclock and I didn’t answer, and she called me when I didn’t reply to the texts. The next day I happen to see her walking down the street while I was driving so I stopped and talked to her, we ended up going for a run together, I called her later that night just to talk and catch up, but the conversation shifted to more about our relationship when I asked if she wanted to go mini golfing the next week. I messed up here telling her that I still have feelings for her, that I miss her, and I still love her, I think about her before I fall asleep, and she’s the girl that I want to spend my time with.
I know every time I break NC it’s hurting my chances. But I do speak the truth I still love her. And I know she still had feelings for me. I want to give her, her space so she can realize that on her own.
How many times can I restart NC? Is it okay to restart? I keep feeling so confident about talking to her, I feel that Im ready, but she’s not, and I don’t know how I will tell if she is.
Been 13 days of NC so far … haven’t heard from my ex. I went NC as soon as we broke up, but I did beg at least twice when she ended it with me (I don’t know if that’ll affect my chances).
I went out last night with some friends for the hell of it … I had a good time, but I almost tried to contact her - luckily I didn’t.
I still wonder about her all the time, I constantly ask whether she’s thinking about me, whether she still loves me and also if she misses me and still cares.
Her FaceBook hasn’t changed since, apparently, but she has deleted a photo of me.
I guess that’s probably in retaliation of be un-friending her on there … she hasn’t blocked me (yet) … maybe she’s keeping contact lines open(?)
I’ve already decided that I’m going to send her a letter, because I know it’ll shock her and possibly shock her emotionally. I’ll follow Kevin’s recommendation and tell her that I accept the break up, etc …
The only think I’m not sure about is whether to send it when this month is over … OR to send it after her exams in 2 months time??
Help!
Hi, I am starting round 2 today. I texted my ex with a long mad hatter message (not obviously emotional, just explaining my distance due to work and asking how is he). Will he ever respect me again?
He will, just give him sometime.
How are you all doing?
From time to time I do miss her and it hurts to think that she doesn’t give a thought about me since she would be pre-occupied with her new man.
bump.
6 months and still not moved on. Also it took a lot of effort to refind this thread!
Martin,
Hey man. Been awhile since I was here too. Ehrm, hey one year this month and still i haven’t moved on. How’s that? Anyway, from the past time i realized some things but i cannot managed to get mad or feel less love towards her but no. Anyway, i hope you have a better things to come along.
Hello buddy!
its been also 6 mobths for me, and I still love him, even though he is behaving like a total asshole and a highschooler. Still, he is not with anyone yet. Probably he is traumatized becaused he jas scrwed up so much with women that he is keeping to himself. As for me, I am visiting a psychologist, who has been treating me with hipnosis and has worked very well. I feel stronger, and I am in control of my life. I am dating a guy, well we have sex and talk occasionally, I am not ready for any relationship right now. I still miss my ex, and even though I have accepted I may never be able to be with him again, deep down I dtill hope that he takes his head out of his behind and fix this.
You are right, it is hard to fall out of true love.
Isn’t that rebounding? You could try making your ex jealous and see what happens, it could backfire though.
Yes, it is definitely a rebound. I am not looking forward to have a serious relationship with this new guy, I still love my ex in spite of his inmaturity. He is a trainer in the gym I go to, and he pulled me out of my emotional frozen state. He is also npt in a relationship state right now, and we laugh a lot, something I really need. Im keeping this undercover, not planning to go public unless I get into something serious with him or any other person, if that ever happens. And I tried making him jealous, but still he is too stubborn and I dare say he is going through andropause because he is dressing and behaving like a teeneager. I saw him on Saturday cause we had a gig with the band, and I dare say he was shocked to see I did not try to make any approaches, I hanged out with all our friends, and most think he is the one who is wrong. I left long after he did, and he hanged there doing nothing quite a bot, probably waiting to see if I make a move. Im done, of he wants to come back its because of his own decision, I am strong enough now to set the terms. He is also getting into some of them nerves because he is pushing himself in bands and jams when he has not been invited. Maybe if I make more obvious that I am dating someone he may react, but not sure how.
I never thought I would be in a rebound relationship,this is my first time. For the time being it has helped me emotionally. I never had sex with anyone before just for fun or because we just like each other. And I am not trying to replace my ex, Im accepting this guy by hisbown attributes, and I think its a good sign, if my ex never gets out of Wonderland, I know I am capable of starting something new at some point.
Feels like forever that I’ve posted here but been receiving emails. Thought I’d give an update.
With a little snooping I discovered my ex is with a new guy that I’ll estimate from January/February when we spoke and she mentioned she’s happy with someone new.
This guy is more financial successful, older, divorced, has a kid. The best part? He’s moving in with her around the same time frame she wanted me to but I had advised waiting a year.
It’s pretty crazy how someone can replace you that quick with no regard. I’ve learned a lot about people and relationships from this break up.
Also in retrospect I don’t think my ex was a stable person, more someone wanting the thrill of a new relationship and can’t be alone.
