@martin
Casual light, about her dog, work, how she’s doing. When I try getting the conversations deeper she just stops responding.
Hmm…there is possibility that she is scared and is wondering if things would escalate too quickly. Try making her wait between replies.
@Martin
Escalate how? I realized I’m pretty comfortable chatting with her now. Not sure if that’s intimidating? Idk. Should I try every other day or once a week or? So many conflicting info on the subject.
Oh definitely not too frequently. You can increase the frequency gradually…also you don’t want to seem too available for her.
I wish there is a solid plan what to do. I am panicking because I ended NC yesterday and arranged to meet up with my ex on the 4th of March. The main problem is she is dating someone and they could be “so much in love”.
Hello. I read your post and obviously I don’t know your whole situation from what I’ve read there but I’ve recently read a lot of boards, websites and articles and by the sounds of things if you really do want to get back with your ex, it sounds like you’re in a fairly good position and you have quite a high chance of saving things if your patient. Anger is better than indifference and I could go on but
Try checking out this helpfull website instead which I feel has some great advice:
http://unbreakinghearts.com/how-to-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back/
Hey,
I have arranged to meet up with my ex on the 4th of March. Is this is a good idea?
She is dating someone since middle Jan.
They have been hanging out together since October.
We broke up at the end of october because she said she has a crush on this guy.
I did NC 4 times.
She and her new bf celebrated Valentines together.
I am really scared…I do not want to screw up.
Any thoughts, anyone?
@tommys83 how long do you think I should do NC for? She told me she needs a few months. Idk if I should do the 30 days or give her what she needs.
Day seven. I had to contact him for a paper for our apartment. He is being a jerk. I’m irritated. So sick of this he never should treat me like this. He wasn’t like this before. He has been a jerk since the breakup off and on but he is being a real piece of crap since this new girl. I am really annoyed with him and all of this. Gah so done.
I think I messed up a little. Got thumb happy and sent her a text while I was visiting my grandmother: “My grandmother was just knitting. Reminded me when you taught me a little haha. Have you still been going at it?”
Might have been too much for her. We exchanged two brief texts yesterday, I don’t know if sending that today was too soon. She hasn’t responded. Getting kind of fed up with conflicting info on what to do/say and how often. Life shouldn’t be about walking on eggshells :-/
@Martin I wish I could help you out, but where you are right now is kind of where I get lost too. I think it might be good to finally do a meet up. Staying cool and not being attached to any certain outcome will help too. And try not to worry too much about doing things right or wrong, go with the flow of the conversation and you will be fine. 
Treat it like it’s no big deal and you are meeting up with any old friend.
@confusedbutok I definitely think your ex is holding back or purposefully trying to keep a distance with you, hence the not going past small talk or pleasantries. She could be scared or unsure of going back down a relationship path with you. Slow and steady I think is key. I’d do as Martin suggested and not contact too often at least until she starts to open up more.
@knitterz I’m sorry he is acting like a jerk. I’m not condoning his behavior in any way but I think that he is going through something emotional. It could be feelings for you, or it could be the other girl making him act that way too, or any combination of those things and others. I think he’s taking frustration out on you. Still, it sucks that he is being that way and you have to deal with it. 
I spent some time with that friend recently, and nothing was brought up about my ex. She didn’t mention the picture again. I do still wonder if she relays info, but I try to be on my best behavior.
So, this weekend was awful. I was beyond tempted to contact my ex. I was super emotional and missing him, and spent most of the weekend in crying spells. Then, I decided to re-read all of his past messages from the breakup. He said some really awful stuff, but I read it over and over again. My mindset changed. I realized that I’m not missing him, but being in a relationship. I’m missing the companionship, the physicality, and even doing things for another person, because I’m a giver and I guess I get off on that. It was sort of a wake up call. I’m now in a sort of half anger half acceptance stage, but I’m feeling better and closer to letting it all go.
@confusedbutok I didn’t see your last message. I’d agree, you don’t want to constantly be on eggshells or trying to follow a bunch of conflicting advice and not getting anywhere. Don’t over think your last message. You sent it and it’s done. Give her a day or two and see if she responds. I really think your ex considers what she wants to say before she gets back to you, or she doesn’t want to seem too easily available and she makes you wait.
@Nell
Good to hear from you. I feel I maybe shouldn’t have sent that last one because yesterday morning I texted “just ordered 1 pancake with my breakfast ;)” because she would always order 1 pancake it was an on going joke between us. She did reply though “smart man”
But idk if me sending another kind of reminder text today may have been too much. It sucks, because it feels like any wrong move makes the situation worse.
@confusedbutok That’s funny about the one pancake. Don’t feel bad about what you sent today. I think it will be alright. Even if it was too soon, I don’t think it will have done much if anything to set you back. I’m sure she will message you back soon. Try not to dwell or be too hard on yourself.
Guys I just realized, although I agreed to tell my ex that i’m giving her her space. I told her that I still love her, and I left the impression that i still want her when we last spoke. I feel like I shouldn’t of done that. That might backfire on me, and it gives her the upper hand.