I didn’t even get a happy bday text, not surprising but my better judgement of people I guess kind of thought she would. Shows her true true colors I suppose.
Hi @Martin @confusedbutok we have been in very similar positions over the last few months regarding our exes.
Hi everyone
My update…
7 months to the day she left and yeah…still having far too many days when I still think about her more than I should. Even starting a new job where I am really busy a lot of the time…she still pops up! Memories of happy holidays mainly. It really does hurt so much more knowing she’s with someone else.
I really get the feeling that I mainly screwed up at the beginning when I should have gone NC straight away. Just wish I had found this site earlier but my head was all over the place and I did everything I shouldn’t have which I think led her into getting with her new bf within 2 months.
I feel If I had given her more space when she first mentioned it then I could have salvaged things with some of the advice and stuff I have now read. It really is as if the terrible couple of months when we broke up has clouded over the 3 happy years we had together and it probably stressed her out too much and that’s all she can think about me now.
I know that it’s probably beyond repair now but I still keep a little bit of hope when really I should just move on. It’s just so hard.
I just try to keep telling myself it’s always darkest before the dawn, I have learned so much from this experience, improved myself as a person massively and know that things will get better but nothing can stop my thoughts going back to her!? Thinking why wasn’t I given ONE chance? Why am I a stranger to her now that she doesn’t care about? Thinking all it would have taken was serious NC at the beginning and a couple of little tweaks and I could have saved things and worst of all thinking she will prob start settling down with this new boyfriend which hurts a lot.
I still want to txt and email her long messages trying to explain things but mostly trying to get some form of explanation back but I know she won’t and it’s been 2 months since I was last in contact so I keep stopping myself but then I think why not?..let it out I don’t know.
Hope you guys are doing ok
Tommys83,
I get notifications from this thread! I don’t read comments that come here but I read this last one by chance, and I should say (my breakup was a year and 13 days ago and) reading your lines reminded my own words and feelings that were with me all the time. It was a result of extreme love but I often found it hard stop myself write her long letters and after every long letter before and a couple of days after the breakup but always felt like I still have things to tell her. Even though I still feel that our breakup was unfair, I decided to do the most sincere apology to her for whatever shortcomings that I had for which I felt guilt. I already knew that it would sound weird, strange or creepy for a guy to write an email to his ex and say sorry for those but I did it. The next day, I felt like she never existed or if she did, it was a nightmare!
Not to ignore the fact, I sometimes think of her but it is no way comparable to the past and the emotions that would rise in me after those thought! So I promise you guys that you will be fine one day!!
Hey Tommy
Just read your post and agree with Robot. Both Robot and myself have been around this site for a year now and know each other. Reading what you have written is an echo of what I wrote in my diary 7 months on. One year on it can still be tough, hang in there mate.
I think about my Ex most days, but I have found the last couple of months to be easier. Some days I can be like “Gee I haven’t thought about her once”. However I am still fragile. Just a few weeks ago I was with some friends who had seen my Ex with her new man. Just them talking about how happy she is now, got me down for about 4 days.
My breakup was May last year and it was completely out of the blue, or felt like it. After reading the Relationship Rewind PDF I saw some similar themes in the switch and drift stage in the final few weeks of my relationship.
I also wish she had given me one more chance. Or even given me the chance to talk through the breakup. She literally broke up with me and while I sat in stunned silence she walked out of the bar where we were for a drink. She cleared her stuff out my place a few days later while I was at work. So I haven’t seen her since the day off the breakup. I still don’t know the real reason for the breakup as she told me at the time it was because she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Yet a few months later she was with another guy and has been living with him since.
Keep doing what you are doing. I would recommend not reaching out to her and keep posting here bud.
Sounds good, sometimes rebounds help move on. Your ex seems to be behaving immuturely; my guess is that he is going through a phase at the moment and it eventually wearout…have you tried to get him to open up to either you or someone else close?
I also thought of undertaking hypnosis therapy when it all started, but now I feel a bit more stronger so I avoided it.
Look time no hear bud, Happy birthday! Yeah most our ex’s act on instability.
My ex started introducing him to her friends and annoyingly all of them are mutual friends. I still find it upsetting that she left me for someone else and I still miss her.
It’s nice to hear from you! Recently I started waking up a lot earlier than usual to the fear that I will not see my ex ever again.
Thanks for making this thread, helped me a lot.
Hey Everyone,
My update:
Just like everyone else, I am suffering the pain of loss whilst my ex is enjoying her new man. I am trying hard to move on and trying to have hope that something good will come out of this.
I will post a more detailed update in a while.
He is a ine track mind, he is stubborn and he only says its my fault my fault,but he does nothing. For me its only excuses so he died not have to leave his parents nest.
As for my rebound, its my first time. He made clear in the begining he is not up to a relationship, and I am not either. Bit we like each other very much and have a lot a fun. Lets see, not dreaming aboit anything right now, but wouldnt it be nice?
Btw, hipnosis is working wonders with me ,in all areas, you shouls try it.