Hey Everyone,
I am starting to feel miserable again.
Since initiating contact and arranging contact I am starting to feel that things can go really bad.
She could say " It is over" and “we can’t be friends”
Idk…I really love this girl.
@Martin
You need to try and relax. If you meet her with fear then you’ll act out of fear and end up with the outcome you’re fearing. Do you have any guy role models who are good with women? Whether fictional or not. I suggest thinking of their character to try and boost your confidence. Or just reschedule the meet until you feel more sure about yourself.
@MrCat22
Don’t sweat it. We’ve all been down that road and our exes know how we feel. It might have given her the upper hand and an ego boost but with your silence it breaks that down. So just stick to giving her the space she needs. She’ll wonder why you’re not chasing and slowly esr away at her inflated ego.
@Nell
Why do you think my ex purposely gives space between us and/or is scared? I could see if I were the one that ended the relationship but it was her decision.
Been there done that. I have not spoken with my ex face to face since the breakup in December. I don’t feel I came across needy, as I was accepting at the time, but I did say that I still loved her and had she followed through on her word we could have worked things out. My ex really betrayed my trust and went behind my back to get a lease elsewhere and then backpedaled saying it wasn’t set in stone. All of this after telling me she wanted to work things out. The action was enough in and of itself. I had told her at the time, the day after I found out about it, that had she been honest with me I would have been fine with her moving out as we both needed space and time, but still it could have been worked out. She gave a grand performance saying how she wanted to still be friends and loved me, but was not in love with me, how she wanted to stay in contact, had hope for our future down the line, yada yada. Nothing but more empty words it seems.
It came to my attention, now with a rational, objective mindset, that she had been cheating on me emotionally and had someone lined up the past month or so before the breakup… if not longer. It’s just what she does because she can’t be alone. She knows this as much as I do, but will deny it and act like it isn’t a truth. If you’ve read back on some of my posts, you’ll see that my friend did something she shouldn’t have that all but gave my ex a huge ego boost and a painted target on a safety net. What my ex doesn’t know is that’s gone now.
I advise that you give her time and space and focus on yourself. My ex and I ended on good terms at the time, but there was a nasty little monster that reared its head with her behavior in the months after the breakup. I did absolutely nothing to provoke such a display but sometimes a breakup can bring out the worst in people. Choose a better path for yourself and don’t get sucked into it. I noticed you post a lot on here and seek advice often, but sometimes the answers we need are in ourselves.
@ThePhoenix thank you for that lengthy response I truly appreciate it
You’re right, however my ex wants me to earn her trust again some day. I treated her like shit and its because of these underlying issues I’ve had since I was a kid. I thought I could fix it but i need help, so I started going to therapy.
She noticed my changes on the phone, and the fact that I’ve become more rational and mature. Saying things like, “Now you want to be mature?! Now?! Why?! Why?!”.
Anyway, she told me when I’ve done enough work on myself to message her and see if we can establish a connection again, and I kind of said, " Alright then, but I’m sure as hell not waiting for you". So she PROBABLY is expecting me to message her in the next few months. But who knows what happens from Herr till the summer lol.
@Nell I think you are right about my ex. He is going through something and it is making him act this way. I just wish he would talk to me instead of doing all of this. I think a big problem he is facing is that he has been a cheater, a lot, in his past. He never cheated on me, but he has with pretty much every other girl he has ever dated. His rebound he cheated on with me and I am not proud of that. Maybe the new girlfriend knows about this and that’s why I can’t be around him or maybe he just knows he will cheat again if he is around me, I’m not really sure. I know I won’t let him cheat with me ever again, but he doesn’t know that for sure. Every time I have seen him or spoken to him since this new girl he just looks extremely angry and he gets that way when he is trying to push down emotions. I just have to ride it out.
I am trying to move from our apartment as I am sick of all the memories and everything, but I need to fill out this form for the apartment complex. They said I could just sign it and not my ex, but I kind of felt like this had to be a joint thing. I’m not sure why I even decided to open this can of worms with him, but I just felt the right thing to do for my own closure is to have his signature next to mine. I sent him the paper via email a few days ago and didn’t hear back, so I texted him about it yesterday. I don’t want to consider that a breach of NC since it really was no chit chat just apartment stuff. He sent back a nasty text about the money I had already mailed him last week and there is no way he hasn’t gotten it yet. I told him I had already sent the money and I just needed him to sign the paper. I added at the end that I want to be as done with him as he is with me at this point so he should just sign the paper so we can close the door on us forever. It was more emotional than I meant it to be, but he was being so rude I just wanted to truly have the paper and be done. He never responded to that and I haven’t received anything so I guess I will just have to wait and see if he gives it to me. If he doesn’t it’s kind of saying we aren’t done for good yet I think.
I don’t know, that was probably the wrong thing to do. Oh well, back into NC until at least his birthday maybe longer